


All in good time

by Chuksha



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Bombings, Child Loss, Childhood Abuse, Consensual Kink, Creature Fic, Domestic Violence, Light BDSM, M/M, Minor Character Death, Mourning, Mpreg, PTSD symptoms, Patricide, Post Hogwarts AU, Severus has a self harming habit, Severus has no self esteem, Sickness, Smoking, Torture, Violence, War, Wing Kink, bruise kink, canon dead characters, consensual injury kink, consensual scratching kink, graphic death of an animal, graveyard scene, kink as mental health treatment, memories of manipulative dumbledore, memory of attempted sexual assault- not explicit, no explicit sex scenes, pregnancy loss, ref to Tobias Snape, ref to bullying, ref to changing interal organs, ref to death eater revels, ref to neglect of children, ref to pain kink, ref to rough sex, ref to sex, ref to sexuaal assault, refrence to necrophilia, sub!Snape, violent self harm
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-11-17
Updated: 2017-10-15
Packaged: 2018-08-31 13:57:18
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 26
Words: 125,560
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8581174
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Chuksha/pseuds/Chuksha
Summary: Harry has waited patiently since that fateful night in his third year to be ready, free and worthy to claim what is rightfully his. With Voldemort gone and his place in the world secure, now he can.





	1. What's Right is Right

**Author's Note:**

> Please read and heed _all tags_ before continuing to read this fic. Thank you.

Harry stormed through the castle, waiting for nothing and no one to move out of his way. Hermione’s weak attempts to keep up with him and make him stop fell on deaf ears as he took the stairs to the hospital wing two at a time. After the first week of what the Prophet was calling the New Dawn Harry was ready to go hunting for something to bring Voldemort back- it had been less stressful to have him alive.

“Harry please listen to me you’ve waited three years, a few more hours-“

Flurries of interviews, press conferences, Owls bearing fan mail hounding him at all hours all meant he’d barely slept, didn’t dare eat in public and was reaching the end of his proverbial wand. Now was the time to take control of his life. 

“The public deserves this Harry, don’t destroy all your good work now.”

He’d just had a meeting at Gringotts, the Goblins wanted their moment with him to finally be able to go through and assess the Potter and Black household assets.

“You’re the Lord Potter, you need to think about what that means and plan for it.” That had taken the best part of the morning. 

“You don’t have time for this right now.”

And then Poppy’s owl had made it through the hoard to him with two words scribbled on a piece of parchment. 

“Hermione! Shut up! This is my life and I’m going to live it, so either get with it or get out. I am sick to death of pretending to be something I’m not, pretending to be some oblivious little boy stupid enough to trust a word Dumbledore ever spoke or not notice that there’s less than a handful of genuine people in his life and two of them died last week! You will not talk me out of this.” Harry rounded on her when she touched his arm. “Back. Off!”

Hermione sighed and retracted her hand.

“I hope you know what you’re doing Harry, for all our sakes.” 

“I have never been more sure of anything in my life.” He spat at her, not troubling to keep his voice down.

“Then do it, and quickly.” Harry softened and kissed her cheek. She didn’t need to hear him utter any words of thanks to know what she’d just done for him.

He stepped into the hospital wing with a nod to madam Pomfrey who was tending one of the kids who still hadn’t fully recovered from his battle injures. Harry told himself not to look, told himself it wasn’t his fault but his gut still twisted with guilt when he caught sight of where half the boy’s face and neck were covered in burns that the best healers couldn’t do more than cover with a glamour charm. He passed her quickly and straightened his back as he approached the end bed. Snape was there; weak, but alive, and now awake. 

“What do you want, Potter?” Snape was struggling even to speak through the injury to his neck and the words were barely out before he slumped against the pillows behind his back and let his eyes fall closed, Harry decided to ignore the look of distain the man had shot at him before saying a word.

“I’m here to claim what’s rightfully mine.” Snape cracked an eye open.

“And what might that possibly be, Potter?” 

“Don’t fuck with me Snape, I’ve known since that night in the shrieking shack, which means you probably knew from the moment you laid eyes on me on my first day of Hogwarts.” Snape’s other eye flew open and he took in a sharp intake of breath, but that might have been pain from trying to sit back up. 

“Why now?” Well, that made things easier Harry supposed, at least there was no arguing over the facts of the matter.

“Because now it’s safe, because now I’m a grown man, because now I want to live my life, because you need someone to steady you.”

“You’ve waited… since you were thirteen years… old, tortured me, left me with Dumbledore, and Him!” Every instinct was screaming at Harry to do something, to help the man, even just to hold him. “You allowed it!” Snape let out a hacking cough and madam Pomfrey rushed over at the noise to fuss over him. He waved her off with a glared and a weak slapping motion at her hands.

“I was thirteen! I was still Dumbledore’s puppet Gryffindor, what the hell kind of dominant mate would I have been to claim you before my own bollocks had even dropped.” It wasn’t actually a question and Poppy’s admonishment over his language went unheard. “With a madman after my head and you stuck between two despots neither of whom I was in any position or had any power to protect you from.” Snape didn’t actually seem to be listening. “Or do you think I spent the last three years I wasn’t on the run using a time turner to do the double and make myself anywhere near worthy of you for the fun of it?” Snape sighed and looked him dead in the face. It must have taken all the energy he had to keep his head up.

“Believe me,” his eyes traced over Harry landing on the ring on his finger, “Lord Potter.” Even his sneer was half-hearted. “I am more than aware of the truth of you, killing Dark Lords takes far more than luck and a simple spell.” Harry nodded and stood back on his heels. “These walls talk,” He cleared his throat and massaged the wound on his neck with the tips of his fingers for a moment as if trying to relax the muscles in that area whist he rested his head on the pillows and stared at the ceiling. Once again Harry had to hold back, “and it would have taken far more than a little shame to have me turn you out without adequate shielding of your mind.” Harry was more than content to let the man say his piece. “Knowing you were that powerful, knowing that you had to know, and that you did nothing, however…” His voice was too gravelly, Harry couldn’t take it any longer. He reached for a cup and positioned himself to support the man as he eased the rim against his lips. Snape drank like a man dying of thirst for as long as he was able to hold himself upright to do so. He collapsed into Harry’s hold after a few seconds. 

“I have a lot to answer for, especially concerning you.” Harry said quietly as he manoeuvred Severus back onto the pillows and set down the cup. “For now, know this, every second I waited, every second of false hate, every moment I wore their mask, every time I watched you struggle burnt so hot even the devil himself could have created no more terrible punishment, and I welcomed it, because I knew, it was nothing compared to what I was doing to you.” 

Harry hadn’t expected Severus to be fast enough to catch hold of his hand before he pulled away.

“What’s right is right, you will have what is yours.” Harry squeezed the man’s hand lightly and swallowed the sudden lump in his throat, he could feel his blood singing in his veins, he heart dancing in his chest at the contact, real, tangible, actual contact. He slipped his hand out of Snape’s grip, it took more effort than he expected to bring himself to do it, and he pulled the blanket over the man’s chest. 

“Heal, rest for now, I’ll be back, I swear it.” He decided to take the risk and dropped a chaste, soft kiss to the Headmaster’s forehead before he swept out of the room refusing to look back for fear his mate might take to heart the tears he was fighting to control at having to leave at all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a little plot bunny that refused to leave the hutch until i paid it some attention, Most likely more to follow, eventually.


	2. The Stonewall Attack

Heads turned as he stepped into the Hogwarts great hall, but he was used to that by now. He made his way to what had once been the Ravenclaw table and was now a neutral gathering spot for the lighter Slytherins who'd survived and anyone else who didn't give a damn about houses anymore. He leaned down over the Malfoy family who seemed to have claimed the end of the table. Right now only Harry's protection was keeping them out of Azkaban.

“He's awake.” Lucius looked up at Harry, half in apparent shock and the other half apparently fearful. “He's weak, you have an hour with him before I go back.” Draco's eyes narrowed.

“What are you up to, Potter.” Malfoy junior was the only person who hadn't been fawning over him. It was comforting that some things never changed. 

“You have an hour with him,” Harry repeated, “whilst I prepare a way for a better future. For all of us.”

Harry glanced at Narcissa who had wrapped her hands around a hot drink. It smelt like coffee.

“You are his family. Do not make the mistake of thinking I have any more care for you than that.” Harry had no intention of letting them go to jail, Severus was weak enough without losing his blood-bonded brother, godson and one of his oldest friends in one go. Lucius stood and bowed his head stiffly. Harry got the impression he thought he was being respectful.

“The Ancient house of Malfoy salutes the most Noble and Archaic House of Potter.” Lucius grabbed his arm and squeezed tight. Harry did his best not to flinch.

“Hurt him, and even the walls of Azkaban won't stop me finding you.” Harry let out a low growl, _how dare he…?_

“You doubt my blood, my bond!” Harry was practically spitting his words. He looked up, half the hall was watching him. He'd hoped to have the time to plan this speech. _Oh,Well, there was no use crying over spilled potion._ “Watch.” He yanked his arm free of Malfoy’s grip and climbed the podium. 

“Friends, I've been wanting to say this all week, but I haven't had the words. So bear with me please, unless you've been living under a rock you already know I don't do speeches very well.” A few people laughed. Harry's initial statement to the prophet had been nothing short of a debacle. Some new girl had gotten to him first, within minutes of Voldemort falling.

_what are your plans now mister, Potter?_

_what right now? I'm going to hug my friends, then find a bed and sleep for a week!_

She'd laughed and within an hour the day’s Prophet had arrived with his words plastered across the front page. He hadn't really cared, if the worst they could do was tell the county he was tired after duelling all night and being on the run for a year he could live with that.

"Anyway. I’ve given you a week. I've done everything asked of me and more. I've posed for photos and given statements and made press releases. I've tended the dead and the sick and I've listened to the traumatised.” Someone had the audacity to try and applaud. Harry glared in the general direction. “I'm exhausted, many of us are damaged and need time to heal. You have that luxury. I do not.” Silence. “Today I pick up where my father left off twenty years ago, today I have laid claim to my house and my title and I intend to use them.” A low murmur rose. “The Wizegamot meets tomorrow morning to begin the process of recovery. The Archaic and Noble house of Potter will be in attendance. Almost every family in the council is in attendance here, I call on each and every one of you, bring your ideas, your grief and your pain and turn it to something productive. All of you.” He looked very deliberately at Lucius. “Diplomatic immunity is extended to all attendees courtesy interim Minister Shaklebolt.” Several of the heads of houses were clamouring to their feet in solidarity, declaring with that movement that they intended to be there. Harry was searching the faces, looking for Hermione. 

“Hermione, come here would you?” She approached quickly with her head cocked in confusion. “Sorry but this needs to be done in front witnesses.” He whispered urgently.

“What are you doing?” Hermione hissed back.

“Building a better future.” He dug around in his robe pocket for the ring. “Just accept. I'll explain what I'm doing later.”

“Miss Hermione Jean Granger. Will you, before these witnesses of the council and the people, accept the regency of the Ancient and Most Noble house of Black, until its heir, Theodore Lupin is of an age to take his seat and all the rights, privileges and responsibilities such a role entails?” He's had the goblins double check the wording to make it legally binding. “This is your chance to make a difference ‘Mione. I need your help.” She swallowed and nodded. Harry could see her burning with questions.

“I accept.”

Harry was surprised to see Lucius was one of the first to cross his arm over his chest, then Arthur Weasley, Neville, Amos Diggory. She only needed three backers plus his nomination, that was four.

“May I?” Harry asked and held up the ring. Hermione offered her hand and Harry slipped it onto her pinkie finger. Hermione had cast the spell to shrink it to fit before he got the chance.

“Welcome to the fold Lady Black.” Harry told her softly. “I take it you've read about the council’s customs so you know what happens next?” Hermione nodded. “Thank Merlin I don't have to go through it all!” 

“How do you know though, Harry?” Hermione’s tone told him she didn’t think he’d ever bothered to find out before.

“The goblins, mostly, a lot of those nights in the room of requirement and instinct. Which I'm going to explain now.” Hermione squeezed his hand supportively and stepped off the podium. 

“I’m here for you.” She whispered as Harry cleared his throat and stood up straight.

“For as long than this school has stood there had been a shared ancestry between the magical brethren of the world, Veela, Drakken, Nephillim, Goblin, high and low eleven folk and that doesn't even cover the British potential. Many of you will know the Potter myth, many will not. To the former forgive me a minute to give the rest a brief history lesson. The Potter line is a Most Noble and Archaic house. A house that has enjoyed many generations of relations across the spectrum, and a close relationship particularly with the Drakken race,” Harry could have heard a pin drop in the room, “and as myth goes, a bloodline. This is no myth. I'm not here to educate you in creature inheritance in magical bloodlines. Read a book, if you can't find one ask the new Lady Black, she'll recite one for you.” A smattering of laugher from those who knew Hermione. 

“I don't really care what you think, please however bear in mind that I will not be the only person shedding a mask in the coming weeks. We build our world together, without discrimination, judgement or recriminations. This is how we stop the rise of another Voldemort.” A few people still flinched, old habits, Harry ignored it. “We work together. As Lord Potter I invite all of our magical brethren to nominate spokesperson to take their ancient seats of power once more.” Several people muttered and gasped. Harry couldn't help the low growl in his chest. “Before we can move forward we must first go back. Thank you.” He stepped down at the podium to greet Ashleigh, the girl who'd been reporting to the Prophet.

“Lord Potter.”

“I have nothing more to say.” She nodded, Harry didn’t think she’d last long as a reporter without help- she didn’t have the tenacity he’d come to associate with the press and wouldn’t hound someone for a story.

“There’ll be an evening run for this.” It was Harry’s turn to nod. He let her think her words had got his attention when the truth was that the goblins had told him as much.

“How long have you been with the prophet?”

“I’m not, I’m with the Quibbler, it’s a side business to sell the prophet the stories their people can’t get.” 

"Come find me tomorrow after the council, I like you, so you get the exclusives.” Her eyes went wide in shock. “Stick to the truth and your owl will always be welcome at my door.” There was no way he was going to rely on Rita Skeeter to be the journalist in his pocket when this girl had so far stuck entirely to the truth in her stories and had respected his boundaries. Just because she wouldn’t have lasted long in regular circumstances didn’t mean Harry wouldn’t do what he could to help her career- these weren’t normal circumstances anyway.

“Thank you.” Harry smiled slightly. “No thank you. We need more of your kind of reporter.” 

-

“Harry there's no way you can push all this through in one day!” Hermione was pouring over the notes Harry had scribbled into a muggle notebook he's picked up in some random stationary store near the train station. 

“Hermione, we defeated Voldemort. They'll be tripping over themselves to do what we want.” It was so obvious to him that the wizarding world was essentially run by the political equivalent of star-struck teenagers chasing the positive press of being associated with the latest fad.

“But even still Harry, mixed blood primary schools, werewolf rights, banishment of dementors, house elf rights, protected centaur lands, overhauling the hogwarts curriculum? This would take years of planning and implementation. It's not feasible.” 

"Oh it is. Even if I have to bankrupt the House of Potter to do it." Hermione stared at him for a moment. "Is there at thing I've missed? I mean, I'm still trying to sort out the house system into something less divisive. Any ideas?” 

Hermione stared down at the page, she tapped her finger thoughtfully on the desk.

“You already thought about sorting later? Maybe in second year? A dedicated first year common room and classes?” She picked up a quill and added something to his notes on first year classes, “also group penmanship, first year muggle studies for pureblood and wizarding politics and etiquette for muggleborns. These are all good ideas but-” She tilted her head and scratched something out on the page. “No, you need them all to have them all taking the same classes or you create blood divisions. Plus there's no guarantee pureblood will know the history, just look at Ron.” 

“You could make history of Magic a third year elective, no one pays attention anyway, and use the free slot for this?” Hermione tipped her hand slightly as if to indicate weighing up the idea. Harry found himself nodding along.

“Have you considered, the school will need several new professors?” 

“And a new head. Severus is far too weak and has no interest in the job.” Hermione didn't seem surprised at his certainty. Harry wasn't sure how he knew what Severus wanted but as his instincts towards the man were solidifying he was becoming more aware of these things. “Although I think he would appreciate being asked what he thinks of any new headteacher.” 

“Harry have you actually spoken to him about any of this?”

“Hermione, I haven't even told him to use my first name yet.” Harry was sure that his comment would clarify the situation. 

"You should do that.” She commented absently as she read his proposal for house elves.

Harry lost track of the conversation as he to tingle, and then itch, and then he felt as if he'd developed a sudden fever. He went from relaxed to sweating profusely in only a few seconds.

“Hermione-“ 

“Harry, what's wrong!?” She almost shrieked. Harry swiped at his brow and took away what he imagined was about half a pint of sweat, he grimaced. _Great, another hot flush._

“Drakken.” Now he was so close his instincts were beginning to take over and occasionally the hot flushes would catch him off guard. He had collapsed the first time and it had been Kreacher who found him. He grasped at his wand struggling to keep it secure in his palms. Turning his wand on himself he cast a stream of cold water over his face and shirt not really caring how he looked. The stuff was coming off him in steam plumes, Hermione, taking the hint, hit him with several cooling charms and more water. When he stopped steaming Harry cast a quick drying charm and leaned back, boneless, in his seat.

“Harry, that's dangerous! Any longer at that sort of temperature you're risking a coma.”

"I'm Drakken Hermione, I'm risking a lot more than a coma if those episodes carry on.” He was more tired than he cared to admit.

 

-

Harry had given the Malfoys over two hours, and they were only just leaving when he arrived. It took all of three seconds for Madame Pomfrey to descend on Severus’ bed.

“When exactly do you plan on releasing me, woman?” Madame Pomfrey glared disapprovingly at Severus who seemed determined not to meet her eyes. 

“When you are well enough to leave.” 

"I am well enough now!” Even his anger wasn't as powerful as it used to be, that frightened Harry slightly as he listened to them bicker; anyone who didn’t know their past would think they hated each other depsite a long treasured friendship... and Harry wasn’t sure how he knew that. 

“Severus, one wrong move and you bleed out before anyone finds you. You are not well enough to leave this bed. Unless, of course, you imagine Lucius is willing to care for your every need until you are independently mobile?” 

Severus made a low sound of annoyance in his throat. 

“You are well aware I would never burden Lucius with such a task, Madame.” Poppy didn't respond, believing perhaps rightly, she'd made her point.

“He doesn't have to.” Harry spoke quietly but firmly and the both looked up at his words. “If you believe I intend to leave him here to recover you are sadly mistaken, Poppy.” He'd been on a first name basis with the school nurse since he'd carried an all-but-dead Severus into the ward the week before.

“Harry-“

"And I don't appreciate you being so snide.” Poppy had the decency to look uncomfortable. “Some privacy if you don't mind.”

Severus had flopped back on the pillows almost as soon as he'd heard Harry's voice. 

Harry watched the matron leave with a glare, he liked her but she had a bluntness that he didn’t think anyone who wasn’t intimately acquainted with the woman could bear for long periods of time.

“I had another hot flush about ten minutes ago.” Severus cracked an eye open and fixed him with a searching look for a moment. 

“My apologies.” Harry shook his head as he pulled a blanket over Severus to stop him shivering. This was how it worked, Severus would go cold and Harry heated up- even their physiology was conspiring to bring them together.

“Don't. It's not your fault. I'm more worried about what caused it.”

“Pain medication was overdue and the boy was screaming.” Harry hemmed quietly. He brushed his fingers over Severus’ knuckles where he was gripping the blanket. Harry slipped his hand into Severus grip and squeezed gently. 

“I'll speak to Poppy.” Severus shook his head.

“She was tending the boy, my pain is nothing to that.” Severus drew breath slowly as if steeling himself, “that boy didn't even scream under Alecto’s wand.” Severus winced. Harry was squeezing his hand too tightly. A smarter man might have pulled away but Severus had neither the energy nor the will to try. 

"I'll charm the door on the way out.” Severus shook his head slightly. 

"I prefer to hear,” Harry almost snorted, Harry could feel it in the man that this was more about penance than preference, “the boy lives. That is important.”

“You should get out of the habit of lying to me.” It seemed that Severus would be completely incapable of doing so very soon anyway, Harry could feel the lie as Severus had spoken. Severus laid his head back and sighed. Harry decided to change the subject. “The Wizegamot sits tomorrow.” 

“You have made your decisions. I have nothing to add.” Harry hadn't realised Severus’ mind had developed so much further than his own. If Severus knew exactly what Harry was thinking with no discussion he was already well on the way to being embedded in Harry’s own consciousness.

"I suppose that saves me outlining them." He commented lightly. “Do you wish to come back here?” That was the big question, Harry had left several options open for Severus to stay at Hogwarts.

“I assure you, not even a direct order from you could compel me to stay here any longer than Poppy deems necessary.” Severus didn’t break eye contact, which made Harry realise how strongly the man felt about this, he was literally declaring that he’d rather die than return here. Harry couldn’t bring himself to blame the man.

“Tomorrow evening then, probably late. Is that time enough for you?” Harry was aware of how odd it was or him to even be asking, he was supposed to give the orders not ask permission. “There is an old Potter family holding, I've had the elves working on it for the last week, in the Wiltshire area.” Severus stilled. “Unplottable naturally but accessible by floo if you wish to receive guests.” Harry didn't have to name the Malfoys for Severus to understand Harry's intention in picking that particular holding, “some wonderful grounds… and I don’t intend to leave there until you are well.” Severus nodded and stifled a yawn. Harry learned down and risked brushing his lips over Severus knuckles. He was rewarded with a small smile. Harry was almost out the door when he heard it. 

“Thank you. For the time.” Harry wasn't sure he was actually meant to hear that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This story was *not* supposed to take off, several thousand words later here is chapter 2 and there will be more to come after as it's already partially drafted! 
> 
> Happy Christmas one and all.


	3. Laying foundations

Harry had been sat listening to various speakers in the Wizegamot chamber and scribbling notes for over an hour before boredom started to set in as various votes were now being cast. No wonder nothing ever changed. He'd already filled in his ballot sheet for all the decisions being taken today. He literally had no more reason to be here except for show. He nudged Hermione surreptitiously to get her attention.

“I'm leaving.” He muttered. “Most of these votes are already over and I have more important things to do.” Hermione shook her head slightly. 

“We need to elect a new leader for the Wizegamot. Your vote doesn't count if you’re not here. It's next up.” Harry sighed and rubbed his eyes tiredly. 

“I just want to go to Severus and take him home. Why is this taking so long?” He was whinging and he knew it. “Don't answer that.” He added as an afterthought. “I've been waiting for this vote all day. They need to hurry up and get to it.” 

Just as Hermione was about to rebuke him quietly Kingsley stood up from his place in the ministers seat and spoke.

“We now come to consider the leadership of this council. Would anyone wishing to speak prior to the vote please raise your wand now.” Several heads turned Harry's way and he groaned internally as he raised his wand. This was what would make or break the new world order in the British wizarding world; of course Kingsley called on him first. He climbed to his feet and greeted his colleagues. 

“I nominate Lucius Malfoy.” Complete uproar. Several shouts, more muttering and a few curses were flung his way, Kingsley was staring at him like he was mad and so was Lucius Malfoy himself. Harry had thought this through though. The leader of the Wizegamot was a purely symbolic role, they were probably less powerful than the muggle speaker of the House of Commons, but carried pride and respect. He could give the purebloods a figurehead who would do the job properly, follow the rules and understood how politics worked without actually giving them any power at all. Clearly very few people understood that and as quiet began to fall again Harry knew he had to sell it. “Lucius Malfoy has been involved in all levels of politics in Britain since before I was born, he's good at it. He's also a pureblood of an ancient house who can help bring together our divided nation. Mr Malfoy is not only determined but capable of turning our world around and rebuilding everything.” Of course, the fact that Harry practically owned the Malfoys was completely irrelevant. “He understands both sides of the last war, we need people who were on both sides in positions of power to promote unity, understanding, heartfelt debate and respect in our world. We cannot allow ourselves to alienate those who might have once sympathise with Voldemort now, unless you actually want another war?” Having made his point Harry sat down. Recovering himself admirably Kingsley spoke again.

“Any other nominations?”

The next three speakers all wanted Harry to take the title. They were so predictable. At this point he could have declared himself supreme ruler of all and they'd have fallen over themselves to agree to it. He raised his wand and Kingsley called on him again. He didn't bother to stand up.

“Don't waste your votes, I won't accept.” He'd double and triple checked, they could not force him to accept the position so he had nothing to lose declaring himself out. 

Lucius won the vote unanimously; just as Harry and Hermione had spent hours planning. Now they were getting somewhere. 

-

When Harry returned to Severus’ bedside it was to find his mates mood and condition vastly improved. He was sat up, his hair and face appeared to have been washed and he was able to smile. He was also able to insist that the miracle was entirely due to the thought of getting out of Hogwarts. Harry didn't blame him in the slightest. His things were already packed, he was physically weak but he was still able to use magic, and he was more than ready to leave despite Harry arriving at least two hours early. Harry couldn't help himself and Severus made no move to suggest he stop, he swooped down and kissed the man soundly and oh-great-merlin his whole body tingled with happiness at being able to do that. Judging by the way Severus reacted, the pure delight flooding Harry’s mind, the tight grip of a hand on his shoulder that felt like Severus never wanted to let go and would have bruised had he been purely human, his mate had been looking forward to this moment as well.

Harry finally came up for air, taking Severus’ hand in his own and smiling, he didn't want to waste another moment. 

“Let me sort out your paperwork and medications with Poppy and we'll go, OK?” If someone had told him a year ago that he would see Severus Snape smile he'd have bet his entire family vault against it, if they'd told him he'd be the cause he'd have sent them to St Mungo’s and if they told him that it would make his heart skip a beat and his soul sing he'd have cursed them for taunting him. What a difference a year made.

-

“I will walk.” Harry wanted to argue but he could feel Severus determination to do this, to leave with his head held high and his dignity intact. Harry knew he wouldn't make it, he also knew there were spells to help fake it. Poppy had told him whilst they were sorting out the potions. She knew the man as well as anyone. 

"It least take some pepper up first then.” Severus looked surprised. “What?” Harry couldn't help it. “You matter to me, this matters to you...” Harry didn't need to finish the sentence. Severus had been sat in the edge of the bed for several minutes working his shoes on once his ears stopped smoking. Harry hated to see him struggle. When Severus reached for his wand Harry bent down and tied the man's laces instead. Severus was staring again. Harry smiled and stood up without comment. He would convince Severus that he had help, even, especially with the little things. It broke Harry's heart how independent the man was, and whist he knew he carried no blame for the years before he was born he had to wonder where Severus’ family had been and why his own father, who must have surely recognised Severus for what he was, had been so cruel to him. It had been a question Harry wrestled with since his fifth year, his only conclusion was that his father had been a late bloomer and hadn't realised what he was doing. He hoped. 

Harry wrapped his arm around Severus’ waist and helped his to his feet, waiting for the man to give some indication that he was steady before letting go. Severus shot a wry look at Harry when he felt the spell wash over his body. 

“What matters to me more is keeping you safe.” Harry shrugged as he picked up Severus’ bag and shouldered it. If the man hadn't shrunk it there was a reason for that. “Ready?” Severus nodded once and they began to walk. They were halfway down the ward when Draco Malfoy burst through the doors. Harry had reacted to the noise more than the presence of the blond. 

“Severus,” his eyes flicked to Harry momentarily as he spoke to his godfather, “I just heard you're leaving.” Draco cut off abruptly. Harry stepped aside discreetly, more for show them anything else, he wasn't willing to move far enough away to give them any real privacy. Not with Severus so weak. “I suppose, I won't see you again.” Severus was looking at Draco as if seeing him for the first time, as if seeing a man instead of a child. 

“I am sure there will be opportunities…” Severus shot a look at Harry as if asking permission, or perhaps for help, Harry was only too happy to step in.

“Once Severus is well enough to receive guests, of course you will be welcome in our home.” Harry spoke softly but firmly saying more than a few words ever could with his tone and body language. “And I'm sure your owl will be able to find us in the meantime.” To anyone else his pronouncement had little effect, but for Harry he felt it, Severus was ready to throw himself at Harry's feet with gratitude like some common house elf. Harry drew a sharp breath. _What had Severus actually been thinking? That he was a liar, or a monster? Had Severus been envisioning a life of servitude and isolation? What did he know that Harry didn't?_ Even Malfoy looked relieved. Harry couldn't help the snarl that slipped out of the bottom of his throat. “I will say this once, and only once, so spread the world Malfoy. By every law of this land I may own your godfather but damn me to hell before you presume that means I plan to keep him enslaved.” Malfoy had taken a step back from him as if afraid. He looked thunderstruck by Harry’s pronouncement. 

"Right. Good to know.” Harry rolled his eyes, as if Malfoy though there was anything he could do about it. When he looked back at Severus there was an uneasiness in his expression, an unwillingness to admit it, and a certain amount of fear. Harry had never been more sure of anything else in life than he never wanted to see that look again. Severus wobbled on his feet. Harry almost jumped to steady him. 

"If you want to walk out of here I suggest we get a move on, yes?” It took a moment to realise that Severus had thought rather than spoken his acceptance. 

-

Harry flopped down on the sofa and flicked his wand. He wanted a drink! A decanter of firewhisky and tumbler floated towards him and poured a generous measure. The decanter settled on the side table and the tumbler shifted into his grip. He took a sip and sat back, allowing himself just a few moments of peace. Severus had collapsed from exhaustion within moments of reaching the house here, the head house elf (an elderly female named Goldie who reminded Harry of Mrs Weasley) had insisted on showing him the changes they'd brought about the place under his orders and he already had three owls needing his attention. 

"There is a lady wishing to speak to you in the floo, master.” Harry had never been so grateful for reasonably accurate spoken grammar. 

“A lady?” He swirled his whisky thoughtfully. 

“Lady Black, Master.”

“Let her through Goldie, then go get some sleep or something, you've already done more than enough today, I'll cook later.” She actually looked like she wanted to argue before she remembered herself.

“Very good, Master.” Harry was learning that the words ‘very good’ were Goldie speak for, ‘if you say so you complete idiot.’ He wasn't sure if found it endearing or irritating yet. He set the tumbler down and stood up. If Hermione was here that meant the Wizegamot had finally finished for the day. Four hours after Harry had left. 

“Harry, it's not even five o'clock.” 

“It's midnight somewhere in apparating distance, Hermione.” He answered without thinking. This had been their way for a while, Hermione said something earnest and Harry gave a completely flippant response. It definitely worked better than asking which piece Ron played in that chess board. “How's Ron?”

“Getting ready for the funeral, he told Kingsley to shove it today. He's going to work with George instead.”

“Good, he was never auror material.” Hermione looked horrified a Harry's bluntness, “he's too much fun.” She shrugged at his explanation, knowing deep down that, he wasn't wrong. “Drink?” He waved her over to the drinks cabinet. “I have wine, spirits, soft drinks, hot drinks.” 

“Tea, I think.” Harry ushered her into the kitchen across the hall. “Where are the Potter house elves?”

“Jay is sat with Severus, Petey’s scouring the library for information on high elves for me and I just told Goldie to take the rest of the day off after the week she's had.” Hermione looked surprised. “Oh sure, assume I'm some kind of monster who'd work them to the bone.” He sighed and his shoulders slumped. “Why does everyone assume that?” The words were out before he could stop them. Hermione laid her hand over his arm to stop him preparing the tea. 

“Harry, you’re a dominant part-Drakken who admitted using unforgivables, claimed a man for what many people will think is a life of slavery and threw all your political weight behind a man known for kicking house elves for fun. What do you expect them to think?”

"Never mind them, why is that what you think?” Hermione flushed. 

“Harry you've lived a double life for years. Of course even those closest to you are going to wonder what you've been doing.”

“You were there helping me,” he handed her the cup of tea, “I was never clever enough to do it myself.”

“You stole the time turner in the ministry before destroying the rest. That's clever.”

“No that's sneaky and desperate.” Hermione gave him a pointed look as if to ask what he thought the difference was. Harry rolled his eyes and led her back into the lounge. 

“Harry exactly how big is this place?” Harry laughed. 

“Sixteen bedrooms, two libraries, five bathrooms, two ballrooms, three dining rooms, four offices and if you look out in any direction for ten miles or more it's Potter land. Plus the stables, paddock and track.”

“Stables?”

“Hippogriffs and horses for the most part, but Hagrid seems to think they'll live with thestrals with no issue so he's promised me one of two of the next foals from Hogwarts. Apparently there's always one or two that get rejected by their mothers.” Hermione drank her tea contemplatively. They had become comfortable with each other in the time Ron hadn't been around, they could just sit and enjoy the shared silence. A small ‘Pop’ interrupted Harry's thoughts. 

A house elf, tall for one of his species dressed in what wouldn't have been out of place on the valet of a five star London hotel, appeared. His white coat and kid gloves seemed to catch Hermione off guard. 

“Petey, you found something?” Harry was instantly interested at his appearance. The Potter library was old and sprawling across two rooms. The elf deflated almost instantly.

“No master but there is a ruckus from the bedchamber, Jay says master is needed.” By the time Petey had finished his sentence Harry was off the sofa and halfway out the room. 

Harry arrived to carnage in the bedroom, sheets on the floor, two elves (one Harry had never seen before) struggling desperately to hold Severus down, Goldie crying in the corner. It took him longer than he cared to admit to process the scene. He was at the bedside in a moment. 

“Severus!” Harry wasn't sure what was happening and all he could feel was panic and pain from his mate. “Let go of him.” Harry ordered without even thinking about it as he threw himself into the fray . He caught one of Severus’ flailing wrists and then the next a moment before it would have connected with his eye. “Severus!” The man was still struggling. It was only as the elves quieted Harry realised that he was making no noise and his eyes were closed. Harry had suffered enough night terrors to know what he was looking at. He straddled Severus and held him down. It might not have been the prescribed method but Harry was more worried about keeping Severus from injuring himself. Severus felt distant in his mind, like he was behind a fog. Harry couldn't fight his way through. He did the only thing that made sense now. He yelled.

“You won't reach him Master he is shielding his mind.” Harry swore.

“I swear occluding is a reflex to him!” No amount of calling or trying to reach Severus was working. “Cold pint of water now!” Harry didn't even look up to know the glass was in his hand a second later. He threw it over Severus’ face and the man gasped awake, still fighting, still in a panic. 

“Severus, you're alright, you're home.” He watched as his mate seemed to lose all fight and sag into the bed. Harry had never so badly wanted just finish their full bonding and take control for a while- he'd never seen anyone look so broken and it terrified him. As Harry climbed off him he conjured a towel and patted it over Severus’ face and neck gently. He could have cast a drying charm but he just didn't want to, he wanted the contact. He wished it could be that easy but Severus might as well have been still asleep for the responsiveness he was showing. 

“He is shielding his mind master, like the Wizards do.” Clearly there were no books on occlumency in the Potter household that Petey had read. Calmer now, Harry could take the time to think more rationally. Despite being sent away Petey and Jay were both stood as if they expected him to give another order. Petey was older and more educated than Jay, who apparently was barely older than Harry, and made him practically a toddler in house elf terms. 

“Petey, do wizards ever lock their shields do you think? And stay behind them.” 

“Master James did for a little while, when he became a man. No one knew he even knew how. Mistress was very distressed until he came back to us.” Harry's gut twisted. 

"Did my grandmother or anyone from that time keep a journal or diary?” 

“It's a pureblood tradition master, they all did.”

“Get my fathers, grandmothers and anyone else who was around and knew what my dad was going through and start reading, I want everyone who can read to go through all the diaries and journals. Work in shifts. I need to know how to bring down these shields.” 

“And where will you be Harry?” He'd completely forgotten that Hermione was in the house, of course she'd followed him here. His neck was tingling and a wave is protectiveness washed over him at the knowledge there was a human in the vicinity. He had to take a moment to convince himself that this was Hermione, that she wasn't about to harm him or Severus. 

“I’ll be right here,” his voice was dangerously low as he struggled not to scream at her to get the hell away from his mate, he was trying to control himself but all it did was add an extra menacing edge to his need to protect, “where I belong.” Hermione must have realised the situation she was in and didn't try to approach him; not after the last time when he'd nearly gutted her for even saying Severus’ name when he’d been overcome with his instincts. 

“If you need anything, let me know.” Harry nodded, the beast in his chest began to accept her now, Hermione wasn't a threat she was an ally. Her eyes flicked to Severus who was laid, boneless, eyes closed and to all the world seemingly asleep and Harry growled. 

“Not a good idea Hermione, sorry.” She went white at the steel in his tone. 

“Send one of your elves if you need me. Anytime day or night.” Harry felt terrible that Hermione was practically fleeing him but he couldn't blame her; she was braver to offer him her help, even in the face of that, than he'd ever given her credit for.


	4. Explaining

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bit of a filler chapter here, lots of work on the backstory.

"Master, your grandmothers diary from the time your father was going through the change, she wrote extensively as your father did after the fact. It would benefit you to read these.” Harry hummed absently as he ran his fingers through Severus’ hair; the man had spent too many years shampooing it too much and with the wrong products- it seemed to go from brittle to greasy within hours of Harry washing it every time he tried. “Master Harry you may be a teenager and more lovesick than your father ever was but if you wish to be a good Lord of this house and a good mate to him you will read these books!” Harry nearest flattened her in his automatic response to the sudden shout. To her credit she didn't back down. Harry wasn't sure what the elves here ate but they were nothing like any other house elf he'd ever met. 

“Sorry Goldie,” his apology was as automatic as his near-attack, “you're right. Thank you.” 

"You’re welcome master.” 

-

Harry had settled down and decided to start with his grandmothers diary and work chronologically. He was shocked how old his father had been when he began to grow into his inheritance, at sixteen he should have been mated and settled down, and yet his grandmother was convinced her son was far too young. 

_Charlus had left school before the signs began,we were already betrothed_ she had written in her confusion, _James is sixteen, he's halfway through his newts and planning a career after school._

Harry read a little longer. His father’s development had been bad. He’d started, as Harry had, with the sweats first. Luckily he'd been at home in the summer holidays. It had taken him nearly a month of delusions and mood swings to settle down and then he'd just shut down completely. His grandmother had been at her wits end, there were tears and smudges on several pages detailing that time. He read how Sirius had dropped everything and turned up the moment he hadn't heard from James in more than three days. He read how Sirius’ parents, horrified that he was going to support an animal had told him not to come back and left him with several nasty curse marks for his trouble. He read how his godfather had sat with James for hours, talking absently and had begged them to send for Remus and Peter- convinced, as always, that James needed his friends around him. He read how Remus had been shy, withdrawn and Charlus had panicked at realising they had a werewolf in the house. He read how Sirius had told him about the transformations they had all achieved two years before and how Dorea was certain that had triggered her sons inheritance, he read how Peter had spent four hours searching the phone books in public libraries and called six different Evans families from a public phone box before they'd found Lily, who James had asked out a few months earlier. He read how Lily's dad had driven her to the Potters and interrogated Charlus on his son. He read how Dorea was equally exasperated, afraid and proud of her son for managing the animagus transformation. He read how James had woken up one morning, with no apparent ill effects and left for school the following week as expected. He couldn't help feeling like something was missing and so it was with no small amount of trepidation that he began reading James’ journal.

_this is bad, how exactly am I supposed to live like this? There hasn't been a submissive Potter ever… What's wrong with me? My parents will disown me if they figure this out, how am I supposed to be the head of a family when I can't even take the lead in my own relationship? And how am I supposed to prove to lily I'm anywhere near worthy of her after she's seen me be such a prat for the last six years? What was I thinking?_

Harry had stared at the words for what felt like several sunlit days. It was the first in a long line of surprises this book would throw at him.

_I can't even bring myself to argue with Snape, I’ll never admit it out loud but for him to have us all convinced he was just another half-blood wizard he's got my respect. How he hasn't thrown himself at the most powerful wizard who'll take him yet I've no idea. I wonder how long it'll take for Voldemort to try for him? Maybe we should do something to try stop it, I don't like him but even Sirius would admit he's not a person you want against you in a war. Plus I don't need to be a mind reader to know lily still cares about him even after the debacle last year. Maybe I could try talking to him, alone obviously I don't think Sirius is ever going to see past the Slytherin badge and dark arts._

The diary seemed to have a gap in it of what might have been several weeks. This irritated Harry, his father had been on the verge of several important moments in his life and he'd just stopped documenting them. 

_I finally told Sirius the truth why I staying away from Snape and about me. I hate his parents but I'm glad they drilled the pureblood stuff into him, he understood and accepted it so easily and he's promised to keep the pressure off now he knows what it's doing. I suppose it's only natural he assumed I'm dominant and can actually deal with stuff like I used to. I have no idea how to explain this to Peter in terms that aren't going to make him start thinking of American slave plantations or something. There's something to be said for teaching muggleborns about our history, not that Dumbledore ever would._

Harry frowned at that, why wouldn't Dumbledore want to help muggleborns understand their own world better? He made a mental note to try and find out at some point. 

_I tried talking to Snape the other day, I cornered him alone after charms. He was surprisingly open but I think knowing we'd been sensing each other for weeks probably helped. It's strange, he's definitely some kind of elf, naturally submissive like me but he feels like family, like I need to protect him for some reason. I wonder if he's destined for a cousin or some other family member?_

Harry almost laughed, his father protect Severus? Severus could have destroyed his father in a heartbeat when they were twelve he just didn't have the reflexes or the temperament to get the first shot in or to be so ruthless. 

_we've made a kind of peace. He said something strange though. I always assumed he loved lily, it's pretty obvious but he wished me luck with her. Strange. What does he know that I don't? He told me she likes carnations rather than roses. I wonder why he's helping me?_

Harry paused, facts about his mother were so rare be treasured each one he found. There was another break in the journal and this one was clearly several months of silence, James had been home for Christmas and was back in school when he wrote again. 

_dad wrote again last night, it's so obvious that he's panicking that someone's going to take advantage. Like Sirius would let them- I swear he's turned into the worlds most protective guard dog!_

Harry laughed to himself. Severus shifted at his side and his attention switched momentarily. He was beginning to feel Severus again now, to sense something like consciousness in his mate. It has been almost a week so he was glad of it. 

_Severus has been a huge help, I never thought I'd see the use of having a slytherin on my side but now it don’t think I'd be without him. And some of the things he's told me. About Dumbledore and the Slytherins, and Voldemort. It scares me that he's being dragged into that now._

_Wow I just realised how time flies, three months ago I wouldn't have spat on him if he were on fire. Now, he's a friend._

Harry blinked rapidly not fully processing what he was reading, his brain refusing to engage. 

_I wish he'd listen and just move publicly into the light, but he's determined that he doesn't want to. I can't work out why._

His father and Severus had been friends, his father had worried about Severus joining the death eaters. There was another break of several weeks. 

_I can't believe him! That's his plan? To join them then spy on them! Is he mad? And he's got the bloody nerve to call us idiots for wanting to be aurors and unspeakables._

No, Harry knew that wasn't right. It wasn't what had happened. This journal had to be a fake 

_I've never seen lily cry like that, just as they were getting back on an even footing he just announces that he's going to join Voldemort. Like it's that simple. Like he thinks he can go in there, a half trained wizard with no experience and lie to someone who makes Grindelwald look like a pussycat. He’ll be killed within a year! If that! And then the great prat, turns to me and says ‘lily likes white chocolate when she's upset and milk chocolate for Christmas.’ Like he hasn't basically just told us he's planning slow suicide. Even Sirius offered to go with him, claim some sort of ‘I love my family’ epiphany but Severus shot him down. I never thought I'd see the day Sirius would offer to put his life on the line to help Snape._

Harry couldn't convince himself to stop reading despite the insanity of what he was reading. Sirius and Severus had hated each other. They couldn't be in the same room together. What had happened? This couldn't be real. 

Harry slipped out of the bed and began to pace, he was filled with anxious energy all of a sudden but he didn't want to go far. More than anything he wanted answers. 

“Goldie.” He didn't break his stride when she popped into the room. “Did you know, about Severus, my mum and dad?” Goldie actually had the audacity to check how far he'd read. 

“I knew master, master James was distraught when your mate left and took the dark mark. They had become very good friends by then, even mister Black was affected and he hated your mate back then.” 

“And my mother?” 

“She tried to talk him out of it. They said she offered him a place in this household instead but he refused.” 

Harry couldn't understand it. 

“Why would Severus tell Voldemort about the prophecy if he was already a spy, and who was he spying for? I always assumed Dumbledore didn't have anything to do with him until after the prophecy.” 

“Master James wrote it all down.” 

“I DON’T WANT TO READ ABOUT IT!” Harry roared, he felt caged and trapped and played and he couldn't get his emotions back under control. 

“Your father's portrait is in the study, master.” Goldie almost whimpered, Harry sagged with relief. 

“Sorry Goldie, it's personal you know?” 

“I do.” 

“Do me a favour? Stay with Severus while I go have this out with dear old dad.” Harry didn't give her chance to refuse- not that she would have. 

\- 

“Potter!” James jumped awake in his portrait as the stranger burst into his father's study. 

“Who are you?” He was immediately struck by how much this man looked like his own mirrored reflection. 

“I'm your son. We can reminisce later. I need answers.” Even in paint James’ stunned expression was obvious. 

“Harry? But- How old are you, how long has it been?” 

“I'm nearly eighteen, listen I don't have time for this right now. When you came into your inheritance you fell into some kind of coma, the elves here think you were an occlumens and that you were shielding yourself somehow. No one seems to have bothered writing about how they got you to come around. Now my mate is in something similar and I'm running out of ideas.” 

“Your mate, wow, I thought I was young.” Harry scowled. “Your submissive mate I take it?” Harry glared, he didn't really care that this was his dad he was too furious with himself for not thinking to find a portrait sooner- or at all. “Has she had any kind of trauma recently?” 

“He and only constantly for the last twenty years but bitten by Voldemort’s snake. Would that count?” The portrait looked thoughtful for a moment after a sly smile at Harry's sarcastic tone. 

“I suppose that'll do it. What is he?” Harry hesitated. James sighed. “Is he a natural or a learned occlumens?” 

“A what?” Harry had never heard those terms and as simple as they sounded he didn’t want to guess at something so important. James blinked. 

“Surely Sirius taught you occlumency?” He seemed to have taken it for granted that Sirius had been in a position to raise Harry, the son’s gut twisted, he really didn’t want to go into this now. 

“Sirius was in Azkaban, the Dursley’s raised me.” 

“YOU WHAT?” James jumped to his feet in the portrait. Harry didn't answer and let the portrait seethe as he paced between the sides of the frame for a moment. “Please dear merlin tell me you're joking.” 

“Like I said we can reminisce later.” That seemed to get his attention back where it needed to be.

“Alright, your mate, is he human? It's unlikely but I have to ask.” 

“He's some kind of elf bloodline, no physical features that I've seen that would show it though.”

“And you fully bonded?” Harry would have blushed at the question if he wasn't so stressed. 

“No but I could feel him in my mind before this, now he's more like a fog in the back of my head. His shields are powerful, not even Dumbledore could breach them as far as I know and I have tried everything to reach him.” 

“You need to check his bloodlines, it's important. If he's submissive and he's got the bloodline that makes him a natural occlumens you need to know that before you break his mind trying to reach him. What's his name?” 

“Listen, don’t freak out on me ok?” 

“Don’t what?” 

“Don’t go mad, you know him.” James in the portrait frowned.

“That would make him at least my own age.” 

“Almost exactly, give or take a few months.” Harry wasn’t sure why he was nervous to admit this, he still didn’t believe what he had read in his father’s journal. 

“His age is irrelevant, if he’s made for you he’ll bear your children regardless.” James said it so simply, so easily that Harry couldn’t help feeling slightly ridiculous in his reaction. He’d assumed there would be no children, at least not blood heirs, because that was physically and biologically impossible. “Who is he?” 

“Severus. Snape.” Harry managed to say, albeit quietly. James seemed to stare for several minutes. 

“He lived? He survived all that time? As a spy?” Harry finally believed his father’s journal, something in the tone or maybe in the expression of awe or maybe just because James knew Severus had been a spy, that reaction had him convinced. 

“Of course he did, but now he’s in a coma and I need some help.” Harry was doing his best to keep the conversation on track. 

“Just leave him, he’ll come around when he’s ready. No one makes Severus Snape lower his occlumency shields,” Harry opened his mouth to argue, “not even his master.” He sank into one of the armchairs that sat facing the portrait, defeated. 

“There’s got to be something, he keeps having fits or something, like he’s having night terrors, if he pulls his wound open again…” Harry ran his hand over his face and hair tiredly. 

“Did you say you’re nearly eighteen?” Harry nodded blankly, not really caring where the conversation went. 

“When last did you shave, you look closer to forty.” Harry let out a hollow laugh, of all the things to say. 

“Thanks dad, actually…” Harry trailed off, thinking, “must’ve been what, before the battle…” 

“Battle?” Harry looked up and blinked. “Are you in some kind of army?” Harry really did laugh then. 

“I was the leader for a while, we called ourselves Dumbledore’s Army. Only a handful of us actually made it to being old enough to join the Order while we still needed to.” Harry commented absently. 

“But you’re here, why did you come here of all places? Alone.” 

“Because the Malfoys are just over the hill and Severus is close to them, and because if one more reporter comes near me with a quick quotes quill they’ll wish I went down to Voldemort.” 

“You fought? But-“Harry didn’t have long to wait for the sickle to drop, “The prophecy, you did it.” James actually smiled with relief when Harry nodded. 

“Last week, maybe the week before.” 

“You did it, it worked.” Harry’s head snapped up. 

“What do you mean it worked? What worked?” 

"We had a plan, we always had a plan, Harry, for you, Sirius, Remus and Severus. We thought Peter couldn’t be trusted. You were supposed to be ready once you finished school to take him on- with them behind you if we couldn’t be.” 

“Don’t get excited dad, I doubt you planned the life I’ve had.” Harry wanted to leave it there, he really did, but once he stared talking the floodgates opened and he told his dad’s portrait everything. 

“You recognised your mate at thirteen!” James was clearly aghast at that one. 

“I kill a basilisk and save your best friend from the dementors you barely react, I tell you I noticed I’m biologically inclined to be with my potions professor and you’re shocked.” 

“I’m dead I’m allowed to have odd priorities, besides, you killed the basilisk when you were twelve and saved Sirius then too, but you’re not bonded with Severus yet. That intrigues me.” 

“We both had parts to play.” Harry said shortly, he was developing a headache. 

“How so?” 

“You’re not going to like it.” 

“The truth is the truth, I don't have to like it.” 

“Well I had to be the neglected boy who lived to be in awe of Dumbledore and be a good little Gryffindor like they told me dear old dad was, and Severus, well he had to play the part of nasty greasy Slytherin potions master who hated me and might as well have been a death eater he was such a prick.” James didn't answer. “Having four different children of death eaters in my year didn't help his position much either.” Harry's voice grew hollow. “Of course I didn't exactly make it difficult either.” 

“Meaning?” Harry could hear the careful tone in James' voice. 

“I was a shit. Then in my fifth year, Dumbledore wanted me to learn occlumency, he had Severus do it. Of course at that time I was battling my own instincts to take him and had to maintain the façade that I hated him, I'd broken into his mind once or twice, he was basically attacking mine on a twice weekly basis. One night I climbed into the pensive Dumbledore lent him. I'm not an occlumens, I don't have the control.” James frowned in the portrait. If there was anything the young man in front of him had it was control. He didn't comment. “But I can attack with the best of them. I'd already hit him deep and then diving straight into that day by the lake in your fifth year…” Harry trailed off significantly. “I know now he was looking for an excuse, after realising I knew what he was to me when I was thirteen but had done nothing, I suppose it was too much for him. He never asked why, I couldn't explain what I was doing. With Voldemort back and him back in the fold as a spy. Well, it's not something you risk him having the memory of, the boy who lived, the only person apparently ready and willing to take Voldemort on declaring his every intention to bond with one of the highest ranking death eaters.” And then there was the other thing. The burning rage and righteous anger; forcing Severus to do those things, a rebounded killing curse had been too good. 

“You should have been a slytherin. All this and no one ever knew.” Harry let out a short, bitter, bark of a laugh. 

“Dumbledore even took that from me.” 


	5. Laying the past to rest

“How are you, Harry?” Hermione asked quietly as the man at the front of the room droned on. 

“Ok, Severus has stopped fitting so much.” Hermione sighed, Harry turned to her, “what?”

“I asked about you, not Severus.” Harry's initial reaction was to get defensive, to lecture Hermione on the role of instincts and wellbeing of those around someone on their own health and then it occurred to him that she knew that.

“Remus named me Teddy’s godfather, Andy's going to raise him, I'll be around though. I'm ok with that, I'm eighteen, and I’m not ready to be a father yet. I don't think I'm even ready to live a normal life after all that's happened.”

“Well Harry, I promise you, you'll never live a normal life.” Hermione was smiling as if at a joke.

“Good. I'm up.”

-

“Remus and Tonks. They weren't together that long but when a woman's patronus changes and a man risks everything you know it's real.” Tonks had been a good person, she'd treated him like a human being and hadn't brought any baggage to their friendship. “I'm looking around though and I'm thinking the two of them would be horrified. Remus and Tonks had a sense of humour and they also had a plan, they knew they were fighting for their son to have a proper future. Seriously, we're all stood here in mourning black for a woman who considered it the height of hilarity to change her nose so she looked like a pig and a man who would have killed himself laughing at that,” Harry pointed to the back of the room. “Nice one George.” The man had put a large, garish and frankly out of place thing that looked like a six year old had made a papier-mâché cartoon dog and hit it with an engorgement charm finished with a bright pink wig on top. Harry had needed several minutes to compose himself on seeing it. He'd expected something from Mr Mischief in honour of the last marauder but nothing quite so spectacular. George had outdone himself.

-

“I need to go home.” Harry murmured after forcing himself to drink two firewhiskies and make small talk with distant relatives. He started to make his way towards Andy and Ted. Maybe it was because he was so tired, maybe because all of what was left of the order, most of the aurors and several members of the DA were here, maybe it was because he was thinking about Severus and not paying attention or maybe it was the firewhisky but he didn't notice it until the screaming started. He was vaguely aware of Ron on the other side of the room casting a shielding charm over a random group and Hermione shepherding people out of the way. 

“Andy get out of here!” Harry heard himself yelling. “Take Teddy and go!” He still wasn't completely cognisant of what was actually happening but he knew he didn't want his godson anywhere near it. He knew his wand was in his hand as the doors to the hall he'd rented for the occasion slammed shut, trapping the stragglers- including Ted and Andy. 

“Nonono, not here not now!” Ron was extending his shield over the group is those who couldn't or wouldn't fight whatever this was grouped themselves into a huddle in the Centre of the room. People were beginning to step forward, to surround the huddle. 

"Harry it's the Carrows!” Hermione’s shout caused several people to shriek fear. A hard hot anger welled up in him, he was going to put them down today and he didn't care what it took anymore. Those two had kept the whole of Hogwarts prisoner, everyone he cared about tortured and trapped. Harry found himself facing them. He was taken aback by how calm they seemed, how in control. 

“You might have killed the dark lord, Potter, but pure blood will out, you can't kill an idea.” 

"Watch me!” Harry reacted before he'd fully formed the conscious thought to attack, he was as surprised as everyone else when the death eaters’ chest exploded and he was thrown back several feet. Someone screamed again and the female Carrow was over her brother in a heartbeat. Seconds later they were duelling. A cutting curse missed his ear and bounced off someone's shield. 

“Harry stop being a gentleman and finish it! You've got nothing to hide anymore!” Hermione’s shriek seemed to bring him to his senses. Well, there wasn't a much better place to prove himself. Half the wizarding community were here and the other half would be reading about it in the papers tomorrow. Alecto was fighting hard. She was wild and uncontrolled and that made her difficult to predict. Harry was reduced to dodging out of the way of a blasting curse that tore a hole in the wall he'd been backed against. Carrow took advantage of his temporary distraction and fired several curses into the crowd, shattering Ron’s shield and scattering the grouping. Someone fell under a cutting curse and three people caught her. Alecto cackled and Harry became acutely aware that she had a clear line of sight to Andy and Teddy. He watched Andromeda begin to turn to protect Teddy with her body, someone step in front of her and promptly fall to a spell from the witch, and something in him snapped.

"Enough!” Harry jumped to his feet and took aim, he blasted her across the room as his anger and his need to protect his godson burst out of him. He was stood over her before he realise he'd taken the steps, he stared down at her, she was still spitting and hissing like some kind of demented cat. “Avada Kedavera.” Harry wasn't sure it would work but the flash of green light from his wand said otherwise. He hit Alecto square in the chest. Time seemed to slow as she slumped, the mad expression on her face fixed forever. He dropped his wand as she fell and time returned to normal. He'd just cast an unforgivable curse in front of most the auror division. The only sound was Amycus screaming. Harry barely heard it. Kingsley got to him first and picked up his wand. Harry forced himself to look the man in the eyes.

“They'd already escaped once, she went straight for Andy and Teddy…” He wasn't sure he was speaking loudly enough for Kingsley to hear. The other wizard pressed his wand into his hand. Several aurors were on Amycus and two were coming towards him. Harry braced himself. 

“Nicely done, Potter.” Harry blinked, not fully processing what he was hearing. They would tell him later that he seemed to go into shock, that he wouldn't speak to anyone or answer anyone for several minutes, they would tell him that his memory and the memory of several of the funeral guests were mistaken. The blasting curse he'd fired at Alecto in defence of his godson had coincided with a fatal heart attack. He'd never cast the killing curse, they would tell him, they didn't bother to check his wand. Nearly everyone saw it, the flash of light was the curse Alecto had been casting as she'd been blasted back; of course, no one was going to believe the mad ravings of her death eater brother. They were so convincing that even Harry believed his memory must be faulty when he finally recovered from the shock. They sent him home, told him the adrenaline rush to protect Teddy had confused him, to go to St Mungo's if he didn't feel any better. 

The headlines the next day cried out that he had saved his own godson and many others besides with his quick thinking, they called Alecto’s death at the scene a tragic accident, there was to be no inquest as acting Minister Shakelbolt, a respected auror, had released the statement on the matter.

-

Harry had returned to the routine he'd carved out for himself as if nothing had happened. He woke early and spent most of the day either studying any of the books the Potter elves had found, that might actually be useful, or talking to his father's portrait when he wasn't curled around Severus in the bed simply holding the man and trying desperately to breach the wall around his mind. 

This had been going on for over a week when Severus finally began to show signs of life. It had begun after the funeral, movements, occasional whispers in Harry's mind, nothing concrete but enough to give him hope. Then within days a mindscape began to form so seamlessly between them Harry wasn't sure whether it was in his mind or Severus’. It began as a simple room with a small sofa in front of a fire, Harry noticed a door forming slowly over several hours from a direction that made him think that Severus’ conciousness was on the other side. Once he'd worked that out he began to apply his own imagination to constructing the door. It was long hard work and it felt like every splinter of wood was only as strong as his own efforts to place it and could be overrun by the fog outside the window at any time. Somehow Harry knew that to allow that to happen would only trap Severus longer, that for Severus to wake and come through the door it had to be built. 

They toiled away for days, building from both sides, and by apparent mutual agreement the doorknob was the last aspect to be placed. The moment it was set Harry began to twist and pull on it. He could feel it sliding under his hands as Severus struggled on the other side. Doing his best to mirror Severus’ actions without seeing him Harry gripped the brass tighter and allowed his hand to be guided in turning it. The door clicked and Harry almost wrenched it off the hinges on his haste to open it. It seemed Severus was just as eager, he was mostly through the door before Harry had even thought to step back. Harry barely got one good look and the man collapsed. He was aware of thinking to catch Severus and jamb the door shut with his shoulder. 

“Got you, I've got you.” Harry wasn't sure Severus was hearing him. Even in his own mind Severus was weak, frail and judging by the appalling state of his robes, badly injured. Harry didn't want to know what was behind that door. As he struggled to keep Severus upright he found himself imagining the heaviest, largest, lock he could and applying it to the door. Only when the lock was in place did he finally begin the slow walk with Severus to the sofa. Harry helped the man into the sofa as gently as he could, if this was the physical manifestation of Severus’ mind- his self image, then Harry had a lot of work to do to help him. It broke his heart to see anyone so damaged. He knew better than to try healing spells on the wounds he could see, that wasn't how injuries worked here, instead he sat next to Severus and reached out to him. 

Harry could feel it when they connected, Severus’ mind flooded with emotions. Despite the poor state of his mind Severus was still struggling to sit upright. These was no real speech between them, there didn't need to be, the flood of emotions back and forth was infinitely more intimate and more telling than any actual words and yet, even still, Harry's mind began to produce something like a translation of the abstract concepts and feelings they were sharing into words.

“You waited,” Severus’ confusion, wonder and a tinge of fear could not be encapsulated in the words themselves.

“ I waited,” the rush of possessiveness and dedication Harry found himself projecting at his mate was beyond words.

“You fought, for me?” Again, the wonder, the shock, the niggling doubt that this was some kind of mistake or trick. 

“Of course I fought for you, I wasn't about to leave you to fend for yourself now.” The incredulous tone seemed to translate in his mind but the sheer bullheadedness, the memory of days spent searching in the fog for a chink in the wall, of talking to his father's portrait, reading everything in the Potter library that might possibly have been relevant. Harry watched as a little colour returned to Severus’ cheeks, he wasn't sure how or why but something had catalysed the long slow process of healing.

“You read James’ journal.” It wasn't a question, and Harry's mental note that he still needed to finish it danced between them.

“You were his friend.” A strange confusion and warmth seemed to wrap around them both, Harry's confusion and the same feeling when he thought about Ron or Hemione. Severus seemed to understand. 

“You should finish it. There are still answers there for you.” It felt like a gentle nudge toward Harry's memory of the journal. He wondered what it might say that his father's portrait hadn't already then shook his head free of the thought. Now wasn't the time for that.

“You've been unconscious for weeks, the occlumens rest.” Harry didn't need to feel Severus’ mental nod to know it was coming. “Are you ready to wake?” Harry had been aghast when he'd found the source of Severus’ unconsciousness, extreme trauma, taking the opportunity for the mind to process and begin to mend. Judging by the time Severus had spent sleeping he'd had no opportunity to process anything for years. Harry was aware of a sudden closeness, a weakness Severus was showing him that he's been hiding before, as if Severus had tried to press himself into Harry's body and hide like a child. His instinct was to soothe, to comfort and to swear that waking didn't mean seeing anyone but him and the elves- that it didn't even have to mean leaving the bed. The fear was too undefined for Harry to pin it down and being to assuage it. It was gone almost as soon as it became defined. 

“Don't hide from me.” There was a hard edge to Harry's thoughts that he'd hoped to temper and failed, it felt almost like Severus squeaked in response, “I can't help if I don't know what's wrong.” Severus’ mind relaxed again as if he had expected Harry to go from anger at the situation to anger at him before the relief had washed over him. One thing was clear, the Severus Snape Harry thought he knew, he was clearly a façade, a mask for man so broken Harry was surprised he'd survived so long. 

-

Harry woke slowly, carefully helping Severus ease into consciousness with him. 

“Goldie, he's waking.” The elf needed no more prompting, she was gone and back in a moment with tall glass of water and a bowl of light soup. Harry had spent several minutes convincing Severus that he needed to wake, if only to remind his stomach that there were ways of getting sustenance other than food being spelled into it. Severus had already been dangerously thin and only the spelled food had kept him from starving completely. Goldie’s return with the tray made Severus jump and Harry snaked his arms around him automatically. He could almost hear the racing of the man's heart as his eyes darted around the room.

“You're safe.” Harry whispered. “I promise, you're safe, I'm here.”

Severus managed half the bowl of soup and most of the water before he refused anymore with a pleading expression and shake of his head, he couldn't stomach anymore. Harry banished the tray before the sight of the food turned his mates’ stomach. He wrapped the blanket back around Severus’ shoulders as the man sagged against him, exhausted. 

“Your neck healed well, the dark mark finally faded…” Harry commented absently. 

“I don't,” the effort it took to talk seemed akin to climbing a mountain, Harry hated to see Severus struggle but his voice was already hoarse from lack of use, “remember much. So much death, the boy screaming in the bed, you,” a coughing fit wracked through Severus’ body, “Lucius, Draco..” 

“They're OK, temporary house arrest to appease the masses. They're selling Malfoy manor, moving further north away from the memories. Some Italian family wants to buy, the Bernies or something.”

“Bernini, Borghese, Barberini’s?”

“The last one.” Harry answered, he didn't care that much.

“old pure blood family,” Severus’s let out a scratchy cough but didn’t reach for anything to drink, “a pope, some cardinals, principality, a dukedom…” It was good that Severus could remember all that, Harry had already looked into the family when Lucius had written to him and mentioned a small Manor House in Yorkshire that he liked and if Harry though Severus would mind them moving so far away. Harry was fairly certain Severus opinion of the Malfoy Manor house was similar to his own- he would not care if the place burned as long as it were empty first. Plus there was a nice little townhouse just outside Leeds Harry could easily gift to Severus as some kind of binding gift if they did move. Harry was determined Severus had somewhere to run even from him and he wasn't even sure why it was so important to him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A busy chapter... whew I was worried about Severus for a minute there... ;)


	6. The Lasker Trap

The days began to pass again, the end of summer became Autumn and the headlines declared the reopening of Hogwarts, the success of headmistress McGonagall’s new curriculum and closer ties between the houses as Hermione Granger and Draco Malfoy led the way by eating lunch together. In other news, Weasley Wizard Wheezes were open for business and Halloween was approaching fast. Severus was getting stronger and was able to stay awake and hold a conversation for several hours, to eat a reasonably sized meal and comment on the papers. They were small victories and Harry cherished every one. 

The ministry were hounding him again, the first time Kingsley wanted a liaison for the goblins. Harry had recommended professor Flitwick with a pointed note stating that an actual goblin could probably handle the job much more professionally than a half Drakken who's gobbledygook was limited to asking for his personal banker and thanking his host for not poisoning his drink (it translated better than it sounded and was actually a fairly common farewell in the language). Then they wanted a wand lore specialist and apparently anytime spent listening to Ollivander qualified him, so Harry asked Hermione because her memory was better. Then Arthur wanted a muggle liaison, with a stern brush of his quill Harry noted that the last time he spent any real time in the muggle world he’d ended up in front of the wizegamot on charges of underage wizardry in from of a muggle. Harry wasn't sure why Kingsley was so keen to turn him into a politician, but he was determined that as soon as Severus was well enough to be left alone he'd be marching into the ministry and telling Kingsley to knock it off with the job offers. For the first time in Harry's life he was free and he'd be damned if he didn't take advantage of the fact. He just wasn't quite sure what that entailed yet. 

It was Severus who suggested an outing first, one of the things Harry had been shocked to learn about the man was a deep sense of spirituality. Harry wasn't aware that wizards had anything resembling it- when ghosts were a fact of life Harry wasn't sure what the point was, they already knew what happened after death. 

“As Halloween approaches certain preparations are required.” Severus had told him when Harry had asked, “on that night we honour the land and the harvest,” Harry hadn't been able to help himself thinking that it sounded a lot like the Christian school he'd been to- every year taking in a tin of beans and a pack of pencils- and Severus had snorted his derision. “Like most things a muggle bastardisation of ancient rites.” Well, that was Harry told. It made Harry wonder what family traditions he should be aware of. When Severus came to a stuttering stop in his speech and Harry looked up, concerned.

“It is also my practice to visit Godric's hollow after dark when muggles are indoors and wizards are feasting.” Harry's breath caught in his throat he'd been thinking about going there on that date for weeks. 

“Well, it is their anniversary.” 

"Yes."

“I've never actually been there before on Halloween.”

“And every year I battled Minerva to fight Dumbledore if she had to, but she was convinced he knew best… You think it a coincidence I never found you roaming the halls on that night?” Severus seemed to be talking more to himself than to Harry, “you were entitled to be restless then, and you were not quiet under that cloak so watching you from afar was easy enough.” Harry almost choked, “at least until you got that map.” 

“And then lost it to Crouch for a year when I needed it most.” Severus shrugged absently. 

“You managed to sneak around well enough without it.” 

“I had a time turner after I gave it to Dumbledore, which made it easier. Every morning I went to the room of requirement, turned it back 23 hours and did the day again in there. Reading, training, that room makes a fantastic bed when it wants to.” Harry quipped to lighten the mood.

“You were never meant to go through all that alone. “ Severus’ tone had changed, he’d become maudlin, “Lily would have risen from the dead, marched into Azkaban and dragged Sirius out by his ear to raise you if there was any way she could have known you were going to end up with Petunia.” Harry startled at Severus’ words.

“Ok what am I actually missing? My dad’s portrait, you, even Goldie seems to know something I don't about my life.” Severus sighed. 

“We would. We were in on the plan from the start.” Harry didn't have to say anything for Severus to start talking. 

“When I heard the prophecy my instinct was to tell James first, it had to be you, it was never going to be Longbottom- his grandmother was already whispering that he was a squib. The dark lord would never have considered any child with such rumours around him an equal. It was James’ idea that I go to Dumbledore. He knew, and so did lily, no one survived the dark lord back then…” Severus paused momentarily to gather himself and massage his throat absently, “all he needed to do was buy time. For you, for Black, for all of us.” Harry frowned but didn't interrupt. 

“I went to Dumbledore, James needed a reason to ask him for help and he had it when I did that. None of us could cast a fidelus charm back then, not one we would have been happy relying on. We needed Dumbledore.” Severus paused again and licked his lips absently- Harry made a mental note to put some Vaseline in the bathroom. “They wrote wills, made provisions for you, laid traps and disappeared. Well, no one hides from the dark lord forever- not even those under Dumbeldore’s wand. We thought we were so clever. No one would expect Peter to turn, he was too afraid of Sirius and he knew he'd be lucky if I left enough of him to bury.” 

Harry snorted, they’d have been lucky to find a fingernail if Sirius had got the first shot in anyway, he didn’t expect Severus would have left more than half a matchbox of ash. 

“By then you were born, Lily doted on you, James adored you. They had planned to die but James decided he wanted to live. Two days before Pettigrew squeaked I heard the plan. I didn't have chance to warn them, I begged and pleaded with Dumbledore to increase the protection but he was convinced Pettigrew could be trusted.” Severus was shaking slightly from the effort of talking so much. “That night, the first I knew we were being summoned to Godric's hollow. Dumbledore had the date, there should have been Order members there, but Frank and Alice had been attacked the week before… He went in alone. I didn't need to be there. I could already feel you.” 

Harry drew in a sharp breath, “I wasn’t sure whether Lily's screams were in my ears or yours. Suddenly, my ability to know what you were feeling, all those jokes that lily wouldn't have ever slept if she didn't have me on speed dial to tell her which tooth to ice, I felt your heart break and mine broke with it.” Severus barely paused as Harry absorbed what he was being told. 

“I contacted Sirius, he was in hiding, not even Remus knew where. Werewolves and occlumency- not a good combination..” Severus paused again. Harry just wanted to fix the hurt, to protect his mate from this and everything else. 

“I don't really blame him for hating me when I stuck to the plan. I never stopped hating myself and when Remus decided to just disappear as well...I was always of the opinion that when Lily potter tells you to do something, and she tells you not to go against it even over her dead body, you don't argue with that… I went back later, I couldn't leave you there. I was so sure you understood, you were so quiet. You were never quiet…” Severus trailed off. 

“When Hagrid got there before Sirius on his bike I expected he'd already been arrested. There should have been enough proof, Dumbledore’s word, Pettigrew, no one was going to believe a word I said, or Remus, the traces on the Fidelius Charm. If Peter died he died a hero who did his best, if he lived there was our evidence he was a traitor. Sirius could raise you, I could step back, let you grow and I would be at school when you were ready. Peter didn't do either, he disappeared, confounded a street full of muggles and framed Sirius and there was nothing any of us could do but watch Dumbledore leave to with a letter to those muggles!” Harry could feel the anger, the rage, rolling off Severus in waves. “A damn letter!” 

Harry squeezed the man's hand lightly. He had to be able to do something, Severus felt weak and broken and Harry wanted, no- he needed, to make it better. He couldn't tell whether Severus was shivering or shaking from the effort this was taking. He pulled a blanket around the man just to be safe and wrapped an arm over his shoulder. He could feel his own magic, bubbling and fighting, wanting more than anything to heal, he could feel the creature in his chest fighting to escape, to protect and claim. It was getting harder to stay in control.

“And then I had to make you hate me. The only way I could do right by you, the only way I could protect you without Dumbledore realising, to lie, and to keep lying. Dumbledore doesn't understand elvish ways, he assumed somehow that my temporary infatuation with lily before I sensed James was reason enough for a grown man to want her husband dead. He thought me dark enough to send the dark lord to her door, and it suited me to let him think so. It meant I could wait for you, watch over you where Sirius and Remus couldn't or wouldn't.” Harry realised he'd never heard Severus talk this much ever, and his voice was growing hoarse which made Harry think it likely that no one else had either. “As if I would ever be so petty to even try to get in the way of a destined bond.”

“So you are Elven then?” Harry asked absently, he'd been largely distracted by the tenor of Severus’ voice and the feel of the man's body against his own. “Because in the last weeks I've read almost every wizarding genealogy written in the last five centuries trying to work out your line.” Severus frowned.

“Why would you require such information?”

“My dad’s portrait, said something about bloodlines and occlumency. That's why I stopped trying to break into your mind so forcefully. No family hides its bloodlines so well as the Princes without good reason.” 

“There’s a portrait of James here?” Again Harry wasn't paying much attention to the conversation so he missed the catch in Severus’ tone, the sudden urgency.

“In the study.” Harry felt drained and his voice was strained with effort.

“What's wrong?” Harry could barely answer Severus’ please for information, he felt like he was falling asleep. 

“Tired.” He managed weakly as he settled himself back against the bed almost automatically.

“Do not fall asleep, this is not tiredness!” Severus snapped suddenly. Harry wasn't sure what was wrong with him, he could barely feel Severus panicky tugging at his consciousness, and he had no energy left to be able to care. He managed to dredge up an errant thought that he'd never seen Severus panic before. Harry was vaguely aware of Goldie popping into the room and then his world slipped into blackness.


	7. Politics and posturing

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so so sorry this took so many months, I had a breakdown in Feb and completely lost the last three months or so. I was in no fit state to function above the basic level of survival until last week and I'm still not all the way there. To everyone who was reviewing and asking I'm sorry I didn't reply or respond, i hope that didn't put you off this fic. I hope it was worth the wait. 
> 
> On a side note, I now have the free version of Grammarly set for British English, so my spelling and grammar should improve somewhat *fingers crossed*

“Magical and mental exhaustion, Professor.” 

“I am not a professor.” Severus snapped, he was tired and drained and hated St Mungo’s when he was healthy. 

"My apologies.”

“How can he be exhausted, he's spent the last few weeks in bed!” Severus knew enough that he could remember that.

“Has he been under any undue stress?” Severus fixed the man with a glare.

“Do you realise who he is, Rice, he was born under undue stress!” Severus had always considered Rice, who had been a rather uninteresting Hufflepuff, a competent potions student and more than capable of being a healer despite lacking common sense under pressure.

"Of course. But I mean more than usual.” It was always fun to see Hufflepuffs grow backbones, it happens at a variable rate and usually in their final year of school. 

“Not particularly, he's been focusing on my condition for the last weeks.”

“Your condition?”

“Yes, Mr Rice, one might consider a venomous snake bite and violent magical shock a condition.” The man's eyes widened.

“How long were you unconscious for, sir.” 

“Whom exactly is your patient here, Mr Rice, myself or the comatose young man in the bed?”

“Both.” It was said so simply Severus was taken aback. “I do not doubt for a second that this condition is not related to your own.” Severus almost snarled something unseemly. “If there's one thing I know about Harry Potter, he is not the kind of man to take his mate lying unconscious without a fight.”

“And what could you possibly know about, Harry Potter?” If the healers could see the bond they were further along than Severus cared to admit and with Harry unconscious that created danger.

“Luna Lovegood is my cousin. She hasn't a bad word to say about him, and she's unusually gifted at reading people.” Of course, the light families were as interbred as the dark ones. “How long were you unconscious?”

“Until approximately two weeks ago, and frankly Mr Rice, nothing but the adrenaline rush of an emergency would have moved me from my bed before today.” The healer’s eyes widened.

“What exactly was that magical shock professor, because that's a hell of a long time even for an Occlumens with your bloodlines.” Severus knew better than to ask how Rice knew so much, at least the healing profession trained its staff properly in the mind arts and physiological differences in bloodlines and various creature inheritances. 

“The destruction of the Dark Mark, Mr Rice, combined with the snake bite and the after effects of duelling Minerva McGonagall. I am lucky to be alive.”

"Well, that explains the mental exhaustion, and a good bit of the magical exhaustion as well. I take it the Headmistress didn’t know you were a spy.”

“Indeed,” Severus answered softly. It was beginning to dawn on him the burden he was placing on the young man in the bed; a mentally broken, emotionally stunted and physically tortured mate twice his age with more scars and injuries than happy memories. 

“He just needs rest, I'd like to keep you both here tonight, for observation but as long as he's hydrated and coherent in the morning I'll be happy to discharge you both.” Severus wasn't about to argue with anything that gave him the excuse to stay. “Plus I'd like the opportunity to examine my stitch work and make sure nothing went awry there.” 

“Your stitch work?” Severus almost-barked in shock.

“Madame Pomfrey called me when they brought you in and she couldn't stem the bleeding. Well, Luna called and Poppy was happy for any help at all.”

"My congratulations, your handiwork held despite a few rather difficult bouts of post-curse tremors,” Severus wasn't about to admit to an ex-students that he'd had night terrors and he didn’t need to mention the curse for Rice to know the nerve and muscle damage extended periods of exposure to the cruciatus curse could do.

“I won't insult you with platitudes. They'll ease in time, and we can all be grateful for that. I suggest don't do anything relying on precision movement until they settle and your hands stop shaking.” Severus nodded, last time it had taken several months and a course of muscle relaxants. Rice handed him a hastily scribbled piece of parchment. “This should help,” Severus read quickly, rice’s handwriting hadn't improved since school, he could just make out the words sleep-ease and mellow muscle potion along with suggested doses, “that's a months’ worth. If you need more I'd like to see you after that to see if you need any more.” Severus found himself thanking the young healer. At least now he could save Harry another burden. 

"That's not all you're suffering with though is it?” Severus looked up sharply as he pocketed the prescription. “You've been around each other a month and there's no sign he's laid a hand on you. I mean, I don't blame him, you're not exactly well right now. “

“Meaning?”

“Nothing makes exhaustion and injuries worse than strenuous exercise.”

“Take care you do not overstep your bounds, Mr Rice.” Severus didn't trouble to hide his irritation at the intrusion.

“I'm your healer, there are no boundaries.” 

-

Harry woke to sunlight streaming in across his eyes and automatically went to lift his hand to shield them from the glare. It was only when he did that he realised that normally Severus would be sleeping on that arm. He bolted upright, almost tearing the IV drip out of his hand in the process.

"Severus!”

“I'm here.” He could feel Severus in his mind, hear him but he couldn't see him. “Your glasses are on the bed table to your left.” Harry scrabbled blindly for the frame and hurried to put his glasses on. He could vaguely make out a shape above him. Severus promptly came into focus as his glasses settled on his nose. He relaxed almost instinctively.

“What happened?” Harry tried to sit up but a hand on his chest held him down. 

“You passed out.” Harry wasn't sure what was wrong with this scenario, something seemed odd like he'd noticed something but couldn't figure out what. “Magical exhaustion.” Severus sounded usually energetic and felt strangely strong. Harry began to wave his hand vaguely. “No I mean, what happened?” He couldn't find the words.

“You don't remember what you did?” Severus sounded incredulous. 

“I remember wanting to help you, to protect you, then I was tired, so tired…” Harry trailed off trying desperately to put the pieces together. 

“You lost control-“

“I DID WHAT?!” Harry was panicking again, trying once again to climb out of the bed, “are you alright? Did I hurt you? Goldie was there, is she ok?” Severus put his hand on Harry's chest.

“Calm down, everything is fine. Your magic heals.” Severus was being unusually patient. Harry's thoughts screeched to a halt as he processed what he'd just heard.

“Heals?”

“You're a Drakken, what did you think it would do?” Harry gasped as everything slipped into place.

“You're walking, healthy. You feel, better.” Severus gave him a moment to let it sink in, it was a good job too, Harry couldn't believe what his eyes were telling him. He searched Severus’ face for some sign and he realised how healthy the man actually looked. There was colour in his skin, his face seemed to have filled out to a healthier shape overnight, his grip felt strong and his hands were warm. Even his mind felt stronger, closer, safer. 

"I am." Harry slumped with relief. Whatever had actually happened he was grateful for it regardless of what it had done to him.

-

Harry was glad not to return to the normality they'd had, Severus was now mobile and apparently healthy save for the tremors in the day and terrors at night and he had recovered quickly from whatever had put him in St Mungo’s, Harry had also been pleasantly surprised to find that his little brush with mortality hadn't made the papers. 

Now they were both mobile Harry threw himself into life as Lord Potter. He began reading family journals in earnest, preparing for a traditional Halloween and picked up where he'd left off politically. Lucius had been doing a fantastic job of weeding out the corruption in the Wizegamot and Kingsley had declared his intention to step down now the world was coming to rights and had triggered an election in doing so. Harry hadn't even realised that the wizarding world had elections for the minister’s job, he certainly couldn't remember one after Fudge left. 

This situation found him entertaining Draco Malfoy at Potter manor two days after Kingsley resigned. Severus refused to engage in anything political and Harry didn't blame him in the slightest, of course being a half-blood he'd had little exposure to it anyway and far more involvement in the Elvish community- which Harry hadn't been aware existed either. 

“The elections aren't difficult processes, Potter.” Draco had told him, tone full of disdain at his lack of understanding.

“I'm not struggling with how it works, Malfoy, I'm struggling with how there hasn't been a civil uprising over the way it works!” It was Malfoy’s turn to be confused. “I mean see you seriously telling me that only a handful of wizards and witches are even eligible to vote?”

“Only a handful of wizards and witches are above being brainwashed by the media, Potter.”

“And we judge that by their blood status and land holdings? How on earth does being a pureblood and having land make someone more eligible to vote than someone like Hermione who could probably run the country single-handed?” 

“Because, Potter, our ways cannot be learned from a textbook and out leader must know them.”

“Well I seemed to do a reasonable enough job of learning them from a textbook, no one’s telling me I can't vote!”

“So why do you care?” That caught Harry up short for a moment.

“I care because Umbridge gets a vote and Seamus Finnegan doesn't, I care because Luna’s uncle votes for her and I vote for Teddy, Andy, Ted, Severus and God only knows who else when what I know about politics from experience could fit on the back of a postage stamp.”

"What has a muggle concept of higher power got to do with this conversation? And what on earth is a postage stamp?” Draco was becoming more and more defensive and it was only irritating Harry. 

“Nothing-it's a figure- never mind.” 

"If you care to converse as men rather than children…” Severus began cuttingly, mostly he'd just sat there in silence and watched them bicker. “It is quite clear that your concepts of democracy are incompatible.”

“Yeah, his is still in the Middle Ages!” Harry retorted harshly. 

“Be that as it may, this is not the reason for your meeting today.” That made harry stop and think for a moment. 

"You're right, the election will go ahead as planned, this time, so we need to limit the damage.” Malfoy was staring at him strangely, his eyes flickering curiously between Harry and Severus. Harry forced himself not to comment on it despite Severus’ rather blunt thought of “he wonders how I dare speak to you in such a manner, and why you would allow it.”

“The big question is, who’s running for the job?” Harry said quickly, “and who’s the best person for the job?”

"Those Potter, are two very different questions.” Harry let the Malfoy heir have his dig, it wasn't like he was wrong. 

“The usual will run if they get the nomination, one pureblood, one idealistic half-blood, one wildcard mu-ggleborn who doesn't stand a chance.” Harry waited patiently for Malfoy to get to the point. 

“So possibly Longbottom, maybe Diggory or Weasley, then potentially Flint or some other half-blood then anyone else who had the money to support a campaign and the connections.”

Harry stared for a moment. Something was ticking over in the back of his mind. 

"Don't I remember reading that nominees need a certain number of votes in the Wizegamot to run?” He was sure he remembered Hermione ranting that that meant that most regular folks stood no chance without a connection with a powerful pureblood family.

“Thirty-five of a possible eighty-four seats, the average Archaic family holds five, the ancients three, most ancient maybe four and add an extra two if they’re noble.” Harry frowned, he wasn’t fast enough to work it out, “the Malfoy’s hold five, you hold nine with a claim on four more, Granger holds three for the Blacks, and the usual creature liaison seats hold one each.” Harry frowned as he did the mental calculations.

“So what you're telling me is that someone could be nominated with barely half a dozen people backing them.” That his own name seemed to carry most weight hadn’t escaped him either.

“There are sixteen major families plus the liaisons, they need a majority of families to back them to stand.”

“This is why there's only one nomination most times.” Harry mused absently, couldn't remember anyone running in elections. “And what do you mean Longbottom, Neville won't run he's going to university to study herbology,”

“His uncle will and the name will carry him at least halfway to a nomination, Amos Diggory is well respected and placed to capitalise on postwar politics-“

“Excuse me?” Amos Diggory had done nothing during the war.

“ _My son was the first to stand and die against Voldemort_.” Draco mimicked calmly.

“Over my cold dead body!” The snarl escaped Harry before he could stop it. “I will destroy him if he tries.”

“He doesn't even have to say it, it will be there,” Draco told him, Harry wasn't sure he liked the seedy underbelly to wizarding politics he was discovering.

“Amos Diggory was a fame grubbing nobody who used his son’s murder to get some column inches and a sympathy promotion. They'll slit my throat before I speak up for his nomination.” He had no time for a man who’d let Rita Skeeter attend his son’s funeral and splash a picture of the corpse across the front pages.

"In the Wizegamot, it would not be the first such instance.” Severus put in lowly and Draco nodded.

“Goblin rebellions, three pureblood lines and the goblin royal family wiped out. There's still bloodstains in chamber seventeen if you know where to look.” The blond's enthusiasm for the momentary tangent made Harry feel a little ill. Determined to stay on track he finally spoke.

“ The crux of it is that Hermione’s not ready for the role yet, she needs some experience as Lady Black before she’ll be taken seriously. So, who do we back?”

“Do you want to know who will do the best job or who will be easiest to control?” Harry found himself actually hesitating. That seemed to be all the answer Draco needed.

“Back Longbottom, he'll be dead in ten years,” Draco told him bluntly, Harry winced. “He's old, and has a slow acting curse in his system.”

“How do you know that?”

“Look at him, his hands shake and he stutters.” Harry felt Severus react in the back of his mind, “severe muscle damage, degenerative I’d say, he can do the job to a degree- that clears the way for your friend Longbottom to take his seat and gives you ten years to let Granger get some experience before nominating her next time.” Harry considered it for a moment. 

“I have to talk to Neville first, I don't want to be throwing him in at the deep end, he told me himself he just wants to study herbology, I don't want to ruin that for him if he's not ready to head up his family.”

“Longbottom will do his duty to his ancient house and he will be proud to do so!” Draco's snarl made Harry realise he'd hit on a touchy subject, Harry couldn't help noticing the silent ‘or else!’ Draco had tacked onto the end of his statement. 

“And if you want to remove his uncle earlier there's more than enough pureblood wizards who will put him in Azkaban if the right information is released.” Harry frowned, confused at Draco’s line of thinking- there was no scandal around the Longbottom family he knew about.

“What information would that be?”

“The blood of a Longbottom, even a squib Longbottom, would be precious enough to justify feeding any man who had risked that blood and endangered the direct line to the dementors and there's not a seat in the Wizegamot that would offer a defence.” There was something in Draco’s tone Harry didn’t like. 

“What are you talking about?”

"Potter… How to put this delicately… my father offered me to the Dark Lord on a silver platter, his idea of discipline was to kill my favourite house elf when I was nine and drown my cat when I was six and even _he_ never threw me off a pier or dropped me out of a window to test my magical capability!” Harry had forgotten about that, he vaguely remembered Neville mentioning it once or twice years ago. It had seemed like another odd quirk of the magical world, a humorous and not unusual anecdote told by an eleven-year-old boy, but looking back on it Harry was horrified.

“Even the Dursley’s never deliberately put me in harm’s way…” The words were out of his mouth before he could stop them. “And their idea of discipline was starvation and isolation in a cupboard for weeks on end.” Harry felt Severus twitch behind him. 

“Might I suggest, that the two of you, have far more in common than you realise.” Harry looked up, startled at Severus’ words. Even Draco was taken aback. 

“They were terrified of me, three muggles trapped with an underage wizard? Wouldn't you be?” Harry found himself looking directly at Severus as the man finally took a seat with some random book. “Especially considering what Petunia had seen my mother do as a child.” Severus stiffened knowing full well that Harry's thoughts were more with what he had done in a moment of temper.

“You make excuse for them, Potter. Tell me what excuse my father had?” Harry considered it.

“You're the Malfoy heir, I can't imagine knowing you have to raise a son into that is easy- not to mention knowing that anyhow Voldemort comes back you won't be able to refuse him because you're already pledged.” And Harry knew for a fact Lucius had been expecting Voldemort to return. “Your father was one of the first there, and I can't imagine it was for any reason than self-preservation. Look what happ-“ Harry cut off horrified as the memory assaulted him. 

_“You who knew the steps I took,”_ Severus looked up at him, eyes of stone and jaw set equally, “you told Dumbledore about the Horcruxes.” It wasn't a question and Severus didn't answer.

“One who I believe has left me forever, he will be killed….” Harry couldn't take his eyes off Severus, there had been no reason for Voldemort to say those words, they had been unusual, why would he have admitted to losing a faithful death eater… Harry had thought nothing of it, hadn't processed it over what had happened next, had been too busy processing what had already happened. And then Severus’ memories of being a death eater- distaste at the quite mad Crouch on his left and Bellatrix on his right, right there at the forefront of his mind. 

“I wonder what it takes to convince a murderous dark lord that you didn't betray him?” Draco was looking at them as if watching a tennis match. 

“Nothing any man would be proud of.” Severus was deliberately shielding his mind, shying away, and then the small voice in the back of Harry's head. _You don't want to know_.harry told himself not to worry at the cognitive dissonance he was experiencing at thinking the words Severus and shy in the same sentence. It didn't help. _This conversation isn't over_.

-

Harry stared at the paper that Halloween morning in abject horror, his mind whirring. What was Kingsley thinking? Not only had he released a list of more than a dozen order of Merlin recipients he'd organised a ball to celebrate and hand them out. That was a security nightmare waiting to happen and neither Harry nor Severus were in a position to not attend. Not when he'd declared it a day of official mourning for the fallen. Harry forced himself to sip his coffee and focus on nothing but spreading the butter on his toast. Severus was clearly waiting for him to break the silence.

“I am going to string Kingsley up by his thumbs and beat him with round the head with the closest thing I can find that resembles Moody’s wooden leg.” He managed something like a lighter tone than the topic called for and congratulated himself with another bite of toast.

“He is doing what he believes is right.” Severus seemed to be measuring every word. “Saved populaces require guidance, your generation will lead the way. He is granting a platform.”

“No. He's parading us in front of the masses like prize dogs.” Harry snapped before he forced himself to breathe. “Sorry, it's not your fault.”

“You will never have a private life, do not waste the one you have yearning for it.” Harry gritted his teeth and threw the paper askew onto the kitchen island. 

"We've been invited to the Burrow in the day. Last time I was in public only my name saved me from Azkaban,” eventually he had muddled through the propaganda and his own shock to the truth, “I won't desecrate this day with that again, nor the Burrow, it's not something you really need to see either.”

“I have seen you do far worse than kill a woman,” Severus murmured seriously and then smirked suddenly, “fireworks in the swelling solution.” Harry snickered, he was finding he rather enjoyed Severus’ sense of humour, how had they ever thought to get away with that? 

“In our defence, Hermione did check it wouldn't actually do any real damage to anyone first.” Harry bit off and swallowed a mouthful of toast, “and we thought Malfoy was the heir of Slytherin, we were desperate.”

“And stupid,” Severus added. Harry couldn't help nodding. The Hogwarts library had as many genealogies as the Potter one, why they hadn't just checked that… The lack of logic astounded him sometimes. 

“Gave Hermione plenty of practice at polyjuice, though,” Harry added lightly, it was nice to be able to discuss these things. “And whiskers for a bit.” They had learned to laugh about it after a few years. Severus shook his head to himself as if exasperated. 

"Do you have any plans this morning?” Severus didn't respond for a moment. 

“My patrons await their offering.” Harry tilted his head in confusion, some family journals had detailed the choosing of a patron or what they called an aspect. None of them said why though. Severus seemed to read his confusion. “Most magical folk in Britain follow the Old Ways.” Once again Harry was lost. “I think the muggles still know the term pagan?” His silent ‘they did when I was a child’ reverberated around the space in Harry's mind that Severus’ consciousness seemed to have taken up as a semi-permanent holiday home. 

“You mean those idiots who traipse down to Stonehenge once a year?” Harry bit his lip almost automatically. “Sorry, that's definitely uncle Vernon talking.” He added by way of apology, Severus nodded his acceptance and sipped his coffee. Harry was still shocked, of course, Vernon’s rants were legendary but he hadn't ever really listened so to hear it coming out of his own mouth…

“There are true believers amongst muggles as there are non-believers amongst wizards. Stonehenge is a muggle invention but it brings them hope and peace so who are we to judge.” Severus’ voice had taken on a soft, almost trancelike quality, it threw Harry to see anyone so peaceful. “If you are interested the Potter library contains many texts on the topic.”

"I'm sure I'll get around to it,” Harry muttered. “But I need to sort this out with Kingsley first. At least he's holding it nearer Christmas so worst case scenario we've got a few weeks to make arrangements.”

"He's chosen saturnalia deliberately,” Severus was being unfailingly patient with Harry's lack of knowledge, “most of us will be on a power boost from our rituals and it is common knowledge that very few death eaters followed the old ways.” Harry nodded like he understood what Severus was talking about. “This is important, imagine every person there being anywhere between ten to thirty percent more powerful.” Harry blinked and drew in a sharp breath as he began to understand.

“So he's not setting us up, he's drawing out any remaining death eaters?” Severus nodded once. Well then.” Harry added lamely. “I suppose we'll be needing new battle robes, I don't know about you but, none of mine are anywhere near dressy enough for a ball.” Severus glared at him. 

“Of course not.”

-

As the morning passed Harry spent it writing letters, reading books on estate management and thinking about what he felt like cooking for dinner.

_you must be joking?_ Harry had almost settled on a light three-course meal for them when Severus interrupted his musings. _you intend to cook?_ Severus’ disbelief hit Harry squarely in the ego before he continued. _you have several competent house elves, why on earth would you wish to cook a three-course meal?_

Harry made his way into the library where Severus was sat with some random book to have the conversation. It was a weak excuse to take a break but he'd been barely concentrating anyway. 

“Because, Severus, cooking is apparently one of the few things I'm actually good at, I mean, you don't think Vernon and Dudley got that size on Petunia's cooking did you?” Severus smirked and laid down the book. Harry noticed the Latin title and promptly lost interest in its actual content. “Besides I actually enjoy it. “And I gave them the day off, it's a holiday and judging by Jay’s reaction they were desperate for some alone time today.”

“You are far too kind to keep slaves,” Severus commented. Harry decided to take that as a compliment. 

“I like how you seem to think I wouldn't free them and take them on as paid employees in a heartbeat if any of them were as mad as Dobby was and would want me to.” 

“At least you finally grasped that he was mad,” Severus snorted lightly as if in amusement, “there's no such thing as a free elf.” He added almost snidely. 

“There's no chains around your ankles.” Harry snapped. He'd been avoiding the topic for weeks and just like that it was out in the open, he'd deliberately not laid a hand on Severus and left him to his own devices, waiting for Severus to broach the topic, but if Malfoy commented one more time that he was somehow negligent he was going to curse the blond and that comment pushed him over the edge. Severus had stilled at his outburst. 

"I do suppose this conversation is somewhat overdue.” He said, finally, if Harry noted the return to the more formal speaking pattern he remembered from his school days he said nothing. “You have been unusually…” Harry waited for Severus to choose his words, “accommodating.” Harry sighed, frustrated. He could feel the nervousness behind Severus’ occlumency shields. 

"Well, what exactly did you expect?” Harry demanded tightly, he had avoided this conversation for a reason and he took no pleasure in having it now. “If nothing else surely you know I am a man of my word,” Severus met his gaze warily, “and if I weren't I'm sure Lucius would take great please in killing me himself.” Harry barely noticed the second long half knowing smirk. Harry felt the fleeting knowledge that he could take Lucius with one hand behind his back and a trick wand and dismissed it, Severus hadn't seen the fire in the Lord Malfoy's eyes when he'd warned Harry to behave. 

“We would not be the first of our lines to be joined.” Severus murmured almost hesitantly.

“Well I'm not great grandfather Augustus and you're not Samantha Prince.” Harry was shocked to find he'd retained the information from the family history books. That one had been gruesome. Severus didn't respond for a moment. 

“I do suppose it takes infinitely more of a different kind of hatred to simply neglect instead of abuse.” And Harry could feel the fear rolling off him even as the words tumbled out of his mouth. Harry's heart turned to ice.

“Do explain.” He was forcing himself to keep his cool, to try to understand, to not burst out of his own skin and clothes into the animal he'd been keeping at bay for months and _claim_. “How exactly you have been left wanting..” 

“When you stake a claim one might expect to follow it through with some urgency. Particularly given the circumstances.”

“Or perhaps the circumstances are precisely why I haven't.” Harry snarled. “Perhaps it might occur to some that this is the first opportunity either of us have had to be ourselves in relative peace and safety, to find our own characters, develop our own hobbies and interests, see the world if you want, take a walk, eat what you like and drink as you will without having to ask permission or fear the consequences will be any worse than a hangover.” He was panting in the effort to restrain himself, “the idea is to give you some goddamn space to live, we were both forced into this but I will be damned if I don't at least give you the chance to make your own path if you please.” And that was when Harry felt it, the dawning realisation in Severus’ mind, ”because you are my world, I have loved you since I was fourteen years old and I will not tie you down when it's quite obvious you have your reservations.” Severus’ expression barely changed but Harry saw it anyway. 

_he isn't repulsed- <\em>_

_“Of course I'm not repulsed, have you seen yourself?”_ Another slight change in Severus’ expression, more emotional turmoil in his mind and a half whispered memory that Harry couldn't grasp onto in time to decode. “It is taking every shred of my self-control to stand here and do nothing, but I will be damned if I drag you into a life you can't even fight your way out of until you're sure you're good and ready to do it!” Harry sometimes forgot that Severus had been a spy, a master duellist and was a more than capable wizard so he almost jumped when Severus appeared stood before him despite watching the man rise and take the necessary steps. 

“I have been ready for you since you were twelve years old.” Harry was drawn in by the intensity of Severus but taken aback at his words. “Watching you….” Well, that explained a lot, of course, Severus wouldn't be the first person drawn to Harry by his power. “I shook for a week,” Severus told him plainly and Harry's eyes widened almost comically. 

“A week? How? I was nowhere near maturing then?” 

“You faced Lucius, slaughtered a basilisk and rescued an innocent.” And Harry was almost certain those things had been listed in the order Severus deemed important. 

Harry could feel the tension building between then, the urge to grab Severus by the robes, slam him against the nearest stable vertical surface and claim him was becoming almost irresistible and if he didn't know better he would have said that was egging him on. Severus seemed to realise that he wasn't going to speak. 

“Perhaps it is difficult to understand accepting one’s lot in life when you have spent your railing so hard against every force known to man and beast alike.” Harry blinked, he was struggling to work out what Severus was telling him, “perhaps by definition a dominant character cannot conceive of being grateful for the opportunity to be enslaved.” Harry's brain caught up with what he was hearing but he couldn't bring himself to act, how could he do that, simply take Severus so completely, so quickly? “Would you perhaps care for an embossed invitation?” Severus finally sniped. Harry stamped down the last of his doubts and forced himself to move. 

It didn't take as much effort he expected and he found himself exactly where he'd imagined them seconds before. Slammed up against a wall, one hand in Severus’ hair pulling him down into a blistering hot kiss and the other tugging on his shirt. Even after the conversation, Harry expected Snape to be belligerent, to fight him, to squirm and to put up more than a simple token fight. He didn't even do that and as Harry let his hand curl around the man's throat and dropped his lips to the jugular he seemed to become more willing, more pliant. Every touch seemed to strip back another false layer of dominance and strength from the man until he was gasping and obedient to Harry's every move. The beast in Harry's chest practically purred its approval. He wanted this and he was close to not caring about the how’s, where's or why as long as the when was now. He forced himself to focus for a moment, to allow his left hand to change and as the nail grew and hardened into a claw which he drew down the front of Severus’ shirt, popping the buttons off one by one as he cut through the material. Severus’ breath actually hitched. Harry had never shown himself to anyone, not even Hermione on those lonely nights in the tent. 

“Bedroom,” Harry whispered urgently and promptly apparated them both. This was his home but even he had standards. 

Harry was glad he'd spent so long reading up on Severus’ particular genus of high elf or he'd have had the shock of his life. He'd been horrified at first that magic would simply put Severus through what was essentially major surgery to alter his insides, then he'd read further, he'd sensed the change as it had happened and he'd felt Severus’ relief that it happened at all. 

“I don't know about you,” Harry murmured softly, suddenly very aware that they should have discussed this weeks ago, “but I am nowhere near ready to be a parent right now.” Severus simply looked at him. He murmured his agreement as his knees slipped between Harry’s thighs and all other coherent thought left Harry's mind in favour of simply allowing himself to be carried in the sensations, allowing his instincts to guide them both. _“Show me what excites you,”_ he whispered in Severus’ ear, gratified at the shiver that ran through the man. Harry probed softly at his mate’s mind, “show me what makes you tick,” and then he felt it again, Severus shy. He pushed harder as his hands worked, stripping the man of every last stitch of clothing, shredding most of it, and his dignity also. _“There is no reason to be shy,” _it was only when he realised that be had Severus’ lips under own that Harry realised he wasn't speaking aloud.__

_“I am twisted,”_ Harry’s grip tightened and he smelt blood on his mate, Severus gasped in shock and- arousal? 

_“You like pain,”_ something inside him roared its approval, something inside him decided that today he had come home, he leant down and bared his teeth against Severus’ neck, scraping the sharp edges of his teeth against the flesh as he sucked a bruise to the surface. He pushed Severus down into the bed, hard. The man let out a soft whimper as Harry descended over him. _“I will provide.”_ Harry found himself telling his mate almost lovingly, gently, with a stroke of a soft finger over his cheek and an almost parental kiss to his forehead. _“Show me.”_ Harry knew about rough, he even knew about hard and meaningless when it came to sex; but the kind of exquisite torture Severus was now showing him, the sweet fantasies of blood and semen, of pain and pleasure… Those he'd never even considered before. They excited him in a way he had never before conceived. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Severus is not a hermaphrodite in the traditional medical sense, but Harry can feel his insides changing and he has a womb hence the need to have an understanding of how High Elves work in this fic.
> 
> I'm not a maths-y person, so my piss poor attempt at designing a political voting system actually worked in my favour, I but little to no effort into it whatsoever because it's meant to be stupid and it's not supposed to make sense, that's why Harry takes such issue with it. It's completely illogical.
> 
> And yes the magic required to conceive between the two of them requires both of them to fully and independently consent to it, it's not something Harry can order Severus' to do. So literally just agreeing not to have kids is contraception enough. I know I'm taking liberties. Please bear in mind that these things are future plot points. Many thanks.


	8. Memories, Moonlight and Madame Malkin's

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please heed all the new tags over the next few chapters, these characters have dark pasts.

Harry and Severus simply laid there as the final bonding magic snapped into place. Severus had only just stopped shaking and at some point, Harry had almost completely transformed. He had expected each new visible sign of what he was to frighten Severus, to send him running before it was too late, as he expected of any sane person but for some reason, each new change had only made the man come closer. It boggled the mind. Harry settled on his front and laid an arm over Severus' chest so he could stretch out his wings properly. Severus was currently examining Harry's wing where it was laid gently on top of him. 

"Mind the edges," Harry told him, "they're sharp enough to destroy a quality cotton shirt and a good set of Madame Malkin's school robes." Severus nodded and stroked the dark leathery flesh where it was pulled taut over bone and muscle. Harry jumped suddenly.

"Tickles!" Severus withdrew his hand as if burnt but Harry offered him a smile instead, he lifted his arm and willed the claw on the end to be replaced by his hand. Severus was watching him carefully as Harry brought an outstretched finger down gently to stroke a few stray hairs from his face. "I didn't say stop." Harry was finding that his wings were sensitive and he wasn't altogether averse to having them touched. He hadn't realised how big they were having never actually extended them fully since they'd come through. Severus had a keen and scientific mind and he was examining the structure closely. 

These could probably carry you, master if you wish to try it. Harry hummed softly in response, he knew they could carry him he'd just never really had space and safety to try it. He wasn't taking in a lot of what Severus was thinking, he was too contented in his afterglow. He found himself looking over Severus possessively. He'd sucked several bruises to the surface of the man's collar, it sent a visceral thrill through him to see the marks he'd left so stark against the soft flesh of Severus jugular- a mark of trust that Severus had offered his neck so willingly. On Severus' chest and probably on his back were several small cuts where Harry had gripped and his claws had dug in or where he'd specifically drawn a line over the skin to part it. The memory of Severus gasping in pleasure brought another lazy smile to his face. Harry hadn't scratched deeply and his claws were so sharp the cuts were clean and would heal quickly on their own. He could feel Severus had somehow put some kind of emotional tie to having those marks and a hollow kind of emptiness at the thought of healing them. Harry was too tired to try work out the logic but as long as they healed cleanly Harry had no argument against Severus keeping them. Harry leant over and kissed the man softly. Severus moaned under him. 

"You should eat something..." Harry mumbled against his mates lips, "you nearly passed out a few times there." He added for extra emphasis. He could feel Severus' disappointment, he didn't want to move. Harry almost laughed aloud. "I didn't say anything about moving, my love, at least not yet." He reached out with his wing and lazily hooked a corner of the discarded blanket with the hard tip before awkwardly pulling it over them. Severus watched the muscles stretch and bulge, he didn't think he'd ever get tired of the sight. Once it was in arms reach Harry pulled the blanket over their legs. Harry relaxed as he summoned the fruit bowl from the kitchen and it landed with a soft thud on the bedside table. He reached out and picked up an apple before handing it to Severus. The man smiled and took it. Harry watched him eat it content that, for now, it would do for a light snack. Severus snapped his fingers when he was finished and the core was banished. Harry blinked, momentarily surprised before he realised- of course, elf magic.

"You don't actually need a wand..." Harry found himself saying, a fully trained wizard not needing a wand at all. It was unheard of. Harry could cast simple spells and in a wild temper release a blast of pure energy but nothing like the control Severus had. Severus actually flushed when he felt the rush of awe and pride from his master. It felt good to have someone who was proud of him and his achievements. He'd never really had that before. Harry turned his head to look out the window, the colour of the sky suggested it was still mid afternoon. He stretched and flexed his wings again. 

"We really should..." he trailed off mid-thought, he didn't want to move either. Severus laughed softly. A few minutes of comfortable silence passed. 

"Yes, we probably should." Severus murmured quietly and began to sit up. "If only so you might eat..." Severus added before turning away, suddenly he seemed nervous. Harry sat up and wound his arms around the man's waist. He kissed the back of Severus' neck lovingly. 

"What's wrong?" He asked softly, taking care that his tone and touches were soft and soothing as he assessed the minor cuts he'd left on Severus' back. 

"Nothing Master, I am simply adjusting," Severus answered, Harry wasn't sure he liked this new evasive side to Severus. 

"Don't lie to me Severus, I don't like it..." Harry told him, he was still soft and languid from their early afternoon activities but there was a knot of anger forming in his chest. 

"Yes master," Severus answers shortly, the apology implicit in his tone and the way he bowed his head. Harry allowed the anger to dissipate as he kissed his way across the back of Severus' shoulders.

"Do I have to ask again?" Harry prompted gently. 

"No Master," Severus didn't elaborate and Harry waited as Severus collected his thoughts, "the compulsions are strong," Harry stilled, "but manageable," Harry told himself Severus couldn't help it, "however, I must beg Master's forgiveness," Harry sat up straight in his confusion.

"For what?"

"It seems I became too accustomed to the rather easy camaraderie Master allowed," that word coming out of Severus' mouth so often was starting to grate on Harry's nerves, "and have become improperly familiar," A low growl of opposition to Severus' words rumbled in Harry's chest, "and failed to remember my position." Harry could actually feel the wave of emotion from Severus; shame, anger at himself and fear. It was enough to make a grown man weep and Harry found to his horror that he was the one blinking back tears as he caught the tail end of the mental anguish Severus was putting himself through. Harry reached out and pulled Severus back toward the middle of the bed, Severus didn't fight him but Harry was too busy grabbing the man's hands and pulling them apart to notice. 

Severus had been twisting his fingers sharply in a movement that reminded Harry of Dobby twisting his ears and somehow Harry knew, without having to feel Severus thinking it, that this was Severus punishing himself for whatever infraction he was imagining he'd committed. Harry was still lost as to what that was. Harry knew he had to make a decision how to respond. He could feel the fragile edge to Severus' mental state over this. If Harry responded with anger Severus might just break with the bonding magic still fresh in the air and their relationship might never recover, but if he responded more gently Severus might be left craving a firmer hand. He had to strike the right balance.

"You imagine you know better than I do what is a punishable offence?" Severus froze as Harry made a show of examining his fingers. They were already red at the sides from the friction of being twisted. The fragile edge of Severus' thoughts was suddenly tinged with panic. Severus' imagination was running away with him, he imagined being cast aside as quickly as he'd been taken, being deemed too independent, too arrogant to serve... crushing despair, to have been so presumptive as to dare- Harry cut into the internal monologue sharply as it became clear what Severus was torturing himself over. 

"Listen to me." Severus' mind stilled, Harry turned the man's face upwards so they were looking at each other properly. "I have no intention of abandoning you," Harry slipped his fingers delicately through Severus own, "but this, you can't live like this." Severus actually stopped breathing for a moment. "I won't allow it." Severus grip tightened around Harry's fingers almost painfully. "You're not to punish yourself, ever, no matter what you think you might have done." Severus let out a slow breath and nodded once. "And actually," Harry added, "I quite like the fact that you think for yourself, if I'd have wanted an obedient mute for a companion I would have adopted a dog." Severus averted his gaze guiltily. Harry slipped his finger under the man's chin and lifted his head again so they were facing each other. "I am eighteen years old, I will do things that are ill advisable, improper and I will make mistakes, it's inevitable, really. So If you see me making them, if you think I'm not taking care of myself, or I'm taking a path that isn't right then I need to be able to trust that you, with your superior experience and intellect, will voice those thoughts." Harry let the words hang between them. "I didn't claim you as a docile slave for my bed," Harry told him bluntly after a moment's silence, "I claimed a partner, someone powerful and clever enough to keep me in check and willing enough to trust I'd do the same for them." Severus swallowed audibly and nodded once. 

_"It's not you I don't trust."_ Harry pretended he didn't hear the errant thought as he climbed out of the bed. 

\--

It felt strange to be openly walking around Godric's Hollow and Harry couldn't help feeling slightly jumpy. Even with the setting sun casting a peaceful glow over the village Harry was on edge. 

"You are no longer a fugitive," Severus told him softly as the meandered through the main street towards the war memorial, "you have every right to be here." Harry walked straight past the war memorial as if it wasn't there and towards the gate of the house. It was still as it had been the year before when he put his hand to the gate. The house appeared before his eyes and the thousands of messages appeared. 

"I was ready to give up, Ron had gone, Hermione... we came because we convinced ourselves Dumbledore might have left the sword here, with Bathilda. Stupid. Nearly got ourselves killed." Harry looked down at the gate with tears in his eyes as he squeezed the wood. He was gripped with a sudden desire to enter the house. When Severus grabbed his arm Harry reacted defensively, rounding on the man as if he were about to fend off an attack. Severus didn't back down. 

"You don't want to go in there." He told Harry softly. Harry yanked his arm out of Severus grip. 

"Don't tell me what I do and don't want to do." He snapped back, there were answers in that house. 

"You'll find nothing in there but a rotting floor and bad memories," Severus warned him but Harry already had the gate half open. 

"Harry, listen to me!" Maybe it was hearing his name from Severus who had somehow managed to avoid saying it before, maybe it was the urgency or the tinge of panic. Harry stopped. "They wouldn't want this for you." Harry's shoulders slumped. "There's nothing for you in there." 

"This is..." Harry found himself struggling to find the words, "it all started here, all of it. And all I have is a dementor induced memory of her screams and him telling her to run. I don't even know what colour the carpet was or what happened to the cat. Mum said we had a cat when she wrote to Sirius." Harry could feel the emotion rising in his chest, he was close to hysteria. Severus arms wrapped around him, the kind touch broke the last of Harry's will, his knees buckled as he sobbed. Harry didn't know how long they stayed there, kneeling in the gravel but by the time he looked up the sun had set and they were in almost darkness. He hadn't even noticed the warming charm Severus had cast against the chill until he stopped shaking and realised he wasn't shivering. Harry finally looked up as he swiped at his eyes. 

"Sorry, I-" Severus shook his head to quiet the apologies. That was when Harry noticed Severus' face was wet with tears as well. He reached up and swiped at them with his thumb. Severus managed something like a weak smile. Harry let out a humourless laugh that seemed to cut through the silence. "Some dominant mate I am." He commented sarcastically. Severus didn't answer, he didn't need to, his mind had just fallen open completely and his thoughts were obvious. 

_Dominant doesn't mean heartless, and you are entitled to grieve_

Was that what Harry was doing? Grieving? Grieving what? He had no memories of this house or the parents who'd died there. As a child, he'd hoped and prayed for someone to claim him from his aunt and uncle, spent hours trying to remember more than that simple green flash. Harry didn't feel like psychoanalysing himself right now although Severus was doing a pretty good job of it somewhere in the back of his mind. He stood awkwardly and held his hand out to Severus to help him up. 

"Let's go, there's more than one grave to visit tonight." Harry leant down and almost automatically patted the gravel dust from Severus' robes. He ignored the knowing smirk at the act and focused his attention on the warmth that seemed to be coming from his mate. Severus liked the attention. 

"Good," Harry commented absently as he forced himself to lead the way out the garden and back onto the main road, "get used to it." 

\--

Harry couldn't remember the path to his parents grave, so he walked slowly on entering through the gate, searching for other family as well as for them. Severus was watching him carefully. 

"Do you have any family here?" Harry asked absently as he glanced over the names on the headstone of a muggle family plot- Emmett. 

"The Prince's were never wealthy or human enough to live somewhere like this," Severus commented, "and the Snape's, dead and living, are all back up north within a five-mile radius of the hospital they were born in." Harry nodded absently. He didn't want to know where Severus' father was because if he was alive Harry would want to kill him and if dead to piss on his grave. He felt Severus smirk as the walked. 

"He is long dead." Severus didn't grieve him. A moment of silent understanding passed between them as Harry bent down slightly and read an older headstone by wand light. Peters. He stood and moved on. 

Eventually, he found what he was looking for. He knelt down and wiped a few errant leaves from the base of the stone. Severus had taken a step back to give him some privacy. 

"You saved us," Harry told the stone quietly, "Aberforth says hello, I suppose he's not been yet." Harry pointed his wand at the empty flowerpots and they filled with bluebells. "Can't blame him in this weather-" 

"Hey!" Harry jumped and Severus had whipped around wand in hand. He climbed to his feet and dusted his hands off absently. "What are you doing!" Aberforth was limping and walking with a cane as he approached. Harry reached out and pushed Severus' arm down so he lowered his wand. 

"It's Aberforth." Severus squinted between them for a moment. Harry knew Severus' night vision was poor, he'd felt the sense of vulnerability at being able to see little further than the end of his nose, but he hadn't realised that despite standing only a few steps away Severus had been unable to read the headstone. Severus was still tense. 

"Potter..." 

"Aberforth," Harry acknowledged softly, "you did ask me to come if I was passing this way?" Aberforth nodded. 

"She is your cousin, somewhere along the line." 

"If I tried to visit every cousin here I'd be lucky to be home for Christmas." Aberforth laughed and nodded knowingly. "But she's special, you fought them for her, and you got us in." 

"I didn't fight for her or for anyone, I fought because I'm a stubborn old bastard who was born free and has every intention of dying that way." Harry laughed. Even Severus cracked a smile. 

"It's as good a reason as any." They stood and chatted for a few more moments before Harry reached out to Severus. Severus stared at him. He'd deliberately kept himself out of the conversation, the last time he'd seen Aberforth the man had been close to losing a leg because some death eater got irritated with his unwillingness to keep his cat indoors after dark. He'd spent several hours working on saving it under cover of darkness and a badly constructed glamour.

"The leg healed almost completely by the way," Severus has pulled abruptly from his own musings at the words, "thanks to you." For a second his heart skipped a beat- if someone found out he'd helped Aberforth with curse damage- and he caught himself just in time before he gave away that for a while he'd forgotten he didn't have to hide his loyalties anymore. "Still aches in the cold, but I'm an old man I can live with that." Severus' felt his Masters' arm slip around his waist and a sudden warmth seemed to spread through his chest. It took him a moment to realise it wasn't his own emotion. What was that? 

"Muggle multivitamin and cod liver oil capsules. Take one a day for at least three months make it a long term habit if you can. They're cheaper and more effective than any potion or spell I know for injured joints. In the meantime keep it warm and exercise gently." Severus answered almost automatically. "Has you healer not told you this?" 

"Haven't seen a healer, whatever you did wasn't legal and I didn't feel like explaining to a bunch of ministry idiots why I still had my leg." Severus had to hold himself back from verbally castrating the older man. His fix had been temporary at best, designed to heal what he could and prevent further damage. Reversing more than he had wasn't something he had wanted to risk trying without magical backup. He felt his master's grip tighten on his waist. 

_He's an old man set in his ways, all you'll do is irritate him if you go off on one_

"You were hit with a curse designed to rot the muscle from the inside out." Severus finally said Aberforth seemed to appreciate the bluntness of his words. "I managed to contain and reverse most of it. There is only so much one man can do." Severus couldn't help seeing the parallels and it was making him more assertive than he had any real right to be. "Go to see Healer Pye at Saint Mungo's, he knows not to ask too many questions." The name rang a bell to Harry. "He treated Arthur Weasley's snake bite," Severus added for both Aberforth's and his Master's benefit. Aberforth nodded. "I will write to him with what information I have." Aberforth looked surprised and his eyes flicked to Harry. It took Harry a moment and Severus a moment longer to realise why. Harry tightened his grip on Severus to stop him kneeling. 

_don't you dare apologise, you will write to that healer tomorrow and you will tell him everything that is pertinent to Aberforth's care_ Harry didn't realise he'd framed it as an order until he felt Severus fold mentally _hands_ Harry shot a dark look down at Severus' fingers where he was picking at his nails. _stop it_. Severus stopped. Aberforth was looking at Harry strangely as they all fell silent. 

_he wants some privacy_ Severus murmured just behind Harry's ear. _I will walk on_ he offered. Harry nodded. 

_light your wand or something so you can see where you are going_ Severus drew his wand, Aberforth looked even more surprised, and when the former Potions Master was out of earshot he commented. 

"Funny way you've got of controlling your slaves, Potter," Harry told himself not to react angrily. "Letting them speak to their Master's peers like that." 

"He's watched one Dumbledore go down to that spell, he's entitled to tell you what he really thinks if it stops you going the same way." Harry retorted harshly. Aberforth seemed taken aback. "You're quite lucky really, he can be a lot more vicious than that when he wants to and he thinks you've done something stupid," Harry added. Aberforth laughed lowly. 

"Professor Snape and his ability to destroy a person with nothing but words are legendary, Potter." Harry bit back a grin. 

"You let him carry a wand," Aberforth observed. Harry frowned. 

"And why would I not? He is a fully trained wizard." 

"He's also got enough of an elf bloodline that he instinctively punishes himself. Albus mentioned once..." Harry didn't answer for a moment. 

"Severus is a grown man with a mind of his own. As far as I'm concerned he belongs to me in name only and only because there's nothing I can do about it and keep him safe." Aberforth looked at Harry sharply. 

"You haven't told him?" Harry shook his head slightly and hissed. 

"Lower your voice, his eyesight might be terrible but his hearing is second to none." Aberforth sighed and posed the question again, more quietly. "No I haven't," Harry answered shortly, "it's not stress he needed and is no longer an issue."

"Probably wise, he looks like a good gust of wind would blow him over already. Always was naturally waiflike." Well, that wasn't how Harry would describe the near starvation he'd watched Severus maintain for years purely because he had no inclination to eat after hours in a potions classroom every day. "Here." Aberforth handed Harry a wrapped parcel he had pulled from his pocket. Harry frowned. 

"I had a feeling i'd see you tonight. The ministry isn't the only way to leave a legacy and ensure it reaches the right person when the time is right." Harry still didn't understand. "Just take it." Harry took the parcel and pocketed it. They fell into an awkward silence. 

"Right well, I'll leave you to it," Harry said finally and moved to turn away. 

"Potter," Aberforth called after him, "Thanks for the flowers, bluebells, how did you know?" Harry smiled. 

"The portrait of her, she was wearing blue, and that strain, with a little help, will survive the cold." Aberforth frowned. "I spent a lot of time gardening as a teenager, I know my flowers." 

-

Harry walked slowly between the graves watching Severus from a distance. Harry stopped and cleaned Ignatius' headstone with a flick of his wand before moving on. Severus was kneeling at the foot of the grave when Harry finally stepped into hearing distance. 

"...blown my cover to be seen to be attending the grave of James and Lily Potter, especially on their anniversary. And there was always the chance your son would be here, I couldn't risk that...." Harry stopped and waited patiently for Severus to finish saying his piece. "It's a miracle really, he doesn't seem to care about the past at all. I was ex- I don't, don't know what I was expecting." Severus lowered his voice again, "you'd be so proud of him. He got the best of both of you." Severus looked up at Harry as he finally approached. Harry held his hand out to the man and pulled him to his feet. "I will give you a moment-" Harry shook his head. 

"I have no secrets from you." Harry murmured. "It's only fair after all." Severus didn't answer as Harry's gaze fell on the headstone. The wreath Hermione had conjured when he was here last was still there and somehow still looked healthy. There were other flowers on the grave too. Harry bent down and read the cards. They seemed to be from what had survived of the Order, Harry spotted Molly Weasley's handwriting and Kingsley's considered print. Harry didn't have to read the card on an unusual looking plant to know he'd find Hagrid's scrawl, even Headmistress McGonagall had taken the time to place a bouquet tied with a tartan ribbon. Harry finally stood and drew his wand as he considered the grave and current arrangements already in place. Eventually, he settled on marigolds. He stepped back and wrapped his arm around Severus as they grew. 

"May I?" The elder man asked after a moment indicating the grave. Harry looked at him in surprise. 

"You don't need my permission to lay flowers on your friend’s grave," Harry told him, there was no sharpness in his words though. Severus didn't need permission but Harry was beginning to understand that he wanted, at the very least, to seek it. Harry watched absently as Severus laid something he didn't recognise. They stood there in the darkness as it deepened and the moon rose, watching people come and go. Severus dipped his hand in his pocket, he was wearing his old teaching robes and an old packet of cigarettes and a lighter were nestled in there. He hesitated. Jove only knew what his Master would say, muggle raised as he was. Why was all this so complicated? 

Harry wrapped his arms around Severus' waist, he knew what the man was thinking but he wasn't sure why he might be bothered. 

"If you've got cigarettes there better be one in that pocket with my name on it." He commented absently. Severus started, he clearly wasn't used to having the entire inner workings of his mind laid out for his Master's attention. 

"You smoke?" 

"Started around fifth year," Harry commented and ignored Severus' surprise, "mainly to wind Umbridge up that I was smoking with her precious inquisitorial squad, even tagged a light off Draco a few times, but mainly after a summer of grief-stricken wandering around Surrey and falling in with a bit of a rough crowd for a few weeks. Stopped when we went on the run, Hermione didn't like it. One of the first things I did was bum one off a random junior Auror when they got to Hogwarts after the battle." 

"Your father." It was Harry's turn to be surprised. "His mother sent them to school. It's an old pureblood tradition. Some odd perception of superiority that it doesn't kill us." Severus added. "It was a good excuse to speak privately and be caught out of bounds together, and not duelling if the issue arose. In our world, the legal age is fifteen." Harry hadn't known that. He supposed it was one less thing he could say he'd done illegally at Hogwarts. "Lily hated it, the medical implications were being explored by muggles and it frightened her." Harry smiled. "I used to ask her if she thought her head of house was stupid. She prefers a pipe but the point stands." They both laughed. Harry could just imagine Minerva with a pipe and a good glass of brandy in front of a fire after a long day teaching. 

"Every generation thinks we're the first to do something." Severus laughed softly at Harry's comment. 

"Yours saved the world." Severus' smile faltered as he handed over a cigarette and offered a light. "James gave me this," he waved the lighter absently, "it's a traditional gift for a sixteen-year-old pureblood. He knew my mother couldn't afford anything so expensive and Tobias didn't care." Harry frowned and took it when Severus offered. "I had something more ornate from Lucius on my desk at Hogwarts. But this I carry." 

"It's a muggle zippo." Severus simply looked at him. Zippo wasn't a muggle enterprise. The thought hung between them. "Ah. Yes, of course." Harry commented. He looked at the engraving on the lighter. The image looked vaguely familiar. 

"What is that, a coin?" He asked as he held it up in the moonlight to see better. 

"James' joke. Emperor Severus, who spent time and died at York. Founder of the Severan dynasty." Harry laughed. "Known for being ambitious, ruthless and very much under the thumb of his wife." They both laughed. Severus paused for a moment before adding softly. "You have his sense of humour." Harry managed a smile. 

"I've learned more about them from you tonight than anyone ever bothered telling me before. Sirius didn't like talking about anything much but idiot pranks my dad pulled as a kid usually on you. And Remus, well, we always seemed to have had other things to talk about." 

"Like dementors and grindylows?" 

"Like dementors and grindylows." Harry agreed. "It's funny. I'm his child's godfather, but really, I barely knew the man beyond a spell on some parchment and a few afternoon teas." 

\--

"Do you actually know any other robe shops besides Madame Malkin?" Harry asked. "It might be nice to go somewhere and not cause a scene just for existing." Harry didn't bother adding that it was ok when it was just him but there was no way he was allowing Severus to be placed in danger. His instincts were constantly tugging at his nerves in the last few days and he had yet to figure out why. 

"I have worn the same three sets of robes that I purchased with my first Hogwarts wage for sixteen years, what do you think?" Harry sighed.

"Well, then we apparate straight into Gringotts, hit my vault, yours too if you'd like..?" Harry asked carefully. 

"I have no vault," Severus answered almost mechanically. 

"Yes, you do." 

"That is legally impossible." Harry shrugged at the comment. He'd learned fast working with the goblins to treat legal as a relative term- it depended on what you were willing and able to pay to get something done. 

"Legally difficult, not impossible." He countered. Severus stared at him. 

"A possession cannot have personal possessions," Harry ignored the squeamish feeling in his gut. That was Severus' legal status and they were both avoiding getting used to the idea. 

"Like I said, difficult. Not without precedent. It's all in your name, legal and above board. Mostly." 

"Mostly?" 

"Anything worth doing is worth bribing a few government officials to get it done this century," Harry answered evasively. Severus took the hint not to push his luck and to stop asking. 

\--

Madame Malkin’s was blessedly empty when they walked in. After a quick exchange of pleasantries, she set about fitting them both with high-end battle robes.

"I'm making a fine sale in these right now, Lord Potter." She commented. Harry was about to answer when the bell above the shop door dinged and someone around his height came, for want of a better word, swaggering through the door with a ditzy bimbo on his arm. The man glanced around and spotted Harry and that's when he recognised the newcomer. 

"Potter, good to see you!" He'd spotted Severus, sneered, and apparently decided to ignore him completely. 

"McLaggen." Harry greeted shortly. He'd never liked the man and saw no reason to start a conversation now. The girl on his arm tittered and was openly staring at Harry. She reminded him of a young Lavender Brown. 

"Glad to see you recovered after that godawful business up at the school. Knew you could do it." Harry let out an incredulous huff at the man's choice of words. 

"Yes, well, not all of us had the option of cowering away from the fight." He answered bluntly. The man's smile faltered. 

"I did not cower-" 

"Bullshit." 

"Lord Potter I must ask you to refrain from such language in my shop." Harry apologised to the lady when Severus 'buzzed in' behind his ear. This wasn't like feeling him there all the time, it was more like an incessant nagging feeling like a phone ringing until Harry 'answered.' Harry ignored it. It got louder. 

_What?_ Severus' response was a cowed feeling, like apology. 

"I was in Ireland, I had no idea the battle was even being fou-" 

"The ministry knew, Seamus Finnegan found his way there from Dublin, but you, like the rest of them, you chose to ignore it and wait for children to fight for you." 

"You were never a child." 

"I'm not talking about me, Colin Creevey was there, Jimmy Peakes, Demelza; they died there. They chose to be there as did countless others. Half the ministry was there from the moment the wards were attacked. So, again, where were you?" 

_is this wise, master?_ Harry had noticed, Severus fell into calling him master when he was tense for some reason. 

Harry looked at the girl. She'd dropped the other man's arm as if it were something dirty. 

"Has he been feeding you a line about being a world class keeper? Being something special?" Harry smirked. "Let me tell you something, I was his captain at school. The day he makes a league team is the day they burn every broomstick on the planet. He's a liability and he's going nowhere fast." 

"What?" Harry might have slapped the man he looked so shocked. 

"You're too arrogant, Cormac, too busy harassing girls and trying to be the boss to ever make a decent team. The only reason I put up with you was because no one else wanted the reserve spot." McLaggen puffed up and deflated before puffing up again. He was reminding Harry of Vernon Dursley. 

"Yes, you seem willing to put up with a lot of things these days don't you, Potter." Harry's fist clenched of its own accord as McLaggen looked between him and Severus with a nasty leering expression on his face. 

"Meaning?" 

"Well, to the victor go the spoils," he sneered at Severus and Harry nearly punched him, "meagre though they may be." Harry took a warning step forward. "You must have been sick as a doxy when they told you to take him, I can't imagine anything but blind decency would make you otherwise. Not sure I could do it." Harry had his fist half raised, Madam Malkin was shrieking at the man about his rudeness to her paying customers and the girl had let go and stepped away from him completely as if he smelled bad. Severus' hand on his arm stopped Harry following through with the punch. 

_-not on my account. I have endured worse._

_-Not on my watch, you haven't!_

Harry yanked his arm free. 

"You better run," Harry's hand transformed before he could stop it. Severus grabbed him again and was swatted away like a fly, "Run. Hide. You're good at that." The man had gone white with fear as Harry's voice changed, "before I snap that _meagre_ neck of yours." 

McLaggen stumbled backwards and tripped, he caught a shop dummy, pulled himself upright and without a word turned and left. The girl stopped for a moment, torn, sighed, and then followed him. Harry let out another huff. 

"I think I might become a full-time hermit." He commented as the changes in his body slowly reversed. "It's probably safer that way, for everyone." 

Madame Malkin was making a show of steadying the stand McLaggen had nearly destroyed. 

"I will pay for any damage, Madame, and something for the loss of business." 

"Oh hush there, that boy comes in once a week with different girls and never spends a knut. I'm grateful you saved me the trouble." She commented and Harry was reminded strongly of Minerva, well, Severus was and Harry felt the humorous comparison cross his mind. 

"Now, battle robes. Any colour preferences?" She asked suddenly all business again. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I randomly decided that there will be no explicit Snarry sex scenes in this fic, I prefer to drop hints, show you the outcome and let your imagination do the rest- it's safer than googling synonyms for erections and ruining the fic by reading like a blushing virgin (I don't have a penis, my experience of having sex with a penis is limited to being on the receiving end of one and reading about it). I'm sorry if this disappoints you.
> 
> I have no idea why Harry seems to be determined to smoke himself to death in my fics, I think I'm living vicariously through him since I quit last year. You're not a wizard, smoking can kill you, please don't do it.
> 
> Oh, and er, for those who might be worried i'll go on a months long Hiatus without warning or word again, the next two chapters are already set up as drafts, they just need the usual run through grammarly and the HTML fixing properly etc. The plan is to get far enough ahead with my writing that posting each chapter can become a regular weekly thing without having to worry about running out of material.


	9. Household Affairs

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please be advised: This chapter contains some depictions of violence and injury as part of Severus' memories and is the main cause of several of the violence and potential trigger tags on this fic.
> 
> We hit 100 comments and over 9K hits, I got excited and decided to post this chapter early to say thank you. Thank you!!

They laid in bed that night entwined under the sheets. Harry stretched his wings out contentedly and stroked his finger over the new hand shaped bruise on Severus' hip and thigh.

 

"These are going to hurt in the morning," Harry commented absently and he stroked his way languidly up the side of his mate's body. Severus was dozing on his shoulder, recovering from the rather intense session, "One of us is going to have to start healing them eventually you know?" He hadn't brought it up before because he'd felt how attached Severus was to these marks. "Or I'll be running out of space to make new ones." Then there was the way Draco had looked when he'd seen the bruise on Severus' wrist when they had taken tea. The way Severus was starting to move more carefully and trying to hide that he was in pain. Severus sighed. "These marks are important to me," Harry nodded, "but your concern is, more important." Harry felt something in Severus' mind that he hadn't noticed before. I seemed to be floating near the surface.

 _"Severus what, would you care to explain?"_ Harry asked suddenly sharply. Severus didn't open his mouth. He opened his mind in invitation. This was something they had been doing as well. They had found a way for Severus to have a little privacy in his own head. Harry had a mental image of Severus' mind held in something like a pensive and he was stood at the edge, in that room they had built together, just watching the surface and seeing errant thoughts and conscious decisions spark though the cloudy top layer of useless-against-him occlumency shields. They existed together in that room. Right now Severus was lounging on the sofa in front of the fire and had indicated the pensive as if to invite him to take a look. Harry had a choice, he could look as he pleased and Severus couldn't stop him, which was the power of his ability to know Severus completely. It was also his choice that he didn't. Occasionally, like this time, he'd catch a snippet of memory or one of those errant thoughts would catch his attention and Severus would draw it to the surface on command. He did that automatically. Harry usually tried to hold back, to not go diving in to find out, to give Severus the chance to stop him- he never did. For a man with so much in his head, he was almost worryingly at peace with having it constantly violated like this. Harry was learning not to feel guilty or dirty about it. He was learning to accept that he needed the information if the Severus inside this room was ever going to look as healthy as the Severus outside of it. He was making improvements, the tattered robes had been replaced by comfortable muggle clothes most days, occasionally robes depending on his mood. The injuries were healing too, slowly. Harry liked to sit in here and just watch him sometimes, lost in his own little world when he was reading or otherwise engaged. He was mesmerising. "I've had a lot worse than this, and never for such a good reason," Severus murmured as the memories swirled, "see and understand," Severus commented as Harry took a step into the pensive.

 _A childhood of screaming matches, kicks and punches and the occasional rod on his back until he'd stood up one day and snapped it whilst his mother, the person who should have been protecting him, cowered and wept in the corner. He was thirteen._

_Another round of attacks in the common room at school; cracked ribs, excuses about tripping on stairs, the school nurse telling him to be more careful as she cast the spell to heal the cartilage and he winced- this was the second time he'd broken his nose this year alone._

_At fifteen Lucius defending him, the no-name seventh year was beaten to a pulp and Lucius given a weeks’ worth of detention for muggle duelling. Lucius offered to heal the marks but even when they were gone it didn't stop Severus trying to scrub away the feel of the older boy's hands on his arms. He'd finally gone to the nurse when he'd scrubbed his arms raw and the skin started to split. She'd healed them and left behind a pink pamphlet on surviving sexual trauma. Severus had burned it without reading it and buried the feelings of shame._

_At seventeen, the Mark burning on his arm. James and Lily stood there frantic that he was about to sneak out of the school to go to a death eater meeting on the full moon. He didn't have time to placate them. He was going to be late. 'Go be with Remus and Sirius.' Severus had told James. 'I'll be fine.' He'd lied to Lily. He'd come back with a broken jaw and severe concussion after the blasting curse meant for Lucius for smashed him into a concrete wall. His old friend had failed the Dark Lord. They were both lucky to leave there alive after Severus jumped in front of him and took the brunt of it. Lucius had yelled at him that he was an idiot. That the Dark Lord did not take kindly to his death eaters being more loyal to each other than him. Severus had simply shrugged and told Lucius that at least Narcissa wouldn't be sleeping alone, just yet._

_Nineteen, full-time death eater. A duel with Aurors. Facing James and Sirius across a battlefield. He'd faked incompetence, taken a cutting curse, he was far too good with potions for the Dark Lord to risk him in raids if he couldn't hold a wand straight in anger. Lucius was away on a mission. The wound became infected before the Dark Lord allowed him to brew an antidote to the fever and heal it himself._

_Twenty. Stood over the cowering form of his own father. Sometimes he wondered if all this was worth it. If the Dark Lord was right and all these muggles didn't deserve what they got. Especially when he considered Tobias Snape. The Dark Lord. Watching him. Even after all these years of hate and anger, he didn't want to do it. He knelt down and spoke softly. 'I'm a better man than you. I won't see you helpless and suffering.' He'd cast the killing curse without a word. The man had slumped in his arms. The Dark Lord had punished him every day for a week because he'd been too weak to take his revenge first. Even Lucius had been surprised he hadn't tortured the man a little. 'I tortured him every day of my life just by existing.' Severus had commented. 'No cruciatus curse could match that.' The Dark Lord had heard about it and laughed. Apparently, he liked Severus' sense of humour and had healed the injuries that remained. The shock of that act of kindness had nearly turned him._

_Lucius in his potions classroom late one night in February. Severus glaring at him but Lucius was mad, or drunk. Severus was sure it was a little of both. He was rambling. 'A son Severus, I'm going to have a son!' Severus had clapped him on the shoulder. Congratulated him. Asked after Narcissa. Lucius had looked at him suddenly. 'You'll be godfather, Severus.' He'd said as if it was already decided. 'You'll protect my son once I've outlived my usefulness.' Severus had never understood the way James and Sirius talked almost wantonly about killing and dying for each other before. 'I can barely protect myself, Lucius.' He'd warned. Lucius had waved him off. 'You are the Dark Lords favourite, he worships you. A free high elf with a wand. Practising dark magic. You are his ideal.'_

_Severus hadn't realised what he symbolised in the ranks of the death eaters. When the Dark Lord had found out about the baby he'd been furious that Severus already knew. Severus had decided that the unborn child needed his father more than an unstable half-blood masterless elf. Lucius had carried him home where he'd found the coded letter from Lily. She nearly six months was pregnant. She wanted to talk. Becoming a mother changed things, it had read. Lucius wasn't such a fool to assume this letter a one off. He'd burned it and demanded Severus promise he wouldn't risk himself on that girl. Severus had been too delirious with the pain to take in what was happening._

_Severus hadn't seen them in months, it was James who worked out what the prophecy meant when he passed the information along. One rare night near Lily's due date when he got to see them in person. Severus was on edge, waiting for the mark to burn, Lily was in pain, the baby was kicking her hard. 'He's hungry.' Severus had commented absently. They had both started. Neither had cast the spell to check the sex. Severus stood without thought and put some food on a tray before bringing it back. It was only when he did he realised what had happened, what he'd done. James had smiled. That night it rained and Severus went to meet Dumbledore._

_Harry was six months old tonight. Severus was becoming more and more afraid of the Dark Lord’s attempts to find the Potters. He was desperate and a desperate Dark Lord was a dangerous one. He liked to humiliate his people, keep them in line. Tonight he'd picked on Severus. Made him kneel and debase himself. Severus had felt sick to his stomach that the Dark Lord had demanded Severus call him master. He'd refused. Respectfully. The Dark Lord had laughed at his logic, 'I have no master.' He'd said. He'd suffered Bellatrix taking a turn to teach him his place, he needed to remember who owned him and where his loyalties laid. Bellatrix had been brutal and it took all of Severus' strength not to break. When he had finally seemed to scream apology and beg mercy from his master the Dark Lord had called her off. If only he knew- Severus would have been a dead man that night._

_Severus was watching Peter snivel and bow. Severus watched him betray his friends and it took all of his will not to speak. To hold his tongue. He was rather hoping the Dark Lord might make sport of the informant for the evening. He'd been sorely disappointed when he hadn't. He'd been moving to leave when Bellatrix caught hold of him. 'Not worried about that pet mudblood you used to chase around the school, are you?' Severus had sneered. 'Maybe the Dark Lord will let you play with it first... or after.' Severus hadn't had to force the filthy look he gave her. 'Dear Bellatrix,' he'd taunted her in his panic, 'the Dark Lord is aware that real men require their prey to have a pulse, a little fight left in them. I suppose that's why you're so frustrated after he gave your husband that dead child last week instead of that comely thing I spent the night with.' She'd cursed him, nearly shattered his lung, and he hadn't been able to hold food down for a week. He supposed for insinuating that her husband was a sub-human necrophile he'd deserved it. He didn't really care; Dumbledore wasn't listening and he couldn't seem to make contact with Sirius._

_Confusion reigned. No one knew what was happening. In the midst of it all, he'd gone to Godric's Hollow. Too late. The house was burning. James on the stairs, wand in the lounge. Dear gods. Severus had stopped to close his eyes when he'd felt it. Every other thought flew out of his head as he raced up the stairs to the nursery. Lily dead. Harry. Just looking. Looking right at Severus and he'd felt it again. That wholeness every time he was in a room with the child. He'd collapsed under the weight of the fear and grief. A thought. Sirius. Where was Sirius? Why wasn't he here? The floorboards had collapsed under him as Severus had walked back down the stairs on hearing the sound of an engine outside. Severus was knocked clean out. By the time Severus came around Harry was gone. He'd been frantic until he had the message from Dumbledore. And then he'd been frantic again when he heard what the man had planned. He needed to find Sirius and Remus. Both seemed to have disappeared._

 

Harry was lost in memories of pain and suffering but he couldn't understand what Severus was showing him, what he was waiting for Harry to see.

 

_Severus had less than a moment’s warning before the snake struck. He'd never felt pain like it. He needed to find Potter. They had to end this tonight. Severus could not die with this information still only in his mind. If only the selfish little brat had followed his instincts when he'd matured. He could have had it. Wasn't that why Dumbledore had told Severus in the first place? Why did he keep forcing them together when he had the chance? Because he wanted Potter to snap and let himself loose._

_Severus, in a moment of madness, had demanded to know why his arse was always the one on offer to the precious golden boy, when was Albus going to stop interfering, what it would take to prove that the child clearly had every intention of leaving him to fade away. Albus had stared at him and actually looked hurt. Severus had broken three fingers and dislocated another before they broke into his chambers and stopped him doing more. That feeling, that feeling he'd come to dread. Potter was close; Severus could feel him._

_Waking up in the hospital bed, Poppy fussing. Severus had no memory. Poppy had filled him in. Severus had nearly cried with relief that it was over. 'Potter has been here every day asking about you.' Severus had plastered on a sneer. Why should he care? Poppy had looked at him. 'You might want to hear the boy out Severus. He had very good reasons.' Severus laid there listening to the children scream and living feelings that weren't his own. It had started again last year. Always knowing what Potter was feeling. Severus rolled over and tried to sleep as the painkillers kicked in._

_A bolt of misplaced anger woke him, he had more than enough warning before Potter stormed into the ward. The_ brat _was heading straight for him. He had some nerve coming here and yet Severus still couldn't refuse him. Not when he demanded it, not when he swore and paced and not when for the first time since he hugged Lily goodbye sixteen years ago Severus felt a kind touch. That fleeting kiss to his forehead seemed to have a calming effect on him. For the first time in years, he slept._

_Lucius not wanting to speak in front of Draco and Narcissa, Poppy shooing them out the door. Wanting to leave, even when his grip was too tight it was because he cared. Severus didn't care what he'd decided, he had watched this young man grow, and he trusted his judgement._

_There had been a time when Severus would have found it irritating to see Potter and Malfoy arguing again but when it was over him, those forceful words, that feeling of safety and then the shock of what he was hearing. There was a reason Severus had been so angry Potter had never given him the chance to explain, he'd expected a lifetime of petty vengeance. And then an arm around his waist and-_

"Severus? I don't too much, I can't," Harry's head was spinning he was picking up flashes and images overlaid with different emotions and he couldn't process it all. Harry didn't know when to start when he finally caught up with the jumble of memories. He didn't even think, he just wrapped his arms, and then his wings, around the man. He didn't really care what Severus thought of the bruises or what he'd been trying to say or explain. Harry was never going to allow him to hurt again!

___-_ _ _

"I have to go out for a few hours," Harry announced over breakfast. Severus nodded absently. "Need a little advice though," Severus looked up from the paper and indicated for him to continue, "What do purebloods wear for semi-formal meetings?" Severus actually laughed.

"Anything they like."

"No but seriously, say I need to make an impression." Severus frowned. There were so many variables. Harry addressed each one as it flitted across his mind.

"Their home, old family, old money." Harry waited, Severus was still thinking, digging for information, "how old, at least as old as the Blacks, maybe not going as far back as the Pervell’s."

"The sooner you strike up an acquaintanceship with Narcissa and Lucius the better." He commented. Considering what Harry knew of Lucius he understood that comment almost automatically.

"The day I ask a Malfoy for fashion advice assume you need to lock me up for an hour until the polyjuice wears off because it is not me." Harry was only half joking, he'd spent too many years watching Draco preen to consider asking for what he was sure would become a lecture. Severus seemed to be in good humour.

"What impression would you like to give?"

"Powerful, not overly so. Representing the family name." Harry summarised.

"Perhaps you should ask your father's portrait." Harry blinked. "He usually dressed well."

"That's..." Harry said softly. "That's brilliant."

"What exactly is the occasion?"

"Algie Longbottom wrote to me last week."

"Ah,"

"Do you own muggle clothing?" Harry shrugged.

"I have no idea what I own, Hermione took my vault key, a photograph and measurements to some place on, not Oxford Street, the other one for suits, when she decided I needed, what did she call it, a proper wardrobe. Petey took the delivery and I haven't even looked."

"Saville Row," Harry shrugged, he had no idea what those words meant, Severus stared, "what on earth did Vernon spend seventeen years teaching you?" The words were out of his mouth before he'd considered them.

"How not to cook his bacon, how to dig a yard and to take a beating," Harry commented flippantly. He caught the shock before he realised what he'd said. "He never took a hand to me, not after the time he belted me and it disappeared whilst I was locked in my cupboard." Severus didn't bother hiding the wince. "Don't do that, trust me you had it worse."

"Really?" Just because Harry hadn't been beaten by a grown man more than once didn't mean his life had been easier, or less damaging, "Then do tell which adult in your life you could rely on to love you unconditionally before you attended Hogwarts?" Severus asked softly. Harry opened his mouth and closed it. He opened his mouth, stuttered out an incoherent sound and closed it. Severus had known, from the first time he'd watched eleven-year-old Harry Potter attempt to deal with an issue beyond anything that should have been appropriate, that the boy never had anyone he could turn to. He seemed to be realising that.

"I have a meeting to get to."

___-_ _ _

Lord Longbottom looked nothing like Neville. He was tall and thin and Harry was reminded of the impression he'd had of Severus when he was eleven. Harry couldn't imagine Severus screaming at a frail old elf for serving tea instead of coffee though.

"So, Lord Longbottom," Harry finally asked after at least an hour of mindless chatter and his third cup of tea as he watched the elf avoid walking within as reach of Algie, "you intend to run for the position of minister for magic." It wasn't a question and Harry was gratified that the man didn't answer as if it were one. "Naturally our world requires a strong leader with a good record."

"And a good name, my useless lump of a nephew finally did something worthwhile, we have that at least." Harry put his cup down a little harder than he meant to. This man was already beginning to irritate him.

"Don't talk about Neville like that," Harry said softly. It felt like a plea. Neville was a good person, he didn't deserve to be slandered by his own family. This conversation wasn't going well. Harry didn't like Algie. He reminded Harry of a young Percy, all the brains but no common sense or tact. "My apologies Lord Longbottom I'm afraid I can't stay any longer I have several meetings to attend today." Harry made his excuses hurriedly and left.

___-_ _ _

Harry stared at his lunch, Goldie had made a very nice steak pie dish, but he just couldn't bring himself to eat it. He had the deciding vote but he didn't want a man like Algie running the country.

"I upset you earlier," Severus said suddenly into the silence. Harry jumped and pushed his plate away.

"Wha- sorry I was miles away."

"I said that I upset you earlier."

"You didn't say anything I didn't already know," Harry commented and stood. "Excuse me, I have a lot to do." Distracted as he was, Harry missed the feeling of distress coming from his mate.

___-_ _ _

> Harry,
> 
> How are you? I haven't seen you since the funeral, I'm starting to forget what you look like. I know you're busy with your estates and the like but it would be nice to see you once in a while. It's not healthy for you to lock yourself away from the world. Come see us sometime, mum misses (feeding) you too. And bring Snape, we'd all like to find out what's going on there too- you're family Harry, and that makes him family too. Even if we weren't all that keen on him not too long ago.
> 
> Floo's always open so whenever you're ready, See you soon,
> 
> Ron 

Harry stared at the letter in shock, when had Ron learned to be tactful? He set it to one side and picked up some fresh parchment to reply.

____-_ _ _ _

Harry had been steadily working through estate paperwork all day, he never seemed to be able to stay on top of it all.

"You should hire a secretary or rather, a steward." Harry looked up, he'd taken to doing most of the work in the library just so he could spend some time in the day in the same room as Severus.

"Excuse me?" He looked up from yet another letter from Algie Longbottom.

"You are working yourself into an early grave, paperwork is not your forte. Hire someone or share the load." Harry snorted.

"Tell me, who I know with the skills, time and will to do it?" Severus was staring at him coolly. "No." He shot back without a word when he realised where this was going. "You have your things to do." Severus sighed and set down the novel he was reading.

"I have read the entirety of the section of this library that interests me in the few short weeks I have been here,"

"I told you if you want more books then order them," Harry cut in.

"I do not require more reading material," Severus said. "I require something productive to do." Harry taped at him. "I am not a man accustomed to having an empty schedule."

"I can't just ask you to take this lot on, no one’s properly looked at the accounts in eighteen years, it's a nightmare."

"You are not asking, I am telling you that you are being foolish in your attempt to manage it alone and am offering my support… As your partner." Something about the way Severus said that made Harry want to smile but he was just too stressed, it took him a moment to realise he was being manipulated. He pulled a face and Severus raised an eyebrow. He seemed perfectly willing to do things that should've have been entirely inappropriate when he considered it in Harry's best interest.

"Why did Hogwarts never offer classes in accounting and budgeting, it would've been more useful than Divination!" Severus didn't answer. "Remind me to see if we can't get it slipped into the curriculum somewhere." Severus stepped around looked over his shoulder at the paperwork an account book he'd been pouring over for the last hour. He reached for the quill Harry was using.

"May I?" Harry nodded and sat back in his chair. He watched as Severus marked the bits of parchment and eventually became absorbed. Harry stood to stretch and let him sit. Severus barely looked up as he took the seat. "Even with the recent increase in expenditure, these accounts are surprisingly well balanced."

"You can tell that?" Harry asked, he was stifling a yawn and massaging his right temple absently, after several hours of trying to understand the accounting system and failing it had given him a headache.

"This is a simple double entry book keeping system," Severus pointed at the book, "when these numbers are equal then the books are balanced and all debts and credits are accounted for." Harry blinked, he still didn't understand how Severus had managed to balance it though.

"How on earth do you know all this?"

"I am twice your age," Severus answered not unkindly, "and have had many a long night to fill."

"So you taught yourself to be an accountant?" Harry asked, disbelief evident.

"It is the duty of every head of Slytherins house to ensure their landholding charges leave school equipped with the necessary skills to manage the estates they are destined to inherit." That sounded like a quote to Harry's ears. "An understanding of budgeting and accountancy is one such skill." Harry was still looking blank, "one cannot teach a skill one is not proficient in." Harry nodded.

"Alright, so you know this stuff," he pulled up a seat with a flick of his wand, "will you talk me through this, please? My nights are already pretty full." He joked and Severus' lip quirked into a half smile.

____-_ _ _ _

Harry scribbled a name and date into his diary before standing and summoning his cloak.

"Back in an hour." He commented absently as he shrugged into it. Severus looked up from whatever he was reading today. "Ministry business," Harry commented shortly at the questioning look and Severus promptly lost interest.

"My regards to Lucius."

____-_ _ _ _

"Viktor, good to see you." Harry had been shocked to receive his letter but it hadn't been entirely unwelcome. Viktor Krum walked with a limp these days. Harry wondered absently what had happened but he was too polite to ask. He wanted a character reference for a ministry job and didn't know that many British wizards who weren't slobbering fans.

"You're better off asking Hermione, she's good at that kind of thing."

"She recommended you." That surprised him.

"What job are you going for?" Harry asked, there were a lot of positions being advertised in the run-up to the election.

"International Quidditch liaison. I hear your Ludo Bagman is searching for a replacement." His accent had improved since Harry had seen him last. "And I speak six languages." It would be nice to have someone who knew the game organising it. Harry saw no downside and agreed, on condition that Viktor didn't tell them who his reference was until after the interview.

-

  
"I would strongly recommend that you hire a human steward, and possibly a groundskeeper for this Manor House." Harry had finally given in and asked Severus to help him get the house in order. He had so much to do it was slowly breaking him down.

"Ok, I know what a groundskeeper is, that makes sense, and if I want to fill out the stables maybe someone to run that too?" He asked carefully. Severus added a note to the parchment that lay between then. "But what would a steward do?"

"A steward’s role is to act in your stead in the event of your absence for any reason, and to assist when you are present," Severus answered shortly. Harry shook his head forcefully.

"What they just take over? No. This is your home as well I'm not about to bring in a stranger to take over running it if I'm not around and leave you with no control." He was horrified at the thought of leaving Severus so vulnerable if something happened. The thought brought him to his feet. He circled Severus and wrapped his arms around the man from behind. "Not happening, not even over my cold dead body." He declared. "If I'm not here the Potter holdings and Seals sit in your care and control."

"I do not believe you understand the implications of such a declaration," Severus responded carefully, Harry found himself slipping his hand under his mate's shirt.

"I understand that I have no intention of letting anyone have the opportunity to destroy my family homes and names or bring any harm to you." Severus sighed and Harry kissed him just below his ear. He felt Severus shiver under the touch and was instantly distracted from the conversation.

"Then perhaps a butler or valet would suit?" Harry stopped his ministrations and stared.

"Are you seriously suggesting I hire a butler? And I thought valets parked cars at fancy hotels?" Severus stood and approached the shelf without a word. After walking the length and reading the titles he pulled a large, and rather dusty, book down and dropped it on Harry's desk.

"There is a reason this book is not in your general library." Harry blew off the dust and coughed. "It is not for general consumption. Begin with the glossary of staff." Harry pulled the book open and found the pages he was looking for. He read as quickly as he could. When he was finished he looked up, horrified.

"I don't need a man to shave me and lay out my clothes, I'm not royalty!" He all but shrieked.

"You are as good as royalty. Accept it." Harry's face drained of colour. He couldn't help it. He didn't want that kind of life or power. He shook his head in defeat when Severus didn't back down as he stumbled back into the chair.

"Ok, what's the bare minimum I can get away with and keep everything running properly?" He pinched the bridge of his nose as he slumped in the chair.

"You will require both a steward and a valet. You have footmen and a housekeeper already, stable master, two grooms, a farrier would not go amiss If you intend to keep horses or hippogriffs, a master of hounds should you require, groundskeeper, gamekeeper." Harry stared.

"No way you decided to learn all that one night because you were bored and a serial insomniac," Harry commented.

"No, I chose to ensure that you would have someone in your life who could advise on these matters when you became Lord of your manor." Severus conceded. "And had twenty years to do so."

"Severus," Harry could have kissed the man he was so grateful, "you are amazing."

____-_ _ _ _

"You are still stressed." Severus pushed again at dinner. Harry kept thinking about Algie Longbottom and the minister’s job. Harry sighed.

"I don't like him." Harry finally admitted. "Algie Longbottom, he's a self-important prat with no respect or tact." 

"Strong words," Severus commented. "I feel it my duty to remind you at this juncture that you may be required to work with the man, however, you are not required to like him." Harry couldn't help it. He just had a bad feeling.

"He will destroy this country if we give him the chance..." Harry trailed off, he'd just realised who the man reminded him of. Severus touched his hand and Harry jumped back to the present. "He reminds me of Barty Crouch, senior." Severus waited for him to elaborate. "Seems nice enough, strict but fair, but underhand, and cruel underneath...You should have heard how he talked about Neville, I wanted to hex his mouth shut at one point."

"You truly believe him to be the kind of man to raise a fanatical death eater and then feed him to the dementors." Severus surmised flatly. Harry licked his lip as he mentally prepared the words.

"I believe he's the kind of man who would happily have his own family killed on the eve of war to preserve his own good name."

_I hadn't noticed that you had understood._

"I didn't. It didn't occur to me until later how convenient it was for Crouch senior that the dementor supposedly went wild in a room that held the son he committed treason for." Harry was hoping Severus might tell him he'd spent too much time discussing political intrigues with Draco. No such rebuke came. "Wow. Hermione owes me five sickles." He commented after of moment of silence. Severus didn't have to ask, Hermione Granger had been fanatical in her trust of authority as a youngster. "I can't take the risk that he wouldn't orchestrate some kind of accident involving Neville if he had the power."

"You truly hate the man?" Severus asked as he took a sip of red wine.

"I don't think I hate him, I barely know him. But, I think Sirius was right, Crouch wasn't a man who treated his inferiors with any decency, and I don't think that any man who cares more about his good name than his most devoted servant should be allowed to have either."

-  
Harry was finding that he actually had time to write letters and respond to them since Severus took over the household running of things. He was good at it and seemed to thrive on the work.

"These require your signature." Severus placed a pile of paperwork on his desk. "The top three are urgent." Harry set aside the unopened envelope he'd been testing for curses. He signed the forms without reading them. Severus stared at him. "I'm might have just handed you anything."

"Well, did you?" Harry asked. Severus' Jaw set into an almost pained expression.

"No, however..." Harry stood and placed hands on the man's hips.

"I trust you, I don't need to read anything you're telling me to sign." Severus seemed uncomfortable.

"You place far too much tru-"

"I place exactly the right amount of trust in you," Harry said, overriding the man's observation with his own. Severus sighed and accepted the kiss Harry pressed into his lips. "How's the hunt for staff going?" Harry asked quietly as he stroked his hand through Severus' hair.

"Your grounds and game are extensive," Severus replied, "and finding qualified wizards is not easy..."

Harry was beginning to get distracted by Severus' voice.

"How open to, non-human staff are you?" Severus was doing an excellent job of staying focused despite Harry best attempts to distract him.

"Whoever you think is best...” Harry didn't care if his groundskeeper turned out to be a troll as long as he could do the job, he was far more interested in what was right in front of him for the moment. Severus seemed to realise Harry was far too distracted for the conversation at hand and so allowed himself the temporary distraction of his master's attentions. It was a far more pleasant way to spend an afternoon than any discussions about household staffing.

_____-_ _ _ _ _

They sat in silence for several minutes enjoying their respective morning meals before Harry spoke.

"I was reading about this Saturnalia festival yesterday." He began cautiously. Severus looked up at him. "It's very... lively." He commented. Severus set down his teacup.

"It developed into a rather rambunctious affair around the first century of the common era." Severus agreed. "My own practice is a little more reserved." Harry tilted his head in silent question. "The relevant sacrifices and observations, Hogwarts was usually on a break. Those professors who celebrated normally engaged in some light feasting and frivolity." He paused and actually smiled. "Either Pomona or the headmaster would contrive an excuse to demand my presence."

"Pomona?" He asked, he felt like he should know who that was, the name was vaguely familiar.

"Professor Sprout." Harry frowned, confused. "Herbology and Potions are closely related fields, we enjoyed a working friendship... of sorts." Harry nodded and hid his smirk in his cup. He could just imagine Severus and Professor Sprout bonding over plants somehow. The woman had the kind of no-nonsense earthy sense of humour that would appreciate Severus' wit and in turn, would not allow him to become too wrapped up in his own head. "She is a rather accomplished Scrabble player." Harry thought about it for a moment and let out a small laugh.

"I would pay actual money to see you and Professor Sprout play scrabble. I imagine it's hilarious." Severus smirked remembering a rather heated round of debate regarding the existence of Gorn -the subsequent gift of a muggle video player charmed to work at Hogwarts with a projector and the complete collection of episodes which ensured Pomona knew exactly who Captain Kirk was led to several months of arguing that Spock was not a legitimate entry.

"It had its moments," Severus admitted  
.

_____-_ _ _ _ _

Kingsley was writing to Harry daily with advice and commentary on the inner workings of the ministry, Algie Longbottom and Aurelius Flint were both vying for his support in the elections, and there had been a security breach at Gringotts and having not accepted a position as a security consultant there he was working overtime. His diary was full with meetings and tasks. Severus found him with his head resting on a book of wards and his quill laid next to a half written proposal for replacing the dragons for something less cruel and more secure at the bank. He moved quickly in the dimming light of the oil lamp hanging from the wall bracket to organise the paperwork.

"Leave him be," Severus jumped and spun around wand in hand, "he's exhausted."

"You think I don't know that, James?" Severus hissed into the darkness. Severus knelt down next to where Harry had slumped over the desk and lifted his head gently. As he did so he conjured a proper pillow before setting it back down. "He thinks he has to do it all."

"So tell him otherwise." They both knew it wasn't that simple.

"I do what I can," Severus commented shortly. He picked up the diary. Harry was developing his own style of journalling. He kept a plain diary with daily pages for his musings between pages dedicated to to-do lists and monthly calendars that he drew himself and marked with muggle and magical bookmarks. It was simultaneously perfectly chaotic and a brilliantly conceived method of organisation. "I cannot fight his instincts, however much I might wish to," Severus commented as he pulled a blanket over Harry and dimmed the lamp to its lowest possible setting.

Severus slept badly, he'd become far too easily accustomed to not being the only person in a bed. He tossed and turned what was left of the night and before long he gave up and took to wandering the manor simply for something to occupy his mind. He found himself circling the manor until he found somewhere comfortable, stopped to sit, and didn't wake until morning having once again found himself back in bed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Poor Harry, he doesn't like paperwork, does he? Nevermind, Severus has everything in hand (mostly).
> 
> I know Severus memories are grim, and as for _that one_ in particular, yes it's necessary, it's necessary so you the reader understand that from an age where he was old enough to know what sex was Severus Snape in this world knew exactly what he represented to any man who wanted power and was willing to use a little force to get it. I don't like it either, but it is necessary. Sex isn't just an act in this fic, it's a weapon, a ritual and a symbol just as in the real world. As a survivor of several attempts, I don't use devices like this lightly in my fics. Tags are there for a reason.


	10. Blood and Tears

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please be advised: This chapter contains some depictions of violence and injury and is the main cause of several of the violence and potential trigger tags.

Before Harry knew it December was half over and the ministry ball for the fallen was going to happen within days. He'd be expected to declare his support for one of the men vying to be Minister for Magic shortly after. Harry sipped on his morning coffee and read the latest letter from Aurelius Flint. He seemed nice enough and Harry had met him once- they had spent most of the discussion talking about the Hogwarts Quidditch matches he'd attended to watch his son play. Marcus had escaped most of the war by going into hiding when it became obvious he was being actively recruited for the death eaters. Harry didn't blame him for wanting nothing to do with the whole debacle and wished him well. His father seemed a good man, staunchly proud of his family but not in any way that might have made Harry wonder if Marcus had been hiding as much from his father as the Dark Lord. He was proud of his son and his wife and his family name being unmarked. Those things Harry could appreciate. Harry found that the main thing he remembered about the man was that he was wholly unremarkable for a middle ranking pure blood. 

Harry had decided to leave Severus to sleep, the man had been up late and had spent most of the day in private- something to do with his gods- and Harry had found Severus asleep outside his office door when he’d woken as the sun rose. It wasn't the first time Harry had found the man there and carried him to bed in the early hours. Every time he promised himself he would actually come to bed at night and then paperwork built up and he ended up sleeping at his desk again.  

Today Harry was jangling with nerves. It shouldn't be so difficult to give his mate a simple gift in honour of his preferred gift giving religious festival. He'd noticed weeks ago that Severus didn't wear a watch, Severus has shrugged it off as unimportant and a logical outcome of spending most of his days elbows deep in potions ingredients for most of his adult life, he relied on a tempus charm and his body clock. Harry hadn't thought much of it but when he'd been thinking about a gift it had seemed an obvious choice- especially when Severus had made it quite clear that being required to so much as be in the same room as a cauldron ever again would be too soon for his taste. When Severus took his seat and reached for drink Harry noted the watch on Severus' wrist as he stood to fill the coffee pot, he accepted the soft thanks and responded with a kiss dropped on Severus' jaw. 

"Glad you like it." He muttered. Severus kissed him back and smiled into his lips. Harry felt it, it wasn't even the watch itself, it was the attention required to choose it and the effort put into finding an analogue face with moon phases after learning that most of Severus' religious observances required such information. Harry was determined, he would eventually get Severus into the habit of knowing someone cared about the little things as much as he was currently in the habit of being surprised that anyone cared at all. 

 

 

\--                                                                                     

 

Ron was due through the floo any minute with Hermione so they could plan for the night of the memorial and Harry was on edge. Merlin only knew where Severus had disappeared to after lunch, Harry knew he'd planned to visit Lucius and knew he'd been and returned before making himself scarce. Harry wasn't going to let that happen more than once.

Harry had forgotten how much he enjoyed just spending time with his friends.

"Honestly it's a nightmare, even with two of us I've got half the government writing to me every day," Harry admitted after some gentle prodding from his friends. "I can't stand it. Thank the gods my grandfather sold the Welsh manor I don't think there's enough time in the day to run one never mind two. Severus got this place running like a dream when I couldn't figure out how to place a basic order to restock the kitchen but we need to hire staff-" he cut off. "Sorry guys, I just. I never expected to be eighteen and have all this to deal with." Ron and Hermione exchanged a look.

"Be honest, mate," Ron commented, "you never expected to be eighteen." Harry managed a weak laugh. 

"Is there another Voldemort around, might be easier than trying to hire a groundskeeper." He quipped. 

"Mate you've got elves you don't need staff." Harry sighed. 

"House elves don't make great groundsmen apparently, and they still need direction."

"Harry, hire a steward and be done with it," Hermione told him. Harry glared at her.

"Don't you start. Severus had been on at me for weeks about that."

"He's right. Look at you, you're pale and you've got bags under your eyes."

"I'll never be so tired I hand over control of my family seal to an outsider." Harry snapped. Ron and Hermione both started talking at once. Harry got the gist of it after another half an hour of talk. 

"Why didn't Severus explain it like you just did?" Harry finally asked, irritated. 

"He probably thought he had. A steward has no control that you don't give them, and they certainly wouldn't outrank Severus in your household." Hermione told him patiently. "Honestly Harry, is that why you insist on doing it all yourself?" Harry shrugged, better he be exhausted than Severus be endangered. "Really, any decent steward would report to Severus." Even Harry laughed at himself eventually.

"How would I even go about finding someone though?" He asked; Hermione had gotten the black house in order in the space of weeks. Harry envied her, apparently, Sirius had been a fairly capable administrator.

"The same way everyone does it, the same way Severus found your gatekeeper. You go to an agency or you employ the second son of a family of the proper rank that you trust." 

"That I trust," Harry repeated flatly. Hermione sighed. "That might not be as easy as it sounds then." A quiet knock at the door had them all looking up.

"Apologies for the intrusi-" 

"Severus what on earth!" Harry jumped to his feet, Severus was covered in mud and what looked like blood. Harry's heart started to pound in his chest. "What happened? Is that blood?" Even Ron jumped up, wand in hand, at those words.

"It is not mine, master," Severus told him almost breathlessly, Harry crossed the room in three strides and took his mate’s hands.

"Show me." Severus felt exhausted, not just physically but mentally too. Harry was aware of a memory of centaurs at the front door, one all but dead, they had a unicorn with them. Harry swiped at something on Severus' bare arm. "Is this unicorn blood!" He asked sharply. Severus nodded. He heard Ron gasp behind him.

"She's badly injured," Severus told him softly, "I made her comfortable at the door, she's unlikely to survive."

"Harry, what's happened?" Harry had moved to the drinks cabinet to pour a stiff drink for Severus and push it into his hand.

"Drink that." He said softly. Severus took it but didn't drink.

"There's been some kind of battle with the Hogwarts centaurs, the heard split when Firenze tried to go home, Ronan nearly killed him. I get the impression Hagrid saved him and sent him here."

"How does Hagrid know?"

"He knows I've got grounds, Hermione because I asked him for a thestral foal and they spend most of their time in woodlands. He might have assumed, and that doesn't explain the unicorn."

"She's with foal," Severus cut in, "it appears she was caught up in the fighting. Firenze refused to leave her." Harry looked over at him, surprised, Severus lost what little colour sitting had helped him regain, "my apologies." Harry waved him off and ignored Ron's rather uncouth. 

"Apologies for what?" 

"Doesn't matter." Harry started to pace. "Ok, how do I deal with this? Can I offer them refuge without getting directly involved in their war? I don't think Firenze would appreciate a human getting involved somehow." 

"Harry he's come to you for refuge, you have the lands. Let him in, lease him your woods." Harry wasn't following. "Weren't you just saying how hard it is to find a decent woodsman? A contract, Maintenance of the woods and creatures within for safe residency. He'll take it." Harry found himself looking at Severus questioningly. The man nodded.

"It could work, master, there are details to consider but I see no real barrier." He concurred softly. "You should go, they are at the west door. You are Lord and Master of this manor only you can offer sanctuary." Severus knew he'd made a decision, then. Harry moved when Severus grabbed his arm.

"You can't go dressed like that. It's formal." Severus told him quietly. 

"You think Firenze cares?" Harry stopped. Severus nodded once. It was important. "Is he going to need medical attention?" Another nod. "Can we send for Hagrid?"

"Hagrid is not a healer. I have a cousin on my mother's side." Severus was talking so quietly Harry wasn’t sure if the blood rushing in his ears was drowing Severus out or whether he was actually talking so quietly that Harry was hearing the echo of his thoughts and not the words themselves. "He's a wood elf on his father's side. Albus had me send for him occasionally when there were issues."

"I don't know what that means, Severus," Harry pushed.

"It means he's magically inclined to being able to heal none creature part human beings and has an affinity with woodland creatures- being one himself," Hermione explained quickly. Harry nodded his thanks at her. Severus didn't seem surprised that she knew.

"Petey," Harry called out, the elf appeared with a pop, "I need a formal robe, we have refugees at the door." The elf disappeared and reappeared with a dark red robe Harry had assumed was designed for greeting royalty. He went to pull it on and found he couldn't make it fasten. Severus stood slowly and fixed the collar. 

"First the collar button, sleeve tightened, buttons down the front, then the belt." He commentated softly as he fixed the robes. "This is why you require a valet." He added softly.

"Find someone you trust to hold a razor blade to my neck whilst I'm alone and wandless and I'll hire them," Harry answered flippantly before he took a breath and kissed Severus gently. "Thank you." Severus nodded. "Send for your cousin, let the gate know he's coming then go get cleaned up, take a bath and get some rest." Severus nodded. "And for future reference, you don't have to call me master in front of outsiders either." Severus looked at him sharply. "We'll discuss it later." Harry still hated feeling Severus fold mentally like that. 

 

-

 

Harry walked quickly as he turned over Severus' memory in his mind. He was expecting five centaurs and a unicorn at his door. Firenze had collapsed from his injuries and the effort of carrying what was left of his daughter all this way, he'd been halfway through explaining what had happened and Severus had done his best to make him comfortable. He had insisted Severus tend the unicorn first. She had taken three steps away from Firenze’s wife and collapsed, a large gash across her side. It looked like a sword wound. 

The memory was not enough to prepare him for what he opened the door to. Two young centaurs, it hadn't occurred to Harry before that centaur could ever be young, weeping openly one bent over the broken body of a young female. The older female had sat next to Firenze where he lay and was talking to him. The unicorn was a little way over with Severus' robe covering her for warmth. Harry knew what this was. They had given up on Firenze surviving. The two youngsters moved as Harry knelt down without thought.

"There's help on the way," he told Firenze quietly, he put his hand over the gash in the centaur's chest to try and staunch the flow of blood, "just hold on." It wasn't helping.

"Jay, I need towels and hot water, now." They arrived a second later. Harry took one and used it with the water to clean the wound. Harry had learned too much about battlefield medicine recently. He'd hoped to never have to need it. He wasn't strong enough without letting his hands transform to hold the towel tightly enough but he wouldn't have the dexterity if he did. 

"You there, what's your name, son?" Harry asked one of Firenze’s sons, he had the face of, maybe, an eight-year-old so Harry had no idea how old he actually was but he wore a bow and a dagger where his hips became front legs. The youngster looked up at him. 

"Chiron, sir." Harry indicated he move closer. 

"Well Chiron, you're a lot stronger than me, in the arms." Harry pressed the towel against Firenze’s chest. "I need you to hold this against his chest hard, as hard as you can, as long as you're not breaking anything and he can breathe you're not doing it too hard. Ok?" The young centaur nodded and moved to where Harry had kneeled as he stood. "We need to keep as much blood as possible inside him."

"Thank you, Lord Potter." Harry barely registered the words from the female. He nodded absently as he eyed the other son and the wounds on his flank and arm. 

"He needs to get that looked at," Harry told her softly, he hadn't really thought that there would be female centaurs before, "if it gets infected he could lose the arm." Harry found himself looking at his watch uselessly, where was Severus' cousin?

"Alcaeus is saying goodbye, do not disturb him now Harry Potter." Firenze murmured weakly.

"He's hurt," Harry answered, "he's your son?" Harry asked quietly. Firenze shook his head.

"She is my daughter. Carrying his foal, he has lost more than a home today." Firenze told Harry calmly. Harry wasn't sure he could have calmly laid there and watched his daughter die no matter how injured he was. Harry looked up at the sound of footfall. He had to look twice. The man being shown to them might have been Lucius Malfoy in anything but clear daylight. Harry stood and realised the man was at least a head taller than Severus; Harry hadn't expected that- from everything he'd read Severus was tall for a high elf. 

"You must be Severus' cousin?" He asked as he wiped his hands clean and put one out for the man to shake in welcome. The man gripped Harry's hand firmly for a moment and nodded. Harry ignored the surprised look, he could just imagine what the man was thinking that the Lord of the manor had dirty hands and had deigned to shake his on arriving… "She's dying," Harry nodded at the fallen female, "he's badly injured and the unicorn, Severus made her comfortable."

"Yes, Severus always did have an affinity with unicorns."  Harry watched the man kneel by Firenze and look over the injury, "we were all shocked when he ended up with a dragon heartstring wand until he started inventing spells and performing blood rites for that lunatic." Harry didn't comment.

"Anything you need?" He asked eventually. He watched as the man knelt next to the female.

"I can still save her." He said suddenly. Everyone seemed to jump with surprise. "But it has to be her decision."

"They're under my protection, on my lands, anything you need to help them it's yours," Harry answered almost automatically. 

"This is not something you can provide." The man told him, Harry didn't understand, and then the man looked at the unicorn. Harry's heart skipped a beat. "She is an inch from death."

"No-" Firenze’s response came before Harry's, he'd frozen as understanding trickled into his consciousness. 

"She is with child, the foal would be saved." Harry couldn't speak. "The unicorn is already as good as dead. Let it not be in vain." He couldn't think. "Will you allow this on your lands, Lord Potter?" Harry felt lost and confused. If he said no and she died, but could he refuse? He could feel Severus buzzing in his head. 

_Let them do it, Gaius would not suggest it were there another choice_

Harry nodded blindly. 

"Only if she agrees." He finally said. Harry still felt lost, dazed like he couldn't process what was happening.

   _might I attend?_ it took Harry a second to realise what Severus wanted.

 _you're not a child_ , Harry thought incredulously _if you want to be then come down no one is stopping you._

 _You told me to get some rest_. Harry sighed mentally, why Severus had chosen now to take every word he said as an order...Harry watched Gaius communicating with the female. Her mate seemed calmer now, less volatile. Harry approached him carefully.

"Can I see your arm?" He asked softly. The male looked at him. He was blond and his eyes were bloodshot with grief. "I can help with the arm at least, I know my fair share of basic first aid." The male looked at him.  "I'd invite you inside, but if someone asked me to leave Severus in that state I'd probably rip their head off for even suggesting it.”

"The unicorn," Severus' hand on his shoulder made Harry look up, Harry nodded absently. Gaius stood up suddenly and approached Severus. 

"Just a few drops Severus, that's all." Harry watched them interact with interest.

"Tell me you know what you're doing Gaius and that this isn't some hare-brained scheme."

"A little of both cousin, I know what I'm doing, this works or it doesn't."

"And the child,"

"Which one?" Gaius asked softly, Severus had his hand on the unicorn's face and was stroking gently between her ears. 

"Both if we can," Severus said eventually.

"You don't have the stomach for that Severus, especially on this night." Harry couldn't help his surprise at hearing that, did Severus' family not know how he'd spent the last twenty years? 

"You'd be surprised what I have the stomach for Gaius, just get on with it," Severus muttered, Harry picked up a bottle of dittany from the supplies and unstopped it. 

"This stuff stings, but it will heal this wound, just err, don't punch me if it hurts please." He was only half joking. 

"You are an unusual human, Harry Potter." Harry shrugged.

"That's probably because I'm not… wholly human," he answered and dropped the dittany over the broken flesh, he watched it sizzle and burn closed. He was trying not to watch Gaius feeding the unicorn blood to the female. Harry turned his head away and met Firenze’s gaze. He dropped his eyes guiltily. This felt like his fault whether it worked or not.

"Gaius," Severus tone had taken on a new edge as he ran his hand over the unicorn’s swollen belly, "we're running out of time."

"Do you think it can be done?" Gaius asked softly. "To save the mother and child." Harry felt the emptiness from Severus. He felt the hopelessness. 

"One or the other."

"You're the whisperer Severus, what say you?"  When Severus looked up there were tears steaming down his face. Harry nearly threw caution to the wind and transformed. He'd sworn he would protect his mate from pain and to stand by and watch this was killing him.

"Save the foal." He said after swiping a dirty hand down his face and leaving a trail of mud on his cheek where the tear had been moments before. 

"No, there's got to be a way to save them both!" Harry couldn't help himself. "You can't leave the child without a mother."

"The mother will not live without the foal, the grief would break the innocence of the creature," Firenze told him.

"This would not be the first mother sacrificed for the good of the child." Something about the way Severus said that broke Harry's, heart.

"Nor the first by your hand," Gaius commented. Harry's breath caught in his throat.

"Do you have a suitable blade, Gaius?" 

"Severus? What are you-"

"Gaius, do you have a blade!" Severus yelled out effectively drowning out everyone else. It seemed to physically pain him to shout over Harry's words. His hand was steady as his cousin handed over a small dagger. His fingers closed around it firmly. "Be ready to catch the foal," Severus ground out as he steeled himself and cast the necessary spells over the blade to sharpen and cleanse it, "Gaius, she's far along, it will be fully formed but weak." Harry knew those words weren't for Gaius' benefit. "Keep it alive. If the sacrifice is complete the foal must live until the shock is absorbed and the life..."

"Severus!" Harry didn't have chance to move before the sickening sound of a blade snicking through live flesh and the sudden gurgling spurt of unicorn blood

"Epona forgive the brutality and guide my untrained hand," Harry barely took in the murmured prayer he didn't understand. He was too shocked, too surprised that Severus had even done it. Gaius had the foal and a moment later Harry had it. He found himself automatically accepting creature, wrapping it in a clean towel and holding it close to him to keep it warm. It was no bigger than Teddy.

Severus was shaking as he sat back and flung the dagger aside. Harry moved to kneel next to him and offer his support. Severus, hands still coated in her blood, was stroking the filly's head and babbling almost incoherently. He didn't even seem to be speaking English. Harry watched him and something in his mind connected. 

"Severus...?" He asked softly, "don't they use unicorn tail hair to close wounds...?" 

"It's not the wound killing her. They aren't like us, master," Harry worked a hand free from under the foal, wrapped it around Severus' shoulders and pulled him close, "the shock, they are not built to withstand such, brutality." Harry's last shred of hope died and he watched as the unicorn clung to the last vestiges of life. It seemed to be taking an age, she made no noise and was breathing softly, she might have been resting but for the gash in her body. The longer Severus knelt there the more violently he seemed to shake.

"Severus," Harry tried, "Severus you don't have to stay." Severus looked up at him, he was ashen.

"I've killed her, the least I can do is stay with her until the end..." he whispered brokenly.

"Not if staying is killing you too," Severus was trying desperately to rebel against Harry words, he wanted to stay, he needed to stay. Harry nodded. He could feel it. He'd never felt Severus rebel like that before, it physically hurt. “Then we both stay," Harry moved gently and laid the foal next to his mother’s head. She let out a low huffing sound but didn't move. Harry didn't think she had the strength.

"We'll take care of him, I promise," Harry whispered softly. There was something about this creature, even as she died she seemed to trust them, to lean into touches and respond the voices.  Harry watched as her breathing finally slowed and stopped. Severus had his hand on her body.

"She's gone, master." Severus' voice was so low Harry wasn't sure he'd spoken aloud. Harry shrugged out of his robe and wrapped it around Severus' shoulders even as Severus pulled the robe he'd left there earlier back over the unicorn. 

 

-

Harry wouldn't let go of Severus even when they eventually found themselves inside the stables with warming charms, courtesy of Hermione, and hastily conjured seating for those who wanted.

"You can stay here, for now, this building is warm and has water. It's not much but it's the only building that’s really suitable for you. You're free to roam the lands and hunt if you'd like." Harry told Firenze. "We'll make more formal arrangements later, once you've healed. For now, I would be honoured if you would consider yourselves my guests here."

"Harry, mate," Ron was looking between them, apparently concerned, "let the man breathe, would you? You haven't let go of him yet!" Severus grip tightened on the arm Harry had around him. He looked up at his oldest friend and shook his head as Goldie appeared with a large bowl of steaming water and fresh hand cloths. Harry took the cloth automatically and dipped it into the heat. He could feel everyone's eyes on his as he went to wipe the blood from Severus' hands. Severus went to take it but Harry didn't let go.

"For once in your life let someone else take care of you, Severus," Harry muttered as much for the benefit of everyone else as for his mate who stilled and nodded. Ron seemed to get the message and didn't comment. 

"The body, Severus, before the days end…" Gaius murmured quietly. Harry cleared his throat in warning, Severus was fragile enough right now without having to deal with this. Severus didn't seem to hear Harry's attempt to cut in.

"Allow us a moment Gaius, I will join you in the woods." Gaius nodded and stood.

_is this something I should be worried about?_

_No more than you are already, master, ritual destruction of the corpse. Nothing unusual._

"Harry," he looked up at Ron and was surprised to find his friend looking concerned, "got a minute?"

"Hold on, Ron." 

"It really can't wait." An uneasy feeling settled in Harry's gut at his friend's tone and the way he was looking at Severus.

"Ok," Harry handed Severus the cloth and stood, "do whatever you need to do." He murmured softly in Severus' ear. He nodded once as he finished washing his hands. He stepped into daylight when Ron turned on him. "So what couldn't wait?" Harry asked quickly, his thoughts already back with Severus.

"Harry, don't take this the wrong way. But Snape isn't going to break if you let go of him." Harry blinked. 

"I don't-"

"You're coddling him, mate, he's a grown man he doesn't need you to wash his hands and wipe his tears away," Harry told himself not to get angry, he told himself Ron couldn't possibly understand. "The way he bows and scrapes to you, what did you do to him?" Harry's heart sank.

"What exactly are you accusing me of?" He asked quietly. Ron held up his hands in mock surrender.

"I'm not accusing you of anything, Harry, I'm just saying."

"Well don't." Harry sniped. "He's fragile right now, I've spent years feeling him slowly fall apart and had no way of even acknowledging that. Forgive me if I don't want anything else putting pressure on him right now."

"It's really that bad?" Ron asked; voice softened by shock.

"I fell asleep at my desk last night. I woke up and found him asleep on the floor outside my office door." Harry stared coolly. "So if I'm slightly overbearing you'll have to forgive me, I'm trying to keep him sane enough he doesn't start ironing his fingers when he thinks he's done something wrong!" Harry was breathing heavily as if he'd run a race. Ron had lost all colour at his outburst. 

"Harry, you're turning green!" Ron managed in a hurry between breaths. Harry caught himself, just, and made himself relax. "Have you actually transformed yet, fully?" Ron asked with wide eyes. Harry shook his head.

"Ron I've barely had time to eat and sleep." He told his friend. "I wasn't joking when I said I've been busy." 

"You got to, Harry, you can't bottle everything up. The way your body works, you realise you're a foot taller than you were a month ago like this and I’ll bet you're getting serious back pain?" Harry stared, how did Ron know that? He hadn't even told Severus.

"Harry you've got wings, you physically keep them cramped up and don't even wear larger shirts to give yourself space to flex them." Harry hated clothes that were too big, he could finally wear clothes that fit so he did, "I bet it hurts when you first stretch doesn't it?" Harry didn't answer. "I grew half a foot in three months in the fifth year, I know how quickly clothes that fit get tight and start pulling. You can afford to get clothes tailored to make room for you. Why aren't you?"

"Again Ron, time. Although speaking of clothes I did see McLaggen a few weeks ago."

"Cormac?"

"Yeah tried to pick a fight at Madame Malkin's," Harry commented. "Thinks he's the next Krum or something." Severus and Gaius stepped past them with Severus levitating the unicorn between them and looking grim. The both nodded on their way past. Harry swallowed.

"They follow the Old Ways," Ron commented. Harry shrugged.

"Severus does." He answered shortly. "So did my dad apparently." 

"And you?"

"Looking into it. We'll see." Ron nodded.

"We don't, as a family I mean. Mum and dad do but they told us all we'd find our own ways when we were ready." Ron was just filling the silence and Harry appreciated the attempt. "Charlie does, Bill says he dabbles. I haven't really had a lot of time to look yet." 

"Hey Ron," Harry asked after some silence, "How do you think your dad would feel about being the next minister for magic." Ron dropped his teacup and the smash drew attention from inside. Hermione came out first but Harry had already flicked his wand to clean up the mess.

"What was that? Are you alright?" She asked looking scandalised.

"No, Harry's lost his mind!" Harry looked out over the trees for some sign of a funeral pyre being lit, he shivered before he realised Severus was still wearing his robe. 

"What do you mean?" Hermione asked. When Ron repeated Harry's words she didn't respond at first. 

"Well, he's an excellent candidate." She answered pragmatically after a moment. Harry nodded and gestured to Hermione absently. 

"What? How is my dad, the guy who likes to tinker with muggle junk on a weekend a good candidate for the minister for magic?" 

"We’re talking about a man who raised seven war heroes, has twenty years’ experience leading a ministry department, and has better knowledge than most purebloods of muggles. And I actually respect him, which means he's better placed than Algie Longbottom!" Harry spat the man's name like it tasted bad in his mouth. It would be good for Arthur to do the job and it helped that Harry trusted he would actually do a good job. Harry knew the Weasley too well to expect them to accept money from him but the minister’s pension would see Molly and Arthur comfortable in their old age. 

"What's wrong with Algie Longbottom?" Hermione asked, interested. 

"He reminds me of Barty Crouch," Harry said shortly and Ron spluttered something about Longbottom never being a death eater. "Senior." Harry clarified. "The way he talks about Neville, I nearly punched him. And then there's the way he treated that house elf, she was old and he yelled at her like she'd killed someone because she brought me tea instead of coffee. I'm surprised he didn't beat her in front of me." Hermione winced. "I don't want to have to back a man like that to run our country," Harry admitted as smoke began to rise from the trees. They stood in silence for a moment watching the smoke rise. "So yeah, Ron, I'm serious." 

"I'll talk to him tonight and you can make some excuse for keeping politics out of mourning tomorrow night to give him time to think?"

"Like I was going to let them politicise tomorrow anyway." Harry snorted.

-

"He seems...acceptable." Gaius murmured softly. Severus considered that, from Gaius, as close to a gushing recommendation as was possible. "If a little, overbearing." Severus didn't answer.

"He was a child soldier, he is entitled to his fears now the war is ended."

"And you yours." Severus didn't answer. Gaius was the only contact Severus had with his family since his mother had died, but he had a habit of saying things that were borderline inappropriate on occasion. His eyes fell to rest on Severus’ hands where he was scratching at the flesh, he felt dirty as if the blood were still there and burning the skin.

“Of all the days…” Gaius shook his head in disbelief.

“I will answer to Epona for my actions on her sacred night,” Severus murmured. “Better my hands sullied than yours.” He added. Gaius understood without the need for further explanation, he could not return to his home with unicorn blood on his hands, especially on Eponalia, the woods would rebel.

“I am surprised he allowed it.” Severus didn’t answer immediately.

“He doesn’t understand the relevance of the date.” He said at length.

“He doesn’t follow The Ways?” Severus shook his head shortly at Gaius’ question.

“He was raised by Muggles, although I imagine he will find a path in his own time, he has indicated an interest and makes no move to curtail my practices.” Gaius nodded.

“Well I suppose, that is acceptable…” Gaius kept using that word, Severus found he couldn't help himself wondering what wouldn't be so.

"And were he not, acceptable..." Severus began.

"Something would be done." Severus stilled. His mind was whirring with surprise. He had too much experience with his mother's family and their lack of willingness to intervene to believe that.

"Nothing was done about Tobias." He answered shortly. Gaius physically winced. 

"I am not my father, nor you your mother." Gaius was searching for words and Severus was content, for the moment, to allow him the chance to choose them carefully as he watched the flames rise and helped them along with a flick of his wand.

"Should you ever, require sanctuary," Severus found himself feeling uncomfortable, Gaius was making a lot of assumptions about Harry and what he might be capable of and Severus had spent a lot of time trying to banish those thoughts from his head and allow himself to accept this life without reservations, "the woods." Gaius finished lamely. 

"I will not." 

"This one has a wand." Gaius tried. Severus clenched his jaw to stop himself snapping.

"He is not Tobias." He said again. He was used to telling himself that these days. Every time his instincts drove him to believe he'd strayed and the fear of what his master might do to him kicked in, those words, _he is not Tobias_ had become almost a personal mantra. 

"Severus, the nature of what you are..." he was clicking his jaw, irritated that Gaius was pushing the topic. “It would be enough to corrupt even the best of men. I see the way you look at him…"

"Gaius, even if your concerns were anything but idle speculation," Severus began hotly, "do you truly believe anyone could stop him doing as he wished?" Gaius' silence spoke volumes.

"I watched your mother beaten, afraid and broken by that worthless muggle," Gaius' voice was shaking angrily, "I listened to my father weep for his sister and do nothing. I watched you bruised and battered..." 

"Gaius." Severus snapped. He didn't need or want to hear this.

"You have allies Severus, and sanctuary should you require, you could disappear completely from this world and return to us if necessary." Severus watched the flames began to die out on the pyre and checked the watch on his wrist, they had been here almost two hours. He found himself looking at the watch itself and not the time.

"It will not be necessary." He answered again. He'd felt his master's nerves that morning and the concerted effort to give him some privacy in his own mind. Harry was trying; he was far too forgiving and probably somewhat over attentive and yet Severus felt it, in every conversation and interaction; a level of respect that made Severus forget sometimes that he was nothing other than chattel. Harry Potter was nothing like Tobias Snape.

-

 

The following morning dawned bright and clear and for once both Harry and Severus woke in their bed. Ron had insisted they both come to Shell Cottage to discuss the ball and for harry to speak to Arthur before he'd left the night before. Harry didn't want to move. He'd forgotten how comfortable just laying with Severus and talking, even when the conversation was difficult, was. He groaned when he checked his watch.

"We need to start getting ready. Bill and Fleur are expecting us at one. It's already half past ten." Harry yawned and stretched. "And if I know them Mrs Weasley and Fleur have already started cooking." Harry hesitated. "Which reminds me..." he felt Severus tense next to him. “Severus..." Merlin, this was hard, "you're my partner, and they’re my family." He said slowly. "They're, mostly human, they'll never understand...” Severus didn't answer. "I know your instincts are strong but it not necessary for you to act like..." Harry found himself picking the word out of Severus' head, "chattel. Because you're not, not to me."

"The situation is somewhat more complex..." Severus murmured.

"But-, help me understand then. We're here, like this and there's no pressure and we're fine. Why can't we be like this out there?" Harry could almost hear the cogs working in Severus' mind.

"It is a matter of respect." Severus finally said almost lamely. 

"Yeah no, no it's not. Because I respect you and I don't like seeing you act like that especially when you only seem to do it in front of outsiders since Halloween." Harry was becoming animated in his tone and responses.

"You will rapidly lose the respect of the populace if it becomes obvious you allow your slaves such free expression, particularly in public." Severus finally admitted bluntly. Harry was suddenly reminded of Aberforth in the cemetery. Of course, Severus had heard Aberforth comment.

"You're not my slave." Harry snapped. "You're my submissive mate there's a difference!" 

"Not to them." Harry's breath caught in his throat as he realised. Wizards didn't recognise creature relationships in the same way they did human ones.

"Then they can get educated or get lost. I don't want the respect of anyone who would base that on my apparent willingness to treat you like rubbish!" He eventually snapped. They were the ones in the wrong.

"Even the law?" Harry wasn't sure what Severus was getting at, it wasn't like Harry was in any danger. With the Dementors gone from Azkaban Harry was as certain as he could be that the ministry had nowhere they could possibly hold him even if they did try and prosecute him for anything he did.

"So what? I don't care what the law says," Harry commented.

"I do." Harry sat up and stretched his wings. He could feels Severus' annoyance, the lack of faith that Harry would tear the world apart to get to him if anyone tried to part them. Harry didn't want to get into that conversation now, that level of trust would come with time.

"Why? You and I both know that the law only applies to people who can't afford to break it." Severus fixed Harry with a knowing look. "Knowing Lucius Malfoy has its benefits, you learn things from watching him." 

"You are not Lucius Malfoy," Severus observed, "Lucius is... slippery," Harry smirked. That was a good way to describe the man. He always seemed to escape real damage, but he wasn't untouchable. On consideration, Harry could see why Severus was worried he'd take the same route.

"Fine, you don't want me to break the law..." he stopped to think for a moment, "I'll change it instead." Severus was staring at him as if he'd spontaneously grown an extra head. 

"You can't be serious?"

"Why not? You and I both know I'm rich, politically powerful and independently influential enough to do it in a heartbeat. The muggles got rid of the stupid ownership and inheritance laws half a century ago. I wouldn't even need to argue that strongly to get it done." 

“Incorrigible,” Severus muttered softly as he sat up. Harry laughed.

“I’m serious though, Ron’s been writing and the way he keeps dropping hints about you. I get the impression they’re holding you personally responsible for Ginny surviving last year at Hogwarts, which means it’s my neck on the line if they think you’re not being treated properly.” Severus’ didn’t answer for a moment. “We all know what Carrow was like, it was all over the papers, and somehow she never got a detention with him?” Harry commented pointedly.

“Being appointed interim headmaster had its uses.” Severus acquiesced, Carrow liked young girls, it was one of the reasons the Dark Lord had posted him at Hogwarts, he had no respect for words like ‘no’ or ‘stop’ and tended to take begging for mercy as encouragement to continue. Severus had seen the man at too many Death Eater revels to allow him near any female student alone if he could help it, even if the idea had been that the threat of such a thing would make them behave.

“I don’t ever want to be on the receiving end of one of her Bat-Bogey Hexes because she got the wrong impression about our relationship. Not if she thinks she owes you.”

“She owes nothing.” Harry fixed Severus with a long look.

“It's your funeral if you try and tell her that." Severus knew better than most how dangerous Ginerva Weasly was but that comment seemd a little hyperbolic to his ears. Harry sighed when he felt Severus' skepticism. "It's not just her. You don’t get to choose whether the Weasley’s have adopted you or not, you just have to accept it, the seven brothers, and the annual knitted jumper that comes with the territory.”

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> According to several ancient sources, Saturnalia tradition dictates that a smaller, private gift of low or indeterminate value is more welcome than something flashy or show-offy (i.e make sure you take the price tag off if you spent any real money on it). Gag gifts were a sign of close friendship whereas high-value ostentatious gifts like slaves or property were for business acquaintances and government officials you wanted to butter up. basically, only brown nosers and smarmy so-and-so's give obviously expensive gifts. 
> 
> So, Before anyone asks, no, Severus has not realised that he's wearing something like £20k worth of watch on his wrist, he's vaguely aware that Rolexes are expensive-ish but he's assumed that as the one he's wearing isn't covered in diamonds or made of solid gold, it's cheaper especially as he knows Harry will have come across something about the gift giving etiquette of the occasion. Harry has, but he's given it in the spirit that he thinks because the watch doesn't look like much it's still private and meaningful and it's the thought behind it that's most important. The watch in the image came out this year but I love it so much I'm willing to throw the fact that timeline is based in the 1990s out the window to put it on Severus' wrist.
> 
> To clarify the timeline, The first day of Saturnalia is the 17th, this is the day Severus spent mostly alone and with Lucius, the 18th is Eponalia and the day most of this chapter takes place in. The ball is scheduled for the 23rd, the last day of the traditional Saturnalia festival. Harry has made a minor mistake and given Severus a gift on Eponalia because Severus had already told him he had plans for most of the first day and it was a religious date. Harry assumed the gift giving kicked off the festivities (as in British/ broadly Christian tradition that he grew up with) the day after rather than on The Sigillaria on 19 December which was the traditional date for gift giving- Severus didn't say anything because there was no need, he appreciated the effort Harry made and didn't consider it a major issue plus the tradition varies enough between sources and families that Gift-giving was not confined to the Sigillaria and was appropriate on any day during the festival as per personal preference.


	11. Family Dinner

"I'm heading down to the stables before we go, check on Firenze and his family... the unicorn," Harry said over a light and quite late breakfast they were sharing. He watched Severus' hand stall slightly as he raised a cup of coffee to his lips. He recovered himself quickly and Harry frowned to himself. He knew Severus felt off, he just couldn't put his finger on the exact issue. "Gaius will probably be down there as well, I asked him to stay last night, he took the  guest wing, I wanted to make sure everyone was healing properly before he left and that he wasn't travelling in the middle of the night." Severus seemed surprised. Gaius had too. 

"He will not have expected such... hospitality." Harry wanted to know why not but he wasn't sure he wanted to ask. 

"Did I, do the wrong thing?" Harry wasn't sure what the done thing was in situations like this. 

"Not wrong," Severus commented, "unexpected, to anyone who does not know you." Harry blinked rapidly. 

"I don't understand."

"Gaius would have been grateful for a corner of hay in an outbuilding and permission to stay and tend the sick, you offered him a bed." Harry set down his toast and crossed his arms In front of his chest.

"What have I missed? He seemed about as human as you or I, I thought he'd want a bed and I'm grateful he came and stayed- he didn't have to." Severus nodded.

"Precisely." Harry was still confused. 

_Most wizards would not care to see a non-human stranger under his roof._

"I... think that's a compliment..." Harry commented with a frown.

"An observation." Severus clarified after a moment. Harry dropped the topic. Apparently, humans were stupider on the whole than he'd ever considered -he was suddenly quite glad he was no longer considered legally one of them. 

"Are you coming to the stables then?" Severus wouldn't meet his gaze.

"That would be unwise." Harry opened his mouth and closed it. 

"Again I don't...?" He shook his head slowly, confused. 

"Firenze will not wish to see me." Harry pulled a face.

"You saved his daughter, his grandchild and that unicorn foal last night. Why wouldn't he?" 

"Firenze brought the female here under his protection," Severus stood abruptly, "I slaughtered her." Harry gaped. "My presence would be unwise." And he swept from the room. Harry could do little more than stare. Severus and his logic, it boggled the mind.

-

"Your mate is indisposed this morning, Lord Potter?" Firenze asked softly from where he was stood in the doorway. Harry really wanted to fake a smile but he couldn't bring himself to do it as he approached the stable. 

"You might say that," Harry answered instead. Lucius' influence was definitely rubbing off on him, he could speak and say nothing far too easily these days. "How are you?" Harry asked indicating the wound on the centaur’s chest.

"Healing," Firenze looked at him directly, "grateful. You have saved our lives, Harry Potter." Harry scratched his neck awkwardly. "Hagrid is an excellent judge of character." 

"How is he?"

"Possibly bruised, well," Firenze answered shortly. 

"You said Ronan, did this?" Firenze nodded. "I know he doesn't like humans but..." Harry shook his head in disbelief. 

"To attack a pregnant, er..." he hesitated suddenly tripping on the terminology and not wanting to offend, "woman?" He finished with a lilt of question. Firenze half nodded. "That's just...It's not the child's fault." 

"Hatred is blind and bitterness is illogical," Firenze answered softly. "The herd at Hogwarts is thin in these times, and thinned further by our departure.”

"Well, you're always welcome on my lands," Harry told him. "It's the least I can do." Firenze didn't answer except with another regal nod of thanks. Harry couldn't get used to not looking up at him from his new height.

"How are they today? Your family, the unicorn foal?" Harry asked.

"Alive. Well." Harry nodded, he knew better than to worry over Firenze's lack of conversation. He was probably observing Saturn or something.

"If there's anything you need, the house elves have been instructed to help in any way we can. I'm not around as much as I'd like but if I'm in, by all means, send for me if you need anything as well." Harry told him. 

"The foal requires sustenance," Firenze said after a moment. "Now the first night is passed." Firenze's wife had spent most of the night with the foal after Harry had been forced to all but order Severus away when it became apparent staying was draining him beyond simple tiredness. 

"Your mate fears my wrath," Firenze said softly as they stepped into the stable side by side. 

"I don't think Severus knows what fear is," Harry answered smoothly, he was not about to give anyone any reason to think Severus couldn't handle himself. "But he has a healthy and well-honed sense of self-preservation." Firenze let out a sound that made Harry jump, it took him a moment to realise the centaur was laughing. 

"Well, he certainly has nothing to fear whilst you are present." Harry bit down on his tongue to stop himself responding without thinking. He wasn't sure he could take the centaur in a fair fight, but he had a wand and for Severus, he was more than willing to fight dirty. He hoped he didn’t have to but he didn’t think it was a good idea to ask if that meant Firenze was a danger to Severus if Harry wasn't around.

"You took an arrow to the chest to protect your wife." Harry returned in kind. "Are we not alike?" Firenze looked at him curiously. 

"You are changing, Harry Potter." Harry had no answer. He knelt down and the foal climbed to its feet. His heart melted, he couldn't help it, it was such a beautiful sight it nearly brought him to tears. The foal made it two steps and collapsed, exhausted. Harry reached out and patted it gently. 

"It's alright little one you'll get there." He murmured softly. "You're bigger already look." He wasn't joking, the unicorn seemed to have doubled in size.

"Your mate saved this life, he must be exhausted." Harry looked up at Firenze's wife, he didn't understand. "He gave his power to this foal that it might live the night through." Harry's heart sank, well that would explain why Severus had been so tired. Harry hadn't known such a thing was possible. It had to be an elf thing. 

"He slept like the dead," Harry commented, he wasn't exaggerating, all night he'd been up and down like a jack-in-a-box worrying about how deeply Severus was sleeping. Even if he hadn't consciously known clearly his instincts had felt the impact of what Severus had done and knew to watch him closely.

"He is a miracle." She said softly. Harry half smiled absently, he wasn't sure if she was talking about Severus or the foal as he watched it try once again to clamber to its feet. It didn't matter- his answer was the same.

"Yes, he is." He answered; voice softened by the sight before him. 

-

 

"Harry, dear, how are you?" Molly flung her arms around him and hugged Harry hard. He hugged her back and smiled as she let go. "Still too thin." She commented in her usual way. Harry laughed. "And Severus!" He got all of the split seconds warning before Molly was hugging him as well. "We've been wanting to see you for months!" Harry was distracted by the alarmed look Severus was shooting at him as Molly let go. Harry couldn't help his laughter. "You're both far too pale! Come in come in. Harry, dear, Arthur wants a word when you've got a minute." Harry turned to Severus to find Ginny and George on his other side.

 

 _What is this? Why is she hugging me? What do they want?_ The barrage of emotions from Severus left Harry feeling somewhere between bemused and saddened. 

_I told you so. Molly's a hugger just accept it, she's going to try feed you next. Let her. And I don't eat anything George has touched._

_Ah yes, I remember_.

A memory of someone turning into a giant canary bounced between them. Harry smirked. Ron finally took hold of him and pulled him to one side. 

"Slip away now whilst they're all distracted and talk to dad. He's in the kitchen with Bill and Charlie." Harry nodded and brushed his hand against Severus' arm to let him know he was about to disappear. Ron pulled him into the warmth of the kitchen a moment later. "He was up talking to mum all last night, Charlie, Percy and Bill were at the burrow this morning for breakfast." 

Harry suddenly felt awkward when they all stood as he stepped into the room and Arthur actually greeted him formally. 

"Mr Weasley, please don't do that." He asked softly. "You've known me for half my life." The man smiled at him. "You took me in." Harry was horrified to find himself feeling an upswell of emotion in his chest. "Treated me like one of your own. I couldn't bear to be so formal with you." Arthur smiled and gripped Harry's arm tight.

"Well if we're discussing being formal you need to start calling me Arthur then, I insist." Harry swallowed back his emotions and nodded.

"Ok, Arthur." He joined them at the table and Bill put a cup in front of him. Harry helped himself to the teapot and milk on the tray. "I take it Ron told you what I said yesterday?" He asked as he busied himself with his tea. Arthur shot a look at Charlie who spoke first.

"Harry, dad sent for us last night. It's a big thing we're talking about here and a campaign, well," Charlie hesitated, "campaigns are expensive."

"I'll bankroll it if you agree, I wouldn't ask you to do this and take any risk I'm not willing to insure," Harry said almost automatically. Charlie and Arthur exchanged a look. 

"What exactly do you want out of this Harry?" Charlie asked slowly. Harry shook his head slightly in confusion.

"A good minister. Someone decent and trustworthy."

"Really? You put Lucius Malfoy in the _Wizengamot_ , half the new Aurors are loyal to you first.”

"How exactly is it my fault the whole DA signed up? Because I taught them how to fight when everyone else should have left us cowering in the dark or running away?" 

"Calm down Harry, we're not accusing you of anything. Just think. Think how this would look."

"Like a competent wizard wants to run the country. What else would it look like?" He demanded.

"What are you trying to achieve?" Charlie pushed again. Harry set his teacup down. His hands were shaking and he couldn't quite figure out why.

"A country where someone like Voldemort cannot exist." He answered finally. "And someone like Hermione gets the same opportunities as someone like Draco Malfoy." Arthur was nodding slowly to himself. Harry felt like this was some kind of test. 

"I will declare my intention to run the day after the ball. On one condition." Harry waited impatiently. "You do not declare your public support for my candidacy until the very last moment." Harry wasn't sure what game Arthur was playing. It was a better offer than he'd hoped for. He nodded. "I will not be your puppet, Harry," Arthur added. Harry froze. It hadn't even occurred to him.

"If I wanted a puppet I would have backed Aurelius Flint." He answered shortly. 

-

Harry sat at the table immersed in the conversation with Severus at his side picking at his food. Severus seemed to have slowed down in his eating in the last ten minutes. He nudged his mate surreptitiously.

_You don't have to finish it, Molly knows she overfills everyone's plates she won't be offended_

Severus looked up, apparently surprised that Harry had noticed.

_She always serves_ _portions this size?_

Harry nodded slightly. 

 _Until very recently this family had less than nothing..._ He frowned as a half-formed memory from Severus' childhood flitted between them and Harry understood; Knowing there was barely enough food at home for those who lived there even without guests, Severus had never learned to shake the feeling that not finishing a meal was wasteful or that food was a scarce commodity even after all those years at Hogwarts.

_One thing you'll learn about them, there's always room for one more at the Weasley table._

"Hey, Harry!" He looked over at George who had pushed his plate away and was talking animatedly. "The England team are recruiting for a seeker, don't you think it's about time you got back on a broom?" Harry pulled a face.

"Not unless you've got some new product that'll change my features for a whole game. I don't fancy being recruited on my name." George's smile faltered and then a look passed over his expression that made Harry nervous. 

"I come up with something that can hide your ugly mug for twenty-four hours you'll do the tryout?" He pushed with a sly grin.

"George, you come up with something that'll hide my scar and make my hair lie flat for 24 hours I'll buy a lifetime supply and move into the team room at the Stadium!" Half the table erupted in laughter. Severus snickered softly. Harry shot him a surprised look, he wasn't the only one. Severus almost lost his nerve until he felt Harry's leg brushing his own under the table. 

_Say it, I can't wait to see their reactions_

"Three potions prodigies including yours truly couldn't brew sleek-eaze strong enough to hold James' hair flat on his wedding day, what chance do you think you have to keep it down on a broom?" Harry smirked and ignored the shocked silence around them. Ron mouthed something that looked suspiciously like 'But Sirius?' And Harry shook his head shortly and shrugged with an eye roll in a gesture that clearly said 'long story.' 

"I don't, which is why George is never going to get me on a Quidditch pitch." 

"Harry that's not fair if he can't brew it you know George can't!" Ron moaned theatrically and Harry shot him a grateful look.

"Hey!" George looked offended.

"Come off it, George, youngest certified potions master ever, taught you for five years and you passed two owls and left school at fifteen." Ron scoffed

"Actually," Severus had the knack of getting everyone's attention with a single word. Severus was looking at George intently. George glared.

"I er, I got an O in potions." 

"You're joking!" 

"He is not. I assure you I remember every student's potions mark for the last twenty years." 

"No one remembers that much."

"Teacher's habit," Severus answered shortly.

"Well even still, no way is George going to brew anything that will work and since Krum retired after that injury he got defending Durmstrang all the other top league seekers are boring." Harry looked up, surprised and intrigued, of course, Ron would know why Viktor had retired- it would be all over the sports pages. Severus didn't seem surprised that Ron was back on Quidditch so quickly.

"Well then Ron, better hope the Aurors teach you enough potions to help George figure it out." Harry quipped.

"Not bloody likely!" Ron shot back. "The ministry potions master is completely incompetent." 

"That can't be fair, Ronald." Hermione cut in mildly. "Who is it?"

"They pulled old dotty out of retirement," Ron said with an eye roll, "and he makes sure we know he's only there doing the ministry a favour, worse than Slughorn for milking it that one."

"Dear Merlin." Severus low curse seemed to catch everyone's attention again. "Tell me you aren't referring to Agricola Dotty?" Ron nodded.

"Why? Do you know him?" Severus actually lost some colour.

"Know him?" Severus paused and Harry caught he had been about to say as an errant thought bouncing between them.

_He's a crackpot old fool with a penchant for failing to improve already perfectly acceptable potions!_

"The last time he submitted to a peer-reviewed journal six different rebuttals were published in the following Issue." Harry was glad he wasn't the only one who didn't know what that meant. Hermione looked interested though. 

"What was his hypothesis?" Harry turned back to George who was scribbling something on a napkin, he looked over at Charlie.

"Hey Charlie you know magical creatures, what do we feed a unicorn orphaned at birth to keep him strong?" He asked. He watched as Charlie's eyed slid over Severus who was studiously not looking back. So it wasn't something new that Severus had done then.

"He survived the first night without his mother?" Harry nodded his own eyes looking down at Severus' hand next to his own on the table. 

"With great difficulty." Charlie nodded. To his side, Severus was still talking with Hermione. No one was still eating and Molly was watching him closely.

"He proposed the use of ground eranthis hyemalis as a substitution for aconite in the wolfsbane potion in your sixth year." Hermione gasped and Harry looked back. She was the only one still willing and able to follow the conversation although George glanced up at Hermione's gasp and shook his head knowingly.

"Thick milk every two hours night and day," Charlie told him. "Horse milk is good, thestral or centaur milk is better if there's no unicorn available." Harry was fascinated by how that worked. "They're all magical, powerful and physiologically similar."  

"Part or horselike and grow like they've been hit with a bad engorgement charm?" Charlie nodded at his conclusion. 

 

"I've known giants and elves do it too, giants grow the same way, and elves their magic makes up for the pure protein and bulking quality of other options. We mixed seals milk and dragon’s blood once on an orphan we had on the reserve, the foal grew to seventeen hands." Harry assumed that was impressive and made a mental note.

"How did you get the dragon's blood?"

"Dragons get into scraps and like to play fight, especially the young ones." Harry nodded that made sense. 

"But the poisonous qualities of the aconite is what calms the wolf, I wrote about that in my potions owl on the extra credit question." Harry looked up at Hermione's voice and smirked as he exchanged a knowing look and a smile with Ron. Neither had even bothered to check if the written potions exam had an extra credit essay question.

"Quite. Although a cheaper ingredient the change would render the potion-"

"Less than useless, it would react with the base and cause hallucinations!" Severus nodded slowly. He hadn't had a conversation about experimental potions with someone who could keep up in years. It made a nice change. 

"So who submitted rebuttals?" Severus considered for a moment.

"Slughorn, Gail, Jigger, Tinct and the headmaster all wrote extensively to the editor, and of course as the creator of the potion my opinion was requested."

"You invented the Wolfsbane potion!" Ron's yell drew attention again. Harry noticed that neither Molly (as she'd insisted Harry call her) or Arthur looked surprised. "But when? You must have been," Ron started visibly counting on his fingers, "our age!"

"Ron it was right there next to the recipe in Advanced Potion-Making," Harry commented. Ron sputtered out a laugh. 

"Just because you slept with it doesn't mean we all did!" Harry let out a laugh.

_You slept with it..._

_I got your old copy off Slughorn, so you were right to try go through my bag after I cursed Draco, I spent my nights reading your notes_

Severus visibly shook his head in disbelief. 

_Why would you use a spell I had marked as for enemies? Surely you knew better than that!_

_In my defence, I wasn't certain it was you at the time. And I had no idea what it did._

"Guys seriously you need to stop doing that." Ron interrupted suddenly. "It's really weird when you suddenly go silent halfway through a conversation because you're carrying it on in your heads." Harry looked up and both George and Hermione were nodding in agreement.

"Yes, I invented the Wolfsbane potion when I was eighteen," Severus answered shortly. "As part of the experimental certificate required to attain a mastery." 

"Anyone else feeling slightly inadequate right now?" Harry quipped. Severus fixed him with a curious look and Harry returned one kind.

_What made you go for lycanthropy of all things?_

_I promised Remus I'd try for a cure, the disease is a scourge and the dark lord required a bargaining chip to take to the Wild packs._

"Well if you do imagine how the rest of us feel, Harry." George cut in, Harry was about to answer but Ron was already speaking.

"I still don't understand what's so bad about old dotty, beside him being a bit," Ron lifted his hand and made a swirling motion with his finger next to his temple, "Dotty by name Dotty by nature."

_Voldemort wanted wolfsbane!_

_I was not about to accept James or Lucius paying for a no-name half-blood to take the qualification..._

_I wish you wouldn't talk like that, no one cares about your name and blood..._

 

"You would be better placed to have Neville Longbottom teaching the course." Harry thought Severus was joking. When he didn't smile or give any other indication that he wasn't speaking in jest Harry's heart sank. "At least he lacks the necessary arrogance required to cause any real damage in a potions classroom." Ron's freckles were suddenly a lot more visible as the blood drained from his face.

"Harry, you don't still have that old textbook do you?" Harry was still reeling that Severus, of all people, would deem anyone more incompetent with a cauldron than Neville.

_Longbottom is clearly a competent student and understood the theory but lacked confidence..._

_And whose fault was that?_

 

Severus' thoughts fell silent. 

 

_Did it never occur to you that he probably grew up hearing your name? You're mentioned, more than once, in the Lestrange death eater trial transcripts._

_How would you know that?_

_Because when they accused me of pulling names from them to make trouble I read them._

_Yes, it occurred to me. It was very much apparent._

"It's in the room of requirement somewhere, probably burned up though." He answered absently. He was trying to keep a lid on his anger, this had to be the first time he’d felt angry at Severus since they had left Hogwarts.

_So? What exactly were you playing at?_

"Damn." They were both drawn back into the conversation for a moment.

_Is he_ _not aware your copy was once mine?_

Harry snorted.

_Oh no, he knows it was yours, he's just sat through way too many of your potions classes to dare ask for your help- I think he'd rather take the risk with Dotty than annoy you ever again. I don't think you know exactly how terrifying you can be._

"Seriously Harry, stop it!" Harry forced a laugh. The atmosphere between he and Severus was thickening rapidly.

"Sorry Ron, force of habit." 

"I suggest you invest in a beazor and remain vigilant in his classroom." Severus offered slowly. 

_Frank took three days to break, I was right there and even when his mind snapped he did not betray me. Alice spent two days screaming for her infant son._

Harry visibly winced. Ron must have thought it was at the thought of the ministry potions master. 

"Right. Yeah..." Ron seemed to be shocked by fear, eventually, he nodded, "Yeah, I'll er... I'll bear that in mind. Thanks." 

_If Longbottom could face my ire three times a week with no recourse or support he would make short work of any other name in that trial transcript when the time came._

_You're lucky he didn't try to kill you last year!_

_He did, twice._

 

"What? When?" Harry lost all track of anything else in his shock. Severus stared blankly at his outburst.

"When what?" Ron asked pointedly.

"Neville tried to kill him last year!" Harry's voice was still too loud from shock. The room fell silent.

"Well," Ginny said eventually, "what do you expect, Harry?" Harry looked around questioningly, he seemed to be the only one who was surprised. "Harry we were prisoners of war, of course, we were going to do what we could to make life difficult for the other side." Harry's eyes widened. "And try to kill the highest-ranking enemy official we could get near." Ginny at least had the decency to look apologetically at Severus. Harry looked back at Severus in shock. Why was he the only one this was news to?

"I considered it a compliment that several well-brewed poisons found their way to my plate." Ginny let out a laugh. Even Harry snorted. The comment went a good way to cutting the sudden atmosphere.

"Dear Merlin he's actually funny!" Ron joked. 

"On occasion, Master Weasley." Harry stilled. Right on cue all five male Weasley's looked up at the sound of their last name. Severus glanced around and Harry felt the rising panic from him. Had they missed hi slip?

"There are five Mister Weasley’s," Harry commented, "used to them calling you that." He said softly, just loud enough to be heard. "This could get confusing." Harry reacted with lightning speed and grabbed Severus' hand before he could move as he processed the thought that sparked between them.

_They are your family, I am your property_

Harry's face set in anger. Something snapped, something important. 

"Hey, Hermione, how do you feel about a new civil rights debate." Hermione looked interested. Harry all but felt Severus' blood run cold. 

"What debate?" 

"The right of submissive part human sentient creatures not to be legally stripped of all rights, protections and human privileges the moment they enter a relationship according to their instincts." Her eyes went wide, slid to Severus then rapidly away. 

"It eez more complicated zhan you theenk 'Arry." Fleur piped up. "Zhe law cannot intervene in a non-uman relationship." Of course, Fleur's family were part Veela, she would know. 

"She's not wrong," Hermione said slowly. She was still trying to work out Harry's angle.

"Oh really?" Harry had nearly blown up when he'd realised the extent of the legal position. "Hermione they're not just saying they won't get involved they're literally stripping people of their citizenship regardless of whether they're involved consensually or not." 

"What? Since when?"

"It's not a new thing, they did the same to my dad. Technically, I inherited everything from my mum. You should see the letter I got from the ministry, It was like something out of the dark ages!"

"Harry, did you have to get her started now?" Ron groaned. Hermione had a new fire in her eyes. 

"I'll research it when I get back to school, Harry, there's got to be something." 

"When do you go back?" Harry asked. When Hermione said the fifth he wanted to throw something.

"Not soon enough. I want to be ready to present this in the new year opening session. Before the election. I have a lot of research but you know I'm awful at essays." Harry felt Severus' stab of surprise. That explained a lot of the workload he'd been dealing with.

"The opening session is in March, Harry."

"NEWT students tend to start having breakdowns in February." Harry reminded her. She looked annoyed. 

"I'm only taking eight subjects I have time. I'll send it to you." Harry felt himself relax, if Hermione was on the case he could safely assume it was dealt with. He was glad he'd come today, things were becoming manageable again.


	12. Tension

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This was emotionally draining to write

Harry woke suddenly to an urgent tugging on his hand. He sat upright automatically as he scrambled for his glasses in the dark. 

"Master your mate!" It took Harry a second to process what Petey was saying, he was too busy wondering where Severus was. "Master, his is in there, he sounds distressed." Harry climbed out of the bed and approached the door to the ensuite. He wasn't sure what he was hearing.

"Severus?" He knocked sharply but got no discernible response. Something didn't feel right. Harry knocked again and got no answer. "Severus answer me or I swear I'll knock this door through!" Harry was starting to panic at the sounds he could hear. It sounded like someone crying, no, sobbing. Harry was very much wishing, hoping and praying that the panic he was feeling was just his own. Harry waited all of two seconds before he slammed his entire upper body into the door and the lock popped open easily. He nearly lost his balance as the door swung open. He stumbled into the brightly lit bathroom with one hand up to shield his eyes from the glare of the bulb.

 The scene he found pushed him over the edge and he let out an inhuman roar of horror as he transformed. Severus was on his knees, soaking wet, having clearly just climbed out of the shower. He was scratching at his arms and body, drawing blood and sobbing. On closer inspection Harry would find that Severus was using a wire scrubbing brush on every part of his skin he could reach and what looked like scouring charms on the rest. Harry moved at breakneck speed, he grasped Severus' hands and wrapped them around his own body as he knelt to stop the man scratching and clawing at himself and pulled Severus into his body before cocooning both of them in his wings.

 Severus felt small in his arms like this and he was shaking, clearly distraught beyond any ability to speak coherently. Harry tucked his chin over Severus' head and rocked gently as he tried to calm his mate. Harry buried his face in Severus' hair, not caring that it was wet and knotted and dove into their shared mindscape. The Severus there wasn't in much better condition either, he kneeled in a pool of his own vomit and all but catatonic. Harry couldn't reach him no matter how hard he tried. In a panic, he launched himself at the pensive and the clearest memory rose to the top _. Severus staring down at his hands. His hands covered blood. The dagger glinting in the twilight as he pressed it into the warm flesh of the unicorn. The sound and feel of her body yielding to the blade. The blood, so much blood. All over his hands. He would never be clean of this. The blood, so much blood. All over his hands..._

Harry yanked himself of out the memory and gripped Severus tighter as he keened and whimpered against his chest. Harry lifted his hand to touch Severus and was surprised to find a fully formed claw, he was confused for a moment before he realised how oddly proportioned his own body felt. He pressed the claw clumsily against the side of Severus' head, his nails caught in his mate’s hair and he had to comb them through it to untangle himself. Severus seemed to respond to the touches so Harry did it again, careful not to catch the scalp below he found himself coaxing most of the knots out of Severus' hair with his fingertips as the sobbing softened into low cries and uneven breathing.

Eventually, Harry's knees started to go numb against the tiles and Severus was shivering, Harry reached out blindly and pulled a towel from the rack. He wrapped it around his mate, Severus actually whimpered at the loss when Harry moved his wings away for a moment to be able to do it. Harry pressed the towel as gently as he could against the fresh injuries. He felt ill. How had he allowed Severus to come to this? He'd seemed to be improving, there had been no sign... he'd seemed a little off but not like this...

Harry stood slowly, carrying Severus with him, ignoring his alarm about the lack of discernible weight long enough to realise that he really was that much stronger in this form. Harry would never be fully sure how he got Severus into the bed, he would remember experiencing every broken cry and soft whimper of pain in excruciating detail, he would remember the way Severus had realised where he was and had tried to, to offer himself like that, the half mumbled apologies for being a nuisance and inconvenience, he would remember taking Severus' hands and holding them down so he didn't start scratching again he would remember the mumbled pleas to be allowed to 'remedy this', the horror and shame that Severus felt he had to do that, he would remember how the words 'worthless, filthy, weak," had hit him like a blast of cold water and he'd started to shush and rebuke and deny them in a voice he barely recognised as his own.

Eventually, Severus had passed out, exhausted. Harry spent several minutes just holding him, watching him breathe. He didn't know what to do, this was beyond anything he knew how to fix. He tucked a warm blanket around Severus and ordered Petey to let him know if Severus so much as twitched. Harry paced the manor for nearly an hour before he found Gaius sat at a window seat. He approached carefully, slowly, the transformation had begun to reverse but he was still too het up to return to a fully human form. Gaius looked up at him and his eyes widened in shock. 

"You're his cousin," Harry said shortly. "How do I fix this?" Gaius seemed to know what Harry meant.

"Allow him the space to grieve and repent,"

"He's got nothing to repent he's done-"

"He killed a unicorn on Eponalia." Gaius was as quick as Harry was to interrupt. "You humans will never understand the strength that took." 

"Try me." Harry dared. Gaius looked at him searchingly before turning his head to stare back out the window over the night. "I walked to what I thought was my own death, stone cold calm," Harry told him coolly. "I put myself on the sacrificial altar." Gaius blinked slowly as he stared out over the grounds.

"Severus had always had a deeply spiritual being, his faith carried him through many trials." Gaius murmured slowly, Harry wasn't sure what this had to do with the breakdown he'd witnessed tonight, "he always kept his faith and honoured his patrons appropriately," Harry tapped his foot impatiently, "until this. He desecrated the land and the day with his actions."

"He saved three lives," Harry snapped, "he looked at the situation and did what no one else had the bollocks to, including you or me." Gaius didn't answer. "He looked objectively, calculated the best outcome the acted accordingly."

"... for the greater good." Gaius finally said. 

"Yes." Gaius finally looked at Harry as if he expected a sudden moment of clarity. It never came.

"Severus has never been prone to acting in favour of the greater good when there were innocent lives on the line. His instincts do not allow such a thing." Harry stared. Severus had spent his life fighting for the greater good, making objective decisions and sacrifices when others couldn't or wouldn't. "Severus has served many masters in his life, those who were cruel and declared it kindness and kind tovthe point of cruelty. None knew him as you do." Harry wasn't understanding. 

"I don't need a history lesson, I need a way to help him, properly before he seriously harms himself!" 

"He would never."

"You didn't see him tonight," Harry growled out. He was actually scared that this had been more than a mental break. 

"He would never damage or destroy his master's property." Harry felt like he'd been hit with a blasting curse at those words. They shook him to his core. "He knows his place in this world." 

"You know I'm getting sick of everyone assuming he's a slave! I'm getting sick of the people who are supposed to care about him apparently perfectly happy to see him broken and chained. Why don't you care? Why haven't any of you tried to kill me yet?" Harry's voice was climbing and the lamps that lined the wall were flickering. Gaius was apparently unmoved by Harry's display of anger and power.

"Because his word protects you." Harry let out a snort of derision. "He has deemed you worthy. And we respect that."

"Well, maybe you shouldn't! I'm eighteen years old! I'm nowhere near equipped to give him the life he deserves and the support he needs, and you stand there and do nothing." 

"You give him the life he chooses until that changes you have our trust." Harry didn't notice Gaius grabbing his arm until it was too late and the pain lanced through it as the transformation from claw to hand took place. It took all of Harry's will to stay upright under the pain of it.

"What, stop!" He swiped uselessly with his other arm and as suddenly as the pain began it ended. Gaius' expression hadn't changed. "What was that?" Harry demanded as he rubbed his wrist absently and flexed his fingers.

"A taste," Gaius answered softly. "Of the pain I can and will inflict on you should my cousin's trust be misplaced." Harry couldn't find it in himself to be angry. He'd all but asked for it. He swallowed back his retort and nodded

"I would expect nothing less." Gaius looked back out the window.

"Send for his brother." 

"He doesn't have a brother."

"The human brother, the one who protected him at school." Gaius clarified. Harry blinked. 

"You mean Lucius." He breathed and Gaius nodded. 

"He understands The Ways." Harry had already turned back down the corridor. Harry apparated the moment he crossed the manor threshold and landed right outside the main door of Malfoy Manor. He lifted his hand and hammered on the door. After a moment of yelling a house elf answered.

"I need to speak to Lord Malfoy, now!" He didn't have time to be polite. The house elf squeaked something about Lucius being asleep. "Unless he's dead you take me to him now!" The elf squealed lowly and bowed, dear Merlin those things were irritating sometimes. "Tell him if he wants his brother to live he'll see me." The elf finally disappeared and Harry waited. Eventually, Lucius appeared.

"Someone better be dying, Potter." He snapped. Harry might have laughed if he weren't so distraught. He barely noticed as he followed Lucius into the main room.

"Help me understand. Why killing a unicorn broke him." He didn't have time to beat around the bush.

"Potter, it is four o clock in the morning, you are not a sphinx, speak plainly or not at all." 

"Severus, he broke, he nearly scrubbed his own skin off!" Harry yelled. "It looks like he tried to kill himself!" Lucius dropped the cup of coffee he'd accepted from the elf. "He took to himself with a wire brush! I don't know what to do Lucius, I don't know how to fix this! You know him, what do I do?" 

"Well firstly, Potter, you calm down," Harry growled. "Now, you mentioned a unicorn," Harry told the story quickly. By the time he got to the part about Severus and Gaius taking the body into the woods Lucius was pulling on a travelling cloak. 

"When was this?" Lucius demanded sharply.

"Yesterday, we spent the day at the burrow today, he seemed fine, a little awkward but he was always going to feel out of place in a house full of Weasley's. We came home, we went to bed. Next thing I know he's locked himself up and-" 

"Sweet Epona forgive him!" Lucius' curse made Harry start. 

"That's what he said, and guide his untrained hand. That's what he said right before he-" Harry made a cutting motion with his hand. "What does that mean?" Lucius fixed Harry with a look.

"First know that he wasn't trying to kill himself." Harry wasn't sure how Lucius knew that, or that he'd managed to help Harry calm down any by saying so. "You were raised by muggles?" Harry nodded. "Christians?" Harry shrugged.

"They dragged us to church on Christmas Eve and good Friday so Aunt Petunia could play the martyr and pretend she was teaching her criminal nephew about Jesus or something." 

"You never believed?"

"Is this relevant right now?" Harry asked sharply. He could not see how it might be.

"Everything is relevant," Lucius told him coolly.

"No, I never believed. It was all just hellfire and damnation to me, and once you see ghosts at Hogwarts the idea of an afterlife is laughable." 

"Then you can never understand what Severus has done and what it has cost him." Harry nearly put his hands around Lucius' throat.

"You're the second person who insists I can't understand. Make me!" Lucius actually looked impressed for a moment. 

"What matters to you, Potter?" Lucius demanded softly, his voice had a dangerous edge that made Harry nervous, "what would you kill and die for?" Harry didn't hesitate.

"Severus, My friends,"

"Think bigger Potter, ideas and dreams not people." Harry drew a blank. "Where do you go, to feel at peace, to be at one with your life." Harry didn't have anywhere like that. Lucius was trying but Harry still couldn't understand.

"There must be something, some ideal, some reason. Think, if I were to tell you, now that you could have it, you could have it now, but you would have to overthrow a government and murder innocent people to get it done. What's that one thing?" Harry stared in shock.

"There is nothing anyone could tell me that would make me murder innocent people, Lucius." Lucius' lip quirked when Harry's eyes settled momentarily on the forearm of his cloak. Clearly, they weren't alike in that regard.

"Don't be so hasty to say so." Harry almost took it as an insult. "You just nearly kicked down the door of a place you were tortured and held prisoner because you saw Severus cry." Harry's blood ran cold. He hadn't even noticed the room they were in. His eyes swept the room and landed on a spot on the floor, Hermione's blood still stained the wood, he shivered. "You have your price Potter, just as any other man."

"Why does this have to do with Severus?" He found himself staring at that spot almost obsessively now. He forced himself to look back at Lucius.

"Severus' price is beyond people, beyond ideas. He _believes_ , in Gods and Heroes and right and wrong. Imagine Potter, imagine you believe the nonsense about some middle eastern muggle rising from the dead after being crucified. Imagine you believe this with everything you are, imagine the muggles teachings guide you and you feel strongly enough you would die defending those teachings. Imagine you believe that the pope is the spiritual successor to those teachings, the manifestation of them on earth." Harry had no idea where this was going. "Then imagine being handed a dagger and told to slaughter the Pope on Easter Sunday." Harry didn't want to know how Lucius knew so much about Christianity and Catholicism. 

"If I believed, I'd die first, they'd have to kill me," Harry answered. It seemed obvious. It would be like asking him to murder a member of the Order, he'd never have done it.

"Now imagine they told you to kill that one innocent old man and save a child." Harry stilled. An old man for a child. He'd faced that decision before. He’d seen Severus face that decision before. He chose to ignore the irony of Lucius being the one to explain this when it had been his since saved.

"Save the child." He whispered as comprehension dawned. "And God have mercy on my soul." He managed weakly. He remembered a lot of people saying that at church. 

"Only you know the damage that would do to your soul, Potter, to save a child." Harry's gut twisted, that was almost exactly what Dumbledore had said to Severus when they were planning his death. He felt slightly ill as he processed what Lucius was telling him.

"To kill an innocent man." Harry corrected automatically. 

"And here is what Severus now carries." Harry still hadn't made the connection.

"He killed the pope. The child lived. But he believes there is no forgiveness for making that decision." Harry's felt suddenly faint, how many times had Severus made that decision in his life? "Now you have an inkling. Your way forward should be clear." Harry swallowed audibly. Lucius shrugged out of the cloak he'd been pulling on earlier and tossed it aside carelessly.

"Thank you." Harry shook Lucius' hand quickly and was halfway out the door when Lucius called after him.

"Next time, Potter, a firecall will suffice."

-

Harry stayed up most of the night just watching Severus sleep, dipping in and out of his dreams and watching over him. He couldn't shake the guilty feeling that this was his fault. He should have paid more attention, he should have seen this coming. By the time the sun rose he'd fallen into a fitful sleep. Harry woke suddenly with Severus name on his lips, he reached out to find an empty bed. A moment of panic cut into the sleep induced haze of the morning. 

"He is in the bathroom master," Harry's heart skipped a beat, "he has left the door open this morning." Harry let out a breath he wasn't aware he'd been holding and nodded his thanks to Jay. Harry looked closer at the elf.

"Have you been in here all night?" He asked quietly. Jay nodded. Harry felt even guiltier. "Go get some rest, tell Goldie I said there's nothing you need to do that can't wait till tomorrow, ok?" Jay didn't seem to know how to react for a moment. His eyes were brimming with grateful tears. "I'm serious. Go. The day is yours. Do what you want as long as you're rested for tomorrow." Jay thanked him profusely and disappeared. Harry had to force himself not to roll his eyes. At some point, he really needed to sit down with all the elves here and make some changes before one or more of them died of overwork. Maybe when he wasn't struggling to get more than an hour free every day...

-

Severus returned to the bedroom to find Harry sat in the middle of the bed, head bowed and pinching the bridge of his nose with one hand whilst the other massaged his temple. Having spent several years as a teacher Severus knew what a man suffering from a tension headache looked like. He moved slowly and quietly, pulling the towel from where'd he'd flung it over the hastily donned white cotton shirt and ran his hand over the oil lamp to dim it as he passed. He slipped out of the bedroom door momentarily aware that the crack of house elf apparition would probably sound like a canon blast to Harry right now. 

"Goldie," he called out softly and she appeared a moment later, she'd been unusually kind to him since he'd been here and they had developed an odd sort of friendship and camaraderie. The fact that he could read, perform complex maths and he had taken on the duties of placing orders and calculating costs -which she had been struggling with- also helped.

"What can I do for you, Severus?" Severus pressed a finger to his lips and Goldie frowned, it was a comical expression in a house elf when their forehead scrunched and ears lifted. 

"He had a tension headache, some peppermint tea?" Severus muttered quietly. 

"I am not surprised he is unwell, you gave us all a fright last night!" Goldie chastised him. Severus accepted it graciously and with a wry smile. Goldie was a typical mother house-elf and he knew better than to argue and he knew he deserved a lot worse.

"It will not happen again." He promised her.

"See that it doesn't, he's a strange one, he actually cares for us. This is the proof." Severus made a low sound of agreement in his throat. "Human caring for elves. Whatever next?" She mumbled. 

"Whatever he wants, he is still the master of this household Goldie," Severus warned her softly. "However much he might wish it otherwise." Goldie nodded. 

"I will bring you some breakfast too, shall I?" 

"Thank you, Goldie." 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok time to nod to the elephant on the room. If you don't really care about my opinion on religion or why Lucius talks as he does in this fic RE Christianity then feel free to skip. For those left;
> 
> No I don't hate Christians I just think Lucius Malfoy would find the whole concept slightly ludicrous, And he knows because if you think Voldemort didn't want to have people around him who knew about muggles i think you've underestimated Voldemort. My opinion is closer to Harry's, I neither know or care much about religion as long as we're all getting along peacefully but I grew up in the church because the best schools were church schools. My parents made no secret that it's a sad fact of life, you want a good education you either pay or you pray in the U.K. And had no issue with my break from organised religion as a teen as long as I wasn't running off to join a cult instead (which I didn't). There is always one jumped-up holier-than-thou type in every church who thinks she's special for being middle class and wearing a new dress every week- that's Petunia and Harry saw right through it.


	13. Talking

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You get two chapters this week because the conversation that makes up the bulk of this one is important and needs to be read close on the heels of the previous one. They were originally one chapter but that would've been nearly 6k words. (See end notes for further discussion of this).

Harry accepted the tea gratefully and breathed in the minty steam as it cooled in his hand.

"Thanks," Severus was just about to slip away and leave Harry in peace when he spoke again, "don't even think about it, we need to talk." And before Severus could argue he added. "And no, it can't wait."

"You are unwell." Harry let out a low growl.

"I've had worse headaches, you might as well sit down." Severus hesitated then did as bid. Harry winced as pain lanced through his head. "It occurs to me that I've neglected you." He said through gritted teeth and sipped the tea when the words were out.

"You have been entirely accommodating-"

"I don't mean like that. I should have known what the other day meant to you. I should have stepped in-" Severus cut in sharply.

"You tried. I overrode you." Harry sighed.

"And I had no idea what it would do to you. I should have known-"

"You are not all knowing." Severus tried softly. He seemed to be taking care to control the volume of is voice.

Harry let out a low sound of pained frustration. "My voice is going through me!" He moaned and drank more tea.

_Is this easier?_

_Much. But Severus I'm serious. I've completely failed to engage with the things that matter to you._

_You have been busy_

_That's no excuse!_ Harry winced and pressed the warm cup against his forehead. It helped a little.

_Last night I talked to Lucius and Gaius. I shouldn't be going to other people to understand what you have made no effort to hide._

_You spoke_ _to Lucius?_

_Four o'clock this morning I was banging on his door, traumatised one of his elves._

Severus let out a low laugh.

 _How many times?_ Harry asked softly. _How many times has it been you who put his soul on the line? You who sacrificed his own emotional wellbeing?_

Severus stiffened

_As many as was necessary._

_So often you do it automatically_. Several memories bounced between them. Albus, Lily, nameless muggles and countless Slytherin students, the unicorn -sacrifices for the greater good. Harry hissed in pain and anger.

"If Dumbledore wasn't dead!" He snapped in a moment of frustration. Severus didn't answer him, he was picking at a rough nail absently. "I'd kill him myself."

"No, you wouldn't," Severus answered shortly. Harry didn't have the energy to argue. Severus was right, although Harry was sure he'd probably happily trash the old man's office again at the very least if he had the chance.

"It stops now," Harry said, his voice hard with determination. "Before you do something you can't forgive yourself for," Harry added. Severus was being careful with his thoughts and feelings.

_If something like that needs doing that badly then take a step back and let someone else do it_

_And when there is no one else?_

_There's always someone else, Severus._

The silence seemed the hang between them, they both knew that wasn't always true.

_There'll always be me_

Harry added after a moment. Harry could feel how much Severus wanted to argue.

"You're like Ron," Harry commented, "you can both look at a situation and work it out a second. And you're both crazy enough to do whatever it takes to get whatever you think the best objective outcome is."

"And you trusting enough to follow."

"Damn right I am," Harry said shortly and with feeling. His headache seemed to be easing. He picked up his glasses from the side table and put them on. "There's not many people I'd trust without question. You, Ron... I think I'd probably even argue with Hermione." Severus seemed surprised. Harry shot him a look. "Why does that surprise you? Hermione's brilliant but we're too alike, we let ourselves get overexcited and ruled by emotion before logic." Severus fixed him with another look. "What you think Ron would have let me drag him off straight into a trap at Godric's hollow without so much as a word of argument?" Harry clarified. Severus was beginning to understand what Harry had spent the last few months doing.

"You have been doing more than simple paperwork these last few months." He commented softly. Harry sighed. He'd had to grow up faster than he thought possible and it had become apparent very quickly that he was not equipped for his role in life. He'd read every book he could lay his hands on about every topic he needed to understand.

"They'll make me a leader whether I want to be or not," Harry answered, "I might as well do a decent job of it." No answer, they were both resigned to the fact.

"Severus," Harry asked eventually, "talk to me about your faith? I shouldn't know so little about something that means so much to you." Harry leant back against the pillows and sipped his tea.

There was a feeling in Severus' chest that he wasn't used to. It felt nice. He sat back and allowed himself to relax as he began to talk. He stopped picking at the nail on his fingertip. He began by telling small things, historical precedents, memories and reasoning. Tales heard in his mother's arms of Gods and Heroes as they hid from the tyrant on the other side of the door.

"...The beauty of a faith one knows is false is the freedom to believe it sceptically." Harry opened his eyes questioningly. He wasn't sure he knew what that meant. _There is truth in all legends this does not mean that all legends are true._

"She wasn't just soothing a frightened child when she passed on those tales, she was educating and shaping the man he would become. Jove knows she couldn't rely on the bastard who donated his fluids to do it." Severus spoke so smoothly Harry almost missed what he actually said. He might have been commenting on the weather.

"You really do hate him...?" Harry wasn't sure whether he was asking or telling. Severus was looking down at his hands, apparently critically assessing his nails.

"I killed him in cold blood. Is that the action of a loving son towards doting father." Severus tone had turned cold and hard, he wasn't really asking.

"You saved him from being tortured, possibly for days or weeks until they'd have let him die. Some people wish they had someone who loved them enough to do that." Harry observed softly, he reached out and took one of Severus' hands in his own. He did it for the contact but also because one of those nails was beginning to look inflamed and irritated from Severus picking at it and he was glaring as if he'd like nothing more than to tear one or more fingers off whole.

"His presence in that chamber placed me at risk, he knew things I could not afford to have exposed." _I made the pragmatic decision to stay alive. That is all._

Harry didn’t make a sound, he didn’t have to, his disbelief was evident.

"I've seen that memory, you showed me, remember? I heard what you said to him." Severus didn't answer, his silences in the conversation were becoming more telling than his words.

"You do not know the half of it. He was the kind of man whose wife would hug the man she believed to be his killer and thank them for freeing her."

_I told her Lucius did it, she died  believing that._

_Why?_

_Because I could not bear her knowing the truth_

Harry didn't understand. 

_She raised a son capable of using an unforgivable curse on his own father, would you wish to know your children were such monsters?_

_You're not a monster. She raised a son who took no pleasure in seeing his abuser tortured. If someone hurt our children like that, and they did what you did... I'd be so proud of them for breaking that cycle._

Harry wasn't sure why Severus had chosen today to open up but he was determined to be fully present for this, there was nothing more important than this right now. "Children are not born with an instinct to harm themselves. Not even Elven children." Harry waited unsure if he wanted to hear the inevitable conclusion, "they must be taught."

"Dear Merlin!" Harry muttered. "Who does that to a child?"

"It is not a difficult process. One simply ingrains in a child the complete belief in their own lack of worth and cultivate a habit of expecting punishment for any and all infractions. The child grows and the habit is never broken." Severus sounded like he was reciting from a textbook, maybe he was. His voice was hollow and low. "It might be tempered, controlled or, in rare cases, suppressed indefinitely but the reflex has been learned and programmed. There are no fully documented successful attempts to suppress such behaviour in adults."

"Dear Gods." Harry breathed. "You talk like this isn't people and lives. Like this is ok for someone to hurt themselves for nothing." Something clicked in the back of Harry's mind as he looked down at Severus' hand in his own. "Your hands." His eyes travelled to the bathroom door as the final piece of the puzzle slipped into place. "I bet there's been a lot of unsuccessful attempts. Let me guess, they try and stop it, it builds up and they lose it. Instead of minor harm, they do something drastic, something most people would think the act of someone who was suicidal...." Severus sat up suddenly and took his hand back, he wouldn't look Harry in the eyes. "Even if they weren't. Not really."

"Children raised in such a manner are not prone to suicidal tendencies. Many are too heavily brainwashed into believing their death would cause an unnecessary burden on anyone left behind; funeral arrangements, etcetera. They are, however, prone to considering the implications of such an act in rather excruciating detail."

"Stop talking like a textbook and look at me or something! Talk to me!"

"And what would you have me say, master?" Harry froze. Tears were beginning to form in his own eyes as he felt the emotional can of worms he was opening by pushing Severus to talk. He made the conscious decision to keep pushing, this was his role, he had to be the strong one now.

"The truth. All of it. Exactly what's going on in your head, why do I see you here healthy and while and yet inside you look like you've been mangled by a werewolf. What was actually done to you?" Severus didn't look up. Harry wasn't sure he physically had the strength.

"More than I consciously remember," he said after a moment, his voice had dropped to barely a broken whisper.

"Severus?"

"I am what I am," Severus told him, suddenly firm with false bravado. "That will never change."

"No," Harry answered without thinking, he wouldn't allow this, they needed to work through this and he wasn't going to let Severus get away with hiding from himself for the rest of his life. "I will be damned if I spend a lifetime watching you hurt yourself for no good reason. We will work through this."

"There is no altering these facts. Attempts have been made."

"Not by me." Harry shot back, not by someone determined and as bullheaded as Harry was. Severus let out a low sound of frustration, did Harry not think he'd tried?

"Do not attempt the impossible." He commented eventually. There was so much more he wanted to say, to rant and rave about the arrogance of young men who thought they could fix the world. He wasn't sure he dared so he held back.

"Seriously. You're telling me not to try the impossible." Harry's disbelief was evident.

"You are not infallible, nor all-powerful, despite your best efforts and record." Severus was measuring every word, taking care not to go too far or speak too bluntly now. He'd lived his life with the very real fear of knowing he wasn't his own man, and that meant he wasn't free to speak his own mind. 

"Maybe, but I have all the time in the world and I like to think I'm a patient man. We'll get there. Together." Harry put a hand on Severus' shoulder, he could feel Severus holding back, raging beneath the surface. He cared but not as much as he cared about making the man listen and at least _try_. "You've lived with this conditioning for forty years and I don't care if it takes another forty to get through to you and change it. If that's what it takes that's what I'll do." Harry could feel something from Severus' chest, like a hole filling the space between his breastbone. Hopelessness. He really did believe he couldn't be helped. "I don't care if it takes the rest of my days. You will learn what it is to feel safe and whole."

"This is not necessary." Severus tried. It wasn't that he was against the concept, per say, he just knew better than to try. He didn't think he could survive the shame of failing someone else who cared enough to try with him again.

"Severus." Harry reached out and wrapped his arms around Severus from behind, he pressed his face against the man's neck and closed his eyes. "You are going to outlive me." He said softly. This was the crux of it. Severus half-turned to look at him oddly. It was true but it was also completely irrelavent.

"You know it's true, the average elf lifespan is what, four or five hundred years, even accounting for your human line you'll live for at least three. Wizards tend to die off in around half that."

"You are not just a wizard." Harry sighed.

"Severus, don't insult me by acting like I can't work out simple maths. You and I both know my best case scenario is what, two and a half centuries with the Drakken bloodline if I don't get myself killed first- which is entirely possible."

"Do not-"

"These are the facts." Harry ground out. "I barely expected to be alive now. Every single day I live is borrowed time. I know this. Until a death eater or the next wannabe dark lord comes out of the woodwork and tries to kill me to prove their worth or for revenge. Even with my thicker hide and some decent training, I'd still be a soft target."

"I have seen you duel, You will never be a soft target," Severus commented firmly. He knew what a master duellist looked like, Harry didn't have the polish of decades of training but he had the raw talent and solid foundations to build on if he so wished.

"I've survived the killing curse twice, I don't think I'll get lucky a third time."

Severus shivered when Harry's breath ghosted across his neck. His hormones were beginning to drive him mad. Every time they were in the same room his blood started to rise and then all it really took was a touch even when such a thing was highly inappropriate- like now. Despite most nights being spent in the same bed neither Severus nor Harry had yet cultivated the self-control required to stop things in the day; not that they were trying very hard. Severus knew that most of it was him, his body and hormones were screaming at him to bear a child whilst the peace lasted and only sheer bullheaded objective logic was stopping him turning into a mindless breeder. They were not ready to be parents, either of them. He had to remind himself of that at least three times a day.

"What?" Harry asked softly, dangerously. A wave of warmth washed over Severus. "Exactly how strong is this compulsion?" Severus shook his head absently as his mind wandered to being  rather oocupied with how good this felt, how good it felt to have a master strong enough to make him feel this safe that he had to fight his own instincts to bear children.

"No compulsion," he answered, voice hoarse with need at being so close, "biological imperative. It will pass." Harry kissed Severus' neck lightly.

"Do you actually want them?" Harry asked, "kids, I mean." Severus couldn't bring himself to fight the urge to lean back into his master's arms. It felt good. He wanted this.

"Right now," he answered, "Absolutely not." He answered with as much conviction as he could muster with a hand trailing over his thigh and beginning to unfasten the muggle jeans he was wearing. His voice sounded weak to his own ears. Of course he wanted them and his instincts wanted them now. "In future," his heart skipped a beat at the thought, the idea of carrying children, of a life and a family- concerningly- was only exciting him further, he wasn't distressed to realise he wanted several, "yes. When the world is safe for them." Harry's kiss down his spine had Severus practically whimpering with need and he stopped thinking or trying to follow the conversation, which was a good thing really because Harry had decided he had other uses than talking for his mouth right now.

-

"We really must learn a little self-control," Harry smirked and let out a contented sigh at Severus' comment.

"Eventually," he agreed, "I'm sure we'll find time to figure it out," Severus smirked at the sly joke. Harry liked these moments, they kept him sane in an increasingly difficult and complicated life. Harry shifted his wing and surveyed the fresh damage to Severus' body. He let out a low whistle.

"Wow that is going to hurt." He commented softly as he brushed his finger over what was a clearly defined bruise where he'd gripped Severus' a little, ok- a lot, too hard.

"It's fine," Severus answered almost automatically.

"If you're sure?" Severus half smiled into Harry chest where his head was resting. "If it gets painful..."

"If it becomes unbearable I will heal it myself," Severus promised. Harry relaxed a little and summoned his daily journal. He flicked it open to today's date and groaned.

"You do not sound happy," Severus commented absently as he dozed.

"Another meeting with Longbottom later, and I need to go to see Mr Mulpepper." Severus looked up sharply. Of course he knew who the knockturn alley potions and ingredients supplier was.

"Mulpepper?"

"I walk into Slug and Jiggers the prophet will be trying to guess what I'm brewing. Mulpepper is discreet." Harry explained softly. "I don't need it splashing across the front pages that I'm brewing certain potions for personal use,"

"Such as?"

"Calming draught mostly, I go through a lot of bloodroot, and I like to keep topped up on the Oculus and Vitamix as well, I went without last year and I swear I shrunk three inches before I even left Privet Drive."

"Bloodroot is highly addictive." Severus had a look about him like he wanted to say more. Harry could just imagine what that might be after the lecture Mulpepper had given him when he was sixteen.

"I know I'm weaning off it now, I only used it to stop myself getting worked up and transforming in school. I partially transformed the first time...” Harry paused to remember, "three or four nights after my name came out the goblet of fire, so I've been using I it since... four or five nights after my name came out of that thing?" Severus let out a low curse.

"And you were allowed to step into a stadium with a nesting dragon!" Harry shrugged, he'd given up being angry about it a long time ago.

"Why do you think she was so willing to chase me?" He wasn't just trying trying to steal eggs, she recognised the creature in him and saw it as a credible threat.

Severus let out a sound like a wounded animal. Harry held him closer.

"I had no idea," Harry sighed.

"You were the only one who even tried to stop me competing, you did what you could," Harry told him firmly. "And that's the end of that conversation." He added significantly.

"You are, unfailingly forgiving."

"The reason I don't want to talk about it is that I haven't forgiven those who forced it. Magical contracts aren't that hard to break when there's clear evidence of tampering," Severus grip on Harry's arm tightened momentarily, "but I'm not about to get into the business of being bitter about things I can't change."

They fell into silence for a moment before Harry looked at his watch and sighed.

"At least Neville will be there this time." He commented absently.

-

"Neville, how are you, the Aurors treating you right?" Harry was genuinely happy to see him. Neville had joined the Aurors instead of going to university, in the end, a lot of people had changed their plans when Kingsley made the offer to everyone who had been in school  and survived the battle- on both sides. Harry hadn't been surprised when Draco Malfoy signed up either even though it had made headlines.

"Not bad, Harry, bit bruised but nothing I can't handle." Neville had a new kind of confidence about him, he moved with a new kind of grace.

"Suits you. How's your uncle?" Harry asked as he struggled to hide his distaste at the man. He was still Neville's uncle regardless of what Harry thought of him.

"He's well, quietly confident in your support," Neville hesitated as they walked through the garden, "although I don't think he has any right to be?" Harry looked up from where he was staring absently at a bed of Petunias, surprised.

"Am I that obvious?" He asked. Neville shook his head.

"We lived in the same dorm for six years, you've got him fooled." He stuck a thumb up towards the house. Harry sighed.

"I'm sorry Nev, I just, he creeps me out," Harry admitted.

"There's no need to apologise Harry."

"Now if you were running-" Harry joked lightly. They shared a look of mutual understanding.

"Not a shot!" Neville responded in kind. "I'm happy training to be an Auror and tending gran’s flowerbeds." Harry smiled, it sounded idyllic.

"You'll be a great Auror Neville, I'd stake my life on it." Neville frowned even as he half smiled.

"Let's hope you don't ever have to, eh?" He said wryly.

-

" _Mister_ Longbottom," Harry finally snapped at the man, he'd had enough after watching the man sit there and snarl at Neville like he was a house elf and not the family heir, "let me make one thing absolutely clear. As long as I live you will never be minister for magic." He stood abruptly. "You are rude, condescending, patronising and too self-important to ever make a good public servant." The man was turning red with anger. "I'd run for the job myself before I ever backed you to do it." He was floundering and gaping. Harry shot an apologetic look at Neville who sighed and half smiled, he didn't seem surprised that Harry had snapped. "And you are far too insecure about the fact that Neville at eleven years old was ten times the man you'll ever be."

"That is slander!" He finally half shouted. Harry snorted his derision.

" _He_ stood up to me at eleven, how old are you?" The words hung between them, implication thickening the atmosphere. Algie Longbottom was spineless, he didn't even have the courage to deny it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> On a side note, if I start writing longer chapters will anyone have issue with it? What's the longest chapter (in words) you're comfortable reading? If it wasn't a one off for a major event in the plot would that matter to you so much as if I started posting say 5 or 6k words per chapter instead of the 2-3k you're getting right now? What's your upper limit word count per chapter do you think? I don't want to put anyone off with too long chapters. Please let me know in your reviews ehat you think especially if you're a regular I value your opinion on this!


	14. Catalysts

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please please read the updated tags before you proceed. It's not gory but there's scenes that's trampled my emotions and dragged them kicking and screaming through a meat grinder. A lot of action and some important conversations in this chapter.

Harry arrived back at the manor perimeter in a rage, he was unfastening his robe to give himself room to grow when he came across the groundskeeper Severus had employed. The man greeted him warily. Harry didn't care right now. 

"You're the groundskeeper where's the best spot to blast a few duelling dummies to smithereens?" 

"Er, probably the courtyard behind your greenhouses sir, quiet spot with no wildlife." Harry nodded. "Have Petey set them up for me, high difficulty, I want a challenge.”

"Yes, sir." Harry was already halfway headed in that direction before the elf appeared, confirmed the dummies were set up and disappeared in the same breath. Harry yanked off his robes and shirt to let his wings loose. Almost instantly half the tension in his shoulders eased. He whipped out his wand as the first dummy advanced on him. He needed this to blow off some steam. He didn't look up from his rather destructive pastime until they were all smoking and in pieces and he was gasping for breath and drenched in sweat, he was still seething with unspent anger. He didn't even realise that Severus was stood there watching him, stone-faced, until he stopped. 

"An impressive display." He commented flatly. Harry could feel the nervous energy radiating from him.

"I needed to destroy something. You weren't supposed to see this." 

"And why not?" Harry sighed and sheathed his wand. He was still bubbling, just below the surface.

"I refuse to run this family through fear. I challenge anyone to look at that and not be nervous around me." He'd destroyed half the ground along with the dummies, several bore the marks of dark magic and a few had been physically torn apart. Severus half-quirked his lip in what looked like a facial shrug. 

"This household is loyal to you, you have cultivated an environment where you are not feared." Harry actually glared. 

"Why don't I believe that?" He couldn't believe how close he was to physically attacking Severus right now and he knew Severus could feel the danger he was in because he didn't answer. "Maybe you should tell me it again when you aren't reminding yourself that I'm not Tobias six times a day _instead of lying to me_." Severus lost what little colour was left on his face after seeing Harry dismantle the dummies. He actually physically recoiled. Harry should have felt guilty, he shouldn't have felt the rush of angry pleasure at the destruction he was wreaking around him right now. "I'm not Voldemort," Severus winced Harry found that the sight only fuelled his anger, "I don't want to spend my life surrounded by subordinates who lie to me because they think it's what I want to hear." He snapped. He watched as Severus folded, his expression barely changed as his eyes darkened. Harry had had enough.

"Wand out." He snapped in the same impatient tone. Severus startled.

"Wha-"

"I said wand out, that wasn't a request!" Harry watched as Severus obeyed even as his mind began to spin between them, he was desperately trying to understand the situation. "Duel me. Properly. Don't hold back." He held himself back long enough to watch Severus process the words and automatically shift into a duelling stance. Harry fought hard but Severus had twenty years’ experience and pure panicked adrenaline on his side. Harry could finally feel himself beginning to drain of anger, he bounced out of the fall from taking a knockback jinx to the chest. 

"A knockback jinx! What are you, twelve? I said duel me properly!" He shouted across the courtyard and raised his wand again. He had a half-formed spell when his wand flew from his hand. He roared in anger. 

"No." He froze in shock. _Finally_. The anger seemed to drain out of him as his knees finally gave from pure exhaustion and relief. For a moment he'd believed by Severus wouldn't take the initiative to put a stop to this. He swiped at the sweat on his brow and rolled his shoulders. He was still breathing heavily. Severus was at his side, holding his wand out in offering, a moment later. Harry took it and climbed to his feet, refusing help with a shake of his head. "You could have killed me three times there." Severus fixed him with a look that seemed to ask who taught him to count.

"Five, you do not adequately protect your left lung." He commented. Harry nodded, that was good to know. Severus was watching him with a strange expression on his face.

“Remember that,” Harry said softly as he caught his breath, “When I’m in a rage you could kill me five times in ten minutes without breaking a sweat.” 

“What is an objective possibility and what I would do, are two very different matters.”

"It's not what you'd do that matters right now," Harry answered. "It's what you know you can do, and if I have to lose a duel to you every day for the rest of our lives for you to figure that out, well," he rubbed his chest where he could feel a bruise forming, "so be it."

-

Harry's head was still spinning after three hours discussing exit strategies and duelling formations with Ron all afternoon. He suddenly understood why he was no good at chess.

"Am I the only one really not looking forward to this?" Harry asked as he fixed the collar on his robe and glared at his reflection in the mirror. Severus said nothing, he didn't have to. "Urgh, why does Madam Malkin insist on dressing me in," he looked down at himself critically, "what is this colour?" He felt more than saw Severus smirk. 

"Air Force blue," he supplied, Harry growled.

"It's grey, who looks at me and thinks, oh, I know we'll dress him in grey?" 

"It draws out your colouring, much better than that bottle green monstrosity you wore to the Yule ball." 

"Mrs Weasley picked that, she thought it would draw out my eyes or something." Severus shot him a look in the mirror as if to ask if Molly Weasley were mad. Harry shrugged. "I don't understand fashion." He shook his head in resignation. "I'm more interested in the material, what is that, leather?"

"Dragonhide. Takes colour much more effectively than leather and is far more resistant to damage and wear." 

"I have a really bad feeling about today." Harry finally muttered.

"This is foremost a memorial gathering and a trap for your enemies, you would be foolish to not consider it warily."  Harry sighed. 

"Promise me something," he said softly, Severus finally looked at him directly, concern evident at his tone, "this goes wrong, gets messy," Harry's voice had gone hollow as he considered that this might be the perfect opportunity to take out the last of the survivors, "just get whoever is nearest to you and get out." 

"I will not leave you there." Severus' tone brooked no argument and Harry's shoulders slumped. He didn't want to argue but he needed to argue this point.

"You know I won't leave, and I can't make the same moves if I'm wondering where you are." If looks could kill Harry would have been shrouded in green light.

"You mean you cannot be reckless and take unnecessary risks." Harry shrugged. "You will never learn, will you?" Harry didn't answer. "I am not a child to be coddled."

"No, you're not," Harry replied shortly, "you're my mate, the one person in the world that every instinct spends every moment of every day screaming at me to protect, to keep safe and well." Severus seemed to realise Harry was working himself into a rant because he sat on the edge of the bed to wait it out. "The one person I would kill for because you asked. If you're in there I stop thinking, I stop watching what I'm doing and all I think about is you." Severus still didn't look convinced. "Or did you think it was a coincidence that I have a reputation for using a spell I saw you perform in my second year in every major duel I've ever been in?" That seemed to surprise him. "I don't use that spell because it's easy or because I'm a bleeding heart who won't blast someone out of my way, I use it because I associate it with you and you are all I think about. You are what I have spent the last five years fighting for. I will not lose you now." Harry had been to too many funerals in his life, he didn't want to go to anymore for a very long time- or ever, really, but that wasn't realistic. "I can't lose you now. We've barely begun..." Harry finally ran out of steam. He already knew he was cursed to be surrounded by people who were far too noble to run from a battle but he had to try.

"You cannot order me to leave you to die," Severus told him shortly. He wasn't even being defiant he was staring a fact, in a situation like that their magic would compel them to be together, to protect each other no matter what either wanted. It was a cruel irony really that the one time Harry might want to force a subject he couldn't. 

"I'm not ordering you to do anything. I asking you to consider that you are not alone in the world and that there are people who would be hurt and damaged if you weren't careful." Severus raised an eyebrow poetically. 

"I'm sure you are familiar with the tale of the pot and kettle." Harry glared right back. 

-

 

Harry couldn't stop fingering his wand where he'd slipped it up his sleeve.

_You are being far too obvious, try to relax_

_How did you do this? I can't stop thinking about what might happen tonight._

_Think about how prepared you are for what may come and focus on that._

Harry couldn't believe how patient Severus was being, he was annoying himself with his nervousness so he must have been driving Severus crazy. 

_I was a spy for twenty years, do not think for a second I don't remember what it is to be afraid of the unknown._

_No, seriously, how did you do it?_

_It is possible to adapt to any set of circumstances given enough time and leave to do so._

Harry's heart lifted as more people he recognised began to arrive. The more he recognised the more fighters they had. They were safer in numbers. Ron and Hermione appeared and entered quietly where everyone was mingling in the room. Eventually, they spotted him and crossed to speak. Harry greeted his friends warmly and they greeted Severus like old friends. He seemed shocked but didn't make a scene.

 _It's their way of apologising for the debacle of an awkward situation at Shell Cottage._  

_It was not them in the wrong-_

_Severus,_ _we've been over this._

They made small talk for several minutes, deliberately not saying anything important where someone might be listening. A house elf passed with a tray of champagne and Harry had him stop so they could take some. 

"Four please," Harry said.

"Three." Severus corrected, "and something none alcoholic." Harry openly shot him a questioning look. "When have you ever seen me drink alcohol without food?" Severus asked. Harry didn't bother hiding his confusion. He couldn't say he'd noticed it before Severus pointed it out.

"Any particular reason?" Harry asked quietly over his glass as the house elf reappeared with a glass bottle of what looked like muggle lemonade and a glass for Severus. Harry watched him unseal the drink and pour it. 

"A genetic propensity to alcoholism, a nasty temper and twenty years of knowing even slight inebriation might cause a fatal mistake." Harry winced. He knew Severus wasn't being deliberately harsh but the guilt hit him hard. He half turned from Ron who clearly hadn't fully understood what Severus had said and Hermione who suddenly looked slightly glassy-eyed as she made her assumptions. 

"I'm sorry I didn't think,"

"You are not required to," Severus answered almost automatically. 

"Actually you'll find I am..." Severus shot him a look, "You're not a spy anymore, you can relax if you'd like."

"I would rather not actually," Severus muttered as Ron and Hermione suddenly found the arrival of some newcomers very interesting. "I would rather not see what effects such substances would have on my temper." Harry caught a flash of an almost familiar face in Severus' thought. Harry nearly grabbed his mate's arm sharply but he stopped himself. 

"If I'm not him then you sure as hell aren't." He hissed hotly. 

"This is not the time nor the place for this discussion. You have suffered my ill temper sober, would you care to find out publicly that an inability to hold one's liquor is not a trait confined to _house_ elves and _Tobias_ Snape?"

"I swear I'm going to find that bastard and piss on his grave!" Harry growled out. Severus actually smirked and Hermione winced but determinedly didn't comment as she continued to pretend she hadn't heard. "You are not your father; you want to drink then drink. if you don't then don't. But don't make that decision because of him." 

"Not today," Severus commented, Harry told himself that would have to do for now. 

"Harry," he looked up, "Lucius Malfoy is here." Harry and Severus exchanged a glance. Lucius was already heading towards them. "We're going to disappear for a bit," Hermione muttered, "I'd rather not meet him right now, not here," Harry nodded, Ron was seething at the sight of the man, Hermione grabbed his arm and pulled him away as Lucius approached. 

"See you later." Harry plastered on a smile as Lucius arrived with Narcissa on his arm. Lucius made a show of greeting Harry formally and Harry made a show of kissing Narcissa’s knuckles in greeting with a deferential look at Lucius first as if to ask permission. Harry watched as Lucius took a half step towards Severus and then halted suddenly with a guilty look in his direction. Harry nodded once. He felt like he'd fallen into a Victorian novel with all the rules and etiquette they seemed to be displaying right now. Lucius offered Severus his hand stiffly as if expecting Harry to tear it off at any moment. Harry cleared his throat significantly. 

"If that is how you greet one of your oldest friends, Lord Malfoy, then I am sure your acquaintances must feel as if you hate them." He didn't trouble to keep his voice down either. Lucius looked as scandalised as Severus did. He'd drawn some attention. 

 _Greet him as you normally would in private, please,_ a beat, as Harry nudged him mentally, it wasn't an order as such... _trust me I know what I'm doing._

Severus didn't have time to argue as his body moved to obey. To everyone around them, it looked like he'd moved of his own accord. A moment later he was embracing Lucius like they were brothers. Harry smiled. 

_Do you realise what you have just done?_

_Yes,_ _I realise, I've just made it clear that the only person who has any right to make demands or rules about your body and who has access to it is you._

_One day these ideas of yours will backfire and cause you irreparable damage._

Severus was far too concerned with Harry's reputation. 

_One day you will actually realise that I don't give a damn what anyone else thinks._

They talked for several minutes and Harry mostly tuned out after the initial pleasantries. If someone was going to attack Severus they would do it with Lucius stood there, combined they made too perfect a target to pass up. He scanned the room several times, eyes darting between the two entrances, the kitchen and the buffet table. Harry noticed Draco Malfoy stood at the entrance with a girl he didn't recognise. He seemed to be watching goings on as intently as Harry was. After a moment the tight knot in his chest relaxed and his breathing became less shallow when it became obvious nothing was happening.

Harry sent a discreet nod to Ron who had slipped into the kitchen and returned unnoticed. Neville was nearest the entrance and Hermione had placed herself in close proximity to Kingsley. Kingsley shot Harry an approving look as he glanced around. Harry half tilted his head and nodded towards Ron. Kingsley's lip upturned for a moment and he nodded slowly. Harry scanned the room again, Luna was stood with her father. Ginny was placed carefully next to Arthur and Molly who seemed to be taking the carefully orchestrated protection in their stride. 

"Since when do you wear a watch?" Lucius asked, eyebrows raised in question. Severus twisted his wrist so the watch face was more visible.

"Since I don't have to worry about splattering it with entrails," Severus commented. Lucius laughed as he examined it closely.

"Very nice, a gift I presume?" it was Severus' turn to look surprised. Lucius was eyeing Harry thoughtfully.

"Yes, why?" Lucius' eyed narrowed at Severus question.

"It is hardly your character to buy a watch like that, Severus." Severus' eyes narrowed in question, what did that mean? Much to his frustration, Lucius didn't comment further.

"It would appear that we are the only group unsupervised." Severus murmured softly and Lucius cast a glance around. 

"You see Lord Potter to your left, my son watching and every one of his little organisation placed like chess pieces. Potter has an excellent strategist." Lucius commented to his friend as Narcissa peeled herself off his arm to speak to some society lady and Harry stepped towards Neville who had appeared in his vicinity and seemed to be trying to catch his attention.

"Everything seems fine, the senior Aurors have all checked our work and we're all on standby." Harry nodded. 

"Nev, I need to ask a favour." Neville stared. 

"Last time you said that to me Harry I ended up beheading a snake." Harry's heart sank. It was true.

"Ron and Hermione know but they won't think of it if something happens to me tonight there's one last thing that needs doing. I can't ask Severus to do it, for so many reasons..." Harry felt Severus stiffen. He could hear every word. Harry sighed and lowered his voice even further. He wasn't hiding from Severus just making sure Lucius didn't hear. He didn't trust the man that much. "Dumbledore’s wand." Harry all but whispered. He felt Severus' understanding. Severus had heard Voldemort brag about the fabled unbeatable wand. Neville waited. "It's the deathstick, you know it?" Neville blinked.

"The, as in, the three brothers?" Harry hadn't been aware the story was that well understood. He nodded. "Dear Merlin." Harry sighed. 

"Exactly, Neville it's mine. Remember I told Voldemort, Malfoy disarmed Dumbledore, I disarmed Malfoy..." He murmured. Neville nodded. "If something happens to me... if I'm killed or captured..." Harry began softly.

"Destroy the wand. We can't have anyone who would want to kill you anywhere near it." Harry nodded. Neville had always been perceptive.

"I don't know how many people know the truth, what that wand is..." he said quietly, "Ollivander, anyone Voldemort bragged about it to..."

"Most death eaters," Neville interjected offhandedly.

"I know I'm asking a lot since they resealed and fixed the tomb, I wasn't expecting to ever be in this kind of danger again-." Neville put up a hand to stop Harry talking. 

"Don't worry about it. There are always ways into magical tombs." Harry nodded. He hadn't known that. 

"I wasn't close to Dumbledore, not like you three," Neville said softly, "or him," he nodded in Severus' general direction, "plus you go down he's not leaving you." Harry stared at Neville in awe at his reasoning, those were almost exactly Harry's thoughts on it. "I won't let another dark lord rise with that thing." Harry gripped Neville's arm tight in thanks. "Just try not to make me have to do it this time, eh?" Harry laughed as his nerves dissipated. 

Three hours later and Harry wasn't sure he could physically stand to listen to any more speeches, he was tired and bored and irritated. He wanted something to happen just to shut the apparently never-ending parade pompous self-important politicians. It was all false, most of these people couldn't pronounce half the names of the dead never mind mourn them personally. Severus shifted slightly at his side. Suddenly he was aware of everyone looking at him.

"Say a few words, Lord Potter?" Harry looked around, he hadn't expected to be called on. His heart skipped a beat. Severus squeezed his hand and let go quickly under the table as Harry stood and made his way around the table to the podium.

Harry stood behind the podium and coughed to clear his suddenly dry throat. 

"A few words, right," a memory came to him, unbidden, he half smiled to himself at the image of Dumbledore in the great hall. He felt Severus smirk. He remembered that night and had clearly caught the tail end of the thought as Harry had processed it.

_Do it. Remind them of the good times._

"Nitwit. Oddment. Blubber. Tweak." Several people laughed and those who remembered laughed loudest. Percy was grinning at him. Are you mad? He was mouthing. Harry let himself smile for a second at the private joke. "On a serious note," he raised his glass in salute to the list of the dead engraved on a glass pillar in the centre of the room and his expression sobered. "Never again." And he stepped down without another word. It would go down as the shortest speech in ministry event history, and one of the most poignant. Harry's legs nearly gave under him by the time he found his way back to Severus and his seat. 

_I can't do this I can't-_

_You are and you have._

Harry managed a weak nod. He put his glass out blindly onto a passing tray and picked up a fresh one. He drained it in one. Severus looked shocked and Harry could feel another emotion coming from him but couldn't quite name it.

"Try to slow down, that's very expensive champagne it's much stronger that it tastes," Severus warned him softly, Harry glared at him.

"It's not as strong as firewhisky so I reckon I'm probably alright seeing as that's what I could really go for right now." Severus gripped his arm tightly under the table. Harry didn't back down. 

"You would do well not to be completely inebriated if there is an attack tonight. You would be a prime target after a speech like that." Harry frowned.

"I didn't say anything." Severus raised an eyebrow. 

"You invoked Dumbledore, the de facto leader of the light, you mocked the facade of mourning here and made a political statement. Do not think that is nothing."

"You told me to do it!" Harry snapped quietly.

"Of course I did, the shadow of Dumbledore will only make you appear stronger. This does not mean it is without its risks." Harry let out a low sound of annoyance. "Look around you," Harry set his jaw and deliberately didn't turn his head, yes he was going to be petty, "Weasley is playing chess, but where is his king?" Harry hadn't thought to consider it like that. He glanced away, suddenly trying to work out what Severus was talking about. He looked at the pillar in the room as his eyes passed over it absently then looked back suddenly feeling odd.

"Severus," he said softly, "there's a notice-me-not charm on the pillar, it wasn't there a minute ago." Severus tensed as his eyes swept over it. He nodded slightly as he stood, the tables in the room were about to be cleared to make a dance floor. Harry was on edge. He looked around surreptitiously, no one else seemed to have realised that something wasn't right here. "Could they have done it to lighten the mood?" He asked softly, it seemed the only innocent explanation. Severus answered in the negative. 

"They would not desecrate the memory of the fallen with such an act." Harry swallowed the lump in his throat, he suddenly felt completely sober. His adrenaline was up and his heart was hammering. Something was about to happen- the explosion rocked through the whole building.

Harry reacted instinctively as he pulled Severus down under the table and cast the strongest shield he could muster over them. People were screaming, his ears were ringing, and the room was cloaked in darkness. He climbed to his feet after a moment, pulling his mate upright with him as he noted that most of the tables were twisted and mangled and several feet away from where they had been set. 

"What-?" Severus didn't answer, Harry could barely make him out in the darkness. He scrambled for his wand and tried to make light. Nothing seemed to happen. "Peruvian instant darkness powder." He said almost automatically, he didn't even know if Severus could get him. They had to wait it out. In a room this size it wouldn't last long.

It eventually rose and they could see the damage. Harry nearly lost the contents of his stomach. He could hear someone retching. There were shards of glass everywhere, several people were bleeding and some were holding their heads or hands tenderly. At least three were dead already and he had no idea how many more were under the rubble from where the roof had caved in. 

"Aurors!" Someone shouted. Several sparks of magic bloomed above them. Harry looked up, stunned, had no idea what was happening. "Secure the perimeter," someone else shouted, that was Ron.

"Ron!" He called out almost automatically.

"Harry stay down! Let us do our jobs!" Harry clung onto Severus' arms and coughed out a mouthful of building dust. Severus squeezed his arm in response to Harry's frantic attempts to communicate a coherent thought.

_I'm here_

"The pillar," Harry shouted back as he processed the relief, "it was the pillar!" 

"We know. Stay down!" People were beginning to shout to each other. 

"Malfoy!" Harry called out, Draco had been seated right next to the pillar, as had several others. Harry had seen the seating chart but his mind was blank and wouldn't supply the names. 

"Here, Potter, there's a lot of injuries here." Harry gripped Severus tighter. 

"Severus, we didn't plan for this we have no plan," Harry said quietly, his words coming rapidly, Severus squeezed his arm.

"We've secured the floor, all those who are injured make your way to the centre of the room if you can, ditto those who can heal them," Neville called out. "Aurors recruits you're all carrying dittany and calming draughts if you're not needed at the perimeter get in there and help." Harry looked at Severus, he didn't look injured. 

"We can help." Severus was already moving to the centre of the room as he spoke. Harry followed. They moved slowly, picking their way through the masses and helping those they could on the way. Harry's foot caught and he tripped over a loose stone. Severus barely caught him in time. His fall had moved something and Harry yelled in surprise at what it revealed. He'd recognise that gold on purple brocade anywhere, he complimented the man on it earlier.

"Kingsley!" Severus was already reaching for the nearest stone to move it and free the man. "The minister is down!" He shouted frantically. "Someone help us!" Three Aurors were around him in a second. They had Kingsley out in minutes but it was already too late, there was very little left of him that was identifiable. Harry turned away and his stomach finally lurched and emptied. Even Severus retched. 

"Lucius Malfoy is unconscious!" Someone shouted. "I need a healer here now!" Harry looked up frantically, Severus seemed torn. Harry shoved him in the direction of the voice. Narcissa was screaming in the general vicinity.

"Go to him." He coughed out as he swiped vomit from his mouth. "You are a potions master you can help." 

_I'll be fine it's not the first corpse I've seen, go!_

"Harry, move." He looked up to find Ron at his elbow. 

"What?"

"You need to get somewhere safe, now, we've been beheaded." Harry's guts turned at the phrasing and the memory of what was left of Kingsley. 

"Severus,"

"Is fine, move Harry, you can't be caught up in this if there's more coming." Harry stared at his oldest friend.

"What? Ron? What are you talking about-"

"The ministers dead, the chief warlock is down and may be dead, you're the only person here with any political power we have to keep you alive if the ministry is to survive this." Something clicked. 

"You're playing chess." He said softly. "Severus, I need to get to him now." Harry yanked his arm free and started to clamber over the rubble. 

He almost made it when someone knocked into him. He looked up in shock and froze.

"Kingsley! But you're, I just-" Harry had his wand out in a moment on the man, he raised his hands in surrender. Something felt very wrong here. 

"Harry," Kingsley didn't seem to have words.

"You're over there, you're dead!" Harry yell seemed to have caught attention. He felt someone behind him, backing him up and Severus had stopped barely a foot away when he'd been trying to pick a path to Lucius but heard Harry's yell instead.

"Harry I'm not dead!" Harry wasn't the only one who had him at wand point.

"Where were the order, when the ministry fell last year?" Kingsley stared at him and Harry lifted his wand slightly so it was pointed directly at the man's heart. The real Kingsley would know, the real Kingsley had sent the Patronus to warn them.

"At Shell Cottage, the wedding." Harry went to lower his wand and Kingsley glanced over to where he'd just come from. 

"Why would someone plant a fake bod-" Harry started to ask.

"The body is a trap clear the area!" Harry had never heard Kingsley sound so panicked, he seemed to know what was going to happen next. Harry took two steps back and felt Severus behind him just as a second blast ripped through the noise. They were both thrown backwards, Severus seemed to have the presence of mind to grab hold of him and they landed together in a heap. 

"No one moves anything!" Harry barely heard the yell over his ears ringing. Was that Malfoy? "This place is booby trapped." Harry felt Severus stir under him.

"Severus?"

"Fine, probably a concussion," Severus answered almost robotically. 

"Anti-apparition wards!" Someone called out. Harry and Severus exchanged a glance.

"-They're coming!" Harry wasn't the only one who shouted. He pulled Severus to his feet. He could just about hear someone telling everyone to get to the centre of the area, the Aurors and recruits were closing ranks around them. 

"Can you fight?" Harry asked. Severus wiped at the blood rolling down the side of his face and nodded once as he drew his wand. He'd had worse. Harry made a decision. He kissed his mate hard and was already half transformed as he pulled away. "Be safe." He murmured. Severus gripped his arm and Harry felt a tingle of magic run over him. He wasn't sure what it was but he knew it was good. Harry was suddenly very glad the robes he was wearing had gaps in to let his wings out, and grateful Madame Malkin had thought to make them. He didn't care what colour they were anymore. 

"Ron! What's the plan?" He shouted over the ringing in his ears.

"Circle them!" Ron shouted back pointing to those in the centre who were either injured or tending them. "Protect them, you're with me!" Ron was making gestures along with his words. Harry, grateful for any direction, obeyed. 

"Severus!" Harry yelled suddenly.

"We've got Neville and Malfoy on him, he'll be fine!" Ron shouted back. 

"Hermione?" Ron pointed to where Luna, Hermione and Ginny were stood over Lucius Malfoy. 

"Move we need you apart from them!" Ron shouted at him as the sounds of duelling drew closer. 

"Why?"

"Split the targets make it harder for them to get all of you!" Why hadn't Ron told him this earlier? Harry sent a blasting curse through the ranks of the Aurors and ducked as a cutting curse sailed over his head. "Don't duel them, we need a shield over this lot!" Ron hollered arm circling over the amassed civilians and casualties. "Your shield is strongest. Dean, Bill and I are going to keep you covered." Harry nodded the plan was coming back to him now. He remembered discussing this. 

"We weren't expecting bombs but this will do." He raised his wand and cast the strongest shield he could muster. It spread over the group in the centre.

_Severus!_

_Lucius is conscious but in no state to fight, keep that shield over us!_

Severus thoughts gave Harry new strength to keep going as spells battered at his shield. 

_Take my power if you need it!_

_No!_

_Now is not the time to be noble, I am not fighting I do not need it!_

Harry gasped as something dark hit his shield and it nearly disintegrated. The power of it nearly knocked him off his feet. Somewhere behind him, he heard Ron yelling. 

 _Severus in about three seconds my shield is going to shatter_

That was all the warning he could give as his knees gave under him and he took a stunner to the chest. It wasn't powerful enough to break a Drakken’s hide and bounced off him but it still hurt. He caught sight of Severus duelling someone and then lost track of everything but that fact that he was suddenly under a barrage of spells. He moved and found himself stepping over Ron. His gut lurched.

 _Please don't let him be dead! Please!_

Harry let out a yell of horror as the thought hit him and he joined the fight in earnest, every instinct was pulling him to Severus. He was taking a beating as he tried to cross the area. The Aurors formation had collapsed and they were fighting in a melee style with no direction or goal but survival. He jumped a crater and landed on the other side, landing just behind Luna who nearly hexed him. 

"Harry." She was oddly calm, Harry wasn't sure he'd ever seen her panic. 

"Luna, take Mrs Malfoy and get out of here, Hermione grab someone and go," he yelled out without looking her way, this wasn't the plan but he didn't care he needed to know people were getting out. "Severus." He looked up from where he'd returned to tending Lucius.

"He cannot be moved, back injury,"

_He could be paralysed if we move him now_

_Will he live?_

_His life would not be worth living._

Harry didn't have a chance to respond or argue. 

"Harry down now!" He obeyed automatically and a flash of red flew over his head and exploded on impact with some rubble.

 

"Thanks Neville!" He called back.

"We broke their wards, orders are to evacuate civilians, get out now!" He couldn't hear much over the fighting.

Harry grabbed Severus' arm. 

"I'm not leaving if you're not." Severus nodded. "Keep him comfortable, heal what you can. I'll cover you." 

 _He won't live much longer without help..._ Harry's heart sank, Draco was duelling alongside Neville. The though seemed to form between them that Lucius should not die without Draco at his side.

"Oi Malfoy!" Harry yelled out. "Your father needs you, get over here!" Harry squeezed Severus' arm and stood. Harry met Malfoy on his way back. 

"We'll cover you as long as we can, make it count," Harry shouted at him. Malfoy was panting heavily. He seemed to understand as his expression turned to steel. Harry shot a knockback jinx over Malfoy's shoulder. 

"Neville, ten o'clock!" Neville just dodged the blast. Harry wasn't even sure what it was. 

"Where's Hermione!? Did she go?" Neville didn't have time to respond. A green streak of light passed between them and hit what was left of the pillar. The shared a knowing look. Harry spread his wings, they would provide a physical barrier between Severus and the spells passing over him. 

"Right! No holds barred!" Neville yelled and Harry nodded. He hoped he still had the skill to hold his own. He sent a blood boiling curse at a masked figure and they collapsed. Neville's bone cruncher hit another in the chest. The tide was beginning to turn as civilians cleared out and only those willing and capable of fighting back were left. There weren't many left and whoever these people were they were falling fast now. The battle seemed to be over as quickly as it had begun and for several moments chaos reigned as no one took control. Harry's heart soared when Ron's voice rose over the melee.

"Healers are on their way in, do not move the injured or the dead! Aurors stand your ground, relief is on its way." Harry wasn't sure why Ron was the spokesman and he didn't really care he was just glad his friend was alive. He felt a rush of fierce pride in his oldest friend as he watched the scene unfold. Ron wasn't just holding his own he was directing almost everyone. Harry stumbled backwards and Neville caught him. He suddenly felt very lightheaded.

"Harry, lean back you took a cutting curse to the wing you're losing a lot of blood," Neville told him urgently. Had he? When?

"Severus..." Harry tried, where was Severus. He felt him mate respond to his thoughts and relaxed slightly even as he let out a cry of pain, whatever had hit his wing hurt! "He has a concussion Neville, the second blast," Harry began but Neville was shushing him.

"Everyone will be seen to Harry," 

"Neville! He has a concussion!" Harry wasn't listening, "don't let him pass out! " he was frantic, this was important, Harry couldn't spend another six weeks watching Severus and not knowing if he'd wake up, he couldn't do it. 

"We won't Harry, look, let the healer see your wing," Neville tried. Harry batted the man away impatiently.

"See to Severus first, and Lucius, you might be on time." He told them. Malfoy wasn't screaming or raging so Harry had to assume his father was still alive, he hoped so. Severus' thoughts touched behind Harry's ear.

_My concussion is treated, some slight bruising remains. Lucius is being transferred to St Mungo's. He may yet live._

Harry could sense how on edge Severus was, the healers were saying something to him and it was making him agitated. He couldn't make out what. Someone approached Harry again and he let them start to try to heal his wing, it wouldn't heal. He winced every time the wound reopened. 

"Please stay still Lord Potter we'll have a specialist to you in a moment." 

"A specialist in what?" Harry gasped out as the pain worsened. "Why can't you heal it?" The healer didn't answer, Harry grabbed his shirt. "Answer me, why can't you heal it?" He seemed to have shocked the healer into talking with his sudden aggression.

"It's dark magic Lord Potter we need a specialist. Someone who knows this kind of thing." Harry leant back using a piece of rubble as a makeshift pillow and winced. He closed his eyes for a moment and when he reopened them to find Severus kneeled over him.

"Severus," he started and cried out as his wing pulled under the attempt to sit up. 

"I am fine, mildly bruised," Harry wasn't convinced as he reached up to brush a finger over Severus’ swollen cheekbone.

_You have done worse, I am not easily damaged_

Harry slumped back down. 

_What has happened?_

_They're saying dark magic, it won't heal. They've tried the usual battlefield stuff already._

_No,_ _they haven't._

Severus had his wand out and was already leaning over the injury. A shout made them both look up. 

"Get away from him," Harry frowned, who was this person? Severus didn't move. "He is my patient, move before you bring more harm," Harry wanted to laugh at the absurdity of anyone being as well versed in dark magic as Severus but it came out as a cough, "elf shouldn't even have a wand." Harry's vision flashed red with anger and he struggled to sit up as he felt Severus make to move away obediently. 

"Severus." He reached out and grabbed a handful of his mate’s robes. "I want you here." He managed, he was starting to feel faint. The healer was about to touch Harry when he let out a low growl. "Do not touch me!" He snapped. Everyone seemed surprised. "Severus, what is it, what was I hit with?"

"You would ask a creature over a master-"

"Shut up!" Harry coughed between words as he yelled. "He's forgotten more about the dark arts and healing than you'll ever know! Shut up and let him look! Severus?" Harry wasn't sure where his sudden need to have Severus be the one to heal this had come from, maybe he just didn't want the bigot in the scrubs touching him, it didn't really matter. Severus put a hand on Harry's shoulder and eased him back down into a prone position. He swore under his breath, Harry would be lucky to ever have feeling in the wing again if they weren’t careful. 

"I," Severus looked at the wound then at the healer, "I cannot heal it." Harry let out a low gasp of pain and shock.

"Why?" He demanded Severus had slipped a hand into Harry's own and he squeezed.

_Because the healing hurts_

_You're_ _joking?_

 _I cannot deliberately cause you pain, my will is not strong enough to fight the compulsion at this time._

_You duelled me yesterday!_

_On your orders._

Harry squeezed Severus' hand again as the healer made an off colour comment and half swaggered towards him.

"Touch me I'll rip your arm off!" Harry snarled. "Get me someone who isn't going to let me die because I'm not human!" He demanded. The healer looked as equally affronted as he did disgusted. 

"I would never!" Harry squeezed Severus' hands. 

"He needs to be moved," someone said to Severus.

"Move him now he loses the wing." Harry was struggling to follow the conversation. 

"Severus just heal it! I know you can. Or tell that one how!" He pointed weakly at the young healer who was watching, horrified. "Before I bleed out would be preferable!" He snarled. The young healer drew his wand. 

"What do I do, sir?" Harry winced in sympathy almost exactly Severus winced in pain, too many people in Britain would call Severus ‘sir’ automatically; eighteen years as a teacher of a core subject would do that. Harry hadn't let go of his hand. Severus was directing him quietly, explaining the healing process. The loudmouth healer was staring, ashen. Harry hoped this would be the end of it. Of course, it wouldn't- small men and their big egos never did know when to shut up. 

"You cast that spell healer and I'll have your robes!" The 'specialist' snarled. The young man hesitated and Harry watched as his face hardened. 

"I will not leave him hurting to salve your wounded pride." 

"Hufflepuff?" Harry asked, he wasn't sure why that was the thought that came to him, maybe he was slipping into delirium. 

"Slytherin, actually." The healer told him.  

_Is he a good healer, Severus?_

_Your orders or not I would not have allowed him near you were he not competent._

Harry shrugged mentally, that made sense he supposed. 

"If he tries to make an issue for you," Harry coughed as the wing began to heal, "or you feel like a change of scenery, come see me," Harry swallowed back a mouthful of bile with a wince, "I could use a decent in-house healer." Harry felt Severus' surprise.

 _What? You plan on asking Gaius to stay forever or live at our beck and call?_

Severus didn't answer for a moment. He seemed too intent on considering Harry’s inability to prioritise in an emergency.

_He could not heal creatures..._

_A healer is a healer he can learn about our needs from a book if he has to._

_He said Slytherin, you didn't even ask..._

_Severus, what are you talking about?_

_You might want to check his arm before you offer him a job._

_If I judged everyone based on the scars on their bodies I'd never trust anyone._

Harry cried out as the bone beneath the wound began to stitch together, he hadn't realised the damage was that bad. It hurt, he nearly passed out it hurt so much, and it wasn't over yet. He felt Severus hand on his forehead, stroking through his hair. That helped... a bit. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So my first go at seeing if the slightly longer chapter works, this is about as long as a chapter would get and comes in around the 7k mark. Now you'll all understand why I asked as there really was no good place to cut this chapter off without it being far too abrupt an ending.


	15. Fallout

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm writing like the clappers right now so you're getting lots of updates because I am far too excitable to write chapters and hold them hostage until set dates. Hope you're enjoying the sudden deluge!

Harry had passed out eventually, no one could say they blamed him and Severus would comment later that he was surprised it took so long even with the strength of a Drakken. Harry had woken in St Mungo's with Severus asleep at the side of his bed. There were people around him in a moment. Someone went to wake Severus.

"Leave him," Harry rasped out, his throat felt raw and dry as if he'd been screaming or gone days without water, how long had he been unconscious? "Let him rest," because for Severus to fall asleep somewhere like this he had to have needed it. Someone held a glass of water to his lips as he looked up questioningly. Someone else started talking before Harry realised he couldn't see them properly and a moment later everything slipped into focus as the first voice handed over his glasses.

"Where is everyone? What happened?" He asked urgently 

"You've been unconscious overnight Lord Potter we're still waiting for news," Harry was absently running his hand through Severus' hair reflexively. Severus stirred and Harry stilled his hand a moment too late to not wake him. He didn't seem to mind when he realised Harry was conscious. Harry ignored the healers for a minute as he felt a shot of pain that wasn't his own.

"I thought you said you weren't injured?" Harry demanded weakly, his hand was shaking when he went to drink more of the water. Severus went to steady it and Harry accepted the help, he felt so weak he couldn't not. "Why haven't you been healed?" He asked softly, Severus wouldn't look at him. The healer at the foot of the bed cleared his throat awkwardly having heard Harry's question.

"We were very limited Lord Potter," his eyes flicked to Severus who was staring down at the edge of the bed, "without your express consent." Harry took a moment to catch up. Anger bubbled in his chest as the thought buzzed behind his ear.

_They cannot touch me without your consent, master_

They were lucky Harry was too weak to move or he'd have trashed the room.

"Heal him now!" He demanded, the healer actually look relieved at Harry's pronouncement. Harry started to shift over the bed and indicate to Severus to lie next to him. 

 _What damage was done to you? Tell them_ _!_ It wasn't a request, Harry's heart was racing at the thought of Severus being in pain because he'd been unconscious. Severus didn't seem to mind but Harry was beyond incensed by it. Severus didn't seem to want the healers near him, Harry reached out and pulled him close on the bed. _Let them help you_. Harry wasn't sure why Severus suddenly felt so very fragile. He felt wary and lost like he was afraid of what might happen next. Most of the healing was quick and painless, two cracked ribs and several bruises.

_You said you weren't injured! How is two cracked ribs not injured?_

_I hadn't noticed them, they were nothing._

Harry wished he could argue but he would have been a bit of a hypocrite after not noticing his own wing having a gaping wound in it until the blood loss nearly killed him on the spot.

"I think we both need to start paying more attention to our bodies and injuries," he commented absently. Severus let out a low sound of assent as his breathing pattern normalised. 

-

"How is he?" Harry asked softly as Draco slipped out of the room Lucius was in. He looked half dead with exhaustion. 

"He'll live, and his cane will no longer be a fashion statement." Harry expected that. "Thank you, Potter." Harry couldn't hide his surprise in time. "Severus told me what you did." Harry still didn't understand. "Had Severus not been at my father's side I would be burying him now. You sent him there." Harry nodded. "You've been," Draco looked back at the door and stepped aside indicating for Harry to follow, "you've been very good for Severus, to us." Harry got the impression this was more than just a simple word of thanks, but he couldn't figure it out. "Father will be stepping down from his duties to the family, to focus on the wizegamot and his health going forward." Harry nodded, he still didn't understand. "I will be taking his seat." Again Harry wasn't sure why he was being told this. "With your approval?"

"My approval?" Harry's shocked answer was a little louder than necessary.

"Yes, yours." Draco answered softly. "Do not think the Malfoy family does not recognise its debts." Harry stared at Draco, horrified.

"No, not a chance, your family is your own. There is no debt." He seemed to be searching Harry's expression for something. Apparently he found it. He nodded once as if to himself. 

"You have our loyalty then," he looked up at the door in time to see Severus slipping out of Lucius' hospital room probably in search of coffee, "and our friendship." Harry really wasn't sure what that meant but he didn't have time to dissect it. He nodded.

"Friendship I can do. Your father has been invaluable to me, and you to Severus." It was Draco's turn to be confused. "He values your company." Harry commented as he took a step away. "As for me; you don't Fight alongside someone and survive something like that attack and not form bonds, don't hesitate if there's anything I can do." Malfoy stuck his hand out, Harry smiled and shook it firmly. He couldn't help thinking that it was about time.

-

Harry was almost caught up with Severus on the way to the cafeteria when he spotted his mate stood with one of the healers. He did not look, nor judging by the emotions he was radiating, feel comfortable. Harry watched from a distance waiting for a good time to step in. He couldn't really help overhearing.

"Sir, he's got a right to know." The healer was saying. 

"Stop calling me Sir," Severus snapped. "If you cannot manage my forename then Mr Snape will suffice." Harry's heart dropped when he heard that. Severus hadn't been Mr Snape for several months, not legally. Not even after Harry had nearly taken down the ministry in protest.

"Have you not seen your medical records?" Harry could almost sense the scathing look Severus must have been giving the man. "You were reregistered as Potter, shortly after the battle, despite his headline making best efforts."

"Headline making?" Harry was surprised to find Severus didn't seem as angry as Harry expected. 

"We still have the woman he cornered in the registry office up on Janus. Did you not know?"

"I was in a coma for several weeks after the battle healer Pike, I have no recollection of those days."

"He flipped. Nearly toppled the provisional government when he went in there shouting the odds demanding to know, and I quote the prophet, 'is this really what he fought and so many people died for.'"

"And he harmed a woman so permanently she is still on your spell damage ward..."

"Not physically, frightened the life out of her though and they're the only ones who really know how to deal with that kind of healing. She was always sensitive, little Izzy, and never quite right after her trip abroad a few years ago. He tipped her over the edge." Harry actually felt the fear shoot through Severus.

"And you expect me to tell him, that due to my own incompetence-" Severus cut off abruptly. "He will kill me and rightly so, however," Harry felt like the floor had fallen away under him. "In his current mental state perhaps himself as well." What had actually happened that he'd clearly missed?

"I'm telling you to tell him before one of the healers here runs to the prophet with it. They're not all trustworthy." 

"Are you threatening me." Severus voice was dangerously low. 

"I'm warning you because I respect you, because I owe you. I wouldn't be stood here if it weren't for you." Severus didn't seem to have an answer. "You're the sole reason I'm not dead or marked." The healer hissed at him. Severus barely reacted. "You told them I'm a half blood, I was on your list, you didn't even know me, I doubted you remembered me, I was expecting to die! Do you have any idea how many members of staff here owe you their lives, their children's lives!"

"You are making a spectacle of yourself, desist at once healer it is not becoming one of your profession." Harry knew that tone; it meant Severus was starting to get aggravated and was beginning to feel trapped. 

"No. You need to understand the position you are in. You need to understand what you did for us."

"I am no fool Pike, you are alive. I understand."

"No you don't, because when Bellatrix Lestrange walked in here wanting to have a go with the patients to blow off some steam she killed three healers who dared stand against her. The following day you sent what must have been half of Hogwarts potions stock and your matron to help us when we expected nothing. You went to the dark lord on your knees for us, for our patients. Some will choose not remember that, others don't forget." 

"We all took the same oath healer, I simply preferred experimental potions to healing. It was in my power to attempt a remedy and I did so. This is all completely irrelevant to the matter in hand, of course." 

"No actually it's not. Potter won't harm you if you tell him the truth." Harry turned away, if Severus didn't want him to know something then he didn't want to hear it. It hurt to know Severus believed Harry would harm him but he couldn't bring himself to deny that he was a dangerous man. He was halfway back down the corridor to go get some air instead before he decided he needed more coffee and doubled back. Severus and the healer were gone by the time he returned.

-

Harry sat nursing the cardboard cup of weak coffee and massaged his temples. He was tired, strung out and close to snapping but with Lucius not out of danger he couldn't bring himself to drag Severus away. He looked up when he felt Severus heading towards the cafeteria and raised his hand in greeting almost automatically. Severus joined him a moment later.

"More headaches?" Severus asked softly.

"I'm just stressed, I'll be fine once I find out where Hermione is and that Lucius will actually live." 

"Are you prone to these headaches?" Harry looked up and sighed.

"I don't really know most of the stress in my life caused headaches for a completely different reason." He tapped his scar tellingly and winced. Severus didn’t comment as he eyed the cup distastefully.

"The caffeine will not be helping."

"The caffeine is keeping me awake."

"You are in a hospital, does it not occur to you to request aid?" Harry glared 

"I've had two pepper ups and a bolstering beverage already today -Hendrix cut me off told me to sleep instead."

"He is not incorrect."

"I'll sleep when I know for sure that Lucius is going to live and they've found Hermione," Severus eyed him warily, "or better yet I'll sleep when you do." He added snidely. Severus must have been tired, he actually glared. 

"You are well aware that I have not sustained any severe blood loss in the last week." He commented sharply. Harry wasn't sure if the feeling like something wasn't right was just him being paranoid after hearing Severus with the healer earlier or if he could actually feel Severus consciously trying to keep him away. "You have a visitor," he said suddenly, Harry looked up to find Ron walking towards their table. He stood automatically.

"Any news?" Ron was covered in building dust and blood. All the auror recruits were working overtime trying to clear the rubble and find anyone trapped under it. They were pulling out more bodies than anything else after two days work. He nodded, he looked close to tears.

"We found Hermione," Harry froze, "she's not in good shape but she's alive." Harry let out a breath he hadn't been aware he was holding. "She's been tortured," 

"Where is she?" Harry demanded.

"First floor room, brought her in myself," Harry was already reaching for his robe, "Harry they're not letting anyone in right now." 

"What? Why not? She's been missing for two days! Her family want to know she's ok!"

"Harry calm down, she's been badly tortured, she's in no fit state!"

"I don't care what state she's in as long as she's alive!" Harry yelled suddenly. "I'm going to see her and I don't care if I have to throw my name and a few hexes around to do it!" 

"Harry, calm down now! She's got the shakes, she's barely conscious we have no idea what state she'll be in."

"I'm not an auror Ron I don't care I just want to make sure she's alive, everything else we can fix."

"Can we? If she wakes up like one of Neville's parents; can you fix that, Harry? Because that's what was done to her." Harry stopped like he'd had a bucket of cold water thrown over him. He sank back into his chair slowly. "They tortured our Mione Harry, they had her for two days," Harry felt ill as he stared at his hands, he was suddenly full of nervous energy. He stood as if to begin pacing.

"We won't know anything until she wakes up right? Well she's strong maybe she'll be ok, maybe whoever tortured her couldn't cast the spell properly, or maybe they didn't hold her under for a long time..." Harry was desperately trying to see a way out of this as he gripped the front of Ron's robes tightly.

"Maybe? But we won't know until she wakes up... if she wakes up." Harry's head snapped up sharply.

"What do you mean if she wakes up? She’s waking up!" Harry shoved his friend backwards. Ron stumbled but stood his ground.

"Harry," Harry sighed and managed a weak apology.

"Sorry Ron just, it’s Hermione you know?" Ron nodded. 

"Yeah I know." 

Harry swallowed back the bile rising in his throat.

"I swear she survives this you better make her the happiest woman alive," Harry tried to joke weakly. Ron half laughed, it sounded hollow.

"I already have a ring, and a table booked for the muggle New Year's Day." Harry blinked, he'd been joking but a surge of emotion hit him in the chest. 

"Well, about time!" He exclaimed and Ron flushed beet red. 

"It wasn't how I was hoping to ask you but if she says yes I'll need a best man?" Harry stared in shock, he could feel Severus' knowing smirk just out of his eyeline. 

"You're serious?" Ron nodded.

"Who else would I ask, you're my best mate." Ron said and Harry broke into a grin. Severus watched them embrace and smiled. In all this it was good to see something that wasn’t horrific.

-

Harry had finally managed to talk his way into Hermione's room, he'd pulled up a chair at her bedside and just sat there staring at her. Even with the superficial stuff healed she still looked badly beaten and hadn't woken. 

"It's like when she was petrified," Ron said softly after a while, "except this time we're the adults who have to fix it." Harry's expression hardened as he held her hand. 

"We will fix it." Ron looked surprised at the hardness of his tone. "I don't care what the ministry is doing. Do what you want. But make sure you tell them, your bosses," Harry looked up at his oldest friend, his jaw set in grim determination, "if I find who did this before you do, you'll find them begging to be fed to the dementors."

"Harry!" 

"And I can and will kill anyone who gets in my way." 

"Harry you can't talk like that," 

"I just did, now are you with me or not?" Ron looked momentarily lost. He looked over Hermione in the bed and nodded once as if making a decision.

"We'll need help, the old DA galleons," he said, Harry nodded, "the old crowd," Harry swallowed. 

"No," Ron frowned in question. Harry climbed to his feet slowly, wincing at the pain in his wing. "I'm not involving the Order, none of them would duel to kill anymore. I want this over, quick, clean and permanent." 

"Harry you're talking about-." Harry looked up as the door opened and Severus handed him a fresh coffee. He nodded his thanks. 

"I'm talking about revenge Ron, I'm talking about making sure they don't come for her or anyone else again." Harry felt Severus still as the cold rage settled over him. "I'm talking about the kind revenge there's no forgiveness for." 

"What happened to you, Harry?" Harry swiped hard at his face, he was tired and needed a shave. 

"I'm sick of losing people I love," he said softly, "and I'm putting a stop to it all. Now. Before we need two glass pillars at the next ministry function." He stood and kissed Hermione's forehead tenderly. He slipped his hand in his pocket and pulled out a coin. He tapped it with his wand without a word and watched as it glowed and fresh words carved themselves into the metal. 

_Potter manor, tonight, 7pm_

He watched as Ron pulled his own from his pocket and it glowed in his hand. He gripped it tightly as it cooled. He could feel Severus’ confusion.

_I’ll explain at home, are you coming?_

"I'll see you later. I need to go home, change, get ready for the meeting." Ron nodded.

"Harry," he said slowly, "you're asking them to kill people, bad people but still... you better have a bloody good speech prepared."

Harry bit his lip and slumped slightly.

"Actually, I wasn't planning on making any kind of speech. I was planning on telling them the truth and letting them decide what they want to do." Ron stared at him, aghast.

"Harry you're about to go to war, people don't follow you into that because you told them the truth. They want a leader."

"The truth is all I've got. I'm not Dumbledore I don't tell people half a story and expect them to have blind faith." Harry couldn't bring himself to look at Severus, he'd just become something he'd sworn he never would and it felt dirty and wrong. 

-

Harry stared into the flames of the fire and sighed. He'd said seven, he still had half an hour of brooding and one last conversation to have before the DA started arriving. 

"You are avoiding speaking to me." Severus said eventually. Harry sipped his whisky and stayed silent whilst he considered his next words.

"I'm not asking you to get involved in anything like this, the minute I carved that galleon I declared war. I don't know how long this will last." Hot rage welled up in Harry's chest and he flung the half full glass into the fire and watched it flare and blow as the alcohol exploded. "Fuck!" A low sob slipped out of his chest as he bit back the panic and fear he'd been fighting all day. 

"I can't do this, I can't sit here and watch people get hurt and die because of a few extremists who don't know they've lost. But I swore, I promised myself..." he let out a low humourless laugh, "no more wars, no more fighting, let the Aurors handle it. Not to be dragged into it, this wasn't supposed to be my fight." Severus let out a low sound of disapproval.

"You and I both know that from the moment of that first blast this was your fight. You are what you are. What they did to Miss Granger only catalysed the inevitable." Harry looked up from where he'd been holding his head in his hands.

"I promised you peace and safety," Severus' lip quirked, "a normal life away from all of that." 

"Normal is a matter of perception." Harry couldn't see the end of this and that frightened him. He watched as Severus stood in one movement and crossed the room between them. He looked up and watched as Severus knelt in front of him.

"What are you-" Severus took his hand and Harry cut off abruptly.

"You would not be yourself if you did not fight back, only remember, the difference between the light and the dark is a matter of where you draw your lines, if you have any at all." Harry couldn't quite believe the thought that popped into his head. The memory of voldemort screaming about power from the back of Quirrel's head echoed in his mind. He was suddenly very glad Severus didn't have the kind of access to his mind that he had to his mate's when he realised he finally understood what voldemort had meant.

"We're beyond light and dark now," he said softly, "this is about the future, and those willing to fight for it deciding that they're not willing to watch it be destroyed again." Severus nodded his understanding, "the only line is the one between the past and the future. Everything else is fair game." Severus seemed to be working himself up to something as he listened. 

"There is something you need to know," he spoke so quietly Harry could barely hear him, "before you go out there tonight. You have every right to know," Harry waited, he'd never seen Severus stall about saying anything, "I swear to you had I known, I would not have taken the risks I did." Harry frowned. 

"Severus-"

"Allow me to say this, now, before it is too late-." Harry stopped and waited. Severus' grip on his hand was tightening almost painfully. "Ignorance does not excuse-" he cut off abruptly as if attempting to swallow back rising bile. Harry reached out and touched his mate's cheek and lifted his head gently so they were seeing each other clearly. "You were robbed of more than peace at that ball," Harry swallowed. 

"What did they take from me Severus? What did they do that put you on your knees?" Harry could barely keep his voice steady. Severus lowered his gaze almost guiltily, Harry had never seen him afraid like this. 

"They robbed you of your firstborn." Harry's mind went blank as the breath was stolen from his lungs and he processed the words. A million questions exploded in his mind all at once. He seemed to freeze for what felt like several day long seconds as the fact washed over him. He looked down at Severus who looked so lost, so afraid and made a decision. He stood clumsily and pulled Severus to his feet. A moment later he'd wrapped his arms around the man and his good wing settled around them. 

"It wasn't your fault," Harry whispered harshly, he felt Severus wince at the tone and then startle in surprise. He squeezed the hug tighter. He didn't know what to say, or how to say it. He felt the moment Severus lost control of his occlumency, the moment his emotions slipped free and he wept. Harry pulled him into the armchair, onto his lap as he sat and held him. Severus' mind was in turmoil as the thoughts whizzed between them, his emotions were all over the place. He'd been so afraid of what Harry would say, what he would think or do.

Harry suddenly understood the conversation he'd overheard between Pike and Severus, why Hendrix had been pushing him about his reliance on potions- he hadn't wanted Harry strung out or high when Severus finally told him.

The facts were slipping from Severus' mind freely. Severus hadn't known before the ball, too soon to know without a healer present. Gaius probably suspected but hadn't said anything. Severus  hadn't even considered the possibility. They had told him right there as they'd tended his concussion, he hadn't taken it in at first, nothing to be done they said, the kind of shock and injuries he'd sustained meant  there had been no chance, one of those things, bad timing, no permanent damage. Harry hadn't known there were any tears left inside him to cry. Harry was vaguely aware of the crack of house elf apparition and a clock chiming somewhere in another room. 

Goldie had been about to speak when she caught sight of them. There was never time for the two of them to feel, never enough, there were guests at the gate now. She bowed her head and spoke softly.

"Guests at the gate, master." She told him. The lights were flickering, one or both of them were emotionally unstable right now. Harry nodded and swiped the tears from his face. They had already begun to burn tracks. He didn't care. 

"See them in Goldie, the small ballroom I think we'll have space in there, give them drinks offer them food if they want. Apologise for me, tell them I was unavoidably detained and will be with them as soon as I can." Harry's sinuses felt thick and irritated from crying. Severus seemed to pull himself together just as quickly. Harry could feel the rage building in his mate, burning white hot and dangerously wild in contrast to the cold steel that seemed to have filled his own insides. 

"I wanted to keep you safe," Harry said weakly as Goldie disappeared, "away from all of it." The pure rage coming from Severus frightened him, he'd never felt anything like it. "But I don't have that right," he gripped Severus' arms tightly, fighting back a fresh upswell of emotion, "this is _our_ fight for _our_ children." Severus didn't nod or speak, he didn't have to. He simply stood and helped Harry to his feet. Harry swayed momentarily as he found his balance. Severus gripped him tightly for a moment before fixing his robes. 

"How do I even begin-?" He asked shortly. Severus' voice was gravely and low when he spoke.

"Mr Weasley is correct," he coughed slightly and his voice smoothed out, "they require a leader." Harry's swallowed and nodded. 

-

Harry stepped into the ballroom without any fanfare, he was half expecting to find it empty. He stared for a moment, almost every surviving DA member and a few of the Order as well who had clearly been in the vicinity or followed their children. Silence seemed to descend over them and Harry realised a second too late that he hadn't had chance to wash his face or hide the tear stains behind a glamour. 

Ron approached him first. 

"Harry you look death, what happened?" He asked softly. Harry shook his head mutely. 

"Not here." He said shortly and looked over his friend's shoulder. He must have been borderline hysterical because it was suddenly the funniest thing that he was as tall, if not taller, than Ron. He felt Severus' behind him, moving just enough to steady him and remind him where he was. "Thank you all for coming," he coughed slightly as his throat caught and picked up a glass from the table Goldie had laid out. He poured a tall drink and handed it to Severus absently before taking one for himself. They seemed willing to wait so he drank deeply and refilled his glass before stepping into the middle of the room, "I wasn't expecting so many of you to come," he sipped the water again to give himself a second to think, "you've probably all worked out why I brought you here?" A low murmuring of assent seemed to wash over the room. Most of them were wearing Aurors robes. 

"Before we talk about anything else I think, we need to take a minute. To reflect. Since the last time we were together as a group we have lost... and gained." He nodded to Malfoy in the back. "I'd like to take this minute to remind ourselves that not everyone made it this far, and what they died fighting for." He searched the assembled faces looking for who wasn't there. "Katie Bell, Terry Boot, Colin Creevey, Cho Chang, Padma and Parvati Patil, Fred Weasley." He stopped to take a breath and steady himself. "Seven of us, why it always seven?" No one had an answer and those who understood were few in number anyway. 

_Seven?_

_Horcruxes_

_Seven!_

_Including me, Dumbledore didn't tell you?_

_Not information I required…. Successful generals do not give their spies critical information to have it tortured from them should they be discovered._

Harry tried not to wince, he failed.

"They died. And Hogwarts rose from the ashes. The most potent symbol of our future, a school, stood against the might of the death eaters. There are people who would still tear it down and the ministry does nothing." 

"That's not fair-" someone said loudly enough for Harry to hear.

"Really Susan? The ministry has you digging out bodies instead of chasing the people who felled them in the first place. Is that really a reasonable use of resources?" He said sharply, a few nodded in agreement. "This was the first and last time I relied on them to do anything. They've been less than useless. We were attacked whilst we mourned. Those who attacked us took Hermione and who knows who else and they tortured her!" He'd been thinking about it almost obsessively, how many people who were still missing weren't under what was left of the rubble? How many might still be being tortured? "They faked a body that looked like Kingsley to try and wipe you out with that second blast! This wasn't the last desperate act of a group of renegades, this was planned!" Another murmur. "Well, I, for one, have no intention of sitting back and letting those monsters try again. We made that mistake last time, we let them choose the field of battle, the where and the when. This time, they're not going to know what hit them." He could still feel Severus seething and raging. "The time for jelly leg jinxes and disarming charms is long past. We're beyond being squeamish about this. We're not children playing at being soldiers anymore. I don't intend to take any prisoners." Several people seemed to balk. "If you have a problem with that, go now, as a friend- no hard feelings." No one moved. "I know I'm asking a lot. If you stay you better be staying because you're ready and willing to fight fire with fire." 

"Harry," someone said. 

"Denis." He acknowledged stiffly.

"None of us would be here tonight if it weren't for Hermione, and we've seen what they did first hand. I don't think any of us will try and pretend that this is a fight to anything but the death. We knew that two days ago." Harry nodded, that made this easier and infinitely harder too. He took a breath and steeled himself.

"I'm not leading this," he said, silence reigned, "I'll back it, I'll support it, and I'll kill and die right alongside you but I'm not the leader we need for this." A low shocked murmur. Even Severus had stepped backwards in surprise.

 _What are you doing?_

_Giving them a leader._

"We need a strategist, someone who can be objective, someone who knows all of us, our strengths and weaknesses. Someone we all trust with our lives." 

 _Weasley_

_Yeah_

"Ron." His friend stared. "You're a chess player, you kept us all alive when most of us had no idea what was going on. You did more than any elected leader or family head to get us out of there alive. You did that. Without thinking. It was there, it always has been." Ron still hadn't stopped staring at him but he was beginning to straighten, to fix his shoulders and his jaw. "I would follow you to the bloody, bitter death without hesitating. In the heat of battle you stepped up. I know I'm putting a lot of weight on your shoulders, but we're all here by choice. All we need is someone to point us in the right direction. Will you do it?" Harry didn't have to say the words that hung between them. Ron beat him to it.

"For Hermione." His voice was strong and steady. The words seemed to echo around the room. They had their battle cry. 

"And for the future." Harry added. Ron stepped back toward him and gripped his forearm tightly.

"I won't let you down, Harry." Ron murmured in his ear when he leaned in to speak under the rising tide of conversation. 

"You never could, Ron."

-

The meeting had broken apart fairly quickly. Ron had nothing to say yet but most had stayed to socialise for a while and Harry was content to let them. He sat in a corner and watched them, a few approached, tripped over greeting Severus at first, but eventually they all seemed to relax in his presence.

Ron sat down next to them after a while. He spoke without preamble.

"I was the one who brought Malfoy with me. He's been stood over there since before you walked in." Harry didn't answer for a moment.

"What are you telling me for? They crippled his father- if he wasn't here I'd be wondering why, and it's not like he doesn't know his way around." Ron nodded and Harry squeezed Severus' hand.

"Want to tell me why both of you have been crying yet?" He didn't look at Harry ask he spoke, he seemed to be staring into the crowd.

"I don't want to, but you do need to know." Harry said slowly.

 _Is this wise? What will he think? Of you?_ _Of me?_

 _He'll think we both have a reason to fight_

Harry preferred to pretend that he hadn’t caught the errant thought that Ron would assume Severus was defective, or worse- in Severus' opinion- that Harry was. There was time for that discussion later.

"Before the ball," Harry said slowly, Severus' hand was clammy in his own. "Severus was carrying my child." The words took more force to dislodge from his voicebox than if he'd been trying to cough up razor blades and were, he imagined, about as painful. Ron didn't turn or yell, he simply bowed his head. Harry could almost see the cogs turning. 

"Was?" He said eventually. The question hung between them. Harry swallowed painfully.

"Was." He confirmed. Ron nodded.

"And that's why you're both so determined to be in this fight." He said. They both nodded when he looked at them. "Yep. Alright." He stood and stretched his back. "Fair enough." And like that it was settled. "I'm sorry for your loss." He said softly. His eyes flicked to Severus sympathetically.

-

 Harry wasn't sure how long he sat there lost in his own thoughts before he realised he was starting to nod. He climbed to his feet warily. 

"Alright folks," he stole a look at his watch, "its nearly midnight and I am going to bed. Try not to keep my house elves up to late would you, they need to sleep too." A few people laughed. "I'm serious, there's floor powder in the entrance hall if you're going and bedrooms if you want to stay the night. I already have a guest in the east wing please respect his privacy, and stay away from the stables if the weather is bad I won't be held responsible for what a herd of centaurs will do to you if you go stumbling into where they've got a pregnant female." He waved faux cheerfully at the calls of goodnight that seemed to bounce around the room. He looked at Severus where he was sat and held his hand out in invitation. 

"Coming?" Severus actually hesitated and but Harry was too tired to address why. "Come on, we could both use some sleep."


	16. Interventions

"I was rather surprised to be welcome in your bed last night," Severus commented quietly, despite several people staying the night Harry had opted for breakfast in their quarters and Severus had followed suit. Harry set down his fork with half a sausage still speared on it.

"You really think, on the day you tell me we lost a child, after both of us were very nearly killed, that I would want you anywhere but right next to me as we sleep? What exactly do you take me for?" Because Harry was getting sick of this, he was getting sick of Severus acting like he was some kind of monster to be placated and pussyfooted around.

"I take you for a man who would have been rightly angry that his child was not adequately protected." Harry nearly upturned the table between them, he held back with great difficulty.

"You didn't know, you had no way of knowing, how the hell is it your fault?"

"I was carrying it, I should have known."

"Severus that's nonsense and you know it. You're not all knowing, you had no way of even knowing if it was possible." Severus was staring at him blankly. "I never once told you I wanted kids, you had no way of knowing it might take."

"I know my own mind and your power. I am solely to blame for this."

"No, you are not!" Severus didn't acknowledge his words. "You want to blame someone blame whichever bastard blew us up, blame the phases of the moon or have a go at me if you want, I was the one didn't protect you! But don't you dare blame yourself, not for this." Severus nodded, Harry knew this wasn't the end of it but he didn't know what else to say right now.

"And if this is not a singular event?" Severus asked softly. He wasn't touching his breakfast and had his hands on his lap as if he had no intention of eating.

"You catching on or..." Harry tailed off unable to finish the sentence.

"Both." Severus seemed to be fiddling with something under the table. Harry eyed him carefully but didn't say anything. Not yet.

"We now we know there's a chance you either will or you won't," Severus nodded slowly, "if you want to use contraception-" Severus' head snapped up suddenly and Harry felt the stab of shock, "that's your choice." Harry finished firmly. Severus was staring at him like he'd grown an extra head.

"I would never-" he seemed to choke over the words.

"You'd never what?" Harry demanded he could feel the heady rush of emotions coming from Severus; s _hock, horror and a twinge of guilt that there was a small part of him considering it, that Harry had even thought to suggest it_ and they weren't helping his temper. "Give yourself time to grieve? Make sure we're both ready?"

"I would never attempt to prevent the propagation of an archaic bloodline." Severus choked out.

"Fuck the bloodline!" Harry snapped right back. "You think I give a fuck?" Severus had drained of colour as Harry's voice rose and he swore. Harry felt a flash of a primal fear from Severus and his heart skipped a beat as he once again caught that same errant thought Severus did his best not to allow to rise to the surface of his mind. _Not Tobias_. He tried to tell himself to be calm, to be gentle, but the need to, the extra anger at Severus' parents for doing this to him only fueled his rage. "There are ten people right now I could will the family name to knowing it would be well kept, dozens of war orphans who could be adopted if you didn't want to or couldn't carry a child, or maybe I'll just let it die off! You're not a machine to pop out babies and crawl on your knees and the family name can go fuck itself if it thinks you are!"

"Perhaps that would be wisest," Harry didn't think Severus was thinking clearly and was visibly shaken, "we have already established that I have a talent for seriously harming children." And he was being far too flippant about this, Harry knew that tactic- he'd used it on Vernon and Dudley; make him think you don't care, fake confidence, say something shocking and it might make him back down. The problem was that, unlike Vernon and whoever else Severus used that tactic on in his life, Harry knew that those flippant words didn't come from nowhere, they came from a place of pure honesty when he was too panicked to lie even to himself. To hear Severus say something like that made Harry angry, made him want to hit whoever had made him believe that such words were his truth. He wasn't about to let it pass unaddressed or be shocked into dropping the subject by it.

"Seriously-?" Harry jumped to his feet and gripped the front of the shirt Severus was wearing, yanking him to his feet. "Get up! I said get up now!" Severus stumbled and his chair toppled as he rose. "Move!" Harry pointed at the door sharply. Severus didn't seem capable of arguing. Harry was raging like he hadn't raged in his life before. He didn't care what this took now. He would put a stop to this complete inability of Severus' to recognise his own worth. He frogmarched the man straight downstairs and out the front door to the stables. The door was open. "In!" Severus ducked inside to find all the occupants awake. Harry spared one glance around.

"Apologies for the intrusion." He said shortly to Firenze who answered with something like a comment that these where his stables before he rounded back on Severus. "Look in here, You see the children you've saved, the lives you saved! You see the foal without its mother thriving because you gave it power when it had nothing!" Severus was staring at him, this was clearly not what he'd been expecting. "You see the expectant mother still alive, her baby growing and almost ready to be born through your actions! Your choices! Because of you. Show me the harm you did here," they all jumped when the stable door swung open with a bang. Harry was half shocked and half gratified to find both Ron and Neville with their wands out- apparently, they had stayed the night.

"Saw you running in here, figured you might need a hand," Ron said awkwardly.

"You see!" Harry demanded of Severus who was staring in shock at Ron and Neville. "Don't think it's my defence they're coming to, it wasn't _you_ they saw marching _me_ down here at wandpoint and they came anyway!"

"Harry-" Harry didn't care that they both had their wands trained on him. Good, let them, let Severus see that even Harry's oldest and dearest friends wouldn't allow him to harm his mate whilst they stood in his way.

"Shut up Ron I'm proving a point." Harry snapped. He rounded back on Severus who looked almost faint now, Harry knew that look too, like a deer in the headlights, it was usually around that time he would end up somewhere entirely improbable in a muggle primary school and his attempt to diffuse the situation had failed and he was frantically trying to find another way out of it before he ended up bruised and battered. "See the two boys you made strong enough to avenge their parents as men without breaking," he pointed at Neville and then hit his own chest with an open palm, "see the loyalty you inspire? See the brother of the girl you protected from a fate almost worse than death?" Both Neville and Ron looked lost and slightly dazed. "See that house up there, Draco Malfoy at my table, in my home, because you protected him because you guided him, how many children did you protect, heal and comfort in nearly twenty years as a professor? Hogwarts wouldn't exist now if it wasn't for you. Then the students you took interest in when no one else cared; I know for a fact Goyle couldn't read until you stepped in and who knows how many more over the years, And you think that's nothing, you call that seriously harming them?" Severus was gripping a beam tightly in a bid to keep himself upright.

"Harry, stop, stop it and look at him! Look at what you're doing to him!" Ron's yell didn't compute, it was Chiron, little Chiron, nine years old Harry had learnt at some point, jumping between Severus and Harry. Physically placing himself between them for Harry to wilt and drain of his anger. He felt hot and sticky and overloaded with emotion. He didn't care. Harry had never truly seen Severus afraid before, not afraid like this. Drip white and actually shivering. Even in the face of war and what he must have believed was his own death Severus hadn't shown fear like this. Harry felt sick to his stomach that he'd caused the fear in Severus and yet strangely gratified that he'd finally gotten through as Severus seemed to take in the scene with fresh eyes.

"See them, all loyal to you. Because of you. See my oldest friend with his wand on me to defend you," Harry moved to take a half step forward and Chiron went for his dagger as he reared up. Harry froze. "You see this," Harry half whispered, "they're ready to kill me to defend you and I don't think I blame them." Severus didn't seem able to find the words, he reached out slowly and touched Chiron's shoulder, the young centaur seemed to tense and then relax after an exchanged look and a slight nod from Severus. Harry watched with baited breath. Severus made two steps, swayed and Harry caught him. It was like trying to catch a block of ice, he was cold to the touch and Harry found that his hands seemed to cool immediately on contact. He'd forgotten about that particular quirk of their bond.

"I've got you," Harry ignored the spark of pain in his wing as he jumped to keep his mate upright.

"Adrenaline comedown." Severus managed weakly, "never could handle it well." Harry almost laughed. Almost.

"I am so sorry I had to do that..." he murmured quietly, "I don't even know what came over me." Severus let out a low sound of derision.

"Pure rage is what came over you, entirely justified, of course."

"You really think so?" Harry wasn't so sure, he seemed to be raging a lot recently and it was beginning to frighten him.

"You were deliberately provoked." Harry frowned, _Severus had pushed him that hard on purpose? Was he mad?_ "Although your response was... unexpected." Severus murmured quietly as he began to take more of his own weight. Harry wasn't sure he wanted to know what Severus had expected.

"You get sudden bouts of pure rage often, Harry?" He still hadn't lowered his wand and there was an edge to Ron's voice that made the hairs on the back of Harry's neck stand on end. He felt Severus stiffen as well.

"Ron?" Neville's urgent mutter seemed to go unheeded.

"Once in a while," Harry answered slowly, "should've seen what I did to a bunch of duelling dummies last week."

"Well, duelling dummies aren't people so right now not actually that interested in them," Ron muttered. Harry didn't understand what Ron was so tense about.

"Ron." Neville's call finally seemed to reach him. "What are you doing?"

"Section sixteen, Neville." Harry seemed to be the only person who didn't know what that meant. Severus startled and Neville made a sound like he'd choked on fresh air.

"You can't be serious?" Neville asked. Ron had a steel in his eyes Harry had only seen a handful of times.

"Deadly, and you can't tell me you're not thinking it, Nev."

"Well-"

"As much," Severus cut in suddenly, "as your concern is appreciated, it is, entirely unnecessary."

_What are they talking about?_

_You do not want to know._

Harry didn't break the pregnant silence that seemed to have descended over them.

"Nothing we could do anyway Ron, none humans, remember?" Neville added quietly. Ron finally lowered his wand, slowly. He didn't seem convinced. Severus jumped suddenly as a warm nose pressed into his hand, he looked down to find the unicorn foal at his side whinnying softly. He bent down without preamble and petted it. Both Ron and Neville were staring.

"You ever see anything like that Ron?" Neville asked softly, he couldn't quite believe what his eyes were telling him.

"Nope, but let's be honest, if it's going to go to any man it'll be the guy who kept it alive the night it was born," Ron commented

"What are you two talking about?" Harry asked absently, the unicorn seemed to be as good for Severus pallor as he seemed to be for it.

"There's a reason they teach unicorns in third year Harry, even the youngsters won't go to most grown men without being pushed," Harry remembered that from class with Hagrid.

"And the big deal is?" Both Ron and Neville were staring like Harry had sprouted an extra head.

"I've never actually heard of a unicorn choosing to approach a man before, ever..." Severus looked up, his voice was soft when he spoke.

"I am not wholly a man," he commented absently, "and share something of an affinity with these creatures." He had everyone's interest but didn't elaborate. Ron had a strange look on his face.

"It's like you're a totally different bloke," Ron muttered, shaking his head in disbelief.

"We all had parts to play," Severus commented shortly.

"Well you were bloody good at it, I can't believe I've just seen that and ever thought- _Merlin_ , we were stupid kids!" Ron's stunned tone seemed to break the last of the tension, particularly when Severus muttered something that might have been agreement with his pronouncement. Chiron returned to Firenze's side without a word, he was still watching Harry warily.

"One would presume twenty years of survival as a potions master alone required some competence." Harry caught Neville's eye and looked away quickly with a smirk. They were agreed that Severus had proven that competence and a fast wand arm in their classroom where sudden explosions were common.

"Before you leave Lord Potter, a moment of your time?" Firenze asked softly, Harry nodded and Severus moved to stand as he exchanged a look with Firenze.

"He has been pining for you," the centaur told Severus softly indicating the unicorn, "perhaps do not wait so long to return?" There were so many things going unsaid but understood that Harry, even thought he was paying close attention, was struggling to get his head around. Severus nodded rather curtly. Harry forced himself not to comment.

"I will await your return to the house?" Severus asked softly, Harry nodded.

"Won't be long," he replied softly, Severus seemed relieved and Harry caught an errant thought about how awkward it would be to be trapped in a room with a bunch of Gryffindors a half his age for very long. Severus must have realised he'd caught it because he smirked at Harry's small huff of mock annoyance.

 _They're not all Gryffindors,_ there are _a few Hufflepuffs too!_

Somehow Harry managed to think a laugh along with that comment In a tone that might have included sticking his tongue out if he wasn't a grown man.

-

"Lord Potter you have been entirely accommodating... however," Harry waited for Firenze to find the words, "remaining here with no formal agreement of terms is dangerous for us, your government will not take kindly..." Harry turned his bottom lip up in half facial nod. Firenze had a point, or might have in different circumstances.

"Right now the ministry can't keep its own house in order, they've no business looking at mine...but, it is a fair point well made." Firenze held the expectant silence between them.

"I have little to no use for the woods here, so I propose an arrangement..." Harry began slowly suddenly wishing Severus hadn't left him alone to deal with this, "I will confirm with the ministry that we have an arrangement for yourself, your kin and your descendants in the Potter woodlands on this site, including all possible protection available under a fully secure and assured tenancy agreement, in perpetuity, in exchange for the maintenance of said woodlands and protection and care for any endangered creatures within with the full support of the house, both financial and magical, to do so." He was glad Firenze hadn't interrupted, Harry doubted he'd have been able to keep track of all the legal terminology otherwise. Firenze seemed to consider it for a moment. "And I'll have the goblins write something up to keep the ministry quiet just in case they ever try and stick their noses in," Harry added.

"That seems acceptable." Firenze knew full well that the goblins wouldn't do him a disservice in drawing up a contract that involved a wizard. Harry offered the centaur his hand and the shook before he made his excuses and left with a mutter about hungover Gryffindors and fragile family heirlooms.

-

"You know, Nev," Ron probably thought he was being subtle except he lacked the skill to pull it off effectively, "if we needed to we could probably get around a creature exemption on a section sixteen..." Severus deliberately didn't comment; he'd seen too many well-meaning aurors and police officers trying to make his mother press charges during his childhood years and, later, had been the well-meaning adult trying to make a student speak out not to recognise this situation. Neville seemed to catch on quickly.

"I don't see how...?" Neville had the decency to shoot an apologetic look at Severus who actually managed something like a genuine smile in return.

"Argue humanity, if you're human enough to carry a wand, you're human enough to be liable under our laws," Ron commented. Severus was actually surprised how simple, and how fiendish, the suggestion really was.

"Not unless you have several decades to spare listening to legal experts debate the nature of humanity." Severus commented off-handedly, "and at least one willing to carry baseless accusations against a living legend to the high court." He saw no reason to maintain the charade.

"Baseless?" Ron asked after a moment. Severus answered sharply but firmly.

"Entirely." The silence stretched between them.

"Well, if that's what you call normal..." Ron said slowly.

"It is not," Severus said, "that is what I would classify as a well executed, although admittedly, barely bordering moderately successful intervention." Ron gaped.

"You call that well executed?" He finally snapped his mouth shut although he couldn't quite control the look of utter horror on his expression.

"One must tailor a message to their intended audience in order for it to be properly received." Severus clarified after a few seconds silence.

"And manhandling and screaming the message at someone is the way to go?" Severus flicked his wrist and the front door opened of its own accord.

"Much less efficient than actual physical violence, which was expected, although much more humane if effective." He commented blandly. Ron?stopped talking as they crossed the threshold and he made his way to the dining room. Longbottom held back.

"Sorry about him, he means well he's just, blunt," Neville said softly. "He's not wrong though. Don't think there's no one to turn to, if necessary."

"You are not the first to offer," Severus couldn't help the tone of distaste, "your human relations lack components necessary for none human interaction, you forget that." Neville nodded.

"So shut up and keep my nose out, I don't know what I'm talking about?" He asked with a smirk set askance and a knowing look. Severus found himself pleasantly surprised at Longbottom's nerve. Severus supposed that after working up to attempted murder and outright defiance, friendly conversation with him would be far easier for the older, wiser and braver Neville Longbottom than his fourteen-year-old self must have ever imagined.

"Precisely."

-  
Harry arrived back at the house cold and wet from the fine rain and mentally cursing his lack of foresight in going down to the stable without a cloak. He slipped into the entrance hall to find Severus waiting with a towel in hand and a cup of hot tea on offer.

"Thank you," Harry didn't see Severus nod of acknowledgement as he dried his hair. Severus was smirking when Harry surfaced from the towel with his hair looking like he'd just climbed off a broom being flown through a tornado. He scowled playfully.

"I do believe I owe you my gratitude... again," Severus said softly as his smile flickered.

"You brought me a towel and tea we're even," Harry answered lightly as he took the cup.

"Not even close," Severus' response made Harry sigh.

"Severus, can we make a deal, right now?" He flung the towel over his shoulder. "No point scoring or tracking, we're partners, I watched Petunia and Vernon do that for years and I just- doesn't it strike you as weird?" Severus stared at him for a moment.

"Weird, to show gratitude...?"

"I don't mean like start taking each other for granted I just, I don't really care who owes who what, we've been through so much, can't we just-" Severus nodded, he understood despite Harry's complete lack of eloquence. The door to the dining room opened and Ron stuck his head out.

"I wondered where you two had got to," he said, he was too chipper and being too obvious in the way he was watching them, "need a quick word Harry if you got a minute?"

"Yeah alright," Harry shot Severus a look and he absented himself.

_Weasley is determined to be a hero, remember he is your friend and he means well._

Harry frowned.

 _What's that supposed to mean?_  
-  
Ron was eyeing Harry thoughtfully as Severus absented himself. He seemed to be considering something and waited until they were alone before he spoke.

"Won't take long Harry, I've only got one thing to say." Harry suddenly got the impression he was about to learn what the steel in Ron's eyes meant. "If he'd have been female and you'd have been human I'd have you in a cell by now no matter who you were and Neville would have backed me up." Harry blinked not quite understanding what Ron meant. "Your property or not, If I ever catch wind of you treating him like that again I will hex you and then I'll arrest you as a domestic abuser. Are we clear?" Harry actually felt like the floor had opened up under him, what the hell was Ron talking about? Ron let out a low huff of annoyance at the gormless look Harry must have been sporting. Harry finally closed his mouth.

"Ron, It's been some really bad timing, but I swear to you. I'm doing my best to help him." Ron nodded but his expression was still sceptical. "But sometimes I swear I'm barely holding it together myself and he's not an easy bloke to get through to."

"So get help, see a healer, send him to a mind healer, get off the calming draughts-"

"I already am." Ron gaped at Harry's interjection. "Can't just stop taking bitterroot..." Ron nodded. He knew that.

"Harry, have you seen a mind healer?"

"What's that?"

"Hermione said they're like muggle counsellors or something, they listen and help get your head on right."

"Sounds like someone I'd see because I'm crazy, which I'm not Ron I'm just, I'm tired alright?" Ron held up his hands in mock surrender at Harry's sudden aggression.

"You're not crazy Harry, you're traumatised and you're starting to wear thin." Harry couldn't quite believe what he was hearing. "You were literally killed, tortured, forced to kill someone, saw so many people die and then this with him, the bombing and Hermione and.." Ron tailed off suggestively and gestured vaguely in the direction Severus had left as a shot of emotion hit Harry in the chest like a stinging hex. "Yeah, no one expects you to carry that alone, you're so focused on helping everyone else you forgot that you're not invincible either."

"And who do I go to for help Ron? Who wants to hear that _the Great Harry Potter, Lord of His Manor_ , has nightmares, who wants to know about the rage inside me? the fear that I'm failing everyone around me? Like I'm playing at being lord of the manor because I didn't expect to live this long? No one wants to hear my sob story Ron, they've got their own."

"I've been waiting six months for you to open up Harry, so's Hermione, you think mums been inviting you to Sunday dinner every week for the fun of it?" Harry stared at his friend. He hadn't realised, hadn't thought they would have the time for him, hadn't wanted to burden them and it was like someone had switched a lightbulb on in his head as he became aware of that thought.

"Dear Gods I'm as bad as him," he let out a low gasp as the words slipped from his lips. He'd been so focused on Severus, on healing him he hadn't considered that state he might be in, that his own clumsy attempts to help everyone else might be doing more harm than good for everyone involved.

"Harry," Ron gripped his shoulders, "its Christmas Eve, your friends and family are here. Enjoy it, forget about everything. Hermione's in the hospital safe, You're safe, he's safe and for now so is everyone else. Let yourself have a break. Come to home to the Burrow for Christmas tomorrow. Enjoy the new year, then we'll get the election out of the way, we'll get Hermione healed and the people who hurt her sorted and take everything else a day at a time?"

"Wow, what did the aurors do to you?" Harry asked, only half joking. Ron had never been so emotionally aware.

"Showed me what people go through, one day I accepted Kingsley's offer of a drink. He's got some stories, I learned more listening to that than I've picked up in ten hours of classes every day for six months. Most aurors will tell you a story for the price of a drink and a smoke. It's a good investment." Harry managed a weak smile.

-  
Harry found he was able to relax a little in the dining room, most of the people around him were trained to fight and somehow that made him feel safe.

"Alright now we've all eaten and we're here can I have everyone's attention before you start heading home for Christmas?" Even Harry was surprised as Ron tapped his goblet with his fork and quiet fell. "I spent most of last night thinking, we might be willing to fight it not ready to lead our own war." Harry sipped his tea and waited. "Most of us don't know magic beyond what's standard Hogwarts and Auror training and most of the spells are things we know of, not spells we actually know how to cast." Ron climbed to his feet. "We started out as a study group, time to go back to our roots." Several people laughed nervously. "We don't need to learn patronuses and stunning spells. We need to learn the real thing, the kinds of things that are considered unsuitable for children and the ministry is too squeamish to put on the aurors course." Harry and Severus exchanged a look.

"Well, Harry taught us all last time?" Someone said, Harry busied himself pouring more tea for himself as he felt his face heating up. Severus didn't seem surprised.

"Harry?" He looked up, startled out of his feigned lack of interest. A few people tittered.

"What?"

"You heard Simon, you in?"

"Ron you said yourself, this isn't patronuses and shielding spells. It's dark magic you can't really teach that stuff like, not really."

"Come on Harry a spells a spell." Harry rolled his eyes as he felt Severus' stab of irritation at their ignorance. Harry stood slowly.

"No, it's not, listen what makes an unforgivable curse hard to cast? Anyone?"

"You have to mean it, you have to want the result." Harry gestured vaguely at Neville with a wave.

"Right, I've only ever managed it a couple of times even when I thought I wanted to I didn't manage it. I never practised or anything but I could cast an imperious pretty easily actually, cruciatus curse was harder but I'm probably not the only one here who managed it a few times." A few people gasped. "This is what I meant last night, we can't be squeamish, this is a war."

"Who did you torture, Harry?" Susan asked, interested.

"I tried it on Bellatrix Lestrange once, totally failed, grief and rage really don't work with that spell you have to want to hurt someone not just be lashing out." They seemed less horrified when they realised who it was. "But when Carrow spat at Professor McGonogall the night of the battle I think he's lucky that crucio was the first spell that popped into my head," he looked around at them, most were whole and back to healthy proportions, "I'd seen a few of you all banged up already, I wanted him to hurt, I wanted him to learn some respect and feel every second of an agonising death..." a few seemed impressed, Neville had a smile on his face like Harry had never seen, it was wild. "He felt it, judging by the way he screamed." Harry couldn't help the smirk that found its way to his face. "It's a powerful feeling, having someone at your mercy like that, watching them collapse and writhe in the way that spell does to people, I'm not surprised half the death eaters went mad on it."

You tortured _Carrow?_

Harry dropped the memory into Severus consciousness as he carried on talking, Severus seemed vaguely impressed. "so it doesn't matter how much you practice, you can either cast the spell properly or you can't. Plus light and dark isn't just about the spell, a first year spell can be deadly." Even Ron looked stunned. Harry sighed and was halfway through pulling his wand before he realised he was giving an impromptu lecture. He glared at Ron who smirked back, he'd put Harry in this position deliberately. "So, remember your first charms lesson, levitation charm?" He pointed his wand at a random plate and levitated it a few feet in the air. "Harmless, right?" A few people shrugged or nodded as he put the plate back down. "Except that with this spell, there's no intent or power needed, you could just as easily levitate a ten tonne rock as a feather, just as easily," he shrugged theatrically, "catch someone falling off a cliff as drop them over it in the first place. It's not the spell, its how you use it." A few people had looks of understanding. "But then there are spells at the other end of the spectrum, like unforgivables, you've got to have a fair bit of control, some power and the will to see the outcome. You've got to want it. Like I said. The easier one to demonstrate is the imperious curse, a few of you've probably been under it. You could make some kill with that spell if you wanted them to badly enough," a round of nods, "or you could stop them killing someone, or themselves if you wanted to. The spell has a bad reputation because of how it's used, but it was developed to be used on violent mental patients to stop them hurting themselves, that's why it feels so blank and soothing at first, it's supposed to be." Severus was watching him carefully.

_You have a knack for holding a room_

_It's an interesting topic_

"And other things, you hit someone with a body bind at the top of stairs you'll kill them with the fall but that how they got me out of the bomb blast when I was injured, I might've bled out if they couldn't immobilise me." A low muttering was rising. Several people seemed offended and the low buzz of angry whispers was starting to grate on Harry's nerves. "There's no such thing as light and dark magic, only light and dark wizards- and it's got nothing to do with your opinion on muggleborns even if Slytherin did have a fair point in his time." That caused a swell of conversation, even Severus looked slightly alarmed at Harry's words. Harry waited impatiently.

"Has anyone here actually ready Slytherin's treatise?" Silence.

"The book is banned." Severus cut in coolly, Several people we nodding. "For very good reason."

"It's not that bad! If you read it critically, that is." Harry added; Severus was looking at him as if he'd suddenly declared that he found Rita Skeeter to be an honest reporter. "Ok you're all looking at me like I've grown an extra head? What am I saying that's so bad?"

"Firstly that you've seen a copy at all,"

"There's one here, it was in my grandfather's old desk I came across it months ago when I was clearing it all out!" Harry shot back defensively.

_And you said nothing_

_I put it back on the library shelf between Machiavelli and Tsun Zu where it belonged. It's right there..._

_..._

_I thought you'd seen it. I thought it was an old family journal at first- it's hand written._

_Harry felt the sudden change in Severus' emotion, the shock._

_Handwritten?_

_Yeah, in a book like my journal_

"You skip the bit on Horcruxes and ignore the ranting about Gryffindor being a shortsighted idiot he makes a lot of sense for his time."

"Sounds to me like he makes a lot of sense now," Draco muttered, Harry almost laughed, he liked the man's sense of humour and had grown used to it. A few people rounded on him but Draco wasn't about to back down. "Gryffindors house is famed for producing wizards who carefully consider the outcomes of their actions before taking them... that doesn't sound... quite right, does it?" He added. Harry couldn't help agreeing with a good-natured laugh.

"Harry you're talking about a man who wanted to stop muggleborns studying magic!"

"No Ron, I'm talking about a man who got sick of visiting kids one week to offer them an education and watching them be burnt at the stake the next because their parents turned them in to the medieval church, who talked his best friends into building a castle for a school in case the muggles decided to attack it so it would be easier to defend. Slytherin lived in a time when muggleborns would have been better off without magic, it's only idiots who followed on and twisted everything he said and completely ignored the fact that the Catholic church doesn't run the world anymore who couldn't tell that."

"You think he's been confunded?" Denis asked Neville snidely. Harry sighed.

_Why aren't you helping me? It's your old house I'm defending here!_

_You began this ridiculous tangent you may finish it yourself, I will not stand and defend a man who believed that murdering children or abandoning them to a lifetime of isolation was ever acceptable_

_He didn't!_

"Ron, the Weasley family are a light family. Why?" Ron shrugged, he'd never really questioned it.

"I read this in a book last month; There are three criteria," he said as the conversation settled again, "one of your ancestors at some point swore an oath of allegiance and fealty to the land itself. If a family ever had a manor you can assume they did. Two is the pure bloodline. Technically the Potters are a dark family, because Drakken are dark creatures and my father went against official recommendations and married a muggleborn whereas the Malfoy's bred with Veela somewhere along the line and don't tend to produce half-blooded branches of the family tree, they're light creatures and a light family. Technically." Draco actually snorted but didn't contradict him. "You know how they decide what a light or dark creature is?" Harry said. "They look at the prevalence of dominant males, they don't want us getting out of control so they classify us as dark. Bloodlines more likely to produce obedient, occasionally but not necessarily child bearing males, are more likely to be classed as light." A murmur. "And finally adherence to the official religion."

"I don't even know what the official religion is!" Ron commented loudly. Too loudly. Harry shot him a suspicious look.

"It's the professed faith of the sitting minister."

"You what?" Several people seemed surprised.

"Now I'll bet most people here didn't realise they're dark wizards." He looked over at Neville who was nodding at something someone was saying.

"Seems to me," Neville said after the silence descended and everyone had processed Harry's words, "that the difference between light and dark is how willing you are to do what the government tells you." Harry didn't answer that; He didn't have to.

_Be careful what you say, you are on the verge of causing a revolution_

"Technically I'm a dark wizard, _me_? And the minute you all agreed to stay last night you joined me. But let's ignore the creepy undertones of answering a protean charm to join a war on the side of a dark wizard for a minute." A few people visibly balked at the comparison.

_Comparisons like that are definitely one way to put them off following you too willingly_

_Most of them lost family last year, or before, they just need to be reminded how easy it is to turn into everything you despise._

_...Minerva would be a fool not to offer you a teaching position in a few years_

_I'll take that as a compliment but, actually no thanks I've seen enough of Hogwarts to last me a lifetime_

_-_

They had finally left and Harry had retired to his office to catch up on paperwork and letters. Somewhere a clock struck four. Severus had joined him and was perusing information from an employment agency.

"It strikes me that you have overlooked the obvious," Severus murmured as Harry vetoed another potential steward with a flick of his quill, "Arthur Weasley has three unemployed sons who are unquestionably loyal to you." Harry fixed him with a look of disdain, and then he thought about it. It wasn't actually a bad idea. "And two more in the market for gainful British-based employment."

"At least three are proven, capable administrators." Severus pushed. Harry stood and stretched, his wing was still sore but at least he could move it without wincing now if he was careful.

"Make your case." Harry challenged as he moved to join Severus on the sofa, he knew his mate better than to think he wouldn't have supporting documents.

"When one considers their positions the eldest must be discounted due to his family commitments,"

"Ok so not Bill," Harry commented.

"Charles is a capable administrator, proven duellist and familiar with the quirks of your bloodline and mine," Severus said softly as Harry sat, "although his career at Gringotts is lucrative he had indicted an interest in returning to Britain. If you can convince him to part from his dragons..." Harry considered it. He might have a way to get Charlie to come to England.

"Well... I was toying with the idea of a new hobby," he murmured after stretching his arm out, Severus moved to lean against him without hesitating and Harry stretched his wing over his mate's shoulders lazily as he made himself comfortable. Severus looked up, genuinely interested. "I mean once everything settled I was, it's stupid," Harry suddenly felt far too self-conscious.

"Go on," Severus urged softly from where he'd quietly requisitioned Harry's shoulder and collarbone as a makeshift pillow.

"Well..." Harry was starting to wish he hadn't said anything, "I was kind of thinking about putting the grounds here to good use, obviously with Firenze and his family on it that covers a lot of the woodland but I already promised Hagrid I'd take this years orphan thestrals and I was kind of thinking about gettingintosnidgetbreeding." Severus blinked slowly as he replayed Harry's garbled words in his head. When he realised Harry meant the endangered small yellow birds of Quidditch lore he nodded. "I mean it's not like either of us has to work for a living, I thought it might be nice to actually do something useful though, something worthwhile."

"Why snidgets?" Severus asked slowly.

"They're small, endangered and relatively easy to maintain, plus I know I can see them from a distance-" Severus smirked. "And I'm as sure as I can be that we already have a wild nest here but I'd need to fly out to be sure."

"You never once indicated you wanted to be anything but an Auror..."

"I never actually believed I'd survive long enough to have the freedom to do anything but fight," Harry admitted. "No one expects the specky scrawny kid to beat the big bad monster except in fairy tales. I thought Auror training might give me a fighting chance."

"Yet you never truly harboured a wish to enter the profession?"

"Never... but I couldn't really say that Professor McGonogall."

"She was your head of house, you should have been able to tell her anything and everything." Severus seemed personally offended for some reason.

"Yeah ok so she could tell Dumbledore that his chosen one's idea of a perfect life was somewhere between Hagrid's job and Charlie Weasley's? Or that Umbridge could report to fudge that I was tapped in the head and didn't appreciate my responsibilities."

"What had Umbridge to do with it?" Severus seemed genuinely lost.

"She was in my careers meeti-"

"She was what!?" Harry had never seen Severus react so strongly to a simple statement of fact before.

"She was in everyone's, wasn't she?" Harry asked, nonplussed.

"Absolutely not!" Something that felt like ice seemed to slip down Harry's gullet and freeze his lungs. "She, _attempted_ , to invite herself to Draco's meeting and was rather unceremoniously removed, by yours truly."

"Why? I thought she was there observing and it was all above board,"

"Yes, of course, she wished to be present at the careers meeting of a young man who's decision at that juncture could have literally been life or death for himself and the professor he was speaking to." Severus' tone dripped sarcasm. "Completely innocently and in the name of good educational practices, naturally." Harry took a moment to catch up, he snapped his fingers as he realised.

"Of course! Draco wouldn't have been making plans and he was probably arrogant enough to admit that in front of her at that point. And what she knew the ministry knew."

"Precisely, Lucius had spent too long for his son to make such an error, he would have been killed for it." Harry didn't have to ask why.

"My position was precarious enough without having Umbridge to contend with in the careers meetings that year also." Harry was developing a headache considering all the possible implications of Umbridge hearing Malfoy's, or any other Slytherin's, careers meeting that year.

"She'd have known who's parents were death eaters and who wanted to follow them, hold on-" it had just occurred to him, "how were you supposed to direct them? You were the spy." Severus seemed to pause.

"Those who displayed any hesitation or made clear they had no interest in the dark mark found themselves invited to another Professor's office on a subsequent evening to discuss their plans, and if necessary, their protection." Harry nodded that made sense. Give them an out. Harry wondered which professor for a moment before deciding it wasn't important.

"And those who did want to take the mark?" Harry couldn't imagine Severus actively encouraging any children to do that regardless of who their parents were.

"Were made aware that as their head of house that it was my duty to seen to strongly encourage them to make a clearly defined career plan that might be viable regardless of the outcome of any war."

"Give them a way out in case it's all bluster but don't be seen to be telling them no because they will run back to their parents and tell them and your cover gets blown." Severus was beginning to relax as Harry's hand found its way to stroking through his hair. "You've got a high opinion of a fifteen-year-olds ability to think strategically." Severus snorted.

"I do not," Harry smirked. At Severus rather petulant response. "I was a teacher for seventeen years, I have no delusions as to the levels of stupidity teenagers will sink to. In this case, it was necessary that the students in question were directed to careers in which they might realistically be useful to the dark lord but equally exposed to avenues of escape should they require."

"No one left the death eaters, Severus." Even Harry knew that. "Not if they wanted to live."

"No, although there were still other avenues available." Harry didn't like the ache he could hear in Severus tone, the depth of hurt. He cared about those students and he'd had to watch as they walked a path he knew would get them killed or worse. "And there was always the hope that they might still have the opportunity to build careers after the fact." Harry didn't answer. "Although the ongoing trials would not suggest as such." Harry swallowed the painful lump in his throat. The trials were a farce designed to get revenge, Kingsley had been fighting to have all those under the age of twenty acquitted on the basis of their youth and possible family pressures but there wasn't a lot of support for it. The Malfoy's had been tried as a family and the house arrest had only just expired. Harry had managed to avoid Severus having to go to trial by claiming him; if he wasn't a recognised citizen he couldn't be tried as one despite the clamour from certain quarters that there had been to put him in the dock. Harry had watched from the sidelines, tried to stay out of it, as the trials progressed. He'd written a few references or submitted personal requests for clemency on behalf of some of the younger generation but it didn't seem to make a lot of difference.

"This is why muggle studies shouldn't be optional, _they_ teach ten-year-olds that revenge against the losing side in a war didn't work!" Severus frowned for a moment.

"Ah, you mean Hitler." Severus nodded in agreement and understanding.

"Foot soldier turned dictator, and people followed him because they were being starved in revenge for something they had no control over..." Harry muttered.

"You have developed a rather worrying capability to sympathise with bigots and violent extremists."

"I don't sympathise I understand objectively there's a difference," Harry answered he'd stopped paying attention again as a warm feeling had begun to swell in his chest and all he really wanted was to wrap his wings around Severus and hold him. "Besides weren't we discussing staff?"

"Charles was a seeker, he could easily turn those skills to the maintenance of a colony of snidgets." Harry had forgotten about that.

"We're agreed then? Charlie to be steward, if he'll do it?" Harry pressed his face into Severus' neck and kissed him softly. He felt Severus stiffen. Severus didn't say anything but he just felt tense. Harry's stomach flipped when he felt Severus' worry. "Don't worry," he whispered softly, "I'm not trying anything I just feel like holding you right now," he felt a stab of guilt that wasn't his own that he didn't quite understand.

_I am far too accustomed to being approached for one thing alone_

Harry forced himself to ignore the shot of anger, he had to get a handle on his temper. He had to keep a lid on his anger and stop making Severus the target of it.

_Well apparently I'm a cuddler so you can get accustomed to that instead_

Relief. Severus went boneless with relief that Harry hadn't snapped at him. Harry tightened his grip and kissed the underside of Severus' jaw softly.

"I like holding you, knowing you're close and safe," Harry admitted quietly. Severus put his head back on Harry's shoulder, "calms me down," Harry mumbled.

"I feel it, your instincts are fulfilled by it," Severus said absently.

"You slipped away earlier for over an hour," Harry said blandly, "you seemed, different when you came back." Severus didn't answer, he didn't really want to answer at all but he didn't have much of a choice.

"I spoke to Gaius," Severus admitted eventually, "I had to know." Harry had no idea what Severus was talking about. "He had presumed I already knew..." Severus' hand settled on his stomach and Harry's gut lurched at the sight.

"Did he, did he know how far along...?" Harry asked; it had been niggling at him all day.

"Five weeks, enough I should have seen some sign."

"Not really," Harry murmured, "signs start at two months with male bearers, give or take,"

"The changes begin earlier, it appears I am not as self-aware as I think I am." Harry kissed Severus neck again.

"You are not self-aware, you're just not," he commented absently, "that's at least half of your problem- not that I'm much better." He added.

"We should address that," Severus muttered softly.

"Yeah, I wasn't sure how though. Normally I'd ask Hermione but..." Severus nodded.

"If you had a couple of kids in your house with our issues what would you tell them?" Harry asked mildly.

"To keep a journal, a faithful accounting with space for reflection." Harry nodded.

"I already keep a journal."

"You keep an appointment book, there is a difference," Severus told him gently. Harry considered it for a moment. "Think, when last did you write anything in your journal that wasn't an objective measurable fact?" Harry's hand stilled it's ministrations of Severus' hair as he thought.

"Never."

"Exactly."

"We should both probably try that then," Harry placed just enough weight behind his words to let Severus know it wasn't a vague suggestion without making it an outright order. Severus felt relieved again. Harry didn't ask why, to a man used to being made to follow orders he didn't have to explain why a well-meaning gentle nudge might be a comfort.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For those who might still be confused, section sixteen is the magical legal setup that covers domestic violence and legal issues around it. You don't need to know the exact thing, I don't even know that; you just need a sense that any crime that might be reasonably called "domestic violence" would fall under it. Ron's half right, Harry does have a nasty temper and he has been dragging Severus through the wringer a bit but there's also an element of misunderstanding and poor timing, Ron's never seen them cuddle at night, for example (they needed that tender moment after the heartbreak of the last few chapters) and he's viewing their relationship through human filters so it looks odd to him to see the man he grew up terrified of being this obedient, cowed thing who doesn't seem to think for himself when Harry's in the room. It's classic signs of an abuse victim but Ron's barking up the wrong tree looking for the person who's in the wrong.


	17. A place at the table

Harry woke early enough on Christmas morning that he needed a spell to turn up the light of the wall mounted oil lamps in the bedroom in order to see even with the curtains open. He'd slept as peacefully as had become his normal and only woken in a cold sweat twice in the night. He'd felt Severus wake a few times but said nothing. In those hours there were no words, only an arm offered or a wings stretched out and draped protectively over his mate. The words were not necessary or wanted.

As was his habit Harry summoned his journal and checked the days activities (there were none he'd felt the need to write down, they were going to the Weasley's for lunch then the Malfoy's for evening drinks) and filled in his planner. He noted that he might ask Hendrix about mind healing at some point but not today, maybe in the new year. He noted the times he'd woken and the trigger that had pulled him from his dreams. He made separate note of anything he'd heard Severus say in his sleep and scribbled out his vague guesses as to potential triggers and causes.

For once he didn't rise or leave the bed when he'd finished, instead he took the time to collect his thoughts and his feelings, he'd written three pages of mostly stream of consciousness ravings about nothing in particular in an attempt to try and figure out what was so useful about keeping a journal anyway, when Severus moved as if to wake. Harry skimmed the surface of his mates mind, checking his dream, determining why he was waking. He seemed to be waking naturally, with no violent images or feelings in his thoughts. He felt the soft greeting, the half smile and the languid stretch of Severus' body against his own as his mate woke.

"You have developed quite the habit of monitoring my dreams." Severus told him softly. Of course he knew when Harry was flitting through his dreams, he was an occlumens he knew his own mindscape and he knew when there was something there that didn't quite fit.

"I worry," Harry offered by way of apology. Severus nodded against Harry's chest. He knew that too, he knew that all Harry did was worry; about him, about the house, about his friends, about the future. He was perpetually worried.

"It is your prerogative," he said softly. Harry half smiled, "and your burden."

Harry didn't answer verbally, he didn't have to- it wasn't a burden to care and the swell of warmth for Severus when he leaned in for a soft kiss was proof enough of that. Severus accepted the kiss good naturedly. He couldn't quite get used to Harry's free way with platonic physical intimacy, he was trying but he found that the easy touches and affection put him on edge a lot of the time wondering when more would be required of him or when the kindness was going to turn to violence and anger. It was getting easier but he hadn't quite figured it out yet. It took a moment for Severus to realise that Harry was still monitoring his thoughts and to feel that vague stab of anger; He stilled and offered his mind almost automatically hoping to temper it with submission and obedience, even as once again his tried to control his own reaction and allow his master to see that it was an errant thought and not a judgement on him.

Severus wasn't used to tempering his thoughts like this, hiding them was second nature but actually controlling them was a discipline he'd never needed or wanted to master. When his life depended on being able to think quickly being careful and slow about it might get him killed- that had been his reality for so long he knew no other way to live. The vagueness of his access to his master's mind and feelings didn't help. He didn't have that fuller access, the specifics eluded him, it was more like an empathic understanding than access to actual thoughts unless his master consciously provided them. It meant he never knew exactly what he might have done wrong or what exactly his master was responding to.

  
"Not at you, Severus." He felt the kiss to his forehead more than the words, the softening edge of that anger as it began to fade. "I've been thinking," that sudden nervous jangling, like cowbells being rung vigorously in the back of his mind, replaced it and set Severus' teeth on edge even though it wasn't his own, "Ron said something..." Severus tensed, the Weasley boy meant well but he had a way of being able to get into Harry's head that left him vulnerable and prone to lashing out and Severus did not want to be on the receiving end of that, not when his master was already becoming unpredictable and physical in his rage. "About something called a mind healer."

Severus wasn't sure what to say or how to say it. He had no idea what the context was or why this discussion was happening now. He felt his master's wings slowly wrap around him a little more tightly and the warm comfort of knowing that he was safe and his master wanted him to feel that way, for now, gave him the space in his mind to probe the words he was hearing.

  
"What of them?" He asked cautiously, if Weasley had suggested one and his master had taken offence (as many wizards would) at the suggestion, Severus did not want to be mistaken for agreeing with it and suffer the inevitable ensuing wrath.

  
"He thinks I'm traumatised," the sudden panic that gripped him was Severus' own. He had no way of responding to that. _Of course his master was traumatised, everyone was traumatised, they'd fought a war and he'd been in the centre of it._ Severus had expected a rush of anger even as he winced that he'd allowed those thoughts to form in his mind. he expected the anger to be white hot and harsh in his mind, to hurt and to be followed by more hurt, but it never came. His master seemed more concerned with his panic and his inability to articulate exactly where it had come from. What had Weasley been thinking? Severus had seen before what trauma did to a man and he'd learned that you don't just tell a man that he's traumatised, he'll take it as an insult, a threat to his masculinity, he'll lash out at the people around him, become controlling in an attempt to deny any lack thereof and overcompensate with violence. He'd seen too many good men lose themselves to that, become shells of anger and bitterness- he'd done it himself, like his father before him.

  
"Severus!" He was pulled from his own hysteria by the shout. "I'm not, I promise I'm not, I won't be like that," Severus wasn't sure how much of his thoughts and feelings had formed into something concrete enough for his master to feel and know it.

  
Harry had been about to ask if Severus knew anything about mind healers, if he might benefit from seeing one, if they could help with the rage and the nightmares but he'd been taken aback by Severus' reaction. He rarely let him emotions loose like that, he must still have been half asleep to have done so.

The decision solidified, Harry wouldn't be asking Hendrix about a mind healer he'd be demanding to see one before Severus' apparent fear of him became justified, as it was so close to being already. Harry was beginning to understand now how damaged Severus really was. How long he'd lived in fear and masked it with anger, occlumency and false bravado. He'd worn his anger like armour refusing to feel anything else for fear of what it might do to him. This last blow, the loss of a pregnancy, seemed to have tipped him over the edge. His armour had failed him, busted and broken, leaving Severus soft and vulnerable without it.

  
Severus was horrified to find that there were genuine tears forming in the back of his eyes as the fear overwhelmed him, the need to obey, to placate and to submit overtook even his most conscious thoughts. He kept expecting to be beaten or cursed or hurt and he couldn't shake it, the compulsion to obey made it worse, and now he felt such guilt and shame that it had all overwhelmed him because a large part of him knew, like he knew his own name, that he deserved it. He'd failed his master again and again in every possible way. The waiting was the worst of it, knowing it was coming, expectation and then confusion; it never came, his master never punished him, which was bad enough but then became angry and insisted he desist when he tried to do it himself.

Severus had been raised with certain expectations, prepared for this life from the moment he could walk by a mother determined he not have her outcome but this was nothing like the training in obedience and acceptance, in quiet submission and careful existence where one wrong move might be the spark that blew everything up or brought down a rod or belt on his back or a boot in his chest. Severus knew that powerful men were placated by obedience, his father, Voldemort, Dumbledore all the same in that regard. He'd learned that submission meant taking ownership of punishing himself but that wasn't possible here; with so little by way of rules or boundaries, and fewer expectations, Severus simply didn't know how to behave anymore. When he tried to obey he provoked anger, when he tried to be what he'd expected to be it created tension or hurt his master in some way, every learned response told him that there was danger in speaking openly, in acting as if he might be an equal in this relationship but that seemed to be what his master wanted. When Severus pushed boundaries he expected he found them none existent, when he acted as he knew he found himself in dire and charged situations.

  
Severus had never lived such an unstructured life, he'd never known what it was to have no set times for meals or sleeping, never known what it was to simply be allowed to wander freely for hours at a time or come and go as he pleased. As a child his mother had sent him to wander the streets in the day whilst she tended his father, that hadn't been freedom and all he had learned was to keep away, to be out of sight and therefore unobjectionable. Here he buried himself in books or housework, made himself either invisible or useful. It had worked until it hadn't. Until his master had begun to seek his presence, to move his work to the library where Severus had hidden himself away or invite Severus to his office- he'd even moved furniture in there for Severus to use and Severus thought he understood what that meant, the order was implicit, his master wanted him close and for weeks Severus had wondered why.

In the beginning he'd been tense and quiet, never interrupting or speaking without being spoken to. He did his best to be useful, to offer insight or aid but only on request and then he'd begun to notice it, the stress and dark circles, his master was slowly breaking so he'd taken a risk, pushed his presence and made himself known. He'd had nightmares of his father daring him to suggest he made might actually be the more literate of the two of them and taking a rod to him for a week and that was even knowing that his master had been grateful for the help.

  
"Severus," Harry was barely following what was going on in Severus' mind, he was completely broken right now and unable to maintain a clear train of thought, "in the new year, I'm going to see Hendrix about going to one of these mind healers, see if they can't help my temper." Severus didn't answer him, Harry could feel how wary he was of saying the wrong thing. "I think, maybe it would be best if you spoke to someone as well, someone who knows about these things." He felt Severus still again. "I don't think I'm the only one who's traumatised in this family," he said softly, Severus was so fragile right now, so close to snapping Harry didn't dare push harder for fear of the damage he might cause, "and you need help I can't give you, not alone." Severus folded, of course he did. There was no need for the almost meek sounding agreement, Harry could feel that in that moment Severus would have obeyed an order to saw off his own leg with kitchen knife if he thought it might be what Harry wanted. Harry forced himself to breathe through his nose and control his temper, he felt like he wanted to throw up or punch something. Severus' father, Dumbledore and Voldemort were all very lucky they were already dead.

  
-

  
"I can firecall them if you want, make our excuses..." Harry offered, Severus was still on edge, still felt fragile and close to a full on breakdown and Harry wasn't sure a Christmas dinner at the Weasley's would help his mental state. Severus gritted his teeth and shook his head sharply as he double checked his pockets for his wand.

  
"They are your family, it is Christmas Day." He said as if that settled the matter.

  
"So are you." Harry told him, he felt Severus' heart skip a beat and the odd look that crossed his expression made Harry want to wrap Severus up in his wings and never let go of him. "They'd understand." Severus seemed to swallow nervously.

  
"I have monopolised enough of your attention today." He said softly, and promptly flinched at the shot of horror and anger from his master. He'd been about to add something else but lost his nerve. He dared a look up after a moment of silence hung between them.

"Severus," Harry took a step forward and lifted his hand slowly to his mates face to swipe at the stray tear he'd let slip free without realising, "you could be all I think about, every moment, for the rest of my life and it still wouldn't be enough." He whispered softly, taking care to keep his voice low and soothing. "I care about you, there's no time limit on that." He watched as Severus lowered his gaze and nodded once. It took him more time than he wanted to admit to reel in the urge to start screaming his frustration. He felt when Severus began to actively occlude, to force him mind to go blank and control his fear. The anger drained from Harry and he reached out without thinking and pulled Severus into his arms.

  
"Severus," he felt Severus whimper, felt his mind shake, "it's not you I'm angry at Severus, I promise it's not." Severus almost collapsed into him. He was shaking his head rapidly, his mind already supplying the words of frantic apology that followed from his lips a moment later.

  
"I can't, I can't do this I-" Severus swiped at his face angrily, he'd never been this weak in his life and now was not an appropriate time to become so. Harry knew without asking Severus wasn't talking about going to the Weasley's dinner. "You deserve so much better," the words had slipped from his lips before Severus could stop them. Harry tightened his grip around the man, "why you didn't just let them throw me into azkaban and be done with it-" Harry winced and grabbed Severus by the shoulders.

  
"Look at me Severus," he didn't have to raise his voice to make it an order, his tone left no room for Severus to even try to object- not that he would, "you gave everything, even if you hadn't been my mate I would have fought tooth and nail to keep you out of prison, because you don't deserve that. They'd have been throwing me into a cell next to you for trying to overthrow them before I let them lock you up!" Severus let out a low snort of disbelief. "Listen to me, forget everything you think you know, I knew you weren't loyal to Voldemort, I knew from before Dumbledore died, I knew from the night after the cemetery and not just because Dumbledore was so insistent on the fact that you could be trusted."

  
"You cannot possibly hav-"

  
"Severus, you broke into my mind, repeatedly, in my fifth year, you saw things that would have made my life a living hell and handed me to Voldemort on a plate and you did nothing with them." Harry loosed his grip slightly. "And more to the point, that night he came back you had a decision to make. Now you could have been thinking ahead and trying to maintain a position as a spy by waiting and not answering the mark, or maybe, just maybe Voldemort knew you'd turned from him, he knew you wouldn't go back to him without good reason because he saw that empty space between Bellatrix and Crouch and knew that you wouldn't have been a coward like Karkaroff, he wanted you dead, he made a point of saying you'd betrayed him. Not that you'd run, not that you were hiding, but that you'd betrayed him. That you'd left his service forever. I have no idea what you said to him to convince him otherwise but i knew even if you were loyal to him you'd have had to be fanatically devoted to take anything he dished out after that and stay loyal to him." Severus was staring at Harry like he'd never seen him before. "And you never struck me as the fanatically fawning devoted type. He already had Bellatrix for that." Harry slipped his hand up the side of severus' neck and cradled his face gently. "There were so many things you did that could not be explained if you were a death eater. I would have fought for you." Harry bowed his head. "Even if you probably would have chewed me out for it." Severus managed a weak knowing smirk. He could just imagine how that might have gone in different circumstances.

-

"Sorry we're late, Molly," Harry offered softly, "overslept." He lied smoothly.

"Never mind dear, Bill and Fleur only got here ten minutes ago, if you can't sleep in on Christmas morning, when can you?" She waved him off with an animated flap of her hands. "Now you're here we'll eat, before Ron there takes a bite out of his own arm, then we'll do presents, sound good?" Harry nodded, this was beginning to feel normal. He slipped a hand around Severus waist and led him into the kitchen.

_You alright?_

A tight nod. Severus hesitated at the doorway when he saw the number of people crammed into the kitchen. His eyes swept the room and Harry waited for him to relax. He seemed to fixate on Fleur for a moment before looking away quickly. Harry frowned but didn't ask. Harry was too busy watching Severus to really pay attention so when Ron popped up on his other side he jumped out of his skin.

"Alright Harry mate, Merry Christmas."

"Merry Christmas, Ron." Harry grinned, Charlie was greeting Severus quietly. "Listen, Ron, thanks for what you did yesterday," Ron looked confused for a second, "I'm going to ask Hendrix in the new year, get my head on straight." Ron smiled.

"Good on you, mate, about time." Harry managed a weak smile as everyone sat. Severus had very carefully placed himself at Harry's side. Harry slipped a comforting arm round Severus' shoulders. He leaned in and spoke quietly in Severus' ear.

"We're all family here, Sev," Arthur and Molly were working together to set the table and within minutes it was groaning under dozens of plates and bowls of food. Arthur tapped his glass and stood. Everyone followed suit. Harry kept one hand on the small of Severus' back in quiet support.

"Absent friends, a growing family, peace in our time," Arthur had a way of smiling at everyone and drawing them in. Harry didn't drink deeply from his champagne flute. He was determined to stay mostly sober today, Severus was far too fragile to add the extra level of fear that Harry stinking of booze would create. His liver was probably grateful too after months of almost constant low level alcohol consumption that had started out as one drink before bed and become several to help him sleep and a few in the day to counteract the bitterroot withdrawal. Harry mumbled the toast back and everyone sat down noisily.

"Well, tuck in!" Chatter rose almost instantly. Severus made no move to serve himself something to eat. Harry leaned in quietly.

"Severus?" The absolute look of genuine terror in Severus' eyes made Harry stop. Severus wasn't even thinking, this was something instinctive. Harry couldn't get a grasp on what it was.

"Severus, what is it?" Harry caught a few random words Severus was trying to communicate in his mind.

_Compulsions. I can't it's too-_

Harry knew enough. He could guess the rest. Severus was property he wasn't supposed to sit at a table with outsiders, eat the same food and share their conversations. His place was the floor at his master's feet grateful for whatever scraps his master deemed his behaviour worthy of receving, if any. That was how Harry's great uncle had behaved, it had made Harry feel ill when he'd read it.

"Severus," he whispered softly under the current of high spirited conversation, "I'd like to see you eat and relax here," he said gently, Harry started piling Severus' plate with food he knew his mate enjoyed, he seemed to settle a little, the pure terror was gone but he was still wary. Harry filled his own plate next. He wasn't sure why or what made him do it. When his plate was full he speared a small section of the turkey on his fork and lifted it in front of Severus.

"Eat Severus," he felt Severus' confusion, the stabbing guilt that he was being fed from his master's plate and he ignored it, of course Severus obeyed, "if you can eat from my plate," Harry told him, "you can take what you'd like, hands," Harry put the fork down and took Severus' hand in his own to stop him picking nervously, he ran a soothing stroke of his thumb over the irritated flesh on the side of Severus' fingernail, "you've done nothing wrong." He said softy. Severus didn't seem to think so. He seemed to be mentally turning over the fact that he'd been fed before his master and he was absently pinching at his thigh through the suit trousers he was wearing with the hand Harry wasn't holding. "Severus listen to me," Harry murmured urgently, "knowing you are safe and happy, making sure you feel safe to eat, that's more important to me than anything else, even my own hunger." Severus winced, his master was hungry but too fixated on him and his weakness to eat. Harry sighed, Severus was determined to feel guilty about something today. He looked up to find Charlie watching them from opposite the table and Fleur eyeing them from where she was serving Bill his food. Neither seemed like they were going to intervene. 'Help me!' He mouthed desperately as he absently wrapped his other arm around Severus and took his other hand to stop him hurting himself.

"You can take what you like from this table and eat it." Harry said firmly in Severus' ear. He heard the audible swallow even over the din of conversation. "I want to see you eat and enjoy this meal, these people and the conversations, take what you want and eat And drink what you like until you're full, speak freely with these people." Severus' head snapped up, those were orders, he could do those things. He managed a stilted nod.

"Yes mas-" his voice was hoarse and his dry throat cut him off mid word. Harry picked up the glass of water from the side of Severus' plate and held it to his lips without thinking. Severus drank deeply and promptly coughed when Harry pulled the empty glass away. Harry clapped his back until he seemed to breathe normally.

"Ok?" Severus nodded as he swiped at the tear lack of air had squeezed from his eye.

_Yes, master, thank you_

Harry breathed a sigh of relief that Severus was thinking reasonably calmly again. Harry wasn't sure what had happened or if he'd done the right thing. He didn't have chance to think on it as they were both pulled into conversations. He squeezed Severus' hand gently where he'd laid it to rest between their plates in quiet support.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Severus has been bugging the hell out of me to get his moment as the character POV, I've been avoiding it and putting him off because he overthinks *everything* but he finally wormed his way into this chapter. He's a complicated bloke and yes there's a part of him that will always fear men like his father. That he puts his father in the same category of men as Dumbledore, Voldemort, Harry and probably Lucius as well should tell you a lot about the kind of man Tobias Snape presented himself as. Somewhere along the line I created a whole backstory for him that will be revealed in due course.
> 
> Remember when Harry was worried pushing Severus too hard might break his will? Harry has now realised that Severus is right on that line and needs pulling back. What he is also beginning to realise is that he crossed the other line between normality and seriously traumatised halfway through those months in the tent with Hermione and he needs someone to pull him back- and it can't be Severus. It might be Ron it might be a healer but it can't be Severus for so many reasons. Relationships don't fix everything and whilst they'll lean on each other they both get too hurt and broken to be each other's cure.
> 
> In other news, this fic is my camp nano project, on July 1st I'd written and published 67k words for it and the aim is either to finish or reach 100k words by months end. Expect many more chapters in quick succession if I manage to keep to this.


	18. Territorial

Harry stretched awkwardly when he stood, hed been carefully watching Severus as they ate and quietly encouraging him to relax and remember that he was safe for the last hour. Severus seemed to appreciate it, and to be mentally beating himself up for it, until Harry had shot him a sharp look and slipped his fingers through Severus' own. Severus had understood, his master didn't consider him a burden but it didn't stop him feeling like one; especially today.

Harry's wings were pulled tight against his back under his shirt and were cramping, he'd gotten into the habit of hardly wearing a shirt at home so he'd forgotten how restrictive clothes were especially on the sore flesh where it was still healing. Charlie was watching him as he had been all afternoon. He'd been making Severus more nervous than he needed to be and Harry was getting more and more irritated, the ache in his back and worry over Severus compounding that irritation. He shot a significant look over as if to challenge Charlie to say what he was thinking.

"Harry, most of us might be human but we're not going to be offended by a bit of flesh if you're in pain." Harry frowned. 

_You've been wincing when you move for the last twenty minutes, master. They've noticed._

Harry had once again completely failed to pay attention to his own body. Severus was slowly relaxing but he was still being careful and avoiding any in-depth conversation that Harry wasn't a part of.

"Yeah and most of us want a closer look at those wings anyway!" Ginny piped up. Harry felt his face flush. Ron laughed.

"Come on you can't say you're shy Harry, most of us have shared you've Quidditch locker room with you we know better, plus, you had them out in the middle of a battle."

"Well that was necessary," Harry shot back hotly, he knew he was being teased and smiled slightly.

"And we want to see them so it's necessary now!" Ginny responded in kind. Charlie laughed.

"See what you've started Charlie, you and your obsession with dragons!" Harry demanded mock sternly. He squeezed Severus' shoulder as he stood up, his mate was confused by the banter. "You've infected your whole family." He felt Severus tense at the mock tone of annoyance.

_We're all joking, it's alright I'm not actually annoyed_

"Nothing to do with dragons, you can fly, most of us haven't sat on a broom in months we've got withdrawal." George offered slyly. Harry laughed.

"Well I haven't flown on them yet so don't get your hopes up, one side's still slightly mangled from the battle." He added as a warning. Harry started to unfasten his shirt after slipping off his outer robe absently with an apologetic look at Molly.

"Never let it be said I didn't at least try and act human,"

"Yeah yeah get on with it," Ginny urged him and George laughed.

"Looks like Ginny's keen for an eyeful!" Harry and Ginny both flushed. Having dated for a while there was a sense of awkwardness there. Harry pulled on his shirt collar to remove it and winced when it caught his wing. He couldn't help it, he was still tender and he'd just pulled his wing in a direction it was never meant to go. Severus jumped to his feet automatically, almost toppling his chair as he did so. Harry stared at him for a moment and he stilled. It took Harry a moment to compose himself as Severus asked quiet permission to help.

"Yeah, thanks..." Harry managed as he moved and Severus helped slip the shirt back over his shoulder with deft hands. He felt Severus freeze next to him a second later.

Severus took a step backwards holding Harry's shirt, he'd lost most of the colour and in his face at the sight, the back of the white shirt was soaked with bright red blood and almost yellow fluid that was beginning to turn black in places. Harry had clearly been bleeding a while. Harry winced at the sight. "That'll teach me to wear shirts that are too tight." His words caused an uproar.

"Harry sit down before you fall down," Ron said as he scurried around one end of the table, cleared a space and pushed Harry to sit on the edge, Molly was already next to Harry trying to find where the blood was coming from.

"Left wing halfway down," Harry said through gritted teeth, the fresh air on the wound was making it sting like the devil.

"He needs a healer." Harry shook his head.

"Not going to find anyone qualified to heal this kind of wound on a wing, not today of all days." Severus seemed slightly dazed before he snapped out of it just as Molly had been about to cast a stream of water over Harry's back to clean the wound.

"Don't!" Severus' hand came down on the business end of Molly's wand to stop her casting the spell. Every seemed to stare at him in shock. He was shaking, he couldn't quite believe he'd just don't that, stopping a witch, a woman his master considered family, using her own wand. He half expected a backhand for daring to speak that way to his master's peers.

"Severus, what's wrong?" Severus took a halting step back. He didn't dare move further for fear his master might take it as an attempt to avoid punishment but he needed to steady himself. 

"It's a dark magic wound," he muttered softly, he didn't dare utter his master's title here, his master would be angry and upset if he did, it made Severus feel even more out of place and like he was being disrespectful, "magically conjured water will react like hot acid." Harry winced at the thought. Molly gasped and whipped her wand away. Severus tried not to jump at the sudden movement. 

"Oh I'm sorry I didn't know, what do we need to do?" She asked quickly, already Ron, Ginny and George were stood waiting for direction. Severus glanced around at them and his heart sank. He couldn't just order them around. They were human and free.

"Severus!" Harry hissed through gritted teeth. He seemed to understand without Harry having to say anymore.

"Fresh natural water only, untainted by magic," he told himself he wasn't ordering them, only directing them. He still felt like he was in the wrong here.

"I'll grab a bowl we've got a well out back will that do?" Ron asked. Severus nodded tightly.

"Pure cotton swabs," he said next, most wizarding households didn't keep them, maybe Lord Weasley would have some in his garage for his muggle equipment?

"I have cotton applicators for muggle makeup, they're like little cotton pads." Harry felt Severus' relief as Ginny left the room quickly. They weren't giving him chance to speak, Harry wondered if it was deliberate.

"I've never worked on an injured dragon that could talk back before but an injured wing is an injured wing, I'll have a look if you want?" Charlie offered. Harry managed a weak laugh.

"Doubt you'll do any more damage." He commented and reached out to take Severus' hand and pull him close. Severus dipped his head as he stepped forward obediently into his master's arms. He half expected a hissed reminder of his place, of his station, demands of how dare he and who did he think he was? His mother would be rolling in her grave to see how he had just behaved.

"Thank you, Severus." Harry whispered softly. Severus couldn't stop staring at the bloody shirt he was still holding even as he nodded in absent acknowledgment, his master had been in pain and he hadn't said anything for fear it wasn't his place. He'd known the wound didn't look right days ago and said nothing because his master hadn't asked. "Ouch!" Harry yelped suddenly when Charlie tried to move his wing to get a better look at the original injury. "Don't ever do that to a fire breather unless you want a tan!" Harry snapped. Severus managed to turn the instinctive whimper at the tone into a quiet laugh at the words themselves, even George laughed nervously.

"I barely touched you, Harry, I swear!" Charlie held up his hands in mock surrender.

"Said the apothecary to the fresh newt!" Harry answered darkly as he glowered. Severus buried his face in his master's neck in quiet submission, he really hoped that growing tension wouldn't redirect at him. Charlie snorted but didn't have chance to answer the dark humour because Ron and Ginny returned at almost the same time. Severus moved to take the bowl of water and cotton pads from them both after quietly asking permission to intervene. He wanted to help but he didn't dare do more here. He could just imagine what they would say to his carrying a wand. Charlie moved aside and let Severus in without a word; they both knew he had a much softer and more precise touch than a dragon tamer.

Harry could hear Severus' observations in his mind as he worked methodically around the wound to clean the area, he thought like a healer in situations like this, the quiet work seemed to calm him down a little. The wound was irritated and inflamed and had been rubbed free rather than pulling in one go which probably explained why Harry, with his unusually high pain tolerance, hadn't realised it had opened. Harry wasn't pleased to note that several of them winced on seeing the clean wound. He caught a flash of it in Severus' mind and winced himself, he hadn't actually seen the damage before. That hole was big. He was grateful when Molly pressed a glass of eggnog into his hands. Judging by the smell she'd added a little extra kick for the pain.

"You know," he commented tone bolstered by false brevity and the taste of the rum, "I still don't know the exact spell I was hit with." He said hoping someone might start talking. Charlie seemed to take the hint.

"Well there's not many spells can cut clean through a Drakken wing, even a part human one. And that cutting pattern is really distinctive." Charlie said quietly.

Ron was looking closely at the shape of the wound. "I'm sure I've seen scars that look like that somewhere in one of the auror texts."

"Hold on, Ron, there are set textbooks somewhere that you actually read?" He joked and promptly winced when Severus touched his back. He felt Severus falter.

"I'm alright keep going," he said absently as Ron joined in the scattered laughter. Severus took it as an order and Harry didn't feel the need to clarify.

"You got a nerve calling me a butcher Harry, who's your healer?" Charlie said suddenly, he had an expression of utter contempt on his face. Harry felt Severus wince mentally at the tone.

"Hendrix at St Mungo's does my potions and Pike was the first on the scene. No idea after that didn't ask." Charlie seemed to consider it. Harry noticed Ron watching Severus carefully, he wasn't the only one who'd noticed the careful way Harry had been with Severus all day and the even more careful way Severus had been behaving.

"I know Pike," Bill commented, he'd not said much to Harry over the course of the meal, "he was in my year at school. He's a good healer, worked on my shoulder with Pyle." Harry hadn't known that. "Gave me the feeling back in my arm even if his methods are a bit," Bill lifted a hand to his head and twirled his finger tellingly.

"How so?" Harry asked, interested

"Pyle's interested in muggle medicine, Pike thinks it can be used in specific magical issues." Harry didn't understand. The conversation was distracting him from the pain though so he continued to listen. "He used this thing muggles call physiotherapy," Harry thought the word sounded familiar, "basically spent weeks making me do these stupid arm and wrist exercises,"

"Zhey Ver not stoopid if zhey worked!" Fleur admonished her husband quietly. Harry hadn't ever thought to question if Fleur was Veela enough that they had a connection but judging by the way they both fell silent for a moment and Bill dipped his head as if he was concentration on something Harry didn't have to. Fleur busied herself with her drink and quietly removed herself from the conversation. Eventually Bill looked up. Harry felt a stab of fear from Severus on someone else's behalf he wasn't sure whether it was for Bill or Fleur. "Well they did work, after a fashion. And Pike's got other ideas too, he's running a test course on werewolves right now," that caught Harry's interest, "muggles have all these illnesses of the mind, there's one where they just sort of flip and get violent for no good reason, and others where they think they're a different person or lose control of themselves for a bit." Harry wasn't sure Bill knew much about muggle medicine and illnesses. "Well they have, basically like potions in little capsule things, they call it drugs, and muggles take these things and they can stop them being ill or make them less likely to do those things as long as they keep taking them."

"I'm not following what that has to do with werewolves,

"He thinks the right course of muggle drugs might actually stop werewolves transforming at all." Silence descended over the room at the pronouncement.

"Is that even possible?" Harry asked, stunned.

"That's what he's testing, he thinks the werewolf transformation is in the brain so if you control what the brain is doing,"

"You control the transformation." Harry finished, awestruck.

"No one's figured out whether he's mad or genius yet, but he's looking at other things too."

"Like?" Harry was fascinated.

"Muggles can do a lot of stuff with their," he held his hands up in air quotes around the word,"drugs," Harry nodded. "They have treatements for things like nerve damage that he thinks could revolutionise care of people with damage from the cruciatus curse and a whole section of their work is on stuff like how what you eat and drink as a kid affects you growing up. He can look at someone and tell if they were fed properly as a kid or if they've ever done long periods of time without sleep in their life. He's pretty accurate too." Harry thought about it, what he assumed about muggle medicine was mostly what he'd picked up from the Dursleys.

"I suppose if someone didn't eat as a kid they wouldn't have grown as much as expected," he said slowly.

"There's that but he can tell if they've ever taken potions supplements as well." Harry suddenly realised what Bill was leading him to. He glared. The Weasley's had always been too curious about the way the Dursleys had treated Harry. Bill held up his hands in silent admission. Harry's wing had stopped twinging every time he breathed.

_I don't know what you did but it's working_

_An ice compress on the flesh around the wound, temporarily numbing the area so we could get a better look, master_

_So I need to keep still a bit longer?_

Severus didn't answer, he wouldn't dream of telling his master what to do right now. His keeping still might make it easier but it was not Severus' place to say so.

_Of_ course _it's your place, you're the one tending the wound_

Severus didn't answer again as he refocused on the space between jagged edged of Harry's flesh. Someone had tried to heal the surface of the wound without tending the insides and had created an abscess that had burst under the pressure of Harry's shirt and movements.

"You're lucky this didn't burst the wrong way Harry," Charlie told him, his words were sharp with anger, "if you don't complain about the healer then i will." He stated coolly, Harry felt Severus' hand shaking as he feathered the cotton over Harry's wound. Harry reached around and silently invited Severus back into his arms as Charlie stepped back in and took over, he seemed to have realised that Severus wasn't in any fit state to be performing medical procedures. Severus' shakes settled almost instantly when he crossed the point in the room that put Harry between him and the anger in Charlie's voice.

"Why?"Harry asked, curious, as he absently stroked his hand through Severus' hair once his mate had buried his face in Harry's neck.

"They've failed a basic medical procedure," Charlie told him, "and if that thing had burst on the other side the blood poisoning alone might have killed you. We get dragons with them sometimes, infected bites, cuts, they usually need to be lanced and drained," Harry didn't like the sound of that, "you try explaining to a fully grown Hungarian Horntail why you have to stick a dagger into an already painful wound, it's not easy."

"No thanks, Hungarian Horntails don't seem to like me."

"They don't like anyone, Harry, they're about as territorial and defensive as you are." Harry remembered that word being applied to dogs and it took him a moment to remember what it meant. Aggressively protective of his own land and kin. Or something like that. Ripper had been territorial, apparently. Harry shuddered at having anything in common with that dog.

"I'm not territorial, am I?" Charlie smirked.

"Hey Ron, you're closest, put your hand on Severus' shoulder-" Harry let out a low snarl of warning before Ron even moved. Severus was fragile right now, he didn't need to be randomly pawed by someone he hardly knew. Charlie tapped Harry's shoulder from behind. 

"That's territorial, Harry." Charlie told him. Harry didn't know enough about the concept to argue it. "Your best mate and you don't want him anywhere near what you view as yours."

"I- ," Harry sighed as he tried to find the words to explain, "or-" and he cut off suddenly. He didn't want to let on how fragile Severus' really was right now.

"You assume Severus needs protecting," Harry didn't comment, Severus did need protecting and it was Harry's job to do it, his hackles were up jut hearing Severus' name from someone else's mouth right now, "and you're determined to do it even though you're injured and you know you're surrounded by people you can trust." Harry didn't say the thought that popped into his head. He might be able to trust them but he had no way of really knowing if they could be trusted with Severus until that was tested and he had no intention of letting anything happen to do so.

_Master forgive me, but... That dog in your memory was not territorial_

Apparently Severus had caught Harry's thought. He wasn't sure what he was supposed to be forgiving though.

_It had a docked tail and ears, was trained to be aggressive. It was a fighting dog. Trained to kill other animals for human entertainment._

Harry didn't know how Ripper's tail, or lack thereof, explained his aggression

_Humans, particularly certain muggles, remove the tails and ears of fighting dogs so that other dogs cannot bite or tear them off in the ring_

Severus felt afraid again, Harry wasn't sure why. After Harry had snarled Ron had taken two steps backwards and was still the closest person to Harry other than Charlie who was still tending his wing.

_That's barbaric_

_It's called dogfighting and is a very lucrative, very illegal, muggle pastime._

_If it's illegal, How do you know about it?_

Harry felt Severus hesitate.

_One does what is necessary to put food on the table and avoid a man's wrath_. And once again the face of Tobias Snape floated to the top of Severus' memories.

_The more I hear about that man the more I respect you for not torturing him before you killed him, I don't think I'd have had the restraint_

_He was a good man once._

Harry snorted in disbelief. He felt a shot of anger from Severus but his mate didn't seem to have the nerve to argue.

-

Severus had been careful to manoeuvre himself to make sure Harry had someone to lean on as they eventually found their way into the Weasley's living room. By silent agreement Harry and Severus seemed to have been granted exclusive use of one of the sofas. Molly flicked her wand as they all settled and piles of gift wrapped items split themselves up and passed themselves around to their addressees. Conversation swelled between exchanged thanks as everyone began unwrapping. Harry found himself the owner of a new Weasley jumper from Molly and a journal that would never run out of pages from Ron. Harry exchanged a look with Severus who shrugged.

"Great minds." Severus commented quietly. Harry couldn't quite believe he'd gotten to the stage in his life where Severus Snape had admitted that Ronald Weasley had a good idea. It struck him out of the blue how far they had all come so quickly. He opened the book and read the message on the first page

> _Your life is finally your own, take it, live it, document it. It starts now._

Harry had never realised Ron was so sentimental. He half smiled as he read the words.

"Harry what did you do?" Ron asked as he opened the box Harry had sent over with an elf over a week ago. Harry looked up in surprise.

"You're my best mate, you're an auror." Harry said shortly. Ron pulled the gift from the box and examined it. "I know you got a standard issue one but this is goblin made," both Ron and Bill let out low curses of surprise for different reasons, "I bought it from my personal banker, in perpetuity, his cousin is a forger. The paperwork is under the box lining." Ron gaped and set down his mulled mead.

"Harry, this is..." Ron didn't seem to be able to find the words.

"You're my best friend, promise me you'll carry it and use it if you have to." Harry told him. Ron nodded mutely.

"Yeah, course, Harry,"

"As long as it stays in a Weasley bloodline the goblins won't make an issue of it being passed down." Ron set the blade down carefully as he eyed the blade. Everyone was watching him.

"Harry," Harry lifted his hand sagely to stop Ron saying anything more. He knew what Ron had spotted.

"Only thing I didn't get a chance to do was take it to Hogwarts, but the headmistress is happy if you want to visit Hermione and drop in on Myrtle for old times sake in the new year." Ron was staring at Harry in astounded understanding. He seemed to be the only one who understood the reference to Myrtle.

"You're not serious?" Harry shrugged.

"It imbibes that which makes it stronger." Harry said softly. "Basilisk venom is good for more than just destroying Horcruxes." Ron visibly swallowed and nodded. "It'll slow pretty much anything down with just a scratch."

"Can't argue with you there."

Harry watched as Conversation resumed, he leant into Severus and wrapped his arms around his mate contentedly. Severus was staring at the jumper Molly had knitted him. For some reason, she'd taken it on herself to inject some colour into his wardrobe and gifted him a red jumper with a yellowish letter S on the front. Harry kissed the side of Severus' neck softly.

_What's wrong?_

_How did she know?_

Harry didn't know what Severus meant.

_The colours, my home team._

Harry still didn't know what that meant. Severus was looking at Molly with fresh eyes. She smiled at him.

"It wasn't difficult to work out Severus," she said softly, "your family name isn't common and the only order meetings you ever missed were the big Muggle match days and the feriae." Harry decided Severus would explain to him when he was ready. "We've known for years."

George was unwrapping what was obviously a book of some kind from Severus. Harry hadn't known Severus had gifted him anything. He felt Severus was hoping no one was watching right now and that drew his attention. George opened the envelope and read the note Severus had included. His jaw dropped.

"What did you give him?" Harry asked quietly. Severus bowed his head.

"A potion master's contact book, and letter of introduction, every major source of almost every ingredient known to wizardkind and personal assurances that he can be trusted with them." Severus murmured softly. Harry frowned, why would Severus give something like that to George of all people. "For his experimentation," Severus explained quietly.

"You mean for the joke shop?" Harry asked gently.

"He trades in joy, it seemed to be time to put the dour potions master to rest and that information to good use." Harry's heart swelled with love and no small amount of pride. Harry knew Severus had no interest in brewing anymore but for him to make a move like that, entirely independently... Severus flushed and turned his face into Harry's shoulder when he caught the swell of emotion. Harry looked up to find everyone else in the room either openly staring or glancing their way with a smile. Apparently they made a heartwarming image curled up on the sofa, entirely lost in each other, with the fire blazing. He flushed at the attention and buried his face in Severus' hair.

-

Harry had been dreading the few hours to be spent with the Malfoy's, not because of them as he had developed something like a relationship with all of them over the last few months, the thought of spending an evening in Malfoy manor with all those memories made his teeth itch. He'd returned home for the hours between lunch and the evening to find and lay out a more suitable shirt to accommodate his wings and was seriously considering taking a soothing solution even though he'd had several glasses of eggnog and a sobering solution would have probably been more useful. They weren't expected at the manor for over three hours and the pain and itching was getting worse. Severus had fallen asleep on the sofa with his head in Harry's lap and Harry hadn't had the heart, or the physical strength, to move him. He was half asleep as well. He flicked his wand to set an alarm so they wouldn't be late for the Malfoys and drifted into a light slumber. 

-

Harry was yanked unceremoniously from his slumber when he felt Severus bolt upright from his own sleeping position. Harry was awake and had his wand drawn before he realised that Severus had somehow managed to wake and in what must have been a matter of one or two seconds conjour a bucket into which he was violent expelling the contents of his stomach. Harry dropped his wand back into his sleeve and put his hand on Severus' shoulder in quiet support. He seemed to be struggling to draw breath and Harry found himself rubbing his mates back and pulling his hair out of the way as his tried to figure out what was going on. Eventually Severus stopped retching several minutes after anything solid had landed in the bucket.

"Alright?" Harry asked softly when Severus finally surfaced. Severus nodded listlessly, spat a mouthful of bile into the bucket and swiped at his mouth absently with a grimace. He flicked his wrist and the entire contents of the bucket disappeared. He collapsed bonelessly into Harry's side. "You want to tell me what's going on with you then?" Harry asked gently. Severus slumped but didn't speak, he had his hand halfway to his mouth as if he thought he might be sick again at any moment.

"A little overindul-" Harry let out a low snarl and Severus winced.

"Don't lie to me Severus, you haven't been eating properly since the hospital." Harry hadn't meant to snap but he couldn't get the edge from his tone in time. Severus seemed to cower even more. Harry sighed. "I'm sorry, I just, you're barely eating and it's been worrying me. It's not like you could stand to lose any weight in the first place." Harry absently summoned a glass and filled it with water from his wand when it arrived. He was shocked to see goldie appearing less than a moment later to find out why glasses were picking themselves up from the kitchen and flying around the house. Harry offered her an apologetic smile. He'd given the elves the day off, with no meal to cook there was no point in them being here unless then wanted to be. Her concern was evident the moment she took in the scene but she didn't argue when Harry told her to go back to her festivities. He held the glass to Severus' lips. "If you can't swallow it just swill your mouth out," Harry told Severus gently. Severus seemed grateful for the direction again. Harry hated seeing him so lost and hurt. It was frightening to see a man he'd watched for years as an example of strength and power so broken. After Severus spat the second sip of water into the bucket he almost managed to swallow the third but gagged as it hit his stomach. There were tears streaming down his face with the effort. Harry wiped them away with his thumb and held Severus, using his own body to brace him and keep his mate as upright as possible.

"How long have you been ill like this Severus?" Now wasn't the time to chastise him for not saying anything, he seemed to be doing a good enough job of mentally berating himself over this already.

"I am not, ill, master, just adjusting." Severus managed shakily. Harry frowned, what did that even mean? Severus seemed to realise that Harry didn't understand because the stream of memories and knowledge that hit him was obviously carefully chosen to illuminate the topic. Harry's heart sank. Severus' body hadn't realised he had nothing to fill a womb with and was still changing as if he were.

"Have, did you speak to a healer about this?" He asked quietly.

"The human healers can only do so much, there are no specialists elven physiology at St Mungo's master." Severus mumbled as he tried to breathe normally.

"Where are the specialists?" Harry asked firmly. Severus shook his head.

"There are none, master, medical help runs in families." Harry had no idea how that was supposed to work. "My mother is dead and the only one who might have had an idea how my body would react to this. In other cases I would experiment until I found what works on my system." Harry winced but was suddenly grateful Severus had been a Potions master, he couldn't possibly imagine what that was like and could just about guess at the dangers of it. Severus didn't speak for a moment.

"What about Gaius, surely there's a family similarity?" Harry said desperately after a minute or two of excruciating silence. 

"An entirely different genus." Severus admitted quietly. "It would be like attempting the same care Goldie as for myself were we in similar conditions." Harry sighed, it was worth a shot. Harry slipped his arms around Severus, and then, a little more slowly than usual in deference to Charlie's best effort to bandage the wound, his wings followed the now familiar path creating a a small dark space in which it was just the two of them and they were entirely safe.

Severus had been shocked to find that despite a lifelong aversion to small dark spaces that he seemed to have assimilated his master's preference for being like this. He felt safe like this, in a way nothing else in his life so far made him feel as such. In this warm, living, darkness his master was the whole of his world and it felt right. It felt natural.

"I'll send a message to the Malfoy's, explain that you're unwell and invite them here for dinner and drinks tomorrow when you've had the chance to get some rest." Severus didn't have the energy or the will, to argue.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So a conversation came up in my NANO cabin that I think you might all be interested in. We were discussing how despite Alan Rickman is perfect as Snape in the films but that there were some aspects of him that weren't quite right. Someone pointed out, for example, that he was only just 32 when Harry started Hogwarts and Alan Rickman was quite a bit older than that during filming. The other point was one I raised, No way a kid raised in abject poverty, a man who barely ate and probably subsided on vitamin potions and nicotine grew to be over 6 foot tall and built so powerfully as Alan Rickman either. In my head Snape has always been about 5 foot 7, for 2 reasons; he's about my dads age and my dad is 5'9" from a similar (although not as deprived) background and the fact that the average male in the UK is 5'9 and I don't think he'd have every grown that tall even with lanky genetics on his side. Harry hit about 6'2 after his growth spurt and I always figured that Ron's height settled around the 6'1 mark. The way I see it Harry's back had to be big enough to support two wings that are big enough that he can fly on them unaided, the way I see it he grew into his wings with that growth spurt after the battle when he started transforming more often.


	19. Breakfast

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: these characters smoke cigarettes, there's a one line joke about a character referenced in passing being a potential drug dealer. No lungs were blackened and no one got the munchies in the making of these scenes despite them being entirely centered around a meal. 
> 
> That little scene is almost word for word a mash-up of various conversations with my fiance, I'm a brown sauce person, he's's a ketchup worshipping American, he also dared me to try honey on a bacon sandwich and I swear I moaned so loud half the Waffle House customers in hearing distance covered their children's ears to protect their innocence. As forHarry's disgusting eating habits and inability to recognise that Ketchup is gross (I'm a brown sauce -A1 to Americans who are reading, HP to Brits- sort of person, if I wanted my meat to look freshly butchered I'd eat it raw and there's a bit of a north/south divide int the UK on which one you prefer) i based him off of my finance (If anyone understands the need to put ketchup on scrambled eggs please tell me in your review, it looks like a murder scene in a cat litter tray- how is that appetising?).

Eventually Harry had managed to carry Severus to bed although he hadn't quite had the heart to put him into it and instead had sat on top of the blanket, wings still wrapped around his mate, ducked his head into the dark space and drifted off the sleep like that. He woke with pain like he'd never had in his life in his shoulder and back from the awkward position- but he'd slept, and so had Severus, so he took a dose of muscle ease and continued with his day. Somehow he felt lighter than he had in weeks. He felt good. He was glad the Malfoy's hadn't made a big deal out of them skipping out of the festivities the night before and had been as gracious as expected on agreeing to the invitation to visit the Potter Manor today instead. They were due at three, Harry was half hoping that the early start would mean Severus hadn't been too busy in the day and would not be completely listless when they were here if the had another day like yesterday.

He'd left his mate to sleep and decided that he would institute a new tradition that he would make Boxing Day breakfast. He had half a dozen sausages on the go and was pulling a pan of bacon from the heat with one hand and stirring a pot of fresh porridge with the other when Severus finally appeared in the kitchen, drawn in by the smell of cooking meat. Harry wished he'd had a camera to capture Severus' expression; it was the perfect blend of still-half-asleep, completely befuddled and slightly concerned perched atop the jumper Molly had gifted him the day before where he'd clearly pulled it on in a sleep induced haze. There was no need for words as Harry bit back a laugh. He took the pan of porridge from the cooker absently. He'd been curious one day and asked, apparently house elves generally weren't meat eaters but had a sweet tooth. He'd already spent several minutes chopping fruits and laying out jars of jam and honey for them when they came in later. He intended to leave a note letting them know he'd cooked it and they were welcome to help themselves.

"Good Afternoon." He joked mildly, it was eleven and Harry was glad Severus had slept so late but that didn't excuse him from some light teasing. He was gratified that Severus managed a smile and mock glare as he snagged a rasher of bacon and returned the greeting. Harry's smile grew when Severus folded it between a slice of bread and ate absently.

"The Malfoy's are coming to dinner, Lucius apparently checked himself out of the hospital night before last. Something about refusing to spend Christmas in a closed ward. I thought they might want to stay and have a few drinks or just socialise for a few hours so I had Petey set up the drawing room for entertaining guests." Severus nodded at Harry's happy blabbering; short of being comatose Lucius would always spend Christmas at home with his family, he was sentimental that way. Severus felt awkward, it seemed Harry was determined not to say a word about his behaviour the day before but the nervousness over the potential fallout of it was grating on his last nerve. He watched Harry plate up the breakfast and set the dishes down into the marble-topped island in the middle of the kitchen.

"We may as well be comfortable," Severus sat slowly but didn't eat as Harry built himself what could only be described as a bacon wrap from a slice of toast and copious amounts of red sauce which he then promptly dipped into the yolk of a soft fried egg. Severus' gut churned at the sight and he looked away for a moment until it settled, "if you want something lighter on your stomach you don't have to eat all that, you know," Harry told him after swallowing a mouthful of sausage. Severus didn't answer, it had been cooked and served, of course, he would eat it. He just had to work up the nerve to put that kind of pressure on his still weak feeling stomach. Harry set his coffee cup down and half smiled.

"You seem better today," he said with a soft smile. Severus nodded mutely, "important dates, they can mess with your head a bit...?" Another nod. Severus picked at a sausage absently. "Fair enough. What do you need?" Harry asked without preamble. Severus looked up at him, obviously confused. "I don't ever want to see you hurting that much again if we can help it, I genuinely thought you'd broken completely, what can I do?" Severus was staring at Harry like he'd sprouted an extra head. The pure confusion and loss for words made him seem so much younger somehow. Harry sometimes forgot that Severus wasn't even forty yet and had he not been part human would still have been expected to be living with his parents in the elvish tradition. Severus closed his mouth with a snap and busied himself with his tea. Harry had deliberately left what he liked to call the usual brew herbs out that morning- ginger, peppermint, chamomile, lemon; the flavours and herbs that would give him an instant insight into how Severus was feeling by which he added to his tea if any. Severus took some ginger root but rather than dropping it into his cup to steep he picked up a knife and cut it into a more manageable chunk before putting it into his mouth and chewing on it slowly. Harry nodded his understanding. Severus still felt nauseous. After a few minutes of silence, with Severus sipping on his tea and Harry slowly working his way through the breakfast he'd cooked, Severus finally spat out the ginger into a napkin and disposed of it discreetly before buttering himself a slice of toast.

"You," Severus began quietly, "your response was admirable," he said, clearly struggling, "I have never been quite so emotionally vulnerable in my life as these last few days. You have been-" Harry felt the wave of gratitude hit him, it was almost overwhelming. He reached out and took Severus hand across the worktop with an encouraging smile. He was flushing at the soft thanks and the way Severus was looking at him.

"That's what I'm here for," Severus managed a half smile, Harry was terrible at accepting gratitude.

"What did you do?" Severus asked eventually, "I slept unusually well last night." Harry turned up his lips absently and dipped his half eaten sausage in the egg.

"That's funny, actually, so did I... Do you think we were both just exhausted?" Severus shook his head slightly.

"Undoubtedly, and in your case quite drunk also." He added, Harry shrugged and pointed at the greasy food on his plate as if to ask if Severus thought he'd normally eat that much animal fat in one sitting. He hadn't realised quite how much eggnog he'd had to drink until Molly had insisted he not apparate home in case he splinch himself.

"I don't get hangovers I get hungry." He muttered as he swallowed more food. Severus was nibbling absently at a slice of toast between words.

"That rest was not alcohol induced." there had been something more there, a sense of safety even in his dreams. Definitely not alcohol induced if only because Severus had not been drinking. "It felt..." Severus couldn't find the words he wanted.

"Safe," Harry said almost automatically, "like nothing and no one could touch us," Severus nodded and added a rasher of bacon to his next slice of toast and a light drizzle of honey before folding it over. Harry watched him oddly.

"Got a sweet tooth this morning?" Severus smiled and bit into the makeshift sandwich.

"Try it, you will never put that glorified sugar filled tomato juice on hot cooked meat again." He challenged when he'd swallowed the first bite. Harry pulled a face but took up the challenge with gusto, mimicking Severus by trying it on bacon. He could feel Severus watching him as he bit into it and _Dear Gods he'd never tasted anything like it_! His expression must have given him away. Severus laughed quietly and started to dismantle the sausage and egg on his plate.

"It shouldn't make sense, it's honey and meat!" Harry gaped. "How does it taste so good?" Severus laughed again. Harry decided he didn't care and promptly dove back into his breakfast. "How did you know?" Severus sipped his tea and half smiled.

"I spent some time in America as a young man, sourcing possible ingredients for the wolfsbane potion. They seem to put either honey or cinnamon on everything. Sometimes they are correct to do so." He said lightly. It felt good to talk about inconsequential things and not feel that urge in the back of his mind to throw himself at his master's feet. He wasn't even sure what had happened; why his mind had come so close to snapping or how it had snapped back overnight, but it was a lot less stressful now than it had been to simply sit and talk.

"Cinnamon? What do they put that on?" Harry asked, intrigued.

"Toast." Severus supplied. Harry was happy to watch Severus' memory of an American man slathering on copious amounts of butter onto fresh toasted bread before sprinkling on cinnamon and raw sugar in almost equal parts before hitting it with one of those muggle kitchen flamethrower things that Aunt Petunia used to finish off creme brûlée and meringue on cakes that she'd never let him near because he'd probably blow it up with his freakishness. He found himself laughing at the memory of her words, she's been so horrific to him but now she just seemed pathetic. He caught Severus' sudden irritation at the memory of her.

"She used to say similar things to Lily, that she was somehow dangerous or unworthy of trust because she was a witch. Broke her heart." Severus commented shortly. "They were close once." Harry didn't answer for a moment. There wasn't much to say.

"I wonder what happened to them, the Order was supposed to be hiding them." He commented idly, he didn't really care one way or another- not really.

"Why am I not surprised you requested aid for them?" Harry snorted over his coffee cup at Severus' misunderstanding.

"You take me for a better person than I am, No one asked me what I thought, I'd have left them for the death eaters." Severus didn't say anything but Harry felt his unease. "Well, maybe not Dudley, he couldn't help what they made him and he started to grow up a bit in that last summer. Dementors blew some sense into him, I think." Harry quipped.

"Dementors in Surrey." It still got more ridiculous every time Severus heard it even more than two years later. Harry joined in the quiet laugh.

"Is it bad that I'm hoping Vernon saw someone from the Order cast a simple spell and gave himself a fatal heart attack at some point in the last year?" Harry couldn't help it, Vernon made his blood boil and brought out a vindictive streak in him. He wanted Vernon to suffer, not just because of his history with the man but because of the way he'd raised Dudley as well. The poor bloke would probably never recover from having parents, more specifically a father, like that. Harry actually pitied him the day he realised those bully tactics and being bigger than someone else wouldn't get him what he wanted. He wanted to ignore the other feeling growing behind his ribs but he couldn't quite manage it. "I wonder if there's any way to give Dudley a hand, in some way." Severus was as surprised at the sudden show of kindness to the son as he had been the vindictiveness aimed at the father.

"You appear determined to fix the world." Harry felt a fondness from Severus as he said it that Harry couldn't quite understand. "Many men with your past would not bother."

"Any man with my past wants to make sure it's no one else's future. Do you know how much school I missed and how many opportunities there were before I even got to Hogwarts to put a stop to what they did to me?" He couldn't work up the energy to be angry about it. "And I'm not the only one, why Neville wasn't taken away from his uncle,"

"They will not remove a pure blood heir from his family, they do not have the authority."

"That's why I ended up with Petunia, the all-encompassing power of _blood_." Harry sniped. "Didn't protect me from her frying pan, did it?" Severus physically winced at the memory Harry didn't have chance to stop popping into his head and the clang of metal on skull echoed down the years between them.

"You said they had never-" Severus began sharply.

"I said Vernon's belt disappeared. They all still had hands and feet."

"Why on earth did you not seek help? We all believed you were properly cared for!" Severus had abandoned his breakfast having finished a lot more of the plate than Harry had expected.

"Blood wards." Harry answered softly as he set down his own knife and fork and pushed his plate aside. Severus actually set down his teacup.

"Dear Gods, blood wards was the reason for leaving you there, who told you that?" Harry half shook his head as if it were obvious.

"Dumbledore he said-" Severus actually looked ready to explode. "What?"

"That was his plan, blood wards anchored on Petunia Dursley?" Severus stood slowly, every move and thought measured and carefully controlled as his rage threatened to overwhelm him. The plates and cups were rattling in the cupboards.

"Severus?"Harry was actually nervous of what Severus might do next, his anger was at fever pitch.

"You are lucky to be alive." Severus' voice was shaking with anger. "There is no way blood wards anchored between you and Petunia Dursley, especially ones cast by a wizard like _Albus Dumbledore_." Harry didn't know what to say.

"What does that mean, a wizard like Dumbledore?" Severus didn't seem to hear him.

"We thought he'd used a fidelius charm, hidden you away, created a safe haven for you."

"You knew he left me with them, everyone did." Harry didn't bother hiding his confusion, there was no point anyway.

"I had hoped Petunia might soften, attempt to reconcile herself with her sister through you, I warned the headmaster of their estrangement and pushed to have him hand you to Sirius as Lily wanted but he was determined to place you there, had already done it- then Sirius got himself arrested-," Severus jumped to his feet and began to pace, "blood wards... I should have let that curse eat him alive..." he muttered under his breath. Harry was too focused on the comment about Sirius to take in Severus' muttering.

"You knew who the secret keeper was then, you had to. And you still wanted Sirius back in Azkaban? Risked being thrown in there yourself to see him go down?" Harry hadn't realised how long that had been bothering him until he said it out loud. Harry had finally read his dad's journal; Severus had been his mum's backup plan. He'd been a professor by then, respected in the magical community. His voice should have been enough, should have pushed Dumbledore to act. She hadn't counted on Severus refusing to admit he'd been a spy until Dumbledore stepped in at his trial. Severus had tarnished the good name she'd been relying on to save them both with his silence and refusal to admit that he'd taken the mark as a spy.

"Of course I knew who betrayed them, I watched him do it. I spent the next three days trying to convince Dumbledore that Pettigrew had turned. He would not listen, insisted that Peter was loyal." Harry opened his mouth and closed it. Severus had witnessed Pettigrew betraying them to Voldemort and that hadn't been enough for Dumbledore? Harry couldn't ignore the sinking feeling in his gut, He couldn't help where his imagination went next.

"You have been spending too much time around Slytherins." Severus told him softly, it wasn't a rebuke, per say... "that is how we think."

"You've got to admit it's convenient, he lets them die and gets himself the perfect soldier for his crusade and makes the prophecy true in one go." Severus didn't answer. He'd never let himself consider it; never wished to know; never allowed himself to think of it lest it force his hand. He was quite sure he'd have killed the headmaster a lot sooner, and with a lot less hesitation, and would have broken Black out of prison himself had he allowed himself to consider it in any depth.

"So what did Sirius do that was so bad you wanted him back in Azkaban? you knew he didn't betray them," Severus twitched as if he was about to interrupt, "I don't believe this nonsense about a schoolboy grudge. You're not that petty." Harry added, Severus let out a low sound like a snarl.

"He abandoned you. He put his own grief above your wellbeing, he betrayed James and Lily as equally as Peter did. he deserved to rot. The pair of them did!" Harry wasn't sure he'd ever seen this side to Severus, the righteous anger. "They walked away, they abandoned you! Both of them. Neither had the right to just waltz back into your life the way they did." Harry stared in shock. His anger was erratic, switching between targets and now at the forefront of his mind were Sirius and Remus. Well, that explained why Severus had been so awful to Remus when he'd been at Hogwarts. Harry found himself considering it.

"You know," he said slowly, "I think I finally realised the difference between a Slytherin and a Gryffindor." Severus didn't interrupt his pacing or Harry's words. "It's how we handle our emotional responses. Sirius was always going to go after Peter when he found out what happened- it's who he was, hating him for that would be like hating me for being willing to let Voldemort kill me or hating you for volunteering to be a spy," Severus let out a low harrumphing sound.

"Many have," he said shortly. Harry hesitated. Severus had spent his life hiding his emotions, he was good at it, he was a born occlumens. It had also left him very much alone in the world. The irony wasn't lost on Harry that in order to get close to Severus he'd needed full access to the mind Severus had been born with the skill and instinct to guard and hide completely.

"Sirius went after Peter, he was a fool- let his heart rule his head. Then there was you. You knew the truth and you realised that it changed nothing. You stuck to the plan. Your loyalty was quieter, more thought out, yet the pair of you- both blamed and cast as traitors. You hated each other for failing to meet what you both expected of each other because you just didn't know each other well enough. You looked at each other and expected to see yourselves looking back. You two could have changed history, but neither of you could see past your own grief, and Dumbledore knew that he played the pair of you." Harry realised he was becoming quite philosophical and talking himself into an alternate history and stopped talking abruptly. Severus' mind seemed to have slipped into cool detachment. Harry ignore the twist of his heartstrings when Severus stopped for a moment and touched his stomach tellingly. Losing that pregnancy had changed something in him, it had changed how he defined himself and how he viewed the world. Harry wasn't sure it was a good thing.

"Never in twenty years did I ever question that the dark lord was beyond redemption, never once did I consider bringing him down to be anything but a necessity. An objective _absolute_ good cause." Harry wasn't sure he liked where it sounded like this was going. "But in twenty years I also never questioned that _he_ would have torn the world apart if that was what it took to remove one innocent child from an abusive guardian and get them justice." Severus' voice had dropped to a snarl until he spat the final words. Harry stared. He couldn't quite believe what Severus had just implied, it was bringing his own bitterness to the surface and he was struggling to stamp it back down in the face of Severus' anger. "I watched him do it enough times. Or did you think he drew in _abused underfed half-blood waifs and strays_ with pureblood supremacist vitriol alone?" Harry didn't have an answer, it suddenly occurred to Harry how similar they had been as children, how their differences began and ended with a word shouted by a hat when they were both boys. "He opened his arms to every one of us, asking nothing but loyalty in return. Imagine what you would do for the man who took you from the Dursley's for good, gave you your first new clothing, an education, medical care, made you feel worthy, made you feel human,"

"I know, Severus," Harry said quietly. Severus didn't seem to hear him.

"imagine the strength of conviction that took not fall under the thrall of a Dark Lord who was generous, fatherly, and initially kind and encouraging-"

"Severus!" Harry shouted when Severus didn't stop talking. "I said I know! I know alright. I know!" Harry was panting as if he'd just finished a one hundred meter dash when he realised he was on his feet. Severus looked up from where he'd been fixated on his own stomach as the words tumbled from him and was gaping at him. "Do you really think I would have walked to my own death on anyone's orders but Dumbledore's?" Severus stilled in his anger for a moment. "What the hell kind of seventeen year old is proud of being _Dumbledore's Man Through and Through_?"

"Sirius would have been." Severus said without thinking. Hadn't that been what he'd admitted his mother had shrieked at him the night he'd run away from home? That he had betrayed his bloodline for that Muggle-loving old fool and his pet dragon abominations. Severus clearly remembered Sirius smirking, absently lighting a cigarette in one of the designated smoking areas, as if he found his mother's words funny. Severus had always been convinced that he had given Dumbledore his childhood home for the order as one last act of petty revenge against his mother.

"Because Sirius was a shining example of sanity and a stable home!" Harry snapped. Severus wanted a cigarette, he dug around in his pockets absently and found a packet in his jeans. Jay had gotten into the habit of making sure he wasn't without them by putting them into whatever clothes he left on the bed when he showered in a morning. "Dumbledore's man, That's what Scrimgeour called me. And I agreed, I took it as a compliment. I was so blindly loyal to him I never once questioned him until well after he was dead. That wasn't fake, that wasn't me playing a role or biding my time, I meant it." Severus didn't seem surprised as he dug out one of the paper-wrapped sticks and his lighter.

"You said it yourself, in those memories, He raised me like an animal for slaughter and trained me to walk willingly to the butcher, and I did it." Harry swallowed the last mouthful of lukewarm coffee from his cup and set it back down with a bang. Severus jumped at the noise and had to try a second attempt to light the end of the stick between his lips. "I know exactly how strong you had to be, because I know I was weak, I fell under his thrall. I saw him for what he was, I saw the way he behaved, the lives he sacrificed and destroyed including yours, and I didn't care; because he made me believe he loved me when no one else did. He made me believe that I was worth loving but only by him. He made me think that nothing mattered but his approval, following his orders, he had me so under his thumb I nearly let you die that night. He turned me against my own instincts he had me convinced that not even you could love me more than he did." Severus had slowly drained of colour at Harry's tirade even as he drew that first mouthful of chemicals and tobacco smoke. Harry had been bottling that up for months and it showed in the effort it took him to stop.

Severus dropped the packet of cigarettes onto the marble worktop between them with a gesture for Harry to take one as the lighter also landed with a clatter. it was a practised movement, one that had been perfected on the scores of students he'd sat and listened to as the vented and cried about their lives over the years. Minerva liked to give them tea and coddle them in her distinctly Gryffindor way, Severus had always been of the opinion that if they were old enough to be seeking help then they should be treated and respected like adults and not children. Harry wasn't one of his students but that didn't matter, his rage and his hurt were familiar enough.

Harry ignored the lighter for a moment. He moved with almost deadly speed and precision, he took the cigarette from Severus and cast it into the ashtray he'd summoned seconds before without a word, and wrapped his arms and then his wings around his mate. "I know," he whispered softly into Severus' ear. "It's one of the many reasons I swore I'd protect you, I promised myself I'd never demand that kind of strength from you." Severus was clinging to Harry as if his life depended on it, his anger seemed to have drained away into pain and loss. "I swore I'd be strong for you." Severus wasn't sure what triggered it, why he suddenly understood with blinding clarity why he had been such a wreck. He didn't have to say it, he felt as Harry understood the errant thought that had bloomed into complete comprehension in a single moment that seemed to exist out of time.

_This is where we have been miscommunicating. I do not require your protection, but your direction._

Harry couldn't believe it could possibly be that simple, or that complicated.

"It's a good job we've got nothing to do for a week, we're going to be doing a lot of talking..." Severus let our a low snort at the weak attempt at a flippant comment. He was just relieved the realisation had happened at all. He had no idea what was going to happen next, but it felt like staring up at a sheer cliff face and being expected to climb it with his bare hands. It was going to take everything they had to navigate the obstacles in their way and it wasn't a journey he was confident they would complete in one piece. "I think I'll have that cig now," Harry said when he finally just about worked up the will to let go of Severus. He picked up the muggle cardboard packet and frowned. "Where did you get these from?" He asked. Severus seemed to hesitate.

"There is a tobacconist in the local village." He answered eventually, heart hammering as he waited for the inevitable explosion that he'd left the premises without permission. Harry shrugged.

"Would you believe that the first cigarette I ever had was one of these, for some reason it didn't occur to me wizards would have them." He commented absently as he slipped two from the packet and handed one over- the one he'd taken from Severus earlier had already burned itself out.

"She's not a witch," Harry shot Severus a sideways look at the revelation. The local village was mixed like Godric's Hollow. Magical and Muggle in tandem, "although I have heard whisper that the house blend she produces for select clientele is almost magical." Harry snorted out a laugh. He could just imagine what _that_ meant!

-

_How do you want to do this?_

They had been lounging around on the sofa, Severus had been laid reading with his head in Harry's lap when the clock struck a quarter to the hour. Severus finished his page leisurely and set the book down.

_They will expect a full formal welcome as is appropriate to the rank of the head of their family_

Harry nodded, he'd expected that. He didn't like it but he expected it.

_I will await your return here, in the tradition-_

"Like Hades you will!" Harry snapped. Severus winced. "You are my mate you will stand at my side where you belong." He felt the stab of fear from Severus, how Lucius would take such a slight. "And if the Lord Malfoy or his kin have a problem with that they know where the floo is," Harry added darkly. Severus wanted to argue but he could feel how determined Harry was. "He is your blood bonded, don't think I don't know what that means," Harry said shortly.

 

-

_Harry remembered the night in the tent with Hermione when she'd been asking him what he thought of the concept she'd found in one of the books that mentioned Horcruxes, remembered Ron's thoughtful look._

_'It's dark magic, mate' Ron had said as they exchanged glances. 'But we're hunting Horcruxes so we're a bit beyond that.'_

_'Is it enough?' Harry had asked. 'Do you think it would stand?'_

_'_ Well _technically it's an adoption, sort of.' Ron admitted. 'It's an old pureblood practice, it's been outlawed for Centuries but no one pays attention and dad_ says _the ministry doesn't prosecute because there'd be a civil war if they tried.'_

_'Harry I asked you what you thought, what your instincts are on it, not... whatever you two are talking about!' Hermione had interrupted, her voice hard._

_'You wouldn't have to learn the family tree if we did this Hermione, you'd be on it, officially, and no one could touch you.' Hermione went white at Ron's words._

_'It would change your blood status.' Harry pressed._

_'Especially an old family like Weasley or Potter, it would add you to the line. Look at the list of potions and spells that recognise it as a viable family link.' Ron told her, 'And with what the ministry is doing now, the registration act...' Ron added significantly, Hermione still looked horrified._

_'This is soul magic, this is like making a Horcruxes.' Harry's face hardened at her words. He was determined to do this. He was almost willing to kill if the spell required it too._

_'Desperate times, Hermione.'_

_'Dumbledore didn't leave us this book to start going around performing dark-'_

_'Dumbledore's dead!' Harry snapped. 'I'm trying to do everything I can to not watch you go the same way.' Hermione sighed. 'It's all in that book right, how to do it, what we need?'_

_'We don't need anything,' Hermione admitted, 'that we don't already have.' Harry and Ron exchanged another look. Ron understood pureblood families better than Harry did._

_'We make Hermione your sister, I'm an heir I don't have the power or the right to do it.' Ron said. 'Not that I think dad would have a problem with adding Hermione to the family.' He added quickly. Hermione looked between them. She seemed to realise they weren't going to be talked out of this._

_'Well, if it's as common as you say,' she began slowly, hesitantly._

_'Hermione, dad asked me after_ third _year if I planned on clasping hands with Harry, after what Remus told them I said in the shrieking shack dad expected my hand to fall off the family clock, told me that no matter what he'd always be my dad.' Harry frowned._

_'What do you mean?' He didn't like how that sounded._

_'I'll put all the gold in Gringotts on your dad and Sirius doing the same thing when Sirius ran away from home as a kid, Potter family name supersedes Black and Weasley.' Harry's eyes widened. 'If we clasped hands I wouldn't be a Weasley anymore Harry, not officially, you're my best mate and I love you like a brother but that's why I didn't do it. Sirius was blasted off his family tree, he wasn't exactly worrying about what his family would feel like knowing he'd effectively disowned them." Harry couldn't understand how a practice like that was popular. "But I don't hate my family."_

_'Don't blame you.' Harry wasn't sure there was anyone in the world he'd give up his name for, his right to call himself James and Lily Potter's son. Harry had a sudden, horrible, thought._

_'Do you think that's how_ vold _-' He cut off abruptly remembering the taboo, 'the dark mark?'_

_'He's a half-blood,' Ron answered shortly giving no real answer at all, 'he probably doesn't even know about this if he wasn't raised into it, that books probably the only one you'll ever see it written down- most families pass the rite down by word of mouth, younger sons to younger sons.' There was something significant about Ron wording it like that but Harry didn't care. He picked the book up off Hermione's lap and read quickly. Something jumped out at him._

_'May Interfere with creature relations.' His heart skipped a beat, 'what does that mean?'_

_'Doesn't affect you, Harry.' Ron told him, Harry wasn't ready to bet Hermione on such assurances without an explanation. 'You're dominant, doesn't affect you. No one's going to get into a snit that you gave yourself to another bloodline for whatever reason before they got to claim you.' Harry's heart skipped another beat._

_'Dominant partners can sense this?' He demanded. Ron shot him a look as if he were a particularly stupid child._

_'They say it drives some creatures a bit mad, possessive, you know? Jealous.' Harry knew what that felt like, he felt his face heating as he finally understood that inexplicable urge he'd had since he first walked into Hogwarts to destroy anyone with the name Malfoy. Ron gaped at him. 'Woah...' he managed softly, he had no idea who Harry's mate was or that Harry even knew- he'd told no one that- but he could clearly see that the knowledge they had just found was bothering Harry._

_'I'll be a different person when this war is over.' Harry told him; if I live to see it through, he thought to himself._

_'Of_ course _you will be, you'll be free to live how you want, Harry!' Hermione insisted and distracted him from the thought of his mate before got himself into a mood about the situation. The last time she'd let him dwell he'd nearly brought down the tent with them both inside it._

-

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Your midweek chitchat chapter, I wanted a bit of levity, then Harry's issues and Severus' paranoia reared their ugly head in the form of the memory of Dumbledore... What can I say, these two are a long way from being able to share a smoke and a morning meal in peace *sigh*


	20. Victorian Satire

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was like pulling teeth...

"Lord Malfoy," Harry swept a somewhat flamboyant bow and clasped Lucius' arm firmly, "a blessed Yule indeed to see you and your famil well." He said smoothly. He was regretting saying something so inflammatory to Severus and then simply standing and making his way to the entrance hall to meet their guests. Severus was buzzing behind his ear, desperately trying to reach him as he watched the door swing open more fully. Harry couldn't afford to be distracted now. Lucius made his best attempt to match the bow but he was leaning heavily on the cane and Narcissa was taking care to subtly hold him upright. Harry invited them to cross the threshold before Lucius formally presented Narcissa and Draco. Harry greeted them formally as Jay took their travelling cloaks.

 

"I presume you require no introduction to your brother Lord Malfoy," Harry commented, one day he was going to talk to Lucius properly about that and clear the air but Severus was already on edge enough. Harry very deliberately kept his hand possessively on the small of Severus back as he brought his mate forward. Severus didn't need telling this time, he knew what Harry had done by giving his introduction the way he had and he also understood the possessive hand that never once lifted. Severus and Lucius clasped arms and embraced like brothers and Harry's heart swelled. He wasn't sure he could ever pay Lucius back for the protection and family he'd given Severus over the years and he was almost certain Lucius would be insulted if he tried to. The sheer relief from Severus when he caught Harry's genuine emotional reaction gave Harry a heady high that almost caused him to sway. Harry tapped his finger twice to warn him against Severus' spine and stepped towards to take Narcissa's hand.

"You look well, Severus, did you finally begin to eat regular meals?" Lucius said conversationally as Harry led Narcissa gallantly by the hand and Draco followed into the drawing room for drinks until dinner would be ready.

"You do not care to know what would happen were I to attempt not to," Severus answered softly. Lucius fixed his old friend with a sharp look. "He is not cruel, and you will find..." Severus hesitated, "surprisingly lenient, for now." Severus clarified shortly, unlike most Lucius dropped it with a nod of understanding. He knew Severus well enough to know when his interference would not be welcome. 

"Should your position become unbearable," Lucius said softly as they walked, "do not forget where your brother is."

"Somewhere in Yorkshire if the rumours of your house hunting are to be trusted." Severus quipped quietly. The words were no insult coming from Lucius, as they hadn't been coming from Gaius, he was family.

"I am negotiating on a place just outside of Leeds, I would appreciate your insight into the area." Lucius murmured softly.

"Largely muggle, working class although I am sure that any property you purchase will be sufficiently warded and priced against such issues,"

"You think I wouldn't wish to have working class neighbours?" Lucius managed a tone that almost sounded offended, almost.

"Lucius," Severus rounded on his friend, "the most working class person you have ever associated with it myself. And you insisted I shed that dreadful northern accent first." Lucius laughed.

"I insisted that sounding like a country yokel was not befitting a proud son of Slytherin house." Lucius corrected. Severus didn't say a word, he didn't have to, Lucius broke into a laugh first.

"You will not be welcome in an area where that is your attitude to the locals." Severus told him as the finally entered the drawing room "I suggest you check the voting patterns of the postcode before you buy." Severus said mildly. "Excuse me." Lucius nodded, he knew Severus' place and duties almost as well as he did.

-

"Your support of my husband's actions, Lord Potter," Narcissa said softly so they wouldn't be overheard, "I would like to think your insistence on keeping him close is not with Ill intent?" Harry nodded sagely as he gestured to the drawing room door.

"He has been a brother to Severus, nothing more, I respect that," Harry paused, "and am grateful for the protection the Malfoy name has covered Severus in these many years past." Narcissa's eyes flashed dangerously, she understood. As long as Lucius remembered that Severus was now Harry's there would be no issue from him. Harry wasn't sure that he would ever have the heart to stop Severus from being around Lucius unless something dreadful happened. He wasn't about to tell her that. Goldie was already waiting for them in the drawing room. "Please, make yourselves at home, Goldie, drinks for our guests." He told her lightly. He put a hand on Severus' arm as he approached very deliberately stopping him at the door.

_I have no issue with you finding a family, Severus. Just remember where you belong now. And to whom._

Severus looked straight at him, Harry felt the spike of compulsion as it hit his mate. Severus bowed his head in quiet compliance. No words were necessary. Harry very deliberately pushed Severus towards the two seater sofa and joined him. If Lucius was surprised by the seating arrangements he hid it well behind a smile and flick of his eyebrow at Severus. Severus could just imagine that Lucius though he now understood what Severus had meant by lenient. If only.

Harry hadn't realised Severus was such a capable host, he wasn't sure exactly what the conversation was but it never seemed to actually bore or isolate anyone in the room. Goldie appeared with drinks and interrupted Narcissa's complimenting the modern touch of the furnishings. Harry half smiled.

"Your compliments are misdirected madam, I have no eye for interior decoration. My head elf here chose most of it." Goldie didn't react at being mentioned except to bow her head and Narcissa laughed.

"I thought I had detected a feminine touch." Harry leant forward from where he'd slung his arm over the back of the sofa behind Severus' shoulders and took the wine bottle from Goldie. Lucius shot him an odd look.

"Our own vintage from Italy," Harry told him, "I was advised you would appreciate this one," Harry offered Lucius the bottle to inspect.

_Tell me I'm doing this right?_

_Completely_

_What's so special about that bottle anyway?_

_The year and vineyard_

_What? What's that got to do with-_

"I presume, Severus, that you had a had in this?" Severus smirked, he didn't have to answer. Lucius was tasting the wine, he seemed to appreciate it. Goldie took the bottle and poured the glasses out. "Perhaps for once, you'll join us in partaking?" Lucius shot a sideways look at Harry even as he directed the question at Severus. Harry was somewhat shocked to sense that Severus was in the mood to take a glass.

_Is that wise? You were throwing your guts up just last night..._

_One does not usually decline Lucius Malfoy's invitation to drink, although If you would rather I did not?_

_You're in your own home, not his.... If you want_ it _take it, I was just checking._

Severus indicated for Goldie to pour him a small glass of the red. Harry tried to pretend like he wasn't concerned, he failed miserably as the conversation around him resumed. Malfoy junior was watching him carefully and was surreptitiously trying to get his attention. He sipped his own wine absently and half listened to Lucius talking enough that he could make the right noises in the right places. Harry was on his third glass of wine by the time Goldie called them to dinner. Harry hung back and Severus matched his pace as they moved into the dining room.

_How are you feeling?_

_I am fine, Lucius is not an exhausting conversationalist... although you are distracted..._

_Draco's been trying to get my attention for the last ten minutes, and he doesn't want Lucius to know judging by the way he's doing it_

Severus hesitated.

_You think he would like to speak to you privately?_

_I think that's the only reason he's here today._

Severus' hand slipped into Harry's momentarily and Harry took hold of the item he'd passed almost without thinking

_Invite him to smoke, Neither Lucius or Narcissa partake, use the excuse that you don't want to contaminate the dining room with the smell..._

_Lucius knows you smoke?_

_it would be inappropriate for us both to leave guests unattended. I will stay indoors._

_Clever_

_It has been known to happen on occasion._

"As I recall from our school days, you partake Draco?" He lifted the packet of cigarettes and Malfoy looked up at him. "Perhaps you'll join me before we sit to eat?" Malfoy was looking at him oddly, Harry indicated the door to the garden. "I wouldn't wish to spoil the air in this room." A flash of understanding and what might even have been gratitude as Malfoy joined him. "Please don't wait to sit on our account," Harry added to the room in general. Severus seemed to hesitate as he eyed the table settings.

_It is not appropriate for-_

Harry knew where that was going.

_You want Lucius to kill me tonight? Goldie set five places because there are five of us dining! I told her to seat you at the head of the table._

Severus didn't argue further.

-

"I presume this is for our benefit?" Lucius said as soon as the balcony door closed and the curtain fell back across it.

"We don't usually dine formally, he thinks he is proving a point," Severus answered sharply. He was not comfortable with this and he had no qualms about letting Lucius know it.

"I would be fascinated to learn what that might be," Lucius commented as he eyed the shadows moving behind the curtain. Draco was lighting Potter's cigarette.

"He is determined, and I quote, not to run this family through fear." Narcissa put a calming hand on Lucius' arm.

"An admirable sentiment I am sure, is he aware he is torturing you daily?" Severus kept his expression carefully blank. Narcissa sighed. "He does not strike me as the type to open communication." She commented.

"He is young, lacks experience. He tries."

"He should try harder," Lucius muttered. Narcissa squeezed his arm momentarily. "I will not watch you suffer much longer Severus," Lucius said plainly.

"You will not have to," Severus answered shortly. "He has finally begun to understand, one must allow him the opportunity."

"I noticed that; possessive, isn't he?" Narcissa commented with a raised eyebrow. Severus found himself looking at the curtain.

"More... Protective." Lucius snorted.

"You haven't needed protection since you were a teenager, Severus. Surely he knows that?" Severus finally had enough of Lucius' attitude.

"He is well aware of my needs and wants Lucius. Do not interfere." Lucius looked ready to argue. "You are not strong enough to withstand his wrath should you try," Severus added harshly. "Nor would I be inclined to defend any attempt."

-

Harry pulled the door carefully and flicked his wand to cast a non-verbal silencing spell.  He offered Malfoy the packet of cigarettes with one hand before taking one for himself. Malfoy had a lighter out before Harry had a chance to light his wand. Harry put the smoke to his lips and drew as the snick of metal on Flint brought forth a flame with a flick of Malfoy's thumb. He deliberately pulled the cig from his mouth as he spoke.

"Thanks, What's up?" Draco drew on his own freshly lit smoke and blew out a cloud.

"Weasley told me what happened." A beat. "With Severus." Harry nearly drew his wand. He forced himself to keep his expression neutral- he was going to kill Ron. "He seems, to be coping admirably." Harry didn't answer. Malfoy took another deep draw and blew it out slowly. "Stop looking at me like that, Weasley told me because he was concerned, I told him if he ever breathed a word of it to anyone else I would remove his tongue myself and take my chances with the dementors." Harry snorted. For Severus, he actually believed Malfoy might just do it.

"Join the queue." He said darkly.

"How is he, really?" Harry softened, Draco cared. He'd done more than enough to prove that.

"Hurting, lost, he's still having symptoms." Harry confided between drags. "Held his breakfast down this morning, still chewing ginger though." Malfoy nodded.

"And you?"

"What about me?" Harry asked, startled.

"How are you handling it?" Harry didn't answer.

"I didn't know before and I wouldn't have known after if Severus hadn't said. I'm not the one who carried it." Harry said softly

"That wasn't an answer." Harry sighed.

"I always wanted kids, but not yet, for so many reasons... I don't think it's fully hit me yet." Harry admitted. "I'm more worried about him, he's erratic right now. You wouldn't believe some of the things he's been saying." Harry wasn't about to tell Draco outright even with that questioning look. "Let's just say I'm getting a real insight into how he made such an effective spy."  Draco nodded.

"He's... impenetrable, isn't he?" Draco commented after a moment of silence.

"I can access all of his thoughts whenever I want  and I still don't know most of what's going on with him." Harry quipped softly.

"Did you ever look into his religion..?" Draco asked. Harry swallowed lightly. He'd made a point of doing so whilst sat in the hospital waiting rooms.

"I still haven't decided whether I'm concerned he believes and follows that stuff or not," Harry answered. Even for a wizard some of it was hair-raising. "And I don't think I want to know who his patrons are."

"Yes you do, ask him, if you can't work it out." Draco put out the last burning embers of his cigarette into an ashtray that had popped up and was floating between them.

"Well see." Harry murmured as he docked out his own cigarette end. "Better get back inside." He said reaching for the door handle.

"Potter," Draco said, "you shook my hand. That makes you my friend." Draco put his hand on the handle of the other door. "That means you can trust me." Harry didn't comment. He was learning that about Slytherins, friendship seemed to mean almost as much to them as the family meant to Ron. It was an interesting comparison to consider.

"Don't tell him I said so, but I would follow Weasley to the death." Harry frowned.

"First day of auror training, ask him what he did." Harry pulled a face, made a point not to ask Ron about his work in anything but the most general terms. "You will understand."

-

_Would you relax?_

_You have placed me in a very difficult position_

_No, I have placed you in the position I want you in tonight_

Severus wanted to submit, Harry could feel it, but he was still too unsure how to do it and actually obey what Harry wanted.

_I am neither lord of this manor nor master of this household, why you insist on flouting tradition and decor-_

_Stop it, Severus, you know why._

They were eating mostly in silence. Harry felt awkward and stilted like this. He was too used to Gryffindor table and meals with Severus where the conversation flowed and the meal ended quickly. Eventually, the meal finished with the usual round of compliments and quiet thanks. Harry sighed and stood, Severus met his movement almost instantly. Lucius and Narcissa took a little longer but that was expected. Draco waited, as per tradition, for his father to be upright before he climbed to his feet.

"Perhaps," Harry was choosing his words as carefully as he could when his frustration was so high, "we might all be more comfortable and get along better if we weren't so determined to remain on formal terms." He managed a smooth tone, but Severus was startled by it anyway. Draco laughed softly.

"I've been waiting for you to say something like that since the appetiser course." Lucius let out a low hiss of warning, or maybe pain, but Draco ignored him. Harry grinned and offered Severus his hand. Severus took it after staring at him a millisecond too long.

_What are you doing?_

_Families don't eat in silence or worry about breaking etiquette taboos, Severus, they're the closest thing I have to in-laws. I'd rather not spend my life in a mockery of a Victorian satire_

"The terrace has warming charms and this place is like a fairytale when the frost settles. Anyone feel like taking a round of drinks out there?" Harry wasn't sure whether their agreement was genuine interest or politeness but he wasn't about to question things going his way.

-

"Severus," Lucius had been debating Harry on the merits of teaching pureblood children about muggles when Harry interrupted, "sorry Lucius, but Severus look," Harry pointed towards the stables and a vaguely golden glow. "Is that?" Severus didn't look.

 "I cannot see so far in this light." He said quietly. Harry called out softly for Petey. A small brass telescope found its way into Severus' hand a moment later. 

  _Seriously remind me, you need to see an optician. Or better yet just find one and go._

_Are you aware of the costs_ invol _-_

_That's why you haven't done it? You think I care about the cost?_

 Harry felt a stab of something, an old hangover in Severus' wordless response. He had never had the financial freedom to seek none urgent medical aid. It didn't occur to him that anything he didn't need to keep breathing was necessary. He didn't actually know what the cost was he only knew that it had been too much for his mother to manage without the NHS on what was left of his father's wages when he rolled home at some point every Saturday afternoon.

  _Have you actually looked at your finances? Your salary from Hogwarts alone, Severus, you've got more than enough money to last a lifetime in your own right._

Harry felt it again, the shot of irritation. Severus didn't care which laws Harry had bent or broken he had no legal right to own assets beyond what Harry chose to let him have. Harry couldn't argue really, he'd twisted and bent and broken several laws but the truth was that unless he was alive then Severus had no protection under the law and no right, as a none citizen, to hold assets. He held them legally now because Harry had registered his consent. Harry deliberately closed his mind off from Severus for a moment. He'd bought that watch on his mate's wrist with a purpose. There was enough of any Muggle or wizard's money on Severus' wrist to get him out of the country and help him disappear if he needed to and Harry was not finished building Severus an insurance policy yet. Severus was looking out over the lands through the telescope where Harry had pointed. 

 "The unicorn," he said softly, "it must be the first time he has left the stables."

 "You have a unicorn on your lands?" Draco asked, interested. Harry nodded, a hushed awe seemed to have descended over the table. 

 "The centaurs brought him," Harry told the blond, "he's a week old." Draco frowned. 

 "He's very small," he commented. 

 "His mother is dead," Severus muttered sharply. Harry and Lucius exchanged glances and Harry nodded once. Lucius understood. This was the unicorn Severus had helped save on Eponalia. They watched as the tiny creature pawed the ground curiously. The sound of a surprised snort when the unicorn put his nose to the grass and it was cold with frost made Harry laugh softly. Even Severus smiled at the antics.

 "All children are the same," he said softly, "full of wonder..." Harry found himself sliding his fingers through the hand Severus wasn't using to hold the telescope as they stood and watched. He couldn't help noticing the almost catch in Severus' voice, the sudden softening of his tone. They really needed to talk. Properly. 

 "Ah." Draco wasn't aware of the specifics but he knew something had happened. Harry watched as some of the tension seemed to leave Severus as he watched the unicorn. After a few moments Chiron appeared, Harry lifted a hand in greeting and the young centaur returned the wave.

"Goldie?" The elf reappeared at his side. "Do they need anything in the stables?" Harry asked softly.

"They have not requested, master." Harry half nodded.

"Make sure the warming charms on the outbuildings are checked and that they have enough milk for the young one to see them through before you go to sleep tonight." Harry flicked his hand absently to dismiss her and Goldie nodded as she popped away. The serenity that had settled on them as a group was broken by Severus' hand suddenly going very still and clammy in Harry's. He looked down questioningly.

_What's wrong?_

_I am about to vomit quite violently._

_Go, I'll make your excuses!_

Harry barely had time to let go of his mate before Severus absented himself swiftly. Lucius raised a curious eyebrow as Narcissa followed Severus back indoors, her expression calculating. Harry managed a weak smile as he watched Severus leave. It took him a moment to shake off the concern.

"So Lucius, you still haven't properly explained why pureblood students shouldn't be taught about muggles before Hogwarts." Lucius let out a low snort and Draco leant forward in his seat. He very deliberately put a hand on his father's arm as he did.

"Potter, that's weak even for a Gryffindor," Harry glared, "he's absented himself to a moment, presumably not without cause... he isn't dead. Relax, would you?"

"What was possibly so urgent Severus would leave a gathering without a word?" Lucius asked almost snidely. Harry wasn't sure whether that was aimed at him or Draco.

"You'd have to ask him," Harry commented carefully, he was not about to spill his heart out to Lucius- Draco cornering him like that had been bad enough.

"Oh do not fret," Lucius answered, there was something dangerous in his tone, "I shall." Harry suddenly realised that Narcissa had already followed his mate.

"Perhaps Lucius, it would be more appropriate that you learn to keep track of your own spouse?" He answered pointedly. Draco laughed quietly into his wine.

-

Severus had felt his master's sudden surge of protective feeling and the thought pushed into his head. 

_Narcissa is coming to find you!_

 It took all his will to send back a pulse of understanding and reassurance. Narcissa wasn't going to cause trouble. Severus vomited again and his head spun, this inability to hold down full meals was playing havoc with his blood sugars and energy levels. A quiet knock on the door drew a low groan from his lips. He didn't have the opportunity to worry that Narcissa had found him almost instantly as if she'd known where to look as the door opened and he leant back against the cool tiled wall. 

 "Severus?" He didn't see the need to answer verbally. "Your master seemed concerned." He let her words wash over him, Narcissa knew how they would help ground him if he was vulnerable. She understood having spent years convincing Lucius at home that it was not appropriate for Lord Malfoy to wait on his wife even in private. "Why did you not tell us you are with child?" She said softly and Severus' eyes flew open where they had been slipping shut. 

 "I am not." He answered shortly, still wary of opening his mouth. 

 "I am a woman Severus, I know the signs." 

 "Narcissa, do not-" he told her sharply. "I am not with child." He couldn't help the surge of grief in his chest. "The stomach flu, nothing to concern yourself with."

"You're a potions master Severus, you wouldn't drink red wine on stomach flu." She answered pointedly.

"Dear Gods woman!" He finally snapped before his stomach lurched again. There was nothing left inside him to bring back up. He spat out a mouthful of bile and saliva. "Mind your own business."

 "Severus you are family, you are my business!" Her tone made Severus want to cower. He didn't have the energy. "What's really going on here?" Severus wasn't sure what might come of this but he didn't have much choice if he wanted a moments peace tonight.

"I was with child." He told her, he felt so tired, weak. He just wanted to sleep. He wasn't sure he even had the energy to weep anymore. "The attack, I was glanced by a rather powerful," he paused to draw breath, "rib cracker when treating Lucius," Narcissa's horrified gasp was more than enough sign that there was no need for him to say more. 

"Severus.."

"I do not require your pity," he told her softly. She knew better than most the pain of losing a child. Three miscarriages before Draco and two more after before they had given up trying for more children. He'd suffered right along with her when the Dark Lord had been displeased with her medical care and the losses.

"I, you never said you were trying..." she pushed softly. Severus let out a low huff of breath.

"We were not. I might not have known at all, had the healer kept his mouth shut."

"I am fairly certain you'd have noticed these symptoms," Narcissa said almost as sharply as he'd snapped at her a moment earlier.

"If one presumes that knowledge of the event is not a prerequisite." Severus admitted softly. He wasn't sure anymore if the sickness was because of the loss or because his mind was processing the loss and his body responding to the mental strain.

"You're hardly hysterical with grief, Severus." Narcissa told him quietly. He shot her a look as if to point out the obvious. He was not inclined to showcase his grief to the world however deeply felt.

"Five weeks, probably male although impossible to know so early, and lost through my incompetence."

"I believe many things of you, Severus Potter, incompetence is not one of them." He glared at her and settled back against the tiles, the cooling sensation was helping keep nausea at bay. They sat in a tense but still companionable silence for several minutes before a crack of house elf apparition broke the peace.

"What?" Severus demanded more harshly than he intended.

"Master wishes to know if you'd like some ginger?" Jay asked without preamble or wincing at Severus' tone. "Or anything else?" He added.

"It appears our absence has become problematic Narcissa." Severus quipped tiredly. Harry was slowly learning diplomacy and Severus was as certain as he could be that this was an implicit order to return to the gathering. "If you would allow me a moment to freshen up before I join you?" He pushed softly. He was already halfway to his feet when Narcissa agreed quietly. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Many thanks to those who spotted the duplicate paragraph, not sure how it happened but hopefully sorted now :)


	21. Watershed Moments

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is the chapter that knocked my word count up past the magic 100k for Camp Nano 2017! We've still got a long way to go yet folks, hopefully, you'll all stick around to see it through with me...
> 
> In the spirit of that win and moving onwards I give you Chapter 21: Watershed Moments

Severus woke slowly, drawn from the depths of a blissfully dreamless sleep, into a world of pain. His head was pounding, his mouth tasted like something small and furry had climbed in there and died and he was as certain as he could be that the that if he tried to move he would fall off the edge of the world. He knew he was hungover but he could not remember much detail from the night before. He could remember falling ill as his treacherous body had once again failed him after eating, he remembered Narcissa. Severus' gut rolled. Narcissa had gotten to him, she'd shattered what was left of his pathetic self-control with a few words and an awkward silence. Severus had stepped back into that drawing room a different man than the one who had left the terrace. His master had taken one look at him and Severus had shattered all over again. He didn't want to think, not tonight, not ever again. Master's arms had wrapped around him, not caring who was watching or what they thought, Severus had buried his face into his master's chest.

_What do you need, Severus? Show Me..._

Severus needed what he knew his master wasn't willing to give, especially tonight, especially with guests present.

_I don't care who's here Severus, I care about you. Show me._

The force of his master's determination, the order seemed to wrap itself around Severus like armour shielding him from the world- from the need to think. That was what he needed. More of that. Safety, direction. There was a peace in orders and control. Severus felt the sinking feeling from his master. The shock and the guilt of what he was about to do.

_Ok, for tonight. We'll talk about it tomorrow. For tonight we'll make do._

Severus didn't remember much more than that. He'd stopped thinking and it was Elysium.

-  
"Severus?" Harry woke the minute he felt Severus stir, heart in his throat. He couldn't quite believe what he'd done the night before. He'd had no choice but he still couldn't believe he'd done it. He had half expected Lucius to call him out to duel there and then when Severus had all but collapsed at Harry's feet. When Severus had shattered Harry had no choice. Severus wasn't in any state but to obey. For a moment he'd wanted to kill Narcissa but he had more important things to worry about. Severus let out a low groan and Harry pulled him close and sat them both up in the bed.

Severus' hand flew to his mouth at the unexpected movement. "You're hungover," Harry put his hand out and a glass of water appeared in it. "Sip slowly," he ordered gently as he pressed the glass against Severus' lips, "let's see if you can hold that down before we try a hangover solution." Harry murmured softly, careful to pitch his voice so Severus wouldn't be wincing in pain at the volume or timbre. Severus managed half of the glass before he stopped drinking with a wince at the movement.

"This is why I don't drink on an empty stomach," Severus muttered mutinously.

"In fairness, your stomach wasn't empty to start with," Harry told him shortly, secretly gratified that Severus ahs spoken without promtping at all. Severus let out a low laugh at the irony. Harry snapped his fingers and Jay appeared, Severus winced at the noise and realisation of what he'd just done.

"Forgive me, I-"

"Ssh, nothing to forgive. Let's sober up and then talk." Severus was filled with a strange sense of belonging when his master pressed a finger against his lips.  
  
"Two hangover solutions Jay, and apparate back to outside when you bring them please," Harry mumbled and groaned at the questioning look from Severus.

"Apparently wine gives me hangover- we found my Achilles heel." A tray floated through the room with two phials on top. Harry opened the first and pressed it to Severus' lips. "Drink." Severus obeyed. Harry took the second and was grateful for the almost instant relief. Severus had slumped against him as the potion worked its magic on his system.

-

They had both showered in almost silence, aside from Harry gently nudging Severus to act with the odd verbal or thought order. He seemed weary and lost, but every order seemed to settle him a little more, seemed to steady and smooth his tattered nerves.

Harry found that for all his wish not to have Severus like this that his instincts were going into overdrive as they had done the night before, a part of him liked having Severus so obedient and it focused his determination to protect and care for his mate. With nothing to do but obey Severus was an open book, his thoughts and feelings less cluttered and easier for Harry to process and understand. When Severus stepped out of the ensuite already dressed Harry set aside the book he had been writing in whilst Goldie replaced the dressing on his wing. He called to Severus without a word, with a look and a thought. It was about time he started properly caring for his mate and he'd decided, that was happening today.

By the time Severus had crossed the room Harry was standing, he pulled the towel from Severus' shoulders where it had been absently flung once Severus deemed his hair acceptable damp instead of dripping wet. Severus went to kneel but Harry stopped him with a touch. Severus didn't need a verbal order, his master was very good at making sure he had just enough information in his mind as required. He turned and knelt slowly, back to the edge of the bed, in the time he moved a large cushion had materialised on the ground. Severus was grateful for it, years of cold dungeons and kneeling on stone floors had aged his joints before their time. He felt vulnerable like this; with his back to the most powerful person in the room, but he was learning to trust and as his master's hand rested on his shoulder and stroked the back of his neck under his hair with the soft pad of a human thumb, Severus relaxed. It wasn't Severus' place to know or care why his master wanted him like this.

Severus was aware of his master summoning something and he winced when a shadow momentarily flickered in his peripheral vision. The comforting weight of Master's hand tightened momentarily on his shoulder.

_Just relax, Severus, all you have to do is relax_

Even in his mind master's words were soft and soothing, like sinking into a warm bath after a hard day. At first, Severus wasn't sure what he was doing, he felt master's hands ghosting against his hair, towelling it dry from root to tip and once again Severus was left lost and confused. It didn't matter. He'd had no order to move and there was confidence in knowing he was right where his master wanted him. It took him a little longer than he might have cared to admit to realise that the soft touches were his master's hands parting his hair and beginning to brush it in sections. Severus found himself relaxing under the ministrations, the last time anyone had tended his hair he'd been a child, his mother had always taken pride in it until his father beat it out of her before Severus was old enough to have more than whisks of memories of those moments. Master was murmuring softly, Severus wasn't sure exactly what he was saying, it seemed soothing, oddly hypnotic. Severus wasn't sure how long he knelt there, he wasn't counting.

Harry twisted, parted and smoothed Severus' hair between his fingers, it was a lot easier to manage than Hermione's unruly curls; even after being knotted and mussed by Severus' insistence on being slightly over harsh with the towel when he'd stepped out of the shower.

"Doesn't it drive you mad?" Harry asked absently, "floating around your neck all the time?" Harry couldn't even wear a chain on his neck anymore; it reminded him far too much of Hufflepuff's locket when it brushed against what was left of the scarring from Hermoine's severing charm.

"After a lifetime I hardly notice it, master," Harry stroked his fingers through the freshly smoothed locks and smiled to himself. Six months of proper care had begun to repair the lifetime of damage. "And for the days it is in the way a conjured hairband has always been sufficient." Harry wasn't sure Severus had realised what he was doing yet. It was an old tradition, Severus might not even be aware of it. Harry had found it in a book on Drakken relationship rituals in his grandfather's office. He really needed to properly go through that room and organise it. He twisted the sections of hair between his fingers, allowing a few strands to slip back and form a frame around Severus' face before gently twisting the hair he was left holding into a simple French braid and tying off the bottom with a conjured band of black leather that he hit with a shrinking charm to ensure it held the style in place securely.

"There," Harry said softly as he leant down and kissed the now exposed side of Severus' neck, "now you look like you belong to somebody." He teased softly. The soft laughter from his mate and slight tilting of his head to give Harry better access was dwarfed by the sudden surge of emotion. Severus knew exactly what Harry had done and Harry was almost certain that if his mate blinked he might just lose a tear or two for the sake of it. "I think," Harry murmured as he kissed his way along Severus' collarbone, "we should have some breakfast, something light," Severus' stomach clenched even at the thought of eating but he didn't argue, "and then we have the whole day today, and as many more as it takes." Severus wasn't sure what his master was talking about. "We are going to sit, and I am going to listen to you and we're going to really talk about what we both want and need." If Severus had been feeling ill before the thought of all that talking didn't help.

-

Harry very deliberately ordered breakfast to their quarters, Severus seemed to feel safest here and Harry saw no reason to leave the sanctuary of their private space. The table was set for two when Harry finally stood and held his hand out to help Severus to his feet. Harry pressed a soft kiss into the back of Severus' neck and wrapped his arms around the man, crossing them lazily in front.

"Severus," Harry said softly, "today is about what you want, or need to feel right," he murmured quietly, "what feels like the right thing to you?" Harry felt Severus freeze and his mind whir into action. "No, Severus, you're overthinking," Harry whispered gently, "trust your instincts this morning... consider nothing but your own instincts."

The problem was, in Severus' mind, that he had no instincts; his responses were well learned and hard wired so that they had become one and the same as his natural state of being. He could no more tell the difference between the need to consider his master's wants and the reflex that ensured he didn't stop breathing in his sleep. Severus knew that what he wanted would make his master uncomfortable, and so he didn't want it. And yet... in his heart of hearts, he knew he did.

Harry let go of Severus slowly and took his seat, he was halfway through pouring his coffee when Severus made as if to move. Harry had carefully closed his mind from Severus this morning; there was no point in pushing the man to trust his own instincts when an errant thought from Harry could override them. He knew Severus was floundering without that sense that he was being guided in the back of his head by Harry's quiet nudging and occasional direction. Severus seemed to step forward and then catch himself. He hadn't even formed the thought before he moved to kneel. This was where he belonged. Harry looked down and for a moment he felt strangely out of sorts, lost in a memory. He'd seen this before; perhaps in a dream, Severus Snape on his knees, head bowed against a dark wood floor- Harry swallowed and forced himself to stay in the present. He reached out carefully and was almost shocked to see his own hand and not the slender ghost white fingers contrasted against the darkness of the floor of his nightmares. He touched Severus' shoulder, and the cupped his cheek gently.

"This is what you want?" He asked softly, hoping he'd managed to keep his own voice from shaking. He seemed to do a passable job.

"Yes, master," Harry swallowed down the rising bile with difficulty and nodded more to himself than to Severus. He had to force himself not to run his fingers over the scar on Severus' neck. Had to remind himself that it wasn't him who'd given the order to cause it.

"Good," he couldn't make himself say more, instead, he withdrew his hand and cut a piece of toast in half and then half again. His mind was whirring with the information he'd spent most of the night pouring over- if there was a book on dominance that he hadn't read, in the last sixteen hours or so it was not from lack of trying. Harry took the freshly cut quarter of a slice of toast and held it to Severus' lips with a gentle mental nudge for him to take it.

"I know you're ill," Harry said gently, "but every meal I expect you to at least try," he wasn't doing it to be cruel, Severus was practically starving since he'd begun with the sickness, he was doing it in the hope Severus might get some nutrients into his body before he brought whatever he hadn't managed to digest back up, "even if just a little bread and water," Harry added softly, Severus bit a small corner of the toast and chewed before swallowing obediently. Harry held what Severus hadn't bitten there, a gentle visible reminder that he could have more. Severus managed half a slice of toast and half a glass of water before he started to hesitate. The low whimper from the back of Severus' throat made Harry stop trying to feed him. "If you're not feeling better by the new year I'll find a healer, there's got to be someone." Severus was leaning into the hand Harry was cradling his head, seeking comfort and touch. Perhaps in a moment of madness Severus had caught Harry's hand before he pulled it away.

"Master, thank you," Harry wanted to respond but the sight was too familiar, too similar, Harry mentally slammed down the barrier between his own thoughts and Severus hastily, Severus did not need to see that; _a freshly minted silver hand gripping pale fingers over an open grave, grovelling gratitude and that word_. Harry forced himself back into the present grateful that Severus hasn't seemed to react too strongly to the sudden push out of Harry's mind after he'd been slowly letting him back in the longer they sat together. He would deal with his own issues when Severus wasn't so fragile and they had an understanding in place.

"Stand Severus," Harry found himself saying slowly, hating the way his voice seemed to dip into a low sibilant hiss over his mates name as the man rose to his feet with the grace of someone half his age, "you've nothing to thank me for," Harry choked out, having to clear his throat awkwardly before he spoke again, "I'm only doing now what I should have done months ago." He admitted. Severus seemed to take a half step towards him and then decide against whatever he'd been about to do at the last moment and bowed his head instead without a word. There wasn't a good way to answer his master's words that he could think of.

"The best way to respond to anything I do or say, Severus," Harry said softly as he lifted his mates head with a gentle finger under his chin and placed a soft kiss on his head as he wrapped his arms around Severus, "is honestly." He said it with just enough intent that Severus understood it wasn't a platitude, he meant it and that would be his line in the sand. Severus could submit all he liked but Harry wanted him to be honest.

"Have you eaten and drunk enough?" Harry asked gently, Severus nodded firmly, he had no wish to add any more food to his stomach right now and he wasn't sure if he'd hold down any more water either. The hangover solution was passable but the brewer had added the ginger too late and the coconut water too early in the process so it had completely eradicated any signs of dehydration but left lingering nausea behind- Severus knew better than to assume that anyone who hadn't had a genuine interest in fifth year potions, including his master, would know that.

"Once a potions master..." Harry quipped with a soft smile; this was what he wanted- Severus as himself not what he thought anyone else wanted him to be.

"Six years of study of a single subject is impossible if you have no interest." Severus was just filling the silence with an answer, of course, Harry knew that.

"And now you don't want to be near a cauldron,"

"Times change, and people with them." Harry didn't comment. The complex emotions Severus had about potions and brewing weren't what he wanted to talk about today and he was determined not to be sidetracked.

"I think, we should sit in the library for this, somewhere safe but neutral." Harry suggested he felt more than heard Severus' quiet surprise that Harry might think of it and the agreement that followed.

-

Harry hesitated. One of the elves had already laid out parchment, quills and a jug of water for them at the work table in the centre of the room. It looked wrong somehow, too formal; too much like old pictures of Muggle war cabinets led by staunch men with moustaches and cigars as the dark oak of the table shone in the lamplight.

"I have no inclination," Severus started to say softly, he was choosing his words very carefully, "to negotiate a relationship as one might negotiate battle lines." That was exactly what Harry was thinking and as usual, Severus was far more eloquent than Harry might have been.

"Agreed." He answered almost instantly. "But," he sighed, Severus felt surer than he had for days, stronger, but Harry had no idea if either of them could actaully handle this, "we must come to this as equals." Severus didn't answer. He didn't have to. They weren't equals. If Severus' grandparents were still alive he wouldn't have even been present for this. He'd have been negotiated and wrangled over and sold once the price was agreed and the terms set.

"Yes, well, needs must." He responded shortly. Harry half laughed at the tone of mocking resignation. He cast his eyes around the room searchingly.

"How about to sofa, it's less formal," and they could sit close together, Harry could spread his wings and hold Severus as they talked. They'd done it before when discussing inconsequential things or simply spending an evening reading in each other's company. Severus seated himself without further ado and summoned the parchment and dicta-quill from the desk.

-

Harry hadn't had any idea where to start and Severus hadn't had the will to lead the discussion, he felt better but not that much better. In the end, Harry had given up sitting in silence and summoned the books he'd been reading the night before when his alcohol induced insomnia had bitten. He picked one at random and started flicking through it. Seeming to realise what he was doing Severus did the same. He'd only been reading half an hour or so when it hit him again, he'd picked up a book that seemed to speak directly to what his instincts had been screaming at him for weeks. He was shaking when he set it down. Harry seemed to realise something was seriously affecting Severus. He looked up from where he'd been thumbing through a book that had been well recommended but was mostly fictional and glanced at the text Severus had just set down. That one had made him cry. It was a no nonsense down-to-earth muggle written guide to what they called BDSM which was about as close as muggles got to the kind of dynamic that was common in magical creature relations. Apparently, Severus was having a similar reaction. Harry wrapped his arms around his mate as Severus melted into his hold. Now they had a starting point.

-

It had taken over four hours of discussion, debate and (few times) outright begging to get to the point where they had something like an agreement. The poor quick-quotes quill was as damaged as they were and the parchment it was writing on was badly scarred and scratched from crossings out, blots of ink and being snatched out of the air for one or both of them to write something by hand at various junctures. It kept pressing too hard when Harry tried to control the discussion and scribbling uncontrollably when Severus tried to occlude instead of letting his emotions loose. Apparently, the charm didn't like being linked to two minds at once, especially ones as powerful and mixed up as theirs. Harry leant down and kissed Severus' jaw softly, wrapping his arms around his mate from behind. He felt like he could sleep for a week after all of that and Severus felt equally, if not, more fatigued.

"Do you think we can live with this?" Harry asked quietly. Severus half shrugged, he was far too comfortable and had allowed his mind to slip into careless thoughtlessness.

"Time will tell," he answered before a yawn caught him off guard. Harry would have given anything to have a camera and catch Severus' expression at his body's betrayal. It was the most beautiful combination of befuddled and irritated that he couldn't help the laughter that escaped him. Severus scowled.

-

"Father, do mind your blood pressure." Draco finally snapped as he watched his father pace aimlessly. "Was this not what we have all been hoping for on Severus' behalf for years?" Draco added before his father exploded with self-indignation.

"Our hope was for Severus to find a mate not only capable but will-"

"You saw Potter he's willing he's just terrified, give him a chance." Draco said quietly as he snagged a cigar from the box on his father's desk, cut the end absently and lit it.

"Help yourself to my bourbon as well, why don't you?" Lucius snapped. Draco smirked.

"I'd much prefer your rum," he quipped and sat back in the armchair, "and you'd probably benefit from a snifter as well." He added slyly. Lucius stared at him for a few seconds and then laughed and poured the drinks himself. Draco took the tumbler his father passed with a nod and tilted it in quiet salute. They sat and drank in silence for several minutes.

"Before you drink too much," Lucius said, "I require you sign some documents." Draco set down his glass and stood to approach his father's desk. He took the papers and scanned them quickly with his eyes.

"You require my signature, _now_?" He said carefully, with extra emphasis on the time.

"I required it three days ago." Lucius said softly. Draco set the papers down and leant over the desk, his arms outstretched to try to stay upright as the implications of the documents hit him.

"Father," Lucius held up a hand and slipped a ring off his finger. He picked up a quill and even inked it before holding it out to his son. Draco swallowed and eyed it warily. He nodded and took the quill. He was pleasantly surprised to find that his hand didn't shake as it moved across the parchment. He set it down and let out a long low breath as the ink dried. Lucius picked up the ring.

"Allow your father one last duty," Draco held out his hand and his father slipped the ring onto his smaller finger, "Lord Malfoy." Draco watched his father resize the ring and kiss the jewel inlay almost reverently. Something filled him. It was more than grim determination, it was hope. He would restore his family's honour, even if it took him a lifetime to do it.

-

Ron sat in the work canteen nursing a terrible coffee and an exhaustion induced headache.

"Weasley!" Someone shouted and he groaned.

"Oh, bugger off, Gifford!" He snapped. Gifford was a young auror, already qualified and a self-important prick to boot.

"So you don't want to know why four fully trained aurors are being dispatched to potter manor that's fine." Rons head snapped up.

"What, why?"

"I have no idea Weasley, I'm just here on my coffee break making conversation with a recruit." Ron understood; this conversation wasn't happening. "Word of experience, pepper up in your coffee, half a dose. You'll run for days." Ron downed the last of his drink and stood.

"Thanks Gifford,"

"Only passing on trade secrets to a promising recruit."

-

Harry jumped when Ron's Patronus materialised in the room. The Jack Russel terrier sat up in its haunches and opened its mouth.

"Four aurors are on their way to you. No idea why. Don't expect them to knock." The dog dissolved and Harry jumped to his feet, nearly pushing Severus off the sofa in his haste except that his mate was fast and had reacted almost as he had.

"Why would four aurors-" Severus had drained of colour.

"For aurors is an arrest squad." He said softly. Harry didn't have to ask know he knew that. The memories of a Wizengamot courtroom were at the forefront of his mind.

"For one or both of us?" He had to assume they'd caught wind of the scheme to go after the remaining death eaters, that was all that made sense. Severus didn't answer. Harry bit his lip. Ron had given them a precious few moments to prepare and he didn't want to waste them.

"Running implies guilt, if we stay-" Harry sighed heavily in understanding at Severus' words and he cut off abruptly. Severus was still hesitating to speak over Harry; sometimes it helped progress a conversation, other times it stifled it. 

"We're guilty, but at least we know the charges." Severus nodded. "Is there any use in me asking you to stay here and let me deal with this?" Harry asked warily. Severus' eyes found the paperwork on the desk. He so badly wanted to just obey but this was bigger than him.

"The plant on'the windowsill appreciates the food?" He said softly. Harry managed a weak laugh. It was a poor attempt at diffusing the tension and it didn't work.

"At least let me go out to them, stay out of the way until we know why they're here." The sound of a heavy fist hammering on the front door echoed through the whole house. Harry jumped.

"Jay I need some formal robes," he said without thinking and was gratified at Severus nod of approval, "Goldie, go let them in and show them to my grandfather's office. Do not let them go anywhere else." Four pops of elves coming in and leaving just as quickly followed in quick succession. Jay appeared with a dark blue robe that Severus didn't need asking before he helped Harry into it without a word. Harry grabbed Severus' arm as he stepped back.

"Severus, I walk in there, if you hear a struggle, you run, don't come after me. Run instead, I'll find you." Severus stared at him in shock. He could feel the weight of those words. They weren't a request. Harry twisted Severus' arm so the watch face was pointed upwards and deliberately looked down at it. "There is nowhere in the world you could go that I would not find you." He said softly. One of the many secrets of that watch, it was a tracker. Harry let go and swept around the room. He dragged open a random desk drawer and pulled out a ring with two keys on it.

"They're a portkey, I bought the apartment with Muggle money last month. Lucius gave me the idea. There's a full identity there waiting for both of us. I don't know the exact address; all I know is that those keys will take you to your gods." Severus didn't have a chance to query what that meant. "Hopefully they can protect you if I fail." Harry took the second set and slipped them into the pocket of his robes.

"I won't, I can't abanden you!" Harry stroked his mate's face reassuringly.

"You start to sound northern when you're stressed." He said softly. Severus managed to look even more horrified somehow. "You wouldn't be abandoning me, you'd be waiting for me," Harry told him and kissed him softly. "You'll know where to go to find me." Harry swept from the room before he could stop himself. Severus was still reliving the conversation, trying to make sense of it, when he realised he'd been locked in. Harry must have known he wouldn't just sit here. He cursed softly and began work to dismantle the spell, he didn't care if ignoring the order killed him, he wasn't going anywhere but to that office. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you spot what you think might be a typo in Severus thoughts or speech, it's not, it's his accent. Harry's begun to notice it so I've started adding it but Severus is self-conscious about it after years of Lucius telling him it makes him sound common and drilling into him that he'll never pass as a respectable pureblood in Slytherin house with a glottal stop. Also, notice that he's beginning to be able to actually speak in full sentences stressful situations (contrast with Christmas Day when i was most obvious), call it progress or call it beginning to feel safe with Harry if you like, I'm calling it a bit of both :)
> 
> If you want to read more about Yorkshire accents [ this](http://www.yorkshiredialect.com/phonology.htm) is a fairly straightforward introduction, I'm west riding so I made Severus from these parts because i know the area and have the accent so it's easier for me to write and get right.


	22. Interrogation

 "What exactly is the meaning of this _gentlemen_... _miss_?" Harry demanded as he flung the door to the office open hard. If there was one thing he'd learnt from six years in Severus' classroom it was the value of a powerful entrance. Three of them had wands on him. He glared pointely, arms crossed over his chest. One lowered his wand slightly.

"Where's Snape?" Harry set his jaw smoothly. They wanted Severus. His instinct to protect flared dangerously for a moment, his eyes must have flashed because they all took a step backwards.

"There is no one here by that name." He snapped harshly. A good half hour today had been spent beginning to understand why Severus wasn't angry with his name changing. Harry didn't think he'd ever fully understand. It was another of those things he had to accept as something Severus had always expected and Harry couldn't possibly get his head around.

"Stop playing smart, you know what he means." The woman said. Harry eyed her distastefully.

"I have yet to estsblish why you are here." Harry answered scathingly. "Although do feel free to enlighten me as to why I should even consider not having my house elves forcibly remove you from the grounds."

"Listen, Potter!" The man took a step forward. Harry fixed him with an unconcerned looked he'd picked up from Lucius who managed to stay calm no matter who had just stormed into his office and demanded to interrupt their conversation. The man's step faltered and harry deliberately cast his gaze over the rest, dismissing him and any threat he might pose without a word. "We've got a death eater in our holding cell, his wand has been directly implicated in attacking your best friend and he's screaming for Snape. Won't talk to anyone else." Harry was surprised to auror told him so much so quickly. He felt his nerves steel instinctively.

"Tell me everything. Leave nothing out." He demanded softly, dangerously. His voice dropping into a low growl at the thought of Severus anywhere near the ministry.

"Picked him up tailing one of our recruits home last week." Tall, dark and muscular said coolly. "He's got no mark but we loosened his tongue."

"I'll bet you did." Harry spat. He knew what those words meant.

"He started screaming for Snape, said Snape knew him, Snape would speak for him." Harry didn't say a word for a full minute of silence.

"And you thought the best way of contacting my mate to verify this claim was to come to my home, armed, with no warning?" He demanded silkily.

"It is important that we speak to him today,"

"You'll go anywhere near him over my cold dead body!" Harry snapped harshly. "Don't think I don't know how many of you are eager to put him to trial."

"You claimed him, most of aurors have seen what creature relationships are really like, figure that's life sentence enough." Harry smirked as it suddenly occurred to him how he could play this. He stared at the man and kept his expression fixed. Humans, they were all the same, they wanted to believe the worst. Good. Let them. He bowed his head and laughed quietly, it must have been unnerving to them because no one said a word. He let silence descend again. One of the aurors looked like he was going to wet himself.

_Severus, they want you... they're holding someone who thinks you'll defend them?_

Harry felt the confusion, the worry, Severus knew no one who might have been arrested stupid enough to call his name as a defendant....

_They also think you're being treated like a prisoner._

_Then master, perhaps it would be appropriate, in the spirit of the season, to give them a show to remember._

_You're sure?_

_I would like to know who dares call my name to the ministry of magic..._

Harry paused. He wasn't so sure about this.

_However harshly you think they want to see you treat me, is only half as harshly as the department of regulation and control of magical creatures expects._

Harry knew what that was. It was permission to do whatever it took to make them safe and get Severus into a room with the prisoner. It was permission to be as harsh and as cruel as he needed to be to get they job done. They were undercover, Harry just really hoped that this time it didn't blow up in their faces. Again.

_So basically what they're expecting is that you went from being at the mercy of a sadistic bastard of a dark lord to the mercy of a petty vindictive lord of his manor._

_Yes, master_

_Ok, but I'm going to need a long hot shower when all this is over._

Harry look up and half nodded at the waiting aurors.

"Ok," he said quietly, "You seem to be the spokesperson. Who's the prisoner?" The auror handed over a photograph. Harry glanced down at it, he didn't know the face. He slipped it into Severus' mind and felt his mate's loss for answers. "Name?"

"Joshua Richardson."

"Never heard of him." Harry said faux carelessly, he felt Severus suddenly go very still.

_I didn't even know he was a wizard!_

Severus' thoughts held a tinge of panic _. He's a match day mate-_

_He's a what!_

_Apologies master, a friend, someone I would socialise with at sports events. We went to the same nursery school._

Severus thoughts were racing through his head only just slowly enough for Harry to process them. Harry made a show of snapping his fingers and sending for Severus with one of the house elves. Petey answered the call. The minute he landed in the library with Severus, Harry was aware of Severus telling him everything. He had no idea what Severus was doing.

_Have them see you treat me as inferior even to your house elves. Petey needs to understand why._

Harry very nearly physically winced.

_We're coming._

_-_

Severus appeared in the doorway looking to all the world as if afraid for his very life. Harry made a show of ignoring him.

"Thank you, Petey, enjoy your dinner." He said gently to the elf who bowed low and popped away. The aurors exchanged glances.

_Master, I should not be stood in their presence, protocol..._

"Who gave you permission to stand?!" Harry demanded without looking at Severus, he couldn't bring himself to look at Severus as he did it _._ The lead auror smirked as Severus sank to his knees. If only he knew the movement made Severus feel better, more natural, safer.  Harry was beginning to learn and appreicate how much comfort Severus took from living a life with clear rules and structure in place; it was why dispite loating being a teacher Severus had survived so long at Hogwarts without a master and why death had been a viable and preferable option to being headmaster there for more than a year.

_You're going to have to direct me I have no idea what I'm doing..._

_Treat me how you might have presumed Lucius treated a house elf a year ago, I will adapt._

_No!_

_You have a reputation-_

_Damn my reputation!_

"You treat your elf with kindness and your mate with, well...contempt." one of the aurors said quietly. They had clearly never seen what domination looked like.

"That elf’s behaviour does not reflect on my good name." Severus hung his head, Harry's heart skipped a beat.

_Severus? Are you alright? That's what you meant, wasn't it?_

_Fine, all part of the act, master._

Harry picked the picture up off the desk.

"Do not lie to them, do you know this man?" Harry held the photo in front of Severus' face. Severus flinched at the unexpected movement and eyed it warily. Harry placed a hand against his cheek gently in quiet support.

_Remember we agreed, Severus, you're safe with me_

Severus hardly knew the face, it seemed that the man had aged a lot in the last few years if it was who he thought it was.

"N-no master." The slight stammer was a nice touch, it made Harry's insides crawl with guilt and disgust that he was putting Severus through this in front of outsiders.

_This is what we have been discussing, master. This is what they think our life is._

"His name is," Harry looked up at the auror as he processed Severus' soft reminder. "What was it? Jason-"

"Joshua, um, Richardson. From, err, Leeds." He answered as he flicked through his notebook quickly. Severus let out an audible gasp of shock. Harry, not expecting it, reacted perfectly naturally as if he might have if they weren't playing a role. Harry didn't get a chance to say anything.

"Bradford, actually." Severus actually sounded offended at the mistake and the words seemed to escape Severus' mouth before he could stop them, or that's what it looked like when he winced as if expecting a blow that never came. 

"Master, forgive me I-" Harry managed to half turn away so they didn't see his confusion.

_What on earth?_

_They think you've been dominating me for six months master, speaking out of turn, correcting one of them- they expect you to react to that. They don't know the difference between dominance and abuse._

_I won't hurt you, not even for their benefit… How do I-?_

_Make some vague comment about dealing with me later and act offended as you do it._

Harry couldn't think.

_What would your uncle have done to you in this situation, master?_

Harry understood. 

_"_ You'd think six months would be long enough to learn when not to speak," Harry hissed menacingly and made a show of withdrawing his hand from where he'd been touching Severus' face gently, "apparently that needs more work." Harry let a beat pass as he felt Severus mental nod and heard the forced whimper. Severus was far too good at faking fear, it made Harry's skin crawl. 

_Tone it down, Severus, you faced Voldemort no one expects you to be broken. I don’t want them to think you’re weak._

_Voldemort was not my master. You are, and a slave is only as weak as his master is strong._

Harry nearly gagged at that. He stopped himself, barely. It sounded like a quotation, he didn't like its implications.

"Who is he?" Harry demanded.

"A-a muggle... a nobody, master, I swear it." Harry couldn’t bring himself to maintain the false anger, harshness, he wanted to shake Severus for thinking like that, for thinking about himself in those stark terms.

_He had some magic, never received a Hogwarts letter- it happens occasionally when a child is not powerful enough, the registration charm doesn't recognise them. Muggle parents. Would never have attended anyway._

"A muggle, with a wand, implicated in Hermione's kidnapping?" Harry didn't have to act the low snarl that slipped from him, something wasn't adding up. "How do you know him?"

"We," Severus wasn't sure how much to say,  "we attended the same school."

"No, Joshua Richardson ever attended Hogwarts," one of the aurors cut in. He was smirking as if he expected Harry to snap at Severus. Harry felt the edge of Severus' emotions. He was afraid again.

_I'm not him, Severus..._

Harry must have raised his voice without realising it. He deliberately softened his own thoughts.

"Severus," Harry let his voice drop again, careful to moderate his tone, half to stop himself punching the auror who was whispering something to one of his colleagues with a self-satisfied look and half to remind Severus exactly who he was kneeling in front of; he hooked his finger around a stray hair from Severus' fringe and tucked it behind his ear gently. The small show of kindness seemed to calm Severus. Harry caught words like 'grovelling' and 'finally' in the low voice of one of the Aurors and ignored the rest for the sake of not being arrested in his own home.

"Nursery school master, you are aware my father was a muggle," Severus said as if it was costing him great pains to admit it in front of outsiders.

"Did you keep in contact with him?" Harry asked slowly, carefully. No answer. Severus was turning over the possible ways for Harry to properly take control of the situation. Harry was starting to wear thin at the muttering between the two junior aurors.

_I'm sick of them looking down at you, don't panic._

 "Answer me." Harry grabbed a handful of Severus shirt and yanked him to his feet. Severus didn't have to fake the instinctive shot of fear even with the warning.

"Mas-master please," Harry nearly lost all sense of himself, he nearly fell for it until he felt Severus at the back of his mind checking in again.

_Very good, master, they expect you to have a temper when Miss Granger is mentioned_

 "We lost touch when the warehouse burned down, master," there was too much information Harry was missing, "met again at a sporting event many years later."

_How much of this is true?_

_All of it._

  _"_ A man you haven't seen since you were a child recognised you?" Harry didn't have to pretend to be suspicious.

 "He-" Severus' eyes flicked to the aurors almost nervously, "he thought I was my father, master, we met occasionally after to socialise." 

_Is he a death eater? It sems unlikely but that's what they think._

_Until ten minutes ago I didn't know he was wizard enough to carry a wand_

_So you don't know?_

_I do not know, master. I would like to see him and find out._

_When last did you see him?_

_A few years ago, it wasn't appropriate for a high ranking death eater to have a muggle acquaintance._

Harry could understand that.

“Could he be involved in the bombing?” The auror asked. Severus didn't answer.

"Answer him." Harry order coolly when he realised. Severus was using the situation to make Harry look stronger, to give him control of the conversation.

"I, I don't know, master," Severus didn't look up.

"Bullshit!" One of the aurors hissed. Harry whipped around and Severus slumped almost theatrically against the wall. The female auror was watching him carefully. He deliberately kept his head down and put his hand to his eyes as if covering his face from perceived threat or trying to appear cowed. It was a lot harder to hide his facial expressions without the curtain of hair he was used to.

"You want him to question your prisoner you will shut up until I am satisfied." Harry threatened. "Or you will get off my land and be grateful I don't leave you to the mercy of the groundskeeper's dog." Harry had seen it wandering around, it made Ron's Patronus look vicious but they didn't need to know that. It was quite funny to see one of them turn slightly green at the thought. 

_Do you think he had anything to do with Hermione?_

_Absolutely not master, I'd bet my life on him_

_Hopefully, you won't have to... But that does beg the question, why are they holding him?_

-

"You fucking bastards! let me out!" The man was hammering so loud Harry could hear the distinctly northern accent over the silencing charm on the door.

"I take it he's behind that one." Harry nodded and tried to look unconcerned. Severus was getting agitated at the yelling, that was his friend they had locked up, not that it showed.

"Keeps yelling something about a phone call? No idea what that means." The guard on duty muttered. Harry turned to Severus who had entered the small corridor behind him.

_Ready?_

_Anything that happens in that room, anything that is said... he's somethin of a mouthy-... well..._

Severus seemed genuinely nervous and even his thoughts had taken on a distinctly northern tone. Harry was surprised it was so strong.

_Should've eard me as a kid for yer mam an Lucius talked it out o me._

_I think I'm hearing it now... you sound a bit like Ron, harsher than Hagrid's accent... but, sort of, more as well?_

Harry had a mental image, or maybe a memory, of an Oliver Twist-like figure of a boy the more Severus' own voice rose to the surface of his thoughts.

_How old were you when you moved away from there?_

_Seven years old, oldunff t'av an accent._

_Ok, That's faked!_ Harry's amusement at Severus sounding like something from The Railway Children was evident.

_Just a little emphasis on the accent, master, to soothe both our nerves._

Even mentally Severus switched between accents the way he might turn the pages of a book, he seemed to do it with little or no effort at all when he did so consciously. Harry found he quite liked the less controlled, more natural accent on his mate.

_"_ Potter, how exactly do you intend-?" 

"Is Ron Weasley on duty?" Harry asked. "I want an auror I trust in that room with us." 

 "He's not an auror-" Harry drew in a sharp audible breath and turned to leave. Severus' lip quirked in appreciation. The guard auror stuttered, "we-We can have him here in ten minutes." Harry nodded and exchanged a look with Severus. 

  _They really want you in a room with this man..._

 "Send him in when he gets here."

-

The man was staring at Harry suspiciously the minute he entered the room; it was bleak and official looking with a desk in the middle and four chairs. It looked like an interview room from one of Aunt Petunia's police programmes off of the television. The muggle was well built but not heavyset, easily six foot tall and dark haired. He was exactly how Harry, a boy raised in a southern middle-class house, would have imagined a rugby fan from a northern industrial town.

"What part of-" he started then cut off abruptly when Severus stepped into the room. "Russ, bloody hell took yer time mate!" The man hand Severus' arm in a brotherly grip before Severus had any chance to stop him. Harry felt Severus reaching out for him mentally. Asking permission, begging forgiveness. Harry sent a wave of soothing understanding.

_You think Ron doesn't hug me or shake my hand every time he sees me?_

"What the _ell_ , Josh, when I told you to stay away from my sort I meant it!" Harry watched carefully as Severus' mannerisms changed. He seemed more animated, and his accent had blossomed and hardened. "What were you doing following one?"

"Trying to find you, three years Russ, club told us you stopped renewing your season ticket, we thought you'd dropped dead on us. Even rang round your old man's folks tryin to reach you."

"You _rang_ -? oh, God 'elp me!" Harry still didn't speak, he was struggling to follow the conversation. "All that for missin a few rugby matches? What would you a'done anywe? This lot don't tek kindly to been snuk round on."

"Yeah, noticed." They seemed to be simply looking at each other for a moment. Harry cleared his throat surreptitiously.

"Alright well, down to business," he shot a look at Harry as if acknowledging the cough, "Where did you get a wand from?" Severus demanded. He seemed to be assessing the man carefully.

_Dear Gods..._

Harry wasn't sure he was meant to have heard the low curse in Severus' mind

_What?_

"Charity shop picked it up for a fiver."

_He's shivering, dark circles, and his hands tremor_

_I don't-_

Harry suddenly went cold as Severus' mind offered up a memory rather than a coherent thought in answer to his incomplete question.

_Dementors, he's been held under the guard of dementors! But he's a muggle..._

"Why? What could you want with it?"

"Was in a set of wellies a bought fer young un," Harry was too busy watching Severus question the man about the wand and where he'd found it to pay attention to what was actually being said. The room had no magic on it at the moment, and he'd felt the wards collapse as Severus had stepped through the door behind him. The man's hand kept shaking. Harry had seen that before.  He frowned.

_Someone's used a cruciatus curse on him..._

_I suspect so, master... he will not appreciate attention being drawn to any perceived weakness_

_Like you, you mean?_

"Ow come it took so long to find you? Can’t be that many Russ Snape's int world running round wi folk dresst like monks." Severus snorted at the comment.

"There ain't any, changed me name few months back, good job I'm a bit well known or they'd ave never found me." The Muggle man nodded as if that explained everything.

"Took yer time. Lemme guess, finally did a deed poll?" Severus hesitated, there was no way to explain his name change to a muggle. Harry felt him casting around for an answer.

"Actually he got married," Harry cut in smoothly. The man looked at Harry as if he were insane.

"And why would a bloke take-"

"Not regular kind of marriage Josh, our sort. You'd be suprisd whas allowed."

"But you're-" he cut off abruptly and eyed Harry nervously, he seemed genuinely worried about outing Severus in a room with a stranger, "is that even _legal_ , Russ?" The man asked, his tone was somewhere between half astonished and half horrified when Severus didn't answer. "Bloody ell." Severus didn't say anything aloud. His expression seemed to give the man permission to speak openly.

_Please do not take offence by his reaction, master, he is-_

Severus didn't have a chance to even think what Joshua Richardson was.

"No offence, you know I love you like a bruvver but I ope I don't live long enough to see regular folk make two blokes gettin married legal." The man made a sound of disgust as he shuddered Harry wasn't sure whether it was the thought or his body reacting to the after effects of being cursed.

Harry couldn't help the shot of anger. In the magical world where the lines of sex and gender were already blurred by the existence of child bearing males, it wasn't such an issue although some of the humans still made it so. Harry knew Ron was uncomfortable with the whole concept of homosexuality after he'd started distancing himself from Seamus and Dean in their fifth year but he wasn't so openly against it. Harry hadn't really thought about it; he'd liked Cho for a while, there were those odd feelings and fumbling with Cedric when the older boy had been waiting for him in the prefects bathroom, he'd definitely had some kind of thing for Draco looking back on it, there had been the friendship with Ginny that his affection starved heart had mistaken for romance and the nights with Hermione in the tent that proved he had some natural way with women as well. Then there was Severus, it had always been Severus. Harry had gotten so used to the upswell of feeling when he even looked at Severus that he hardly noticed it anymore. He'd read a little about the theory of it all in those books on dominance, they all had asides on it. He didn't fully understand it but he liked the idea of picking a label; bisexual the books had said, he liked it, he liked knowing who he was even if only in his own mind.

"Let's not, eh?" Severus said softly. "I'm not here to discuss politics wiv you."

"Haven't had enough to drink fer tha." Severus smirked. 

"Why was you looking for me Josh, I told you ad to disappear for a bit." He asked almost gently.

" ' Friggin coddle me, Russ! don't like it." There wasn't any real anger in his words and the strength of them seemed to trail off as he shivered, "Three an alf years wi'out a word. Thas why. Reckoned you were dead or in prison. Dint want you to go down wi no one, reckon on even if you _were_ dead you deserved avin someone tend yer grave once in a while." Harry winced at the man's bluntness. He found himself wondering if the morbid choice of phrase was normal or a reaction to being around dementors for a week.

_Three years? That would be right after the tournament._

Harry didn't have to clarify which one.

_Before actually, master, with Karkaroff lurking in my potions stores it was too dangerous to attempt to leave Hogwarts without being seen_

_How much did you actually tell him?_

_Enough to make him understand, master, he would never have accepted less._

_Are all northerners so...?_  

Harry wasn't sure what word he was looking for. He wasn't sure there was one.

_...Rough_

_Yeah..._

_We're proud of the way we are and where we come from. He's what I may have grown to be, in a different life._

Harry was trying very hard not to judge the man the way he was but something about him just made Harry nervous. It must have shown on his face.

"And who the bloody hell is this nancy southerner standing there like he thinks he owns the place?" The man gestured at Harry. His gesture had no power as if the words were more for show or out of habit than an actual irritation- his hand started to shake and he quickly dropped it back to his side clenched in a fist.

_This may become complicated very quickly, master..._

_You dismantled the listening charm on this room yourself, I felt you do it, tell him whatever you think is best._

_I didn't dismantle it, master, the wards do not detect a wizard in this room._

Harry frowned, Severus understood that comment but Harry didn't. He skimmed the surface of his mates mind for a moment and found the ripple of memory that explained it. They had no jurisdiction or right to listen over sentient none-humans. The wards were not spelt to recognise non-human or Muggle presence.

"Talk bout my partner like tha again, skinny as I am, I'll knock you out meself." Harry gaped.

_I thought he was your friend? Why are you threatening to hurt him? Especially when it's obvious he's been tortured_

_Just watch, Master, this is how we communicate in the north._

"Partner, what you some sort o copper now?" Severus allowed the man a moment to think. The dawning comprehension was almost comical. "You? that's? You mean _partner_ partner? Flamin' ell Russ, es young enough to be yer son!" Severus actually laughed, even that sounded different in his accent now.

"Yeah, actually went to school with is old man," why was Severus telling this man so much? Harry wouldn't have told anyone this much.

_This is how you make northern men trust you.. unless.. Would you prefer I didn't, master?_

_Tell him what he needs thear from you._

"And y’still breathin?"he man's face actually softened when he looked at Harry. "Well eiver your old man wernt up to much or es better than any of ours."

_What does that mean?_

_He means either you had a very good father who accepted your life choices and loved you regardless of them or a bad disinterested father who wouldn't have cared if you were being groomed and used by an older man._

_I don't-?_

_The father dictates the life of the son in the household, master. Either you rebelled or you obeyed._

"My father died when I was a baby," Harry answered. He didn't fully understand what the man meant and he didn't think Severus had told him all the intricacies of it but he didn't like the pitying look. "I never knew him." 

_He doesn't pity you, he sympathises. Young men without fathers in industrial towns are common, master, for many reasons; work accidents, suicides, asbestosis... ain't unusual._

"Oh damn, Sorry mate," Harry was actually surprised to find that he was placated, that the man's apology despite its complete lack of eloquence seemed genuine. He nodded.  

_He doesn't waste his words, does he?_

_Most northern men don't, too much risk of freezing to death or a mouthful of cotton if one speaks too much._

Even with the tinge of amusement, Harry didn't fully understand the joke. He caught a thread of explanation but didn't want to try catch and follow it in case his presence in Severus' mind distracted him.

  _Why is that funny to you... something about cotton._

  _A cotton mill town, cotton mouth is a euphemism for a swollen jaw and dry mouth as if one has been in an altercation..._

 Harry didn't understand.

  _When one speaks too much it invariably leads to an argument. Which leads to violence._

  _I- does it? Is there a book I can read on Northern men that's going to explain all of this?_

  _No one has ever dared try to study us and write it doen._ The accent changed again _. Too many contradictions to document appropriately._

  _-_

Ron stepped into the room and Harry _felt_ the magic around them flare to life, it was suffocating. It caused a wave of nausea that almost turned his stomach. Even the Muggle man looked green. He assumed that meant that the wards on the room recognised a wizard.

 "What's that, did they turn the air con off?" He'd begun to sweat quite badly. "Not tha'm complainin mind, avent been warm in a week..."

 "The what?" Ron asked, askance. Harry half shook his head, he wasn't about to get into a conversation about what air conditioning was. "So what happened?" 

 Harry took a slow deep breath through his nose and opened his mouth carefully as the magic of the room loosed its hot grip on his throat.

 "The wand isn't his, he found it in a charity shop." Ron frowned in confusion. Wizards didn't have those.

 "Like a second-hand shop, but run by an organisation that helps people. All the profits from the shop go to help the blind or the sick or something." Harry explained quickly. Severus and Joshua Richardson were talking in hushed tones. 

 "Muggles!" Ron said disbelievingly, "the things they come up with. So people what just give stuff away for other people to buy?" Harry half shrugged.

"Think so," Harry said softly, "it's hardly the sort of place Petunia or Vernon would have been caught dead in so..." Harry shrugged.  

"What else?"

"That man and Severus, they've known each other years. He was looking for Severus when he was arrested." Ron frowned. 

 "How did he know to follow a wizard?"

 "He is one, sort of," Harry answers quietly again. Severus seemed to be unloading the emotional weight from his shoulders onto the Muggle man who looked more and irater the longer they talked. Harry wasn't sure he wanted to know what they were discussing. "Not powerful enough for Hogwarts apparently so no letter." Ron gaped

 "I thought that was a myth!" He said a little too loudly. Harry grabbed his arm and nodded across the room as he pulled Ron into a corner.

"Thought what was a myth?”

"Kids with magic but barely, it's a squib myth." 

"A what?"

"One of the theories about squibs Harry, that they have magic just not enough of it." Harry half nodded. It would make sense. "That's why they can see through anti-muggle charms and dementors but can't make a wand work."

"Ron," Harry said suddenly, "why has he been held? There was no reason to, one look at the wand would prove it wasn't his." Ron shrugged theatrically and put a finger to his lips and the touched his earlobe. Harry understood. They were listening. 

"Dunno mate, you arrest a bloke with a death eaters wand following an auror and he starts screaming for Severus Snape. Pretty compelling evidence..." Ron said quietly, not so quietly they didn't hear. "The only people who don't know what's been going on for the past few months are ones who wouldn't have had any news, like us when we were on the run." Harry nodded. It made some sense he supposed. If there were death eaters on the run they wouldn't be taking The Daily Prophet and wouldn't know Severus' name had changed.

"Ron..." Harry asked quietly, the man and Severus were clinging to each other and the man was openly crying. "We came here in good faith... but, well... I wouldn't put it past them to try to keep him here." 

"They can't Harry, legally, they can't hold him." Ron tried to assure him.

"They're not supposed to be able to hold, and I suspect torture, muggles either," Harry said with a pointed look at the man across the room.

"You'd be perfectly within your rights to just take him home."

"The way those aurors were looking at me, I don't think my name or my rights mean much anymore..." Harry said, "You have to be human to be an auror, don't you?" He asked softly. Ron nodded mutely. 

"They do blood tests." Harry winced. He wasn't very keen on the idea of anyone taking blood from him for any reason- there was too much they could do with it. 

"How do we get out, Ron?" Harry whispered hoping the man talking might cover his words. Ron didn't answer verbally, he turned to look across the room and waved at Severus who looked up from where he was comforting his friend with a steady hand on his shoulder. Ron slipped his wand out of his robes and lifted it with a questioning look. Severus knew exactly what he was asking. His eyes slid from Ron to Harry almost automatically. Harry nodded once. Severus lowered his gaze slightly and nodded. 

_I am not supposed to carry a wand, master._

_They will take your wand from you over my cold dead body. Do not let them have it._

In the sudden quiet Severus heard it first, the lock on the door clicking. It gave him less than a split seconds notice of the door slamming open with a resounding bang where it bounced off of the wall and the hinges squealed in protest. Ron grabbed Harry's arm as but Harry had felt Severus tense and already had his wand in hand. Harry didn't hesitate, and Ron didn't either. Two disarming charms fired through the doorway caused a yell and a lot of shouting. A few seconds later folded white parchment in the shape of a bird flew into the room, unfolded itself, waved a few times and disintegrated. Harry blinked in shock. 

"White flag?" the Muggle said breathlessly from where Severus had pushed him hard against the wall to protect him and apparently winded him in the process. Harry exchanged a look with Ron. 

"Should know better than to try to sneak up on war veterans really." He commented softly. Ron shrugged. 

"No one expects ministry visitors to be paranoid." He answered. Harry let out a low bitter laugh. Harry realised he was breathing hard and his arm had transformed without warning. He'd cut through the silk of his robes with the spikes on his arm and the top of the sleeve was far too tight on his muscles. He tried to roll his shoulder and the material of the robe split further.  

"Severus?" he found himself asking softly. 

"Fine master," the muggle's strangled yelp covered Rons low gasp as he whipped around to face Harry in shock. Severus grabbed his friend and pulled him further from the door. He was speaking too quickly for Harry to pick up and decode more than snippets.

"Listen t'me. He owns me. Thas the way it as to be-" Harry didn't hear the rest.

"You told me you were trying to be decent Harry." Ron's disappointment seemed to roll off him in waves. 

"What he needs is more important than our sensibilities. If it bothers you so much ignore it. Better this than living like he was Christmas Day." Ron frowned.

"He was fine Christmas Day." 

"No, he wasn't." Harry snapped. "Why aren't they coming in?" He said, returning to the subject.

"Two disarming charms at once, we probably blasted someone back and caused a pileup. Plus, you're Harry Potter, you think anyone out there wants to duel you?"

"Depends on how badly they want to keep us here," Harry said quietly. 

"-I'll fucking kill him!" Harry looked over in shock. He realised that he did actually fear this strange part-muggle with his rough ways. 

"No, you won't!" Severus and the man had gone from quiet discussion to all out argument. "He's keeping me out of prison and alive. You'll keep your mouth shut and accept it or I'll wipe your memory meself!" 

"You can't do that!" The man yelped. Harry wasn't sure if it was because he didn't believe it was possible or because he thought there might be laws stopping Severus.

"Give me a reason." Harry could hear the challenge, the dare in Severus tone. 

"Russ you've been enslaved!" 

"Calm yoursen down, now!" Severus snapped at him. "You see me in chains? You see bea'en or whipped?" The man was gaping and opening and closing his mouth in shock. "If it bothers you so much I can mek you forge'," the man was still glaring at Harry. Ron was staring for a completely different reason at the two of them.

"You wouldn't think it was the same bloke with that accent." Ron commented. Harry might have laughed if he wasn't so stressed about the situation. "What is that anyway, Sheffield?" He asked quietly.

"Er, he said Bradford, apparently it's a place near Leeds. Old mill town." Harry answered absently as he watched the door. "Ron, really, why aren't they coming in?"

"Rules of combat, they sent a white flag, they want a response." He said shortly with a shrug. Harry and Severus exchanged looks again. 

"Send out your patronus Ron, that way they'll know we meant no harm and you still have your wand. Hopefully, this doesn't have to descend into a battle." 

"Why im?" Jason asked.

"Because es one o them," Severus answered softly. Harry nodded and Ron raised his wand. The terrier ran around the room once, making a figure of eight between Harry's feet, sniffed at the muggles shoes and pawed at Severus' ankle then sat up as if waiting for a command in front of Ron.

"You entered without warning, the spells were defensive." Ron said quietly, "I fired one of them, send someone again, make sure they knock before they open the door." Harry watched as the dog ran through the door as if it didn't exist with its message. "Now we wait." Ron said. Harry let out a breath he hadn't been aware he was holding. He glanced around and pulled out a chair from around the table and sat. 

"Now we wait."

"Shouldn't be too long," Ron commented and joined him, he dropped his wand onto the desk with a clatter as he sat down. Severus pulled a chair out and pushed his friend into it. He hesitated. Harry nudged him mentally towards the chair.

_You might not like it but I don't want to start a fight in here._

Severus didn't answer except to take the last chair. Joshua muttered something under his breath and Severus hissed something back in an equally harsh tone. Harry wasn't properly listening. A knock on the door made them all startle but no one moved.

"Who is it?" Ron called out as he snatched up his wand. 

"Weasley?" It was a woman's voice. 

"Yeah? Spinnet is that you?" Harry started, there can't have been that many Spinnets in the wizarding community. It made him uneasy that they had sent her.

"It's me, I'm coming in, ok?" Harry nodded at Ron's questioning nudge. The door opened slowly.

She hadn't changed much since Harry had last seen her, she was a little taller and carried herself with more poise than he remembered.

"They sent me as a peace offering," she said as the door closed behind her with a soft click.

"Really?" Ron said.

"They think you won't be as threatened by a woman." She answered coolly. Clearly, she didn't agree. "And as you've already knocked out two aurors and bruised a third," Harry and Ron both smirked, "you're the ones in control here."

"Alicia you were with us in the DA, we both know you can handle yourself in a duel and on the Quidditch pitch." Harry shot back. "Plus, they already know your loyalty is to the ministry above all else." He added snidely, he'd never quite forgiven her for siding with Marietta and Cho over the whole debacle with Umbridge. 

"You're never going to forgive me for that, are you?" She sighed.

"Probably not," Harry answered shortly. "Why were they sneaking up on us?"

"You're in a ministry facility with a suspected death eater they were checking what was happening."

"I don't believe that." 

"Harry," Ron's quiet warning fell on deaf ears.

"Someone here knows that man isn't a death eater, you know he's not a wizard and you've been torturing him anyway. You've held him for a week. I want to know why."

"He's," she shot a look at the muggle, "is not a suspected death eater," Alicia said softly. Harry frowned. She wouldn't look him or Ron in the face and she seemed to have picked one particular spot on the wall to attempt to ignite with the power of her glare alone. Looking back on it Harry would be properly ashamed by how long it took him to understand what was happening. As he processed the words his body seemed to react of its own accord as he jumped to his feet, toppling the chair he'd been sat on in the process. It was Severus, it had been about Severus from the start. 

"We're leaving," he said shortly, sharply, daring her to try and stop them, "and as the Muggle isn't being held we'll take him, get him some medical treatment for the damage and get him home safe," Harry added. Severus was rising to his feet slowly, had tapped the Muggle on the shoulder to make him stand. 

"Muggle's got a bloody name, you know," the man muttered, Severus hissed his name as if warning him to shut up. 

"Can't allow that," Alicia said shortly, through gritted teeth. Harry could see what it was costing her to stand between them and the exit. Ron had stepped to one side out of the immediate firing line. Alicia glanced his way momentarily as if gauging which way he was going to go if this came to a duel. 

"Are we under arrest?" Harry demanded harshly. She half shook her head. "Then we're leaving, now." Severus took half a step forward and Alicia glanced at him nervously. "Step aside Alicia," she didn't move, "if I have to draw my wand I will blast you out of the way," he warned her, it wasn't an idle threat, "and anyone else between us and the exit will get the same." He added. 

"Can't allow anyone, not even Harry Potter, to go around threatening aurors," she said almost smirking, there was a dangerous glint in her eye. Harry realised as his heart sank that he'd walked straight into the trap and committed a minor crime, enough to justify holding him and therefore holding Severus, " _now_ you're under arrest." 

"You want to arrest him you'll have to take me first," Ron said suddenly stepping back into the line of fire. Harry startled and even Severus seemed shocked.

"Really Weasley? Your whole career? Just like that?" She seemed genuinely confused.

"Really Spinnet?" Ron shot back, "your friends? your team loyalty? just like that?" Time seemed to stand still for a moment, Harry watched almost in slow motion as she went for her wand and the door moved behind her. Of course, the aurors outside had been listening, that was why she'd been sent, two magical humans talking would be enough to justify recording the goings on in the room. 

"Severus," Harry said quietly as he watched the decision cross her expression, _you have your keys_ , he thought softly, a reminder _, I'll see you and your friend soon_. Harry brought his wand up in a sharp slashing movement aiming the stinging hex right at Alicia's wand arm. "Go now!" He missed and hit her in the stomach. The glow of a portkey activating was drowned out by the spark of a stickfast hex that hit the wall uselessly where the muggle would have been stood a second before. She yelped and Ron just dodged the stunner Severus had deflected an inch before it might have hit him in the head as three more aurors stepped into the room. Harry didn't have time to think what Ron had just done. He'd just thrown away his career with the ministry out of loyalty to Harry. He pulled his friend out of the way of an incarcerous hex with one hand and cast the spell that would activate the portkey in his pocket with the other. For the second time in his life, the familiar jerk behind his navel pulled Harry just out of the way of a blast of green he didn't want to think about.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So many question so little time, if you struggle with the dialect please let me know - reading it out loud or slowly helps, and yes we really do talk like a text message on an old Nokia from 1997!
> 
> Don't worry about the cliffhanger, I've already got the next chapter written too :)


	23. Running

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Grammarly does not like accents! Also for two days writing this, I couldn't speak properly at work and my accent was highly pronounced; I work in an inbound call centre that takes calls from across the UK and Europe, much hilarity ensued.

 

 

 

 

Harry pushed Ron off of him the minute they landed on a cobbled street, it was teeming with people. Ron launched himself forward back at Harry and they disappeared into a dark corner he pulled them into.

"What did you do?" Ron demanded. 

"International portkeys, random location generator spell," Harry gasped out, he felt sick from the travel. "Lucius' idea- it's how his father hid from Voldemort for years when he didn't want to join the death eaters." Ron nodded. 

"So where are we?" Harry shrugged. 

"No idea, but Severus feels far far away," Harry swallowed back nausea from the spinning as he regained his equilibrium. 

"Good," Ron said, "Harry tell me you have a plan?" Harry nodded as he tried to repair his sleeve so it wouldn't draw attention. It wasn't a good or well thought out one but he had a plan. He pulled Ron further into the alcove and pressed his wand against his friend's neck.

"Harry what are you-?!"

"I have a plan," he told his friend softly, it might just salvage something from the whole mess.

"Harry what?" Ron reached for the wand but Harry was faster.

"Confundus!" Ron's eyes slid out of focus and Harry stopped to give himself a moment to think. He needed Ron at the ministry. "You will go back to England, you will tell them that you remember nothing after you stepped into that interview room, that you turned your back on me to greet Severus and remember nothing else, you will tell them you were stunned and dumped. You will do whatever it takes to convince them you are completely loyal to them. You will not remember anything between leaving that interview room and waking." Harry hit his friend with a stunning spell and cast a notice me not charm. He slipped out of his robe and let it pool at his feet. He stopped and looked up, out in the street, he'd seen enough of Dudley's old Children's Atlas of the World to recognise part of the Berlin Wall. He swallowed his fear and stepped back into the shadows, cast a gentle Envernate over his friend and apparated away before Ron's eyes opened.

 -

Severus landed harder than he expected to on a terracotta tile floor. His stomach heaved as he pulled himself to his feet and it was only pure dumb luck that he made it to the sink in the well fitted (if a little old fashioned) Muggle kitchen before his gut twisted and he retched. He hadn't been eating enough to actually vomit but that didn't stop his stomach trying.  

"Josh!" He knew better than to think Harry would have set the portkey he had to this place. Especially if he was following Lucius' advice. He couldn't help hoping that the throwaway comment about Lucius was true as his mind whirred with ideas and possibilities and plans. Lucius knew how to create a real viable escape plan. He straightened himself up and twisted the handle on the tap to rinse out the sink. His friend looked as green Severus felt when he clambered to his feet.

"Whathe bloody ell were that!" It was more exclamation of shock than a question but Severus answered anyway between retching into the sink and shrugging out of his outer robe to reveal the very neutral Muggle attire underneath.

"Portkey, um, like teleporin but magic."  Joshua was taking all of this very well. "You remember me telling you, a few years back?" Joshua nodded.

"Remember drunken ramblings and a lot of funny sounding stuff bout you not bein uman. Where are we?" Severus had needed to talk to Joshua, he'd needed an excuse to tell his friend the truth. So he'd drunk enough alcohol to kill a small elephant and spilt his guts. No one, including Joshua, needed to know that he'd taken a powerful sobering solution before he'd arrived at the wake of an old school friend of his father's. he'd gone as a mark of respect to the man who had given his father enough money that they could travel away from the city- the man had thought he was doing someone a good turn it wasn't his fault how it had all turned out. "Reckoned on most of it were grief stricken over old Tommy, knew ed been good to you and yer old man, but you know what they say bout drink and you'd put away a few." Joshua didn't know the half of it, Tommy had been the one to take Severus to his first league final to watch Norther take the Yorkshire cup with his father when he'd been too young to fully understand. Even after he died Severus still called him uncle out of respect for that.

"No idea where we are, look out the window..." he watched Josh hit himself hard on the head as if calling himself a fool before crossing the room to the window, "I wasn't drunk," Severus commented shortly as he eyed an envelope that had just appeared on the tabletop, "at uncle Tommy's funeral- I wasn't drunk, I was a spy, so I couldn't just sit down over a cuppa and tell you all that." Severus couldn't feel his master in his mind, it was disorientating and frightening to feel nothing of the young man at all, as if- Severus refused to think about it. International border wards and sheer distance might have the same effect. He hoped.

"So you faked being pissed and oped anyone listening might think you dint remember next morning or you were delusional." Severus nodded. "Even still," Severus had finally slipped off his outer robe and flung it over a chair and his eyes were sweeping the room, "why not make a run for it from the little southern lad now?" Severus frowned in question but Joshua’s sudden yell when he finally unlatched the window shutter meant that his words were temporarily forgotten.

"Jesus! Is tha real?" Joshua's yelp left the envelope forgotten for a moment as Severus crossed the room and pulled the curtain back. He stared for several seconds. "That's..."

"The Colosseum," Severus said shortly. "It's real." He confirmed. Of course, that was what sending him to his gods had meant. It was a clever allusion to the eternal city but it created a new problem. Severus didn't know Harry had ever left England. There were a thousand places he could think of offhand that would be useful meeting spots.

Severus picked up the envelope after a surreptitious flick of his wand, ignoring the flash of guilt and sting in the back of his mind at the unapproved use of magic, before opening it. He had it half open when Josuha rounded on him and he set it back down for a moment.

"I'm serious about you running," Severus pointedly ignored him and read the letter.

_Severus,_

_If you're reading this it means we were separated. I can think of only one reason for that. They stabbed me in the back and unlike some, I don't take warnings that I might not survive lightly. I came here once out of curiosity about your Gods and to sign the paperwork on the apartment when you thought I was meeting Lucius to discuss politics again. Severus, if I can, if there's breath in my body, I'll always come back to you; I even used Muggle magic to make sure of it- it seemed worth trying for the cost of casting three coins to Neptune. As you seem to favour him above some of the others it seemed fitting. I can't come to you directly, I'm not the secret keeper on the place you're in, come and meet me. If I don't arrive in Rome there's an Italian passport, bank card and vault key in the bedroom. The Italians don't care what you are, or where you came from, as long as you don't start flipping tables. Don't go back to England. Your Gods can't protect you or keep you free there._

_It was all for you Severus, if you don't find me then the apartment you're in is bought and paid for, as is the motorcycle parked downstairs. Lucius tells me you speak Italian and ride well enough to make use of both and a car in this city doesn't seem practical. In an emergency show any jeweller the watch on your wrist- but please be careful- they may try to tear your arm off for it if they cannot be trusted._

_All my love,_

_H3P_

Severus stared at the letter for several minutes in stunned silence. He couldn't process it. He found himself staring at individual words, noting the formation of them, Harry had written this letter with a muggle pen. His hand had shaken as he'd written that final paragraph. He'd left a magical signature on the letter powerful enough that the Italian ministry would find it and accept it as confirmation that Severus was a free man in a split second. Severus found himself staring at the initials. There was an odd quirk to the shape of Harry's middle initial like he'd lifted his pen or been jolted halfway through writing it. He frowned at it. He didn't think anything about this entire venture was accidental. This was more than just instructions, He knew what this was but he didn't want to admit it to himself. This was a goodbye. His master had no illusions that he might not make it to Rome. Severus couldn't help the sudden upsurge of panic in his chest. Master formed his G's like Lily had. His handwriting was much neater when he wasn't struggling to use a quill. He had written this carefully, had tried to be subtle in his arranging the meeting place. Severus swallowed down his panic and straightened his back. He reread the letter critically, forcing himself to be objective.

"I think know where he's going," Severus said aloud. "Avent bin to Rome in years, av a look for a map." Joshua was glaring at his refusal to continue the conversation he was trying to start.

"Ere Josh," he said suddenly as he folded the letter carefully and showed his friend the signature, "what's that look like t you?" Joshua frowned but Severus wasn't watching him, he knees had just gone weak as his master's presence in his mind flared. He'd just crossed a border somewhere, they were within the wards of the same magical nation. 

"Thas a number free." Severus frowned as he returned his focus to the conversation. There were references in that letter to four different places in Rome and the rest of the content wasn't helping narrow it down. He gripped the counter top to keep himself upright, he needed to eat and hold something solid down soon before he completely collapsed.

"I know were e is. Stay here." Severus hadn't realised he'd all but issued it as an order as if Josh were an errant schoolboy. His friend fixed him with a look. "Sorry, stressed." Josh snorted and shrugged it off.

"Yeah, when ain't you? Stop and think a minute though." Severus wrinkled his forehead questioningly. Joshua looked wary -like a twelve-year-old Hufflepuff about to drop the one ingredient in the classroom that would blow their potion up on contact because they were vaguely aware that the leaf they chose from the store cupboard looked different to everyone else's. Severus sighed impatiently. Sometimes it was easier to teach the lesson by letting them witness the consequences of their own stupidity.

"What?" Joshua looked suddenly calculating, it made Severus nervous.

"No one knows where we are," he said softly, "you could get away from all of them. You could run now and he'd never find you." Severus stared.

"And why would I do a thing like that?" Joshua gaped, the gormless look didn't suit him.

"Why would you run from the bloke who enslaved you." It wasn't a question. Severus blinked. He genuinely didn't understand why his old friend would suggest such a thing. "Russ," Severus associated that name so closely with his childhood, with those few carefree years in Bradford before his father had dragged them south into the Midlands searching for work, that just hearing it brought out his accent, "he enslaved- you're litrally a slave!" Severus didn't answer. "What bit o that ain't computin, mate?" Severus pinched the bridge of his nose tellingly "Why would you not wanna run from that? How did you even let that happen? Most blokes'd die firs. Yer old man ud be rolling in is grave." Severus was not interested in explaining the intricacies of being born to serve to a man raised as a muggle but it didn’t look like he had much choice. He deliberately ignored the comment about his father, it wasn't a discussion he wanted to have. He flicked his wand and a guidebook pulled itself from a drawer seemingly at random, he flicked the map at the back open.

" S'mor complica'ed then just bein enslaved like you think, Josh, like I told you, I ain't uman I don't think like you."

"I don't care what you are, no ones born to bow and scrape to someone else, to kneel for em and call em master like they run the mill. That's what we got unions for!" Severus winced, of course Joshua was a union man, he was born to it. Severus needed a shorthand way to explain this. A way to convince his friend. He sighed.

"Is like this," he said cautiously, "your sister still breed German Shepherds?" He asked softly and he eyed the map impatiently. He heard Joshua make a sound of confirmation. "Those things don't bow an scrape, they're clever, right," Joshua made another noise in his throat, "but you still gota train um, they still need andlin and controlling so they dunt go bitin someone and mos folkll treat em bout rite." Joshua clearly hadn't understood what Severus was getting at as he crossed the kitchen. "And mos of those dogsll be happy wit life theeve got." Joshua's comprehension seemed to take an age to dawn, Severus took the opportunity to summon the other items mentioned in the letter.

"You really think comparin yersen to a dog sounds any bet'r 'n slave?"

"Yeah," Severus answered shortly as he stared hard at the route hed memorised. He hadn’t ridden a motorbike in years but he was fairly confident he wouldn’t have forgotten how as he fingered the ignition key absently in his hand. "cos you know, when a dogs treated right it's loyal, it dunt bite, an e dunt run from is master."

"I'm actually gonna kill tha little shit!" Severus' head snapped up. "Yer not a fucking dog!"

"You sey a word to im I'll knock yer block off mesen and take me chances on wot 'ell do a me fer armin an innocent man." Severus snapped finger pointing the sharp end of the key at his friend. This wasn't banter now, he meant it.

"Wot EEL do?!" Severus realised too late he'd said the wrong thing.

"Yeah, well law can't touch me, oo ever eard of prosecu'in an animal?" Severus shot back, "an I'm fairly sure e wuldnt let em put me down an es too soft fer torturin me no mat'er wot I did... So shut up and drop it afore I mek you." He finally looked down and read the letter again, objectively this time.

Joshua picked up the letter when Severus eventually laid out and leant over the map before he slid the pen that had been slipped over the cover from its place. Several spots had been marked already. The forum, the circus Maximus, the Largo Argentina, a tiny little piazza between the trevi fountain and the pantheon. That didn't make sense. Severus looked again. All that was there, if his memory served, was a bit of an old temple and a few small restaurants. He flipped through the book to see if it held any information on the marked spot. He read quickly.

**Piazza di Pietra**

**This charming piazza, surrounded by popular bars and cafes, is overlooked by 11 huge Corinthian columns, all that's left of the 2nd-century Tempio di Adriano. The temple formerly housed Rome’s _stock exchange_ and is now used to host conferences and business events and was once erroneously known as the  Temple of Neptune.**

Severus stared at the short paragraph and the markings made, he could only hope, with the pen he was holding and his master's hand. He had underlined both the name of the emperor and the erroneous name of the temple emphatically and circled the note about the stock exchange. Severus had been so sure for a moment that his master had meant to meet at the Trevi fountain, the reference to the three coins could mean nothing else, but this fit so much more. Especially with those markings.

"Boy knows is bible," Joshua remarked. Severus looked up.

"Eh?"

"Flippin tables?" Severus had never been interested in religious studies at primary school. He didn't care about the made up God his da had dragged them all to church on Sundays to listen to some old codger moan about.

"What?" Severus wasn't in the mood to guess what that even meant.

"Flippin tables, you know the story, Jesus walks into a temple and throws a fit cos they're tradin in there on an oly day." The words had hardly left Joshua's lips before Severus picked up the guide and read the short paragraph again with new insight.

"Tiempo di Adriano," it was Joshua's tune to make a confused noise, "Hadrian, like the wall." He clarified shortly.

"Riiight?"

"Otherwise known as Snape's wall." Severus almost laughed as it all slipped into place and he knew, even as he appreciated the irony of the thought like he knew his own name where he would find his master. Only a Gryffindor could possibly make all those connections and be sentimental enough to pick that as a meeting place. Severus had to assume that his master had picked the knowledge of his gods from his head, Severus worshipped several gods, but after years of living in underwater dungeons, he took as great a care to make the proper sacrifice to Neptune as he did to Mars. He looked at his watch, still set to English time, and frowned when he realised his error. It was half past five in England and at least an hour or two later in the day here. Even for the late hour, the streets around the Colosseum were bustling with locals and tourists alike.

"Is tha a Rolex!" Severus shrugged. That wasn't what he was thinking about right now.

"Russ," Joshua grabbed his arm and Severus nearly punched him but stopped himself when the man let go like he'd been burned on seeing Severus' expression. "Do you av any idea wot yor wearing?" Severus didn't answer, he frowned down at the watch. He hadn't realised it was anything special. "Mate," he looked up, "your wearing twenny grand on yer wrist." Severus snorted in disbelief. "I'm telling yer if I ad the money an you were sellin I'd pay yer tha much fer it no questuns asked." Severus went still for a moment as he understood. His master had been planning an escape for a long time, perhaps from before he'd ever even noticed Severus didn't wear a watch. Lucius had probably been whispering all kinds of things in his ear, making him paranoid enough not to share his plans with Severus, was that why Lucius had noticed the watch at the ministry? Severus couldn't find it in himself to be angry, it was his master's prerogative to have his secrets and his plans. A small part of him rejoiced that he must have pleased his master in some way, for the man to take such risks and care to ensure his safety even if apparently he'd decided he had no real use for Severus anymore.

The wave of emotion hit Severus out of nowhere. Severus had never had anyone care for him like that, never had anyone willing to just pull him from danger and protect him from the world before. Not even his own mother had cared enough to attempt to protect him so thoroughly, and Albus, well he said he cared and then he'd relied on Severus' willingness to repeatedly walk towards the danger. Even Lucius had presented him to the dark lord knowing full well what the risks were. Severus found himself reaching out mentally, trying to find his master in the fog that had descended in the room inside his head. Moving in there felt like wading through a pool filled to waist height with thick sludge. It was mentally exhausting; Communicating over what might have been thousands of miles. It was impossible. There was only one thing for it.

"I ain't got time for this, I've gotto go find im." 

 "Russ, listen to me, you don't have to do anything. Yer a grown man fer fucks sake grow a pair-"

"I did!" Severus finally snapped. "Didn't suit me so just drop it, Josh, alright!- I swear yer as bad as yer mam." 

"At least she gave a damn!"

"Hmm," Severus glanced around wondering if there might be a riding jacket and helmet somewhere that might fit him in this apartment. He could feel his master getting closer every few minutes like he was apparating in short bursts.  

"Russ! Fucking look at me!" Severus threw the pen he’d been absently clicking down hard, it bounced off the counter and rolled away. "I didn't watch you get away from one slave driving bastard to sign up with another who, by yer own admission, treats you like a fuckin dog! I don't give a damn about yer magic or yer weirdo friends, I don't give a damn that he's a bloke either if I fort you ad a choice, I don't even righ'ly care that yer not 'uman but I'll be damned before I watch you bow and scrape to another violent wanker oo thinks es somethin special cos 'e knows ow to 'it a woman or a kiddie when es wi a drink in im."

"Then close yer goddamn eyes an walk away." Severus hissed at the tirade. "Because you need to understand, He is something special, an e ain't a wife beater..." There was no use in arguing this really but Severus knew his old friend wouldn't ever really drop it, "I was fucking born to belong to him Joshua, before I could walk me mam 'ad me trained to do as I was told, to be seen an not eard. To belong to a powerful bloke like 'im." 

"Let yer old man beat it into yer more like," Joshua  sniped equally harshly.

"Yeah, well it got me on the strait and narrer, wot were your mams excuse for wot your old man did to you?" Severus shot back. He knew instantly he'd pushed back too hard. His friends face went blank with anger and shame. There were some things they didn't talk about and this was one of them.  

"Really Russ, yor gonna use that when he ad the say you got married as the bes excuse e could come up wiv for wot I reckon it's fairly obvious e did to you?" Severus had one chance to salvage this and he knew it. For all his retorts seemed automatic and flippant they had all been carefully chosen to make his friend understand. 

"No acktually I ain't, " Severus answered softly and bent back over the map, his master hadn't touched him properly in days and it was grating on his nerves, summoning the pen to his hand absently as he did before marking all the points on the map and double checking the fastest route. There was no point in taking the underground at this time, Severus had no idea if the trains were running and even if they were crossing lines and changing trains was not a good idea with an irate muggle in tow and an empty stomach that was making him feel dizzy already. As long as he didn’t make an idiot mistake riding would be faster and safer."I'm goin to find im instead of standin ere arguin'toss. You comin or not?" 

"Can't let you do tha mate." Joshua actually put himself between Severus and the door. Severus rolled his eyes and pocketed his wand after absently trying a silent summoning charm to see if there were a helmet and jacket in the apartment. He was pleasantly surprised when a plain black full face helmet and magically reinforced riding textile jacket that seemed to resize the second he touched it appeared a moment later. He was even more grateful to find a decent set of riding gloves in the pocket- even with warming charms riding without them had never been something he'd been willing to risk his hands for. He shrugged into the jacket, eyeing the splashes of bright highlighter yellow colour across the shoulders and reflective bands on the arms appreciatively. He could feel the layer of impervious charms on it. 

"I already told y' twice, even a monkey gets it the third time." He only had to flex his hand once for Joshua to move, even after so long away Severus had a nasty reputation for a mean left hook and Joshua was somewhat attached to keeping all of his teeth implanted firmly in his head, thank you very much.

-

Aside from the Honda logo on the key Severus had no idea what to his master might call a motorbike so when he stepped into the night and realised what the key in his hand was for he was suddenly very grateful he'd found that helmet and jacket. He should have known really. This thing was more powerful than anything he'd ever ridden, a fair comparison would be going from knockoff child's swiftsweep broomstick to a firebolt. The mechanics were the same but if he didn't take off the first time he touched the throttle he'd be surprised. He'd get used to it quickly enough but the first few hundred miles would be like like trying to tame a wild beast- one wrong move and he was dead.

"Kid knows how to throw his money around." Severus couldn't argue there, once again his master had walked the line between expensive to the point of vulgarity whilst still actually getting good value for money- apparently, he had a knack for it. Severus wondered if this too was part of the insurance policy; to give him a method of transport that was about as fast as muggles got on the ground and agile enough that he could lose any pursuer given enough time.

He stepped forward and the key let out a warm glow in his hand. Magical alarm system. Severus hadn't seen spellwork that masterfully done since he'd been a teenager on a second hand 125 and run into another wizard at a rally he'd decided to do one weekend in the summer. He ran his hand over the seat and bodywork appreciatively; this thing had everything, undetectable extension charm on the fuel tank, impervious charms on the body and tyres, cushioning charms on the seat, warming charms on the handlebars, stabilising charms that felt like they were spelled to kick in on high-speed corners, a self-ride spell that Severus had no intention of using but it was nice to know it was there, unbreakable charm on the chassis, the alarm and security system on it alone was worth several thousand galleons of any wizards money. Severus remembered when he'd first joined the teaching staff at Hogwarts; Filius had taken one look at the Yamaha two-stoke two-fifty he'd been riding, shaken his head that the young potions master must be suicidal to ride one of those muggle contraptions when he was perfectly competent on a broomstick, and insisted on casting the charms himself thus saving Severus his first years salary on paying for it to be done elsewhere. He wasn't a specialist but he was still one of the best casters out there and his charms had saved Severus' life twice before he'd hung his gloves in deference to not wanting to try his luck a third time. This, even compared to Filius' skills, was the motorcycle his fifteen-year-old self wouldn't have even dreamed of because it was too far fetched that anything might be that perfect. 

"Thas'a blackbird...." Severus hadn't been watching the new bike releases recently so that meant nothing to him, "Actually I think I'll wait ere, that finks a beast you don't need a distraction ridin' it," Severus looked up, "it's got speed record, took it off the Kawasaki last year." Severus looked up, he had no idea about the specifications on the bike itself. "It'll do one-seveny wiout breakin a sweat if you got enuff road." 

"You wha?" Severus had been away from the bike scene long enough that those figures made him nervous.

"It's an eleven undred four stroke, waddyou 'spect?" Severus half shook his head. "Mind ow you go mate, looks like it's a eavy sod an all." Severus eyed it and found himself sweating at the thought of riding it. He pushed the key into the ignition and pulled the helmet over his head before knocking the visor up so he could still speak as he fastened it under his chin. 

"If I don't come back mate," Joshua waved at him almost flippantly. 

"Don even go there, you'll be back with that skinny kid in no time." Severus nodded and offered Joshua his hand to shake. His old friend looked at it and nodded to himself before shaking it. 

"See you in alf our or so," Severus pulled the gloves on deftly, grateful when they resized- there was nothing worse than ill fitting gloves for making riding difficult.

"keep't shiny side up, aright?" Severus turned the key, flexed his wrist once to double check his wand was secure up his sleeve, kicked the bike into gear as he knocked the visor back over his face and made a gesture like a salute to his friend as he rolled onto the road. If his friend noticed that he seemed to be handling the throttle more gently than a first-time mother holding her newborn then he wasn't going to judge any man who wasn't willing to splatter himself all over the road because he got cocky.

Severus found his riding position within a few minutes, he'd not lost the knack for it and he found himself leaning automatically into the turns and curves of the road once he stopped thinking about the kind of power he had under him. He'd forgotten how free riding used to make him feel. He took the roads carefully, even at night Rome was a death trap for an inexperienced or out of practice rider and found himself slightly irritated that he had arrived so quickly and had to stop riding before he caught himself. He could ride for pleasure another time. Tonight he had a plan.

He parked quickly, almost as soon as he pulled the key out of the ignition a glowing security chain seemed to find its way through the back wheel and suspension and wrapped itself around the lamppost before locking into place. The magical alarm system spell swept over him now he'd completed the first ride, it was tying his magical signature to the bike, no one else would be able to sit and ride this thing now. It just wouldn't start for them. He pulled off the helmet and stuffed the gloves into his pocket almost absently as he pulled the zip down on the jacket before he melted under the thick lining. For riding in Rome it wasn't a jacket he'd have bought, Rome never got cold enough for it to be worth having a jacket that thick, but he would rather be warm when he climbed off than cold whilst cruising if he ever needed to go up into the mountains. He hadn't realised there was a cooling charm on the jacket until he shivered and pulled the zip back up quickly. With a last check that the helmet was locked tight to the handlebars, an extra sticking charm to make sure because he was a paranoid bastard who saw no point in having a ride without a helmet, and a quick tap on his pocket to make sure he hadn't left the key hanging out the ignition he slipped into the back streets of Rome.

-

Harry looked up when he finally landed and dived into a dark corner behind a random column. He knew instantly he'd overshot the apparition although after going through three different countries in the last ten minutes, there was still a sense of relief when he looked up at the world famous St. Peter's Basilica. At least he was in the right city now. He could feel Severus, or more accurately, he could feel Severus' emotions running wild. They stilled for a moment and Harry was caught in the waves of calm, Severus wasn't occluding and the fog was lifting between them as Harry's magic settled after being forced through international wards so many times and so quickly. Harry nearly dipped into Severus' mind to find out what was causing it before he stopped himself, that sense of calm meant Severus was focusing all of his thoughts on one thing. Harry didn't want to disturb him. A sudden burst of exhilaration made Harry gasp, whatever Severus was doing felt like flying. He took a breath, closed his eyes and apparated again. They were so close now it was almost painful. 

He managed to land just around the corner from his destination right next to one of the many fountains of Rome. He wasn't sure where he'd learned it but apparating on, near or over bodies of water messed up tracking charms if anyone was trying to follow him, and running water even more so. He looked up in time to see what anyone who didn't understand the bulky shape of padding in a riding jacket might assume to be a broad shouldered man walk up the side of the temple and turn towards the Piazza di Pietra. His heart skipped a beat.

_Severus!_

He knew Severus had heard him, felt Severus respond to his mental shout as he clambered down the steps of the fountain and pushed his way through the crowds of tourists taking photos of the pantheon lit up at night. 

_Master?_

_Right behind you Severus_. Harry watched his mate turn and all of his sense of strategy, decorum or decency went out the window. He flung himself at the man, wrapped his arms around him and the bulk of the jacket he was wearing as if it were nothing and clung tightly. Severus' shock turned to a glow of warmth in a split second. There were no words. The rush of heady emotions as their minds met and their bodies tingled with magic after being parted over such long distances. Severus was almost sure that if this was all he got for the rest of his life it would be enough.

Harry clung to his mate tight not knowing or caring who might be watching them. The last few hours had been hell.

"I won't," he growled out, "I can't, never again, I promise I-" the emotion was making it hard to talk as he clung to Severus even tighter, he swallowed and stilled his teeth even as his heart pounded, "from now on," he managed softly, "we stick together," he felt Severus nod against his chest, the quiet confirmation, he hadn't fared well being so far apart either.

Harry's emotions were all over the place, he caught himself laughing. "I owe Lucius a hundred galleons," Severus stiffened, "he was convinced the letter was far too Gryffindor for you to put the clues together and I'd have to find you over at the fountain." Severus couldn't help the soft chuckle. Lucius had always underestimated him and his ability to think laterally. 

"You would think Lucius might have learned his lesson," Severus murmured softly with a shake of his head as they broke apart. He automatically checked his watch to see how much time had passed. 

Harry swallowed. They had to move quickly. He'd just caught the address of the apartment in Severus' mind. 

"Damn," he cursed softly, he hadn't meant to do that. "I need to learn to occlude properly." He muttered, he hadn't wanted to know for this exact reason. He couldn't carry on relying on Severus' defences to protect his mind indefinitely. He started walking, meandering through the streets around the piazza, they walked in two circles before Severus tugged him down a new route and they were back on the main road. Harry stopped dead. 

"Wow, they told me it was nice but- wow," Severus smirked, he hadn't realised his master had an eye for a motorbike. 

"You didn't choose it, master?" Harry shook his head.

"I know nothing about motorcycles, I walked into the dealer and asked them which one I'd want if I had the hounds of hell chasing me," Severus smirked. "He recommended this one." Harry waved vaguely. He slipped a hand around Severus' waist, mindful of the fact that they were in one of the most Catholic cities in the world. "When I told him who it was for, he rounded the price down if I promised to ask you if you would be at something called the Teatee this year?" That piqued Severus' interest as to who the dealer was. He knew his master must have felt the curiosity and found himself with that familiar feeling of having overstepped his bounds, of wanting, needing to submit. Master's arm tightened around his waist and he leaned down into Severus' ear, murmuring softly. "How about we talk properly later, somewhere more private?" There was a new sensation in Severus' chest, even as he agreed, he couldn't tell whether it was tightness or nausea making his gut twist, it wasn't fear exactly but he suddenly felt on edge, heart hammering for no good reason. It might have been hunger or thirst except he knew those symptoms and that wasn't it either. He couldn't breathe-

"Severus," it came out of nowhere, the shooting pain in his chest and mind began to process it. He was vaguely aware of being made to lean against a random statue, master's hand gripping his arm tightly enough to bruise, "Severus," he still couldn't draw breath, still couldn't see straight, "Severus talk to me, what's wrong?" His arms felt numb, his chest like he'd been hit with a powerful stunning spell, his legs weak.

"Heart," he tried weakly, _dear gods he was having a heart attack in the middle of Rome. It made no sense, he was barely forty, healthy... his mind was spinning and twisting in circles-_ he couldn't think!

Severus wasn't the only one panicking, Harry had no idea what to do, he needed help, quickly. He found himself searching Severus' mind for the Italian, if Severus could speak the language then he should be able to with a little searching. Diving through Severus' emotions was difficult, he knew when he'd found it, heard himself yelling. He heard himself talking to someone, lying through his teeth, telling them Severus was his older brother, he'd just collapsed, someone else was yelling, people were beginning to gather. Harry lost track of time and people surrounding them, he hadn't let go of Severus yet.

Then almost as quickly as the symptoms started they seemed to begin to ease. His chest was still tight like he'd run a sprint, his heart still hammering but his mind had cleared, he could feel his hands again. A man was standing over him, watching him carefully, holding out a water bottle. Severus shook his head. The man wasn't taking no for an answer. The crowd was beginning to clear. Severus knew better if he'd just had a minor heart attack drinking would not be a good idea.

"Ansia," the man told him, he seemed to be leaning forward to speak quietly, pointing at his own chest, "medico." Severus listened, desperate for the help. Anxiety the man had said. It took him a moment to catch up.

"Inglesi?" He found himself asking, his Italian was rusty and his master's presence in that area of his mind was making it hard to focus.

"Heart," the man said, Severus swallowed back a mouthful of air, yes he knew that was where the problem was, "heart is good." _What?_ "Pain is here," the man tapped his own temple. Severus nearly laughed in his face. _Who was this idiot and why had he decided to stick his nose in when he clearly knew nothing?_ Severus knew what a heart attack looked like. He'd studied them during his stint apprenticed to a healer as part of his mastery. He had every single symptom.

"Take the water Severus," he barely heard to quiet order, he was clearly missing something. The man and his master were conversing quietly, Severus couldn't hear over the hollow sound in his ears as he sipped at the water. If nothing else the cooling effect was welcome. Master was handing the man something that he was trying to refuse, Severus stared and blinked as he vision shifted in and out of focus, he watched them shake hands and blinked again. He slumped against the statue, he needed to sit, properly, before his legs completely gave way. He found himself leaning forward as he drew up his knees, bracing himself against the stone at his back and dropping his head to his knees to try and stop the world spinning. He was aware of a hand back on his arm, the other pulling at the zipper of his jacket awkwardly.

"That man's a doctor, he brought you back around." Severus frowned. _Back around from what?_   "You passed out," Severus stared, no he hadn't, he'd have known if he had. He searched his memory for some clue.

"I-" master put a hand on his chest and Severus stilled.

"It's alright, just take a minute," master's voice was soft and soothing, Severus nearly cried. Nearly, "he says, anxiety, stress, I can make your body react like that, out of nowhere." Severus frowned, that sounded like a heart attack to him. "It's a precursor to heart attack, a sign your body can't take much more stress." Severus wasn't fully listening, he still felt weak and dizzy.

"I am not," he managed quietly, "I have never, been," he tried. Severus had been a teacher for seventeen years, he knew what anxiety looked like and it wasn't him- it was weepy teenage boys panicking about exams and girls getting violent and screaming at younger students to shut up in the common room. Master shushed him again. They were alone again, the crowds gone. Master moved to stand. Before Severus could stop himself he'd reached out and grabbed master's arm desperately. The thought formed before he was consciously aware of it. _Master, please! Please don't leave me here!_ He felt himself cringe, _Gods he was pathetic_.

"I'm not leaving you, Severus," he actually did well up at the words, when master's arm slipped around his shoulder and he started to lift, to move them both to stand.

_I feel like I've been run over by a train_

"Let's get you home, everything else can wait right now." Severus obeyed without thought, that he could do, even though his legs still felt like jelly. "Brace." He hated being side along apparated anywhere, and being breathless and weak didn't help it feel any safer or less uncomfortable.  He stumbled when they landed and found he was leaning heavily on his master, too heavily.

"You'll never lean on me too much Severus, let's get inside." Harry already had the key in the lock. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> When you're a victim of abuse it's complicated, one minute you'll defend your abuser to the death the next you wouldn't spit on them if they were on fire. I don't know if I got that right but I've done my best. Severus has some good memories of his father, that just makes it worse when he remembers what his father was like later on. You should be getting the impression that something major changed Tobias, you'd be right. 
> 
> A lot of the way he (and Joshua) talks is based on people I've known in similar situations when they talk about their fathers; my dad is a fantastic man, he has his faults like any man but he's essentially a good man and a good dad,-he had one hell of a bastard of a stepfather and some of the stories I've heard made it directly into this fic (or will in future) and some of the stories my mum told me about her dad, well this fic isn't rated highly enough to include those and she was the youngest of seven kids/'punchbags'. My parents bent over backwards to give me what they never had- a safe childhood. When I look back at the blazing rows I had with my parents as a teen I can safely say that I was never truly genuinely afraid of either of them beyond the usual "my mum/dad is going to kill me when I get home late" kind of fear every teenager has. To clarify then, that is one aspect of this fic that isn't from personal experience, I hope I'm doing it something like justice despite that. I've put this bit of commentary here as it's something you need to know before you read the next chapter.
> 
>  
> 
> On a lighter note, I wrote some explicit bottom!sev Snarry smut, it was practice for this fic so please wander on over to the Debriefing and take a look if the tags don't put you off - I could make use of constructive feedback as I think I'm getting close to the point that I actually want to put an explicit scene or two in this fic, but really don't want to ruin it, so be as brutal as you like as long as you're constructive about it over there.


	24. Pause

The flurry of activity for the first few minutes of being inside the apartment passed him by like a whirlwind, he'd been pushed into an armchair and  told sternly to "drink that water, you're badly dehydrated." Whilst Joshua fired question after question. He was just glad he didn't seem to be expected to answer. He was tired and the armchair was comfortable, his eyes were closing when he jumped as the plastic bottle hit the floor and crumpled on contact. He was too disorientated to notice it had been cleaned up before he'd even pulled his wand from his sleeve to try.

"Easy there mate, you still look like shit." Severus found himself relaxing despite himself, he hadn't been sleeping properly, he was weak and the lack of solid food in his stomach only making him feel weaker. He just wanted to sleep.

"Sleep Severus, we're safe here," that was his master's voice, he tried to murmur back a response but he was just so tired. Someone was taking the jacket off of him, pulling his arms out of it like he was a child, he was too tired to fight them off. He'd had sleeping draughts that didn't make him feel this weak and disconnected.  Someone had tucked a blanket around him when he slumped back into the chair.

\--

Severus woke to sunlight streaming across his eyes and a sore neck where he'd slept awkwardly in the armchair. He glanced around and spotted a pile of blankets on the sofa and another on the floor. He was instinctively glad he hadn't been awake for that argument over who was taking the furniture to sleep on. Even if Joshua hated his master he'd take it as a matter of principle that he was taking the floor but master was too decent to not try and talk him into taking the sofa. 

"Ey up sleepin beauty finally awake!" Severus winced at Joshua's yell, his mouth was parched and his head pounding. "Ear, ge tha doen ye," joshua poured and handed Severus a mug of hot tea from a pot on the table, "nothin wrong wi ye a good cuppa can't fix." Severus snorted softly as he glanced around the room, Severus might have returned missing a limb and like a good Yorkshireman Joshua's answer would be tea and a bacon sandwich. "Es cooking breakfas'" Severus blinked, had he been that obvious?

Harry stuck his head around the door and couldn't help the grin that broke across his face at seeing Severus awake. Joshua seemed to be glancing between them.

"Right well, I'm gonna go get a shower, you said summat abut fixin me clothes so they dunt start walkin?" Harry nodded.

"Sure, leave them on the bed I'll get them with a freshening charm for you,"

"Thanks, mate," Severus nearly dropped the mug in shock at the easy way they were behaving with each other, like old friends. He watched his master return to the kitchen without a word. His shock must have shown on his face. Josh tapped his shoulder, "don't worry bout me, es a good lad-" Severus didn't answer, "did a lot o talking while you slept."

"I bet ye did." He huffed half-amused that Joshua felt the need to reassure him that they weren't going to kill each other if he turned his back for more than ten seconds.

"Funny sort ain't 'e?" Severus half tilted his head in question. "Dunt seem the sort born t'is kind o' money."

 Joshua slipped away as Severus sipped his tea pensively. He was so lost in his own thoughts he hardly noticed the plate until it was placed squarely in his lap.

"Eat," the soft word wasn't really an order but he was going to take it as one and they both knew it. He hadn't realised how hungry he was until he glanced down at the food in front of him, he barely noticed the soft kiss pressed to the side of his head even as he automatically leaned into the soft touch. He'd missed it.

_Take all the time you need, we're not going anywhere._

Severus lost the next who-knew-how-long to eating and watching his master fondly. Severus ate more sat in that chair than he'd probably eaten in the entire week before. He watched master bustle around the room almost aimlessly, folding the blankets on the floor and sofa (by hand!), pop his head around the bedroom door and cast the promised freshening charm, freshen the teapot, sit and read the junk mail with a frown of concentration as he tried to decode the Italian, then stand and into the kitchen to set the cooking utensils to wash themselves before returning and slumping onto the sofa. Master was clearly restless. Severus set the empty plate aside and dared himself to do it. He stood slowly, master was watching him carefully, he made no move to bid Severus stop as he crossed the room, the tiles were cold against his bare feet where someone had clearly removed his shoes whilst he slept. Severus didn't care. _  
_

Harry watched his mate carefully, he knew exactly what Severus was about to do and had no intention of stopping him. Severus came to a halt in front of him and Harry reached out, he knew Severus meant to kneel but Harry suddenly just wanted to hold him right now. They had been through so much in the last day he just wanted to feel Severus in his arms again. Severus obeyed the gesture smoothly, Harry pulled him onto the sofa, practically onto his lap, and wrapped his arms around his mate as Severus settled his head against the crook of Harry's neck.

"Master," Severus found himself asking softly as deft fingers were unfastening the now slightly ragged braid of his hair from the day before and slipping through the strands, untangling his hair absently, it felt peaceful and had left him with what he should have known was a dangerously false sense of security before the words were out of his mouth, "what did you say to him?" Severus shouldn't have asked, it wasn't his place to know or demand anything of his master and the sudden worry that he'd overstepped a boundary as he bit down on his tongue was barely felt before master pressed his mouth affectionately against Severus' temple, almost animalistic in the way he murmured and nuzzled into Severus' hair and neck.

_I don't expect you to accept all of this blindly. Please don't ever worry I'll be angry at you for questioning me.I keep telling you, I'd rather you did actually._

Harry understood now, after all those hours talking, just like there was a part of him that would take great pleasure in having Severus knelt at his feet, of feeding him and grooming him and caring for him, a part of Harry that would crave having Severus obey no matter how much he tried to deny it or pretend it didn't exist he knew they were walking a tightrope, Severus had spent too many years, serving too many masters, and learning too many bad habits to simply fall into the mould of what Harry wanted or needed from him. Harry liked that spark of the real Severus behind the fear, the sarcastic potions enthusiast who enjoyed a glass of red wine with his dinner, high speeds on open roads and a good rugby league match. Harry didn't want to dampen that, he wanted to draw it out but he was finding instead a man broken and forged by war and circumstance. Severus needed structure, set rules and clear consequences, he'd spent too long living in fear of rules changing day to day. 

Between Dumbledore and Voldemort, he'd spent most of his adult life in limbo, like trying to pick his way blindfolded through a minefield. Albus, poor, blind, Albus, he was determined that he knew best, he'd left Severus to wither away with no real purpose but getting through the school day. The Dark Lord at least had expectations, the consequences of not meeting them was dire but in an odd sort of way Severus had thrived as a death eater, with financial backing and someone pushing him to set goals it had been the closest he'd ever come to feeling secure in his environment, to understanding his place in the world. Of course, the fact that the minute he was out of there he was spilling every secret to James to pass on to Dumbledore had only complicated matters further. Severus was no fool, he knew what the dark lord was and that he needed to be stopped even then. It was why he'd taken Lucius' invitation in the first place, he'd been a teenager with too much courage and not enough caution to understand fully what he was getting into but he'd also understood that he was the only one who might be able to do it, to successfully spy on Lord Voldemort. No one had forced his hand, he'd volunteered and set himself on that path well before he'd left school; to protect people like James and Lily, to protect his own people, his mother's people, who the dark lord viewed as less than human and therefore not worthy of the air they breathed. It had been hard to compartmentalise that when the same lunatic dictator who wanted to run the world was probably the closest thing he'd had to a father once his own had lost himself to the bottle. 

  _"_ I didn't say anything, I was too busy fussing over you for the most part," master was actually blushing at the admission that he'd fussed, "eventually he told me to, and I quote, ' _sit the fuck down and leave him be before I knock you down_ ,' I think he may actually have done it too." Harry joked softly. Rather than trying to explain what had happened Harry eased his way into Severus mind, showing him how something had changed when the northern man had seen how Severus, in his weakened state, had responded to Harry and how in turn Harry had nearly torn his head off when he'd suggested that there was a bed upstairs. The fact that he too was worried enough he didn't want to leave Severus alone all night hadn't come into it. Joshua had looked at Harry and seen a frightened teenager drowning in a sea of unexpected responsibility and expectations and he'd cut through them all with a pointed look and a few harsh words, he'd spoken from a place of hoping someone would do the same kindness for his son if he wasn't there to do it one day. "He's a good man, he's got a kindness about him that I didn't expect," Harry admitted softly. He'd expected the man to actually try and kill him to free Severus from his control not offer him comfort and almost fatherly advice. Harry had needed that after the day he had.

 The peace of simply being for a few moments didn't last long, Harry sat there, mulling over recent events and he started to grow angry, to tense, his heart started to race even as he stroked his fingers lazily down the back of Severus' neck. _The ministry had lied to him, tried to trick him, he even wondered if the wand might not have been planted on Joshua to have an excuse to arrest him. They had tortured him. A part of Harry knew, however illogical the conclusion, that it was his own fault, he'd stepped back from the limelight when he should have stepped forward and moved more quickly, he should have taken the ministry in the palm of his hand and crushed any dissent. He should have wiped out the corruption and the greed himself rather than leaving an open space for it to fester and grow._

The wary buzz in his mind pulled Harry from his thoughts, he felt Severus tense and lay his mind open, _he hadn't meant to interrupt but well, master seemed tense, was there anything he could do?_ Harry half smiled and kissed the top of Severus' head affectionately. Severus stamped down the frustration, his master hadn't laid a proper hand on him in over a week and it was starting to grate on his nerves each morning to find the bruises on his hips and legs more faded. Of course, he'd expected it and it hadn't exactly been a quiet week where they had ample time alone, but that didn't make it any easier to accept. He was defective and a man like his master had no use for a defective mate, Severus was only grateful his master was too kind to simply cast him aside with nothing.

"Not unless you know of a few hundred people who can run a government without lying and trickery." He felt Severus' lip quirk amusedly at the sarcasm.

"Power corrupts, master," he murmured softly, "this is the one universal truth." Harry sighed.

"Then all those in power can hang," Harry muttered mutinously.

"Master?" He wasn't letting Severus into his mind, Severus wasn't sure exactly what that declaration really meant.

"They tried to take you from me," Harry answered, his voice hard, "with trickery and lies," Harry's grip tightened around Severus before he thought about it, "so let them clean up their own messes, I'm through with the lot of them," and then Severus felt it. The  cold apathy, more dangerous than rage, his master had given up on them, "they can burn in hell for all I care." Severus wanted to argue but he could feel it. His master genuinely didn't care anymore. "I didn't fight one Muggle torturing lunatic to back a government that uses the same tactics. If I go back there, ever, it won't be to make nice with the _duly_   _elected officials."_ Master's hand had stilled, fingers tangled through his hair as Severus processed that declaration.

"Master you have a life there, family, friends..." Severus tried, he didn't want to push too hard.

"What life, Severus? Drowning in paperwork? Playing politics? That's not a life- it's a bad Dickens style novel.  _You're_ my family, and my friends are better off without the stain of being associated with a dark wizard who isn't even human." Harry meant every word, "I quite like Italy, I think I've fallen a bit in love with Rome as well... there's a villa at Ostia I was looking at, we could live there, by the sea. I could send for the elves, sign the manor lands over the Firenze proper or make Neville steward until his uncle dies off, it would be good practice for him and he'd love the greenhouses." Severus hadn't known that was on the cards so soon. _What had happened to the plan of Charlie Weasley being the steward?_  "Charlie was for if we were there, no point in having a creature specialist when there are no creatures there. Neville would appreciate the quiet of an empty Manor House." Severus couldn't argue with the truth. "What do you think?" Severus thought it sounded like bliss, he also knew master would be bored to tears within a month of easy living and no responsibilities.

"You really think so?" Severus knew so, his master had never learned how to simply relax and the worry over his friends, however, much might be apathetic towards the government, would drive him to distraction. And that would probably come hot on the heels of Severus going stir crazy confined to a villa with nothing productive to do.

"That motorbike is insured for unlimited mileage, I sincerely doubt you'll be bored." Harry quipped. "I felt you riding it last night, you never get bored of feeling like that."

"You'd know, would you?" What could someone like Potter possibly know of it? Riding had been Severus' refuge as a teen, his escape from everything, the only time in his life he felt free and it wasn't a burden. It was the one time in his life that it didn't matter what else was happening. His mother might be in a hospital waiting room having _walked into another lamp post_ or his father might be in a stupor in a gutter somewhere, it didn't matter. Not when he rode. What could a Potter, even this one, possibly know of that.

"I know how much I miss flying," Harry said softly, he didn't really mind the sarcasm, Severus wasn't Severus if he wasn't sniping at something and Harry was really rather hoping it wouldn't be the last time his mate's tone betrayed his apparent belief that Harry was either stupid, immature or insane rather than the careful submission that must have been exhausting to maintain.  Harry got the impression he'd hit a sore spot but he wasn't about to go diving through Severus' mind like a niffler hunting a coin, there were some things that needed to be shared and said in their own sweet time. There was a reason Harry imagined Severus' mind like a pensive, his own little reminder to think before he went diving in.

"Then I suggest," Severus bit out too harshly, he couldn't help it, "investing in a property with ample airspace." It irritated him that Harry was so self-sacrificing. He bent over backwards for everyone and everything but himself. It would be a cold day in hell before Harry Potter took anything he had no real practical use for, Severus had figured that out when it became obvious he was one such unecessary distraction. Harry could feel the irritation, then there was something else, under the surface. Frustration; Severus was being careful to temper it, to control it and to hide it. It spoke to the man's self-control that he'd managed to. There was something about knowing Severus was hiding something that pushed Harry's instincts into overdrive.

"You know Severus," Harry murmured softly, the conversation was forgotten as that feeling welled up in his chest, "I don't appreciate being taken for a fool." He muttered, fingers slipping out of Severus' hair where he'd been stroking absently. He'd put up with a lot, he wanted Severus to be himself but he wasn't about to spend his life second guessing himself and surrounded by secrets because his mate didn't trust him.

"Then perhaps," Severus stood sharply, half expecting to be grabbed by the arm or his shirt, a jinx or hex to teach him his place as the frustration bloomed in his chest, "do not act like one. _Master_." The door swung open and Josh stepped through, Severus might have rolled his eyes at how poetic his friend's timing was if he wasn't half expecting- he didn't know what he was half expecting. The man had halted abruptly on sensing the tension. Severus had been denying it to himself so strenuously he wasn't even sure why he was suddenly in the mood to verbally eviscerate someone. Knowing he was helpless to do anything about the situation didn't help matters either. "I do believe the shower is now unoccupied," he didn't bother tempering his tone, he was too angry,  "if I might be excused?" His master was staring at him warily. It was a less violent reaction to the sudden mood swing than he was used to but if anything it made him more irritated, more determined to push. That gormless look would drive him mad if he had to live with it for very long without an outlet. He didn't wait for verbal confirmation before he swept out of the room and past his friend who looked equally lost.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If anyone is interested i'm writing other bits and pieces between chapters on this too as the mood strikes. Apparently, I'm determined to grow the "anything that involves putting Snape and Harry in a room together" fandom single handedly here on A03 ;) Pop over and take a gander at my listed works here if you fancy it :)


	25. Chapter 25

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I am so sorry, Severus threw a fit and refused to speak to me for weeks. I don't think he likes how I've been torturing him

Harry watched Severus up the stairs. _What had he done wrong this time?_ He sighed and fetched himself a drink from the kitchen as Joshua gaped.

"So wha were all that 'bout?" Harry shrugged.

"No idea. He's just- well, you grew up with him you know."

"I know e could do wi gettin laid, blokes wound up so tig-" Harry nearly dropped his drink. _Was it really that obvious? It couldn't be, could it?_ Severus would have said... Harry set the thought aside. Of course, that wasn't what was wrong with Severus. "Russ can hold a grudge, but e dunt do it lightly. Only person I ever though e properly hated were is old man."

"What really happened with them?" Harry asked absently, his mind was whirring. He felt Severus relax upstairs as the hot water from the shower hit him.

"No idea, can't see Russ holdin a grudge over a few slaps though." Harry didn't comment. "Is old man were alright once. He were me godfarver." Harry raised his eyebrows in question and sipped his drink. He was developing a taste for Italian lemonade, the sharpness was always refreshing in the humidity. "Russes old man loved im. Fort e were right smart, wan-ed to send im off to college or uni. Get in on a good apprenticeship, decent job that wunt fuck is body by time e were thirty keep in off the construction line."

"Construction?"

"Me old man were a builder, Russ' old man worked the mills, both left school fore they wus teenagers. Both wanted better fer us. Allus back one reckoned Russ'd end up runnin mill one day, Im an is book lernin, teachin teachers to read by time I were four." Harry laughed, he could just imagine Severus glaring at a teacher and demanding they make the school work harder. He seemed the type. Like Hermione but less obvious about it. "But e got sick, bad," Harry winced at the way Josh's tone dropped, "don't think e were gunna make it, twice in two years, polio then meningitis, doctors gave up on im, is mam never did even wen is old man were crying into a pint bout losin is boy she never stopped believing. Knowin wot I know now. Reckon she did summat you know, magic, like." Harry didn't comment. "But is old man changed after the fire, saw things no man should ever av to see."

"Like?"

"E joined the recuse crew." Harry swallowed. He'd seen what burns looked like after the battle. "Dunt forget you could work in a mill from eight yers old." Harry winced. "Lotta kids dint make it. An those oo did..." Joshua pulled a face and Harry promptly lost any interest in eating for the rest of the day. "E were never same, took it out on Russ and is mam-" Harry felt the moment Severus stepped into the room.

"Severus." Harry tried without turning to face him.

"Don't." Severus tone made Harry wince. "You talk too much.” Severus snapped at his friend. “My father was a useless waste of blood and organs," Severus actually meant it, "some things are unforgivable."

"Like wot!" Joshua demanded and Severus fixed him with a look so scathing that harry half expected to look around and see a melted cauldron. "Cos e loved you-"

"E didn't know the meaning of the word!" Severus hissed. "And I will thank you," he shot in equally irate tone at Harry, "not to go prying into my past behind my back." Harry stared. "Or have you learned nothing since reaching adulthood." Severus was very lucky Harry didn't hit him for that one just because of the surge of anger they Severus would dare speak to him like that. Harry finally remembered himself and stared Severus down after a moment of staring gormlessly. He climbed to his feet and stood himself right in front of his mate, he nodded back up the stairs sharply. Severus' eyes narrowed dangerously. "A word. In. Private." Severus clenched his teeth and nodded at the low order. He physically couldn’t argue. Harry followed him is the stairs without a word. He didn’t want to have this conversation in public. The minute they were in the bedroom Harry closed the door and rounded on Severus. He faltered when he realised that Severus was already on his knees.

"Explain yourself," Harry demanded sharply, recovering quickly, the way Severus had spoken to him he was lucky Harry hadn't snapped right back. He was lucky Harry hadn't put him on his knees in front of his old friend and demanded an apology from him down there. He didn't answer, not a sound. Harry was so close to exploding into a temper he almost left Severus there whilst he went and found something to curse at. Severus was vicious in a temper, unnecessarily so, and Harry would be damned if he put up with it, he'd already been far too forgiving for far too long. "How dare you behave like that, speak like that to me?"

"Master please," Harry wasn't surprised Severus was afraid of what Harry might do to him, Harry was afraid of what Harry might do to him if he lost his temper.

"Don't beg it doesn't become you," Harry snapped. "I said to explain, I'm not Voldemort, if I wanted pretty mewling I'd go buy myself a cat!" Severus flinched as if Harry had hit him. Harry knew that was cruel, he didn't care. Right now he was angry and frustrated and regretting almost every decision he had ever made where Severus was concerned. "You know I could have pulled that information out of your head, you aren't that petty to take issue with me knowing about your past. You already told me most of it yourself. Now explain. I won't ask again." Harry could feel Severus floundering for an answer, trying to think his way out of the situation- he growled low in his throat. _Once a spy..._ "the truth Severus, not what you think will save you." Harry realised as Severus did; he didn't actually know why he'd flipped like that, well he did but he was so deeply in denial and forcing himself not to think it that he couldn't form the thought under pressure."Severus," the warning slipped from Harry again. Severus seemed to have taken a vow of silence and it was driving him wild, pushing his instinct to drag the truth out of Severus by any means necessary.

"Master please," he wasn't begging for mercy, he didn't want mercy, he wanted help, time, "there are... I have... no words,"

"Find them," Harry sniped, "quickly." Harry spun on his heels and paced the length of the room, and back, and again twice more before he stopped, rage temporarily silenced when he realised Severus was actually crying. Not like he had at Potter Manor, either time, this was different. Severus was frustrated, afraid, he felt empty, lost, he had no answers. Harry couldn't decode the feelings through the sharp red veil of his own anger. Seeing Severus so weak only made him want to hit something solid, maybe smash a window or throw something breakable, _dear gods,_ Severus was laying it on thick. _Since when did Severus Snape cry over anything? Since when did he cringe and shiver like a coward? Since when did he bow and scrape and sob like a child? What on Gods green earth did I do to him?_ It was quite obvious Severus had no intention of answering. "Stand up."

"Ye-yes master." The hitch in his voice jolted something in Harry, he had to remind himself how ardently he'd sworn not to raise a hand to Severus in anger or frustration. How he'd promised himself Severus would never fear his hand. Severus was unsteady as he tried to stand and Harry grabbed his forearm automatically to stop him stumbling. Harry flicked his wand in the other hand and Severus winced. Harry didn't say anything. If Severus wanted to stand here in silence then two could play that game. He took the conjured handkerchief and pressed it into Severus' hand before turning away from him for a moment to give him a little privacy. "Clean yourself up." Severus made an almost childish gurgling sound like his throat was thick with emotion as he buried his face in the handkerchief and tried to rein in his emotions. "I am still waiting." Harry would wait as long as it took. He found himself calming down the longer they stood there with only Severus' sniffling to break the tense silence. That couldn't be a bad thing.

"Master I-" he started to say quietly and coughed into the handkerchief, "I have no excuse," good because Harry didn't want excuses he wanted a straight answer. Severus coughed again and buried his face in the handkerchief in a gesture that clearly more a way to hide his face than anything else. Was that it? That wasn't an answer.

"Damn you, Severus Potter! Stop acting like a frightened house elf and answer me, tell me what I did wrong!" Severus flinched and whimpered and Harry nearly hit him just to shut up that infernal whining.

"Master did nothing wrong, master is pefec-" his voice cracked and he forced out a breath before drawing in another, long and smooth like he was trying to control himself as his shoulders shook, he was making and conscious effort not pull on his fingers by clenching his hands into fists instead, "perfectly entitled to- do as he will." _The compulsion_ , Severus only ever talked like that- like a house elf- when he was being compelled, when he was running on nothing more than the pure instinct to obey. Harry never tapped into that power, the bond would let him make Severus little more than a puppet and Harry deliberately avoided any contact with it. It made his skin crawl that he had that kind of power over any living creature but to have it over Severus made him sick to his stomach. He tapped into it now, clawing mentally at it, dragging it as far away from Severus as he could. He didn't want a slave and this bond was forcing Severus into that role. He didn't want ancient magic yanking his wand and making him into a violent overcontrolling selfish bastard, Severus had lived with enough of them in his life. He'd had enough of it. All of it. Yet as much as he pulled at it Severus was pulling back, fighting him every step.

"Master please no, not that, anything bu-," Harry was too must fighting the bond to care what Severus was begging about. He wanted this damn bond broken, he wanted Severus free to choose his own path. He'd been deluded and in denial before, Severus hadn't chosen this, _no one in their right mind chose this!_

"Severus stop fighting me," it must have been bad because he didn't, he kept fighting back, if anything the words made him fight harder and cling more tightly to that magic that was keeping him a prisoner in his own mind. Harry might have missed the words except that whilst pulling on the bond he was acutely aware of everything Severus did.

"Please, I know, I know! I'm broken," That word, broken, it was too close, too much like freak and boy and useless, worthless, it squeezed and wrapped around his heart, made his skin crawl and his stomach ache.

Harry swore. The shock of that hurt made him lose his focus and the bond snapped back painfully. The power of it hitting him made Severus sway and Harry grabbed him without thinking even as his own knees nearly buckled under him. Somehow he kept them both upright.

"Sit." Harry indicated the edge of the bed and Severus obeyed. "Talk," Harry's voice was softer now, less forceful as he watched his mate finally open up.

"Master has no use for," Harry didn't want to shush Severus but that speech pattern made him wince, "a defective mate," Harry hadn't realised at first; house elves and high elves might be as loosely related as human and chimps but the shared history and culture created a striking similarity in their behaviour patterns. The instinctive need to serve, the automatic obedience and unshakable loyalty. Harry had never believed Severus was in love with his mother, she wasn't his to love and he wasn't designed to belong to a human, especially a female, but Harry did believe Severus had been loyal to her- of course, humans with no understanding of what elvish loyalty was would easily mistake one for the other. Severus would have killed and died for her, in more ways than one he had, but he didn't love her anymore than Harry loved Luna.

"What makes you think you're defective?" Severus actually looked at him as if he'd lost his mind, Harry might have laughed at the expression if he wasn't so overwrought.

"I have been," Severus said slowly as if weighing and considering every word he was allowing to leave his mouth, "nothing but a burden to you, master, from the moment I woke in that hospital." Harry didn't speak, his heart was hammering and his muscles were tense. He half nodded and pressed his thumbprint to his pursed lips thoughtfully as he let go of Severus and turned away from him, he was pinching absently at his bottom my lip as he considered those words and stared at a blank spot on the wall behind Severus' shoulder and willed himself not to scream.

"Um hum..." he let his arm drop to his side. "You've got a strange definition of the word burden." He said after a protracted pause.

"Master?" Severus genuinely didn't see it.

"Severus, you single-handedly saved the house of Potter from financial ruin, your administrative skills alone- do you think I'd have been able to be half as political as I have been if you hadn't taken over the manor?" Severus didn't answer, Harry felt it, Severus had thought that was just him trying to make himself useful he didn't see that he'd done anything other than his duty. "Your actions directly contributed to the fact that my family home, our family home, is completely untouchable- centaurs guard lands with their lives and your presence convinced Firenze to trust me." Severus seemed to think that was stretching the truth. Harry wasn't sure it was. "In six months you've taught me enough that I'll never disgrace my family name through ignorance, you pulled me back from the brink of a nervous breakdown just by being there, I've literally built my life around you. And you think I've got no use for you?" Harry was completely incredulous. "And all that on top of the fact that somewhere along the line," Harry half knelt in front of his mate and swiped at Severus' face gently, stopping a silent tear in its tracks, "I fell completely and utterly in love with you... So what if you're a little broken, were all a little broken. It doesn't mean there's anything wrong with that." Harry felt like a dam had burst in his chest, he didn't say those words nearly enough. It felt liberating. It felt right to say that. Harry caught it, the whisp of a thought Severus wasn't fast enough to dispel, it popped in and out of existence in a second but a second was long enough. "Dear Merlin." It felt like a punch to the gut, like the momentary loss of gravity not being aware of a trick stair gave before you tumbled, it felt like slipping from a broom or the slide of metal on flesh. Harry couldn't believe he'd been so blind to it.

"Severus," he flinched. "Is that what this is about? Is that what's bothering you." Severus wouldn't look him in the eye. He didn't have to, the thought hung between them, the metaphorical elephant in the room. Harry had thought Joshua was just being flippant.

Harry had thought he was doing to right thing; giving Severus the time to heal, to mend, for his body to regain some equilibrium and his mind to find some rest. He hadn't demanded anything because he had no idea what Severus was physically going through and he hadn't wanted to cause any damage. He'd backed off because he knew if he didn't Severus would be black and blue and that couldn't be safe or healthy in his condition. Severus had taken it as a rejection. "Is that what this is about?" Harry asked softly, "some sort of cry for attention," it made Severus sound like a petulant child, to word it like that, but it was true nonetheless, "why didn't you just talk to me? why didn't you tell me what you needed?"

"Slave has no right to make demands of his master." All this because Severus hadn't felt able to speak. He knelt there in front of Severus, head bowed in thought for several moments. There was only one thing for it.

"Is your body fully healed and functional." Severus didn't understand. "Answer me. Honestly. Are you well enough for what I am about to do?" Severus didn't have to ask, or even feel it in his mind, it was there in Harry's tone and his movements.

"Master," Severus started to say, Harry let out a low growl in his throat, a warning, "yes." Harry nodded and stood. He took two very deliberate steps backwards, mood and expression solidifying as he allowed himself to feel the power between them. The power he had over Severus. "Right." Harry nodded to himself, the feeling of control was heady and made him feel slightly dizzy. "Ok, here's what's going to happen now." Severus tensed and stilled, an overhang from all the emotion and nervous energy. There was something else there now. He felt ashamed. Harry could feel it rolling off him in waves. "You're going to go into that bathroom and wash your hands and face, then you're going to come back in here. Understood?" Severus nodded hesitantly.

"When I ask you a question I want an answer."

"Yes, master." A beat. "I understand."

"Go." Harry watched Severus almost scuttle through the door and into the bathroom across the corridor and he slumped. He really hoped he was doing the right thing here. He started to unbutton his shirt sleeve absently and loosen his collar. Severus was berating himself mentally as he ran the tap, Harry could feel the combination of his desperate attempts to control his emotions and his almost violent mental self-flagellation. He was taking his time, occluding almost madly and berating himself mentally for being so emotionally unstable the last week or so. Harry took a breath to steel his nerve; he could do this, one order at a time, He could make Severus feel safe without stripping him of everything he was or humiliating him too much. Decision made Harry pulled open a few drawers at random until he found what he was looking for and laid them on the bed. Severus was either going to think he was mad or outright to try to refuse him.

I said 'go wash your hands and face' not 'go torture yourself' get back out here and hurry up!

Harry thought pointedly and Severus' thoughts fell obediently silent for a moment. He felt Severus' emotional response, embarrassment and nerves. Apparently trying to occlude wasn't helping.

Harry waited until he caught a flash of Severus watching blood swirling down the drain and he froze. Harry felt the sudden panic. Severus had damaged his hands without realising when he'd clenched his fists he'd dug the nails into his palms. Apparently, they were sharp. He was panicking that Harry would think he'd done it deliberately, that he'd hurt himself on purpose, punished himself instead of deferring that right to his master. Harry made himself knock on the bathroom door calmly when he'd felt and heard enough. Severus didn't want to answer, he was afraid of pushing Harry further, that this might be the last straw. He was too used to taking the blame even when it wasn't his fault something had happened. Harry pushed the door open. For a man who felt so lost and broken, Severus looked surprisingly controlled. Harry knew to look for the slight tremor in his hands, the tension in his jawline, but anyone else would have just assumed he was in a bad mood wearing something that looked like a scowl on his expression. It suddenly occurred to Harry how familiar that expression was. He'd seen it three times a week for six years. Harry sighed.

"I've been trying so hard to keep you safe from the rest of the world I think I missed that the biggest danger to you is me." He admitted softly, hand running through his hair making it even messier than usual.

"No, you have-"

"Severus, just listen." Severus closed his mouth as Harry took his hand and dabbed at it with the facecloth he'd been using to clean the wound. "Every time you're at your lowest I start screaming and shouting, I take it out on you. It hurts seeing you like that, it burns, it's like having Devil's snare in my gut and mandrakes screaming in my head, I can't cope seeing you hurting especially when I know it's my fault and you take the brunt of it. No wonder Ron wanted to arrest me!" In one way or another Harry had been using Severus as an emotional punching bag and Severus had been taking it without complaint. It was a vicious borderline violent cycle. "I've been trying to leave you be, let you heal, grieve, but you're not getting better and I don't know what to do!" Severus looked like he'd been doused in cold water and been told that the earth was round for the first time. "I'm eighteen years old, I'm a kid, an idiot kid with no idea what I'm doing. Everyone thinks I'm this great powerful all knowing person but I'm not. I was a bad student and a worse soldier, I can't take instruction and I'm too stupid to be trusted to give them. Come on you were my teacher you know that!" Severus didn't answer. "You know I'm incompetent and you put your life in my hands anyway." Severus didn't say a word, this was a weird way of punishing someone even for Harry. "But this is what we have," Harry paused to watch Severus' palm begin to heal, "I'm going to buy the villa in Ostia, we still need to go back to England once or twice to set things in order and sort a few things out. But I wasn't joking, I'm done with them."

"Your frie-"

"My friends will know where to find me, I'm not running, I'm not hiding, I'm just, I'm done."

"Go apologise to your friend," Harry told him quietly once Severus palm was healed, "he didn't deserve the way you spoke to him. I'll wait back up here for you." Severus didn't argue or hesitate.

-

"What happened? You kill him?" Harry snorted theatrically and shook his head.

"He's doing what he should've been doing for the last week..." Joshua stared, "he's sleeping."

"It's eleven o'clock in the morning, the fuck did you do to him?" Harry shook his head again.

"Nothing, I didn't do anything. We talked, he's sleeping." It wasn't Joshua's business what else had gone on up there.

"If there's so much as a mark on him, magic tricks or not kid I'll fucking kill you. We clear?" Harry half smiled.

"Crystal." He answered shortly. "I'm safe for now then. Although do me a favour, before you go judging me, make sure it's not a love bite he's got before you swing for me?" Joshua let out a low laugh as if he didn't quite know how to answer that. Harry sighed and let the coolness of the kitchen wash over him as he poured himself a glass of lemonade from the fridge.

"Do you know what his old man did?" Joshua asked softly. Harry shook his head.

"Isn't what we know enough?"

"Not get that level of ate, it ain't," Harry shrugged. "'Rus don't old grudges an say stuff like tha fer no good reason."

"I don't know, and it's not something I plan on invading his mind to find out before he's ready to share it."

-

"Your temporary passport, flight to Leeds leave from the airport on Thursdays and Saturdays so you're stuck here for a couple of days," Harry told the man and handed over the padded envelope he'd picked up from the British consulate building.

"Can I ring me  wife, let er know I'm alrite?" Harry shrugged. Joshua suddenly looked stricken. "Oh, bloody ell," Severus looked up from where he was hanging up his jacket and storing his helmet.

"What?"

"I missed Christmas."

"-shit."

"-shit."

Harry stared at the two of them.

"What?"

"I've got three kids." Harry's blood ran cold. Kids going without their father over Christmas, he still remembered how unhappy Ron had been to see Mr Weasley in the hospital for Christmas that year he was attacked.

"Well then, we better make sure they know what their dad was doing and the good he did." He said shortly. He exchanged a look with Severus who seemed surprised he understood.

"The good I did?" Joshua seemed slightly surprised. Harry didn't answer him, he wasn't sure he could put into words how valuable Joshua's conversation had been.


	26. That kind of Nazi

"Alright Russ, you've dragged me around half of Rome, shown me more bloody statues and fountains than I ever wanted to see and basically given me an all day history class. You owe me a drink and a proper chat." Severus snorted.

"You do realise that your flight leaves in two days,"

"Well sober up by then, just-" they shared a quiet laugh.

"What year are we on?" Severus asked shortly as if resigned to the fact. Joshua grinned.

"Sevenny five, odd year, your shout." Severus nodded.

_Severus? What is he talking about?_

Harry didn't get an answer so much as an influx of emotion and memories. It took him a second to sort through it. Apparently, when they had reconnected they had made a tradition of meeting, drinking and reminiscing about the years since Severus had left Bradford with his parents. They alternated who provided the alcohol, Severus got mid-decade years, Joshua got round ones. Severus shot Harry a look as if asking if he was ok with this. Harry nodded.

_Try not to get too drunk, you were almost hospitalised two days ago._

He actually felt Severus hesitate, this tradition didn't allow him to stay anywhere near sober. Harry shrugged and dropped a bottle from the shelf on the table.

"How about my treat? To hear a few war stories."

"You have no idea," Severus muttered quietly, his expression slightly cloudy. Harry seemed to have missed something important.

"Alright then, I'll go first shall I?" Harry sat and listened, fascinated as the man seemed to recall with alarming clarity the exact circumstances of that year. "Sevenny five to aitie; Wilson in number ten, Maggie leading the Tories, recession over, lights back on, a good few years, mostly."Severus had a dark expression as he wet his lips with the alcohol he was drinking.

"You call Maggie gettin any power a good year?" Harry didn't know what that meant.

"A bit o a blip, can't av it all yer own way, Sat me o levels, got eight, got me apprenticeship at hudds college to be a lecky. Bloody rough, cunt even afford me bus fair mos weeks get a few years but it turned out worth it by time I qualified, You?"

"We ad our o levels, not in any subject you'd recognise," they shared a knowing laugh, "sat twelve, top o year in eleven, got my arse handed to me in charms though," Joshua laughed and Severus shot a look at Harry as if expecting him to get a joke he seemed to have missed, "sevenny five weren't a good year. Me mam we're ill- died couple years later after I left school." Severus admitted, his tone short and pained. "I wusnt paying attention, Battle lines being drawn, War coming you know? Fell in wit' wrong crowd that year. Didn't turn out well." Severus wouldn't look up at Harry. "Least the IRA were fighting for a cause when they started killing people." Joshua winced visibly and Harry stared, he didn’t know enough about politics to comment but even to his ears Severus’ comment seemed like hyperbole.

"can't see you fallin in wi' a crowd that'd get ye in too much trouble, too smart for that." Severus let out a cold, hard, bitter sound that even Harry barely recognised as a laugh.

"Basically fell in wi nazis Josh, too stupid to see until it were too late." He answered coolly as if commenting on the weather.

"Nah you ain't no racist, you wunt do sumthin like that." Severus finished his drink.

"You gonna lisen or keep interruptin?" Severus asked pointedly and Joshua held up his hands in mock surrender.

"Not that kind of nazi, kind of nazi who didn't like non magic folk, thinks yer all worthless and useless- shouldave known better but o'well..." Severus sipped his drink again and slumped back in his chair, "You remember the girl I went to school wi', fell out wi er, my fault, cunt keep me mouth shut or me temper." Well, that was one way of putting it. "And the bloke I told you about, rich fella took me under is wing, e yanked alf my year into it. Bloody good recruiter e was, promise you the world." Joshua looked surprised. "Wen me mam got sick I snapped," he said softly, "me old man ad been knockin er about bit too ard, right down't stairs. Ambulance drivers were on strike, not that itd done much good, she'd ave been dead fore she it the ground if e hit we half as ard as he used to hit me. Sumow she survived that, ospital took er in, found the cancer, never noticed afor cos she was so skinny an starved."

"Shit." Severus made a low sound of assent in his throat.

"Didn't even fucking well tell me till I came ome from school, said she didn't want to distract me from me schoolin." Joshua made a low hissing noise as if he were in pain. "E tried to put er in ome, an I flipped."

"Ah bet."

"Not right, good woman like that needing a son to elp feed an clothe er. Ventually I let er go, put er in respite. Did whatever it took to pay fee it. Ignored im mostly, e knew better'n to fuck once I wus of age. I'd a killed im no questions asked if e touched er after tha."

"Yer mates didn't try an elp?"

"No one else was paying for my mother's palliative care, josh, no one." Harry felt sick. "That woman gave me life, protected me from that bastard as best she could, It were my duty to see er right. No one else's. same way no one else paid for er stone."

Harry swiped at the tears in his eyes impatiently. Severus shot him a look, almost stopped at the expression on his face, then leaned forward and topped Harry's drink up. He picked up the packet of cigarettes he'd managed to buy in broken Italian earlier in the day and offered it round. The room filled with smoke surprisingly quickly with three people all puffing away.

"But I'm gettin ahead o myself, didn't start working get a wage until eighty two."

"Ow do you live that long wi no income."

"Summer of seveny six, learned to ride an drive, illegal races, learned to fix a bike an cars so I was always race engineer- for a price. An Lucius were never gonna see me ont streets, e wus alright that way. Mos of me money went fer mams care, she lasted till summer of eighty one. Family finally crawled out the woodwork in seveny-ei- nah, seveny nine. Took er in when they realised I were int middle of a war."

"Bloody ell Russ, how does anyone survive tha on their own."

"You survive or you lay down an die."

"True'at."

"Alright so that's the seventies over, got enough drink left to do next lot." Joshua was eyeing Severus critically.

"Not sure I wanna ear it after tha tubeonest." Severus managed a laugh at his friend, he knew what that really meant, it meant Joshua was worried about him retelling it. Harry was more worried about the state Severus was working himself into, he was beginning to slur, or maybe his accent was just getting that thick, they had already emptied the bottle twice and Harry had only had two drinks which meant Severus and Joshua were all on their way to having drunk at least a bottle of wine each.

"Most o next lot what I told ye at tommys funeral." Joshua eyed his drink.

"Gonna need summat stronger'n wine then."

"Better do it sober," Severus muttered, "unless you feel like watching a grown man weep."

"That bad?" Joshua seemed surprised despite having heard the story before.

"Spent most of aitie two and three bouncing round prison cells, whatdyu think?"

"Prison cells?" Harry asked sharply.

"They were not letting a high ranking death eater walk free on the sayso of one of the only crackpots in the country who didn't believe the Dark Lord was dead." Severus commented shortly. "And the waiting time for a trial was two years."

"Wow, I never realised." Severus shrugged almost dismissively at Harry's obvious shock.

"Didn't do much other than that and falling into teaching between eighty one and eighty five." Severus was deliberately toning down his accent for a moment, as if he'd caught Harry's wonder at his alcohol intake and the way his voice had changed as the time had marched onwards and was proving that he was still somewhat sober.

"So eighty five, year o the general strike, wen kids wern't in school they wus shakin bukets fer t'miners an I was walkin't pickets wiv em. Rough year, then we lost ayway. Old maggie got er way int end."

Something quite painful was happening in Harry's memory as he listened. He'd been four at the time, uncle Vernon had been particularly brutal to him that year. Severus seemed to be watching him, picking up on the feelings and reacting with quiet concern.

"That was the year I vanished uncle Vernon's belt," Harry said quietly as the story lulled and Joshua stopped for a drink, "I remember he said something about a strike, asked if I was trying to join it I was so lazy." Harry had almost forgotten that screaming match, those days in the cupboard nursing the welts on his back and legs.

"What did yer uncle do kid?" Harry shrugged still half lost in his memories.

"He's some kind of salesman, sells drills for a company called, um... Grunnings, I think?" The information was met with wildly unexpected responses.

"He's that Dursley?" Severus demanded suddenly. Harry looked up and shrugged.

"Um," he managed weakly.

"Management," Joshua said quietly as if the word tasted bad in his mouth, "yeah, i'd a guessed so."

 

Joshua let the pause swell just enough for Severus to comment; "trust Tuney to marry up!" then pierced it with a far too chipper. "Oh well, strike broke, Maggie broke t'unions and factories started closin. Never mind." Severus snorted.

"Ain't she dead yet?" He asked scathingly. Harry wasn't sure who Maggie was but he didn't like Severus' tone, Severus talked about this Maggie the way he used to talk about James Potter when he was pretending they had hated each other to the bitter end. He frowned.

"Nah old milk snatchers gonna survive every miner outta pure spite." Severus lifted his drink as if in a mocking salute.

"What am I missing?" Harry asked softly after a moment. Severus fixed him with a look and the softened for a moment.

"An understanding of muggle class politics in the nineteen seventies and eighties." He said eventually. Harry didn't ask any more as they picked their conversation back up. He wasn't sure he wanted to know.

"Didn't think you'd ever been that political, not really your world wus it?" Joshua said eventually. Seveus snorted and stood slowly. For a moment no one said a word until he had rerieved his wallet from the riding jacket on the hook in the kitchen. Harry watched him, curious. Severus pulled two cards out and dropped them on the table. Joshua frowned and picked them up. He smirked and then laughed lowly.

"What?" Harry asked frowning, Seveus wasn't really thinking about anything but other than proving his point.

"Labour Party and... NUT."

"Nearly lost my job in aity-four when some prick of an auror tried to trace me finances lookin for dirt, I didn't need me wages, school provided room an board an me bike were paid in full so i gave most of it to't miners. Headmaster din't care s'long as kids wunt failing big exams an i wus doin me job. Din't get it but stood fer me right to do wot i wanted wi my wages when't bloody governers started trying to mek out i wus gonna turn their kids into commies... as if that were the most dangerous think i could teach em." It took Harry nearly a minute to decode what Severus had said as his accent had thickened considerably.

"Really?" Harry was fascinated. "Why would they care? And what's a commie?" Severus and Joshua exhanged glances making Harry acutely aware that he'd just asked a stupid question that didn't really have an answer.

"They were under the impression that I would expose their children to the radical idea that _by the strength of our common endeavour we achieve more than we achieve alone_ ," Harry didn't see what was wrong with that, "and that _power, wealth and opportunity should be in the hands of the many_ , not reserved for an elite band of families who rely on slavery and hereditary powers to maintain their societal position." Severus paused to let Harry process that, "which rather upset some of my _former_ associates." Harry actually laughed at the thought of Lucius arguing with Severus about politics, Lucius had taught Draco his politics and given how they argued and that Harry already knew he was nowhere near as left wing as Severus, he imagined the arguments would have been well worth watching. "The headmaster had a rather sick sense of humour, rather than sacking me he made me responsible for the pastoral care of the students most likely to hail from said elite families."

Joshua stared at him for several minutes.

"You? Lookin afer kids." Severus fixed him with a _look_.

"Rich fathers with high expectations are almost as brutal as poor ones with none at all..." The atmosphere thickened again. "There is a reason being head of Slytherin house normally coincides with being the school potions master, it requires a certain skill for healing... and discretion." Harry decided he didnt care how much alcohol they consumed tonight, they all needed it after this conversation. He stood, collected a bottle and fresh galsses from the kitchen and returned a moment later.

"I don't feel like obliviating myself right now so this will have to do." Severus took the drink without a word.

"Enough of it and you will not have to." he commented pointedly. Harry sighed. One day he'd stop drinking to calm his emotions, but today was not that day.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, Severus did just quote Clause IV, he's a card-carrying red-blooded Labour member (like me), just because he's built to serve unquestioningly doesn't mean he doesn't recognise how screwed a system that would rely on keeping its workers down is.


End file.
